Funny quotes that will make you laugh uncontrollably

1. I want to get married when I see my profile picture.

2. There is a story that is scary at the beginning, funny in the middle, and tragic at the end: Once upon a time, there was a ghost who farted and died.

3. Chinese partners , a good Chinese man

4. I am very decadent, but on the surface I am very deep

5. I am a man wearing a short-sleeved vest and canvas slippers, and then the world is in chaos People who are shopping

6. You can’t be found on Baidu, but you can be found by clicking on Sogou.

7. Hello, teacher, morning, teacher, the teacher doesn’t take a shower every day.

8. Don’t worry about the things that have been taken away. Everything that can be taken away is garbage.

9. The minimum goal: a farmer’s wife, a mountain spring, a little land.

10. It is hard to imagine how people pooped in ancient times before mobile phones.

11. If you let the whole world love you, I will love you.

12. It’s all yogurt and milk.

13. The computer has tortured me a thousand times and I treat it like my first love.

14. Everyone with tattoos Afraid of heat, I don’t have any pockets to hold apples

15. Never compete with animals~Won? You are worse than an animal. Lost? You are worse than an animal. A tie? There is no difference between you and an animal.

16. I am so pure that even I told brother Hou Yi.

37. Looking at your appearance, I know that your parents were not serious when they made you. !

38. A woman asks a man: Do you love me? Man: Love! Woman: Then you say I am everything to you. ! Man: Yes! You are my concubine...! ! !

39. New hatred adds to old hatred, and this hatred lasts forever.

40. I don’t know what a good online name is, so I might as well afford it.

41. Teacher, can I skip class? Didn’t you say that you should respect the elderly and love the young? Didn't you say that seeing us would bore you to death? Then I will let you not see me

42. The farthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but that I am on Sina Weibo and you are on Tencent Weibo

43. It’s the season to show your legs again. Among ten boys, ten are longer than girls, nine are thinner, eight are white, and seven are straight.

44. Brother, can you have a facelift before confessing to me? Your appearance blinds my pure gold eyes.

45. You can try calling a person of the opposite sex and saying "Actually..." then pause for a while, and then say "Forget it, it's nothing, go to bed early"

46. Think about it How to deal with your parents? Will they throw me a huge sum of money and tell me to get out? ! So should I accept it or not? ! It's so embarrassing...

47. I'll be there in a few minutes. If I don't arrive, please read this message again...

48. Walking on the street that day, a girl followed me Said brother, you are so handsome, I slapped her and said angrily, aren't you talking nonsense?

49. The annual sales volume of Xiangpiaopiao milk tea can circle the earth. Lanzhou’s beef noodles laughed: Let me tell you, the sales volume of me alone can circle the earth into a yarn ball.

50. The chemistry teacher asked: "What should I do if there is a gas leak at home?" He stood up and said: "Smoke a cigarette and calm down."

51. Instructions for jumping off the building: Leave your last words on the sixth floor; If you want to be disabled, go to the fifth floor; if you want to be hospitalized, go to the fourth floor; if you want to be scary, go to the third floor; if you want to play martial arts, go to the second floor; to watch the fun, go to the first floor.

52. A classmate recently purchased a copycat phone and showed off its extra-long standby time of 100 days. Then one day it was dead. Let's take a closer look at the mobile phone packaging box and it says "Extra long"

53. There is a kind of quietness called the teacher is here...

54. Are you familiar with me? It's okay. Treat this video as if it were your TV. Just click on it and it will show up.

55. Mr. Bao, why is there a light on your forehead? Because I don’t understand my blackness during the day. Funny quotes that make people laugh

1. Some people are still alive, but they are already dead; some people are alive, but they should have died long ago.

2. Lovesickness lessens the drowsiness, secret love never grows old; flirting relieves troubles, playing with one's mind exercises the brain; cheating has a good heart, picking up girls resists aging.

3. I have had a crush on you for 25 years. When I finally got up the courage to confess to you, you said, we are still young...

4. A boy has a crush on a boy. The girl mustered up the courage to ask the girl what kind of boy she likes. The girl replied, and the boy was discouraged and said: Can a guy with a flat head work?

5. Secret love is one person’s adultery, ambiguity is two people’s excuse.

6. Those people who have a crush on me, how can you be so calm?

7. If you spend time training your brain, you will be in a good mood when you have an affair, you will resist aging when you pick up girls, you will relieve your worries by flirting, your crush will never grow old, and you will have less lovesickness and drowsiness.

8. I think there must be many people who have a crush on me, because no one has confessed to me after so many years.

9. It’s so interesting to live and die while you’re still alive.

10. How should I put it, there are still a few people who have a crush on me, and I know it well

11. Do you want a brother who doesn’t have money, or a boyfriend who doesn’t have money.

12. Brother, let me throw a brick first. If there is any corn, feel free to throw it over.

13. Brothers drink when they meet, and walk together on the wall when they go home.

14. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. Looking back, I have been running around naked for more than ten years.

15. He was my brother for nine years and stole two of my girlfriends! Awesome!

16. We must live well, because we will die for a long, long time...

17. Brother, I am very busy now. If you need anything, please call 10086 and call the human service to find my secretary. , they will help you solve it.

18. I have two major illnesses: I miss school at home and I miss home at school.

19. Don’t tell me when you break up: "Actually you are very good", then you dump me...

20. Brother, let me throw a brick first. Just hit it with jade.

21. Let’s break up. I’m not worthy of you because you are a QQ member.

22. There was a power outage. I called my brother to complain about the lack of Internet access. He said gracefully: All I need to do is surf the Internet and watch TV.

23. Who said that men are better than women? If you can let a man have a child.

24. What is a true brother? It’s about standing up and being his woman when a brother needs a woman.

25. Who has no shit in life since ancient times? It depends on whether you use paper or not.

26. Women are like clothes and brothers are like siblings. Who wants to run naked all the time?

27. Everyone is original when they are born. Sadly, many people gradually become pirates!

28. Life. It's not just a breath and a fart and that's it.

29. I shook my head coolly after the breakup, and the wig fell out.

30. There are always some people nowadays who regard celebrities as more important than their mothers.

31. Celebrities are just like dried tofu, they are fried.

32. Living is a waste of air, dead is a waste of land, half-dead is a waste of RMB!

33. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. You five brothers! ! Just do what you have to do...

34. No matter how ugly a woman is, she is better than her right hand! When I came to this world, I had no intention of going back alive!

35. I really don’t want to look down on you with my toes. But bro, you made me do this.

36. I want a birthday present. The request is not high: enlarge my photo and hang it on Tiananmen Square.

37. Sisters are like brothers and sisters, and men are like clothes. If anyone touches my sister, I will tear off his clothes.

38. Some people were wearing cotton trousers and they were already freezing to death. Some people are wearing black stockings and she is still alive.

39. Everyone says that women are like clothes; brothers are like brothers. Today is the half-year anniversary of my streaking.

40. Brothers, cover your own crotch, and also respect the crotch of others.

41. The most innocent time for sisters is to fall in love with a man, but this man falls in love with another man!

42. Holidays when men give flowers to women: Valentine’s Day, Women’s Day, Mother’s Day, Chinese Valentine’s Day, Christmas, and her birthday. A holiday when women give flowers to men: Tomb-Sweeping Day.

43. Your birthday has become a sad day for me.

44. What a shame. There was a parent-teacher meeting on my birthday. My mother would definitely chase me with a kitchen knife when she came back...

45. Sisters! How can there be so many white horses? Just find a donkey to make do with it!

46. I, Ruoge, died in Henan. Brothers, remember to come and collect the body. Thank you for your hard work! There must be air conditioning in the coffin...

47. If you want to fight, I will fight. All my brothers are Ultraman

48. Today is MM’s birthday, for the sake of first place To send blessings, I picked up my phone on time in the early morning and sent a message: Sofa.

49. My brother said that not every girl can wear stockings.

50. Heroes don’t ask for a way out, and women don’t care about their age. Funny jokes that will make you laugh so hard

1. A buddy wanted to get married, but his dad didn’t agree, so he knelt down and begged: Dad, just agree! His dad was trembling. Said: It is better for us to be father and son.

2. Yesterday, I went to check out a room with my girlfriend for the first time, and I encountered the police checking the room. Is there anything more tragic than this? God’s reply: Yes, the police asked your girlfriend in front of you, why Is it you every time?

3. The ship ran aground on the sea and was about to sink. The passengers were shouting and shouting. Only one passenger ate biscuits. Everyone said: What time is it? What are you doing? Can you still eat? The passenger replied plausibly: My stomach is not very good, and the doctor told me not to drink water on an empty stomach!

4. In art class, the teacher asked the students to draw self-portraits. I saw a female classmate next to me bringing a compass. I was curious and asked: What is your compass for? She rolled her eyes at me: face painting

5. I still remember that during the military training in my freshman year, the instructor called the roll call. When he called on a buddy, he said: Zheng (jiji) ), the guy shouted loudly: 嗻, the instructor shouted again, and the guy said loudly: 嗻, so the instructor rushed over and said loudly: 嗻your sister! Are you a eunuch? The buddy covered his face and looked innocently The instructor said: "That's Zhe, Zhe, Zhe, hahaha, don't pay attention to me, let me laugh for a while."

6. Me: Doctor, my wife always talks nonsense during GC. Is this normal? Doctor: Hello, this is normal! When a woman has GC, she is in a coma! Talking nonsense is Expressing your level of excitement also helps to spice things up for you! Me: Oh! I thought there was something wrong with my wife calling the name of Mr. Wang next door all the time! Thank you doctor.

7. Once I met a person asking for directions to another person. This person stuttered: Please tell me how to get to Jianjian Jianshe Road? The other person ignored him and ignored him after asking several times. He stepped forward and showed the way. I was very surprised and asked the man: When someone asks you for directions, do you know or don’t you know what it means to say nothing and ignore people? The man replied: If I show him the way, he will think that I am learning. he.

8. In a training match with the women’s football team, the opponent’s defender tackled me in the penalty area, but the referee didn’t call the ball.

I thought there was nothing to argue with the girl, so I got up and patted my butt and walked away. Who knew that the referee actually showed me a yellow card! Forget it, I learned a lesson and will not be careless next time. Slap someone else's butt.

9. Master! Why did I weigh 55 kilograms before going to the toilet and still 55 kilograms after going to the toilet? According to Newton's theorem: the principle of constant mass, you forgot to take off your pants.

10. I went to a company for an interview in the morning. The HR manager asked me: Why did I leave my last company? I said: People go to higher places, and water flows to lower places. Yes, you have vision. They said I was a parallel import, so I would be transferred to your company.

11. I was taking the bus just now, and a girl came up from the back door. As soon as I got on the bus, he handed me a bus card. I suddenly thought: This is not mine! Then the handsome guy next to me took the card and handed it to the front to swipe the card. The two chatted all the way and even kept it for each other. Mobile phone, WeChat...

12. Today, I went to the supermarket to buy toothpaste with my colleagues. The girl salesperson said to use this one. It is suitable for whitening yellow teeth. As a result, my colleague immediately became angry. , opened his mouth and said: Do you think my teeth are yellow? Are they yellow? The girl was so frightened that she took a step back and said: Not yellow, not yellow, how about you use this to get rid of bad breath?

13. I just got a girlfriend recently. She introduced me to her girlfriends. This is my boyfriend. How about it. My best friend said: Why did you find someone like this? You want to be so ugly? The girlfriend said angrily: Why are you doing this? It's very rude to say it in front of others! The best friend smiled at her and said: I didn't tell you.

14. I was kicked in the waist by a child while swimming. His father yelled at him: Say sorry. The child was extremely aggrieved: I didn’t mean it. The father slapped him directly on the forehead and continued shouting: I'm sorry, you don't understand, right? Child: I'm sorry. Dad was even more angry: Tell aunt, not me. The child sobbed and choked: I'm sorry, oh oh oh, sister. I immediately said to his father: The kid is really sensible, forget it.

15. I was walking on the sidewalk, and suddenly a car drove towards me as if it was out of control. When I saw that the driver was a female driver, I suddenly shouted: "Hit me!" The panicked woman The driver nodded and hit the pole.

16. After a tiring day, I finally got it done! I looked at the car in the morning and took it for a test drive. It is a Porsche 911. I have an existing car, and I think it’s okay. In the afternoon I went to see a house, a single-family villa, the price was OK, 380 square meters, there was a garden at the door, parking was available, the discount had been negotiated, now everything is ready, just watch Shuangseqiu. If you don’t win, your whole day will be in vain!

17. On a whim a few days ago, I sorted through some QQ friends who have not been online for a long time, and found that one of them has not been online for more than three years, and his last signature was since After buying insurance, I no longer have to look around when crossing the road, and I suddenly became quiet.

18. Some time ago, I went to the beach to play. Later, I drank a bottle of orange juice and had an urgent need to urinate. I found a place to settle it, and then I saw a human face appear on the beach as the urine washed away. I won’t say it anymore, my face still hurts now

19. My husband bought a fish and asked his wife to cook it, and then he went to watch a movie. My wife also wanted to go with him. Husband: It’s a waste of two people to watch it. Qian, you cook the fish, and when I come back from reading, I will share the storyline with you while eating. When the husband came back from reading, he didn't see the fish, so he asked his wife: Where is the fish? My wife calmly found a chair, sat down and said: I ate the fish, come, sit down and I will tell you about the taste of the fish.

20. A man went to buy Qi Baishi’s paintings. The boss gave him a pair. The man said: It’s fake at first glance. The boss said: If it is fake, I will pay you ten times the price. This person just thought about it and bought it. Later, it was taken to experts for identification and it turned out to be fake. He went to his boss, who said: This is true. Later, this person was about to call the police, but the boss Youyou took out his ID card Qi Baishi.

21. A: The decoration in the goddess’s home is very crude. B: Oh! Have you ever been to the goddess’s home? A: Never! B: Then how do you know that the decoration in other people’s homes is crude? A : Last time I asked to go to her house to sit, but she said no way.

22. We have the custom of making trouble with the groom when we get married. It is said to be a trouble, but in fact it is just to get some money. Usually, the groom puts a red envelope in his pocket, and then everyone reaches for it by themselves. I have a buddy who is a ruthless man. Not only did he cut off the pockets of his fine suit trouser on the day of the wedding, he didn’t even wear any underpants. Then I saw young girls and young wives rushing to dig into his trouser pockets, but they didn't say anything after they finished.

23. One day on the bus, a woman left her seat to buy a ticket. When she came back, she found that her seat was occupied by another woman, so she was very unwilling and said loudly He said: It’s not good to lay eggs, but it’s quite fast to occupy a nest. The woman sitting in the seat heard this, stood up quickly, and said with a smile: Sorry, I delayed your laying of eggs!

24. A driver drove a truck full of hens. While driving, he teased his parrot. When a beautiful girl hit the ride, the driver put the parrot in the cargo box with the hens and asked the beautiful girl to sit in the cab. After driving for a while, the driver asked the beautiful woman tentatively: Can I kiss her? The beautiful woman shook her head very shyly and said: No. After waiting for a while, the driver reluctantly asked again: Can I give her a hug? The beauty still shook her head and said: No. The driver said angrily: If it doesn't work, get off. After driving for a while, the driver felt that what he was doing was very ungentlemanly, so he went back and asked the beautiful woman to get in the car. But after driving for a while, the driver asked without giving up: Can I kiss you? The beautiful woman still shook her head, can I give her a hug? The beauty still shook her head and went down if it didn't work. After repeating this three times, they finally arrived at the chicken farm. The driver opened the car and saw that there were not many hens left. The parrot picked up one hen and asked: "Can you kiss the beauty?" The hen shook her head desperately, and the parrot asked again: "Beauty." Can I give it a hug? The hen still shook her head. The parrot said: If it doesn't work, go down. The hen was thrown out of the car...

25. In the bus, a modern girl was wearing a low-cut dress and a pair of pants decorated with airplanes. necklace. As soon as a young man got in the car, he stared intently at the plane on his necklace. So the girl couldn't help but asked curiously: Sir, do you like this necklace? The man replied: Oh! No, I was just admiring the runway.

26. There is a girl who works in an IT company. One morning, the weather was particularly nice, and the IT girl was so focused on her work that she didn't even notice that her skirt was caught in a drawer. When she stood up her skirt was torn with a hiss. Colleagues all heard the news and the IT girl quickly picked up an IT magazine next to her to cover her lower body. Unexpectedly, my colleagues burst into laughter. It turned out that the cover of the magazine was an advertisement for an online game: it has a large capacity and can accommodate 100,000 users at the same time. The IT girl picked up another magazine. Colleagues laughed again. The cover of this magazine was anti-virus software: Beware of viruses. The IT girl was so angry that she almost fainted. When she picked up the third magazine she fainted. The third magazine is a hardware magazine with a USB flash drive advertisement on the cover: Plug and Play. In my daze, I still remembered to protect the key parts, so I casually pulled the fourth magazine to cover it. When I woke up, I saw it was a shopping guide magazine with a message: 30% off discount! I fainted again.

27. A: After reading the book "The Annoying Brothers", my wife gave birth to twins. B: That’s nothing. After my wife read Alexandre Dumas’s “The Three Musketeers,” she gave birth to triplets. C: Oh my god, how can this happen? My wife is reading "Alibaba and the Forty Thieves"!

28. One day, the school was cleaning. When I was cleaning the window, I stood on the table because the window was relatively high, but I couldn't clean the glass below. When I passed by, mm yelled to rub my private parts. I was shocked. Asked where? mm said my lower part, please help me wipe it.

The whole class burst into laughter

29. Tang Monk: We should find a shortcut to learn scriptures this time! Wukong: Flying is faster than riding a horse! Bajie: Shenliu is faster! Sha Monk took out a gun: I heard this The toys were sent to the West immediately.

30. My wife was pecked by a rooster. She was very angry and chased the rooster until she was panting from exhaustion. My husband tried to dissuade her to no avail, so I chased the hen with a broom and beat her. The wife was puzzled, and the husband explained: It bullied my wife, and I dealt with it.

31. One day, the geography teacher asked the students, where does the river flow? One student suddenly stood up and sang: The river flows eastward. The teacher ignored him and continued, "How many stars are there in the sky?" The classmate sang again: "The stars in the sky join the Big Dipper." The teacher was furious: Get out of here! Student: Let’s leave as soon as we say. The teacher said helplessly: Are you sick? Student: You have what I have, I have everything! Teacher: Please say one more thing... Student: Yell when you see an injustice on the road! Teacher: Do you believe that I will beat you? Student: It’s time to take action Then he took action and the teacher was angry: I will let you drop out of school! Student: Traveling to Kyushu in a hurry!

32. A farmer drove a donkey into the city and met a rogue. The rogue asked: Have you eaten? The farmer said: Eat! The scoundrel said: I am asking about the donkey! The farmer turned around and slapped the donkey twice and said: I am not honest! I have relatives in the city and they didn’t even say a word!~~~

33. I’m sorry, it’s so late. I’m sending you a text message. If it disturbs you, let me tell you - you deserve it! Who told you to go to bed earlier than me, haha

34. A fugitive who escaped from prison was caught When we came back, the police asked: Why did we need to escape? The answer: Because the food was too bad. Asked again: What tool did you use to pry open the iron door of the prison? Answer: The fried dough sticks in the morning.

35. Zhu Bajie was making out with Chang'e on the moon. Suddenly a black shadow passed by. Zhu Bajie hurriedly chased him out with a nail rake. After a while, he came back and said: Damn it, Yang Liwei... . Funny jokes that will make you smile

1. Zhu Bajie was making out with Chang'e on the moon. Suddenly a black shadow passed by. Zhu Bajie hurriedly chased out with a nail rake. After a while, he came back. Said: Damn, Yang Liwei...

2. One day on the bus, a woman left her seat to buy a ticket. When she came back, she found that her seat had been occupied by someone else. A woman occupied it, so she was very unwilling and said loudly: It's not good to lay eggs, but it's faster to occupy the nest. The woman sitting on the seat heard this, stood up quickly, and said with a smile: Sorry, I delayed your laying of eggs!

3. A man raised a parrot, which was very powerful. The other birds in the cage were killed by it. Later, the owner brought back a hawk and rested it with it. When the owner came to take a look, there were parrot feathers hanging outside the cage. The master said: I won’t do it this time. But when I looked carefully, I saw that the eagle was dead, and the parrot was naked and said: This grandson is really powerful, he really can't beat Ya Ting without taking off his shirt.

4. A driver drove a truck full of hens and teased his parrot while driving. A beautiful girl asked for a ride. The driver put the parrot in the truck box with the hens and invited the beautiful girl to Sit in the cab. After driving for a while, the driver tentatively asked the beautiful woman: Can I kiss her? The beautiful woman shook her head very shyly and said: No. After waiting for a while, the driver reluctantly asked again: Can I give her a hug? The beauty still shook her head and said: No. The driver said angrily: If it doesn't work, get off. After driving for a while, the driver felt that what he was doing was very ungentlemanly, so he went back and asked the beautiful woman to get in the car. But after driving for a while, the driver asked without giving up: Can I kiss you? The beautiful woman still shook her head, can I give her a hug? The beauty still shook her head and went down if it didn't work. After repeating this three times, we finally arrived at the chicken farm. The driver opened the car and saw that there were not many hens left. The parrot picked up one hen and asked: "Can you kiss the beauty?" The hen shook her head desperately, and the parrot asked again: "Beauty." Can I give it a hug? The hen still shook her head. The parrot said: If it doesn't work, go down.

The hen was thrown out of the car...

5. In the bus, a modern girl was wearing a low-cut dress and a pair of pants decorated with airplanes. necklace. As soon as a young man got in the car, he stared intently at the plane on his necklace. So the girl couldn't help but asked curiously: Sir, do you like this necklace? The man replied: Oh! No, I was just admiring the runway.

6. There is a girl working in an IT company. One morning, the weather was particularly nice and the IT girl was concentrating on her work. She didn't even notice that her skirt was caught in a drawer. When she stood up her skirt was torn with a hiss. Colleagues all heard the news and the IT girl quickly picked up an IT magazine next to her to cover her lower body. Unexpectedly, my colleagues burst into laughter. It turned out that the cover of the magazine was an advertisement for an online game: it has a large capacity and can accommodate 100,000 users at the same time. The IT girl picked up another magazine. Colleagues laughed again. The cover of this magazine was anti-virus software: Beware of viruses. The IT girl was so angry that she almost fainted. When she picked up the third magazine she fainted. The third magazine is a hardware magazine with a USB flash drive advertisement on the cover: Plug and Play. In my daze, I still remembered to protect the key parts, so I casually pulled the fourth magazine to cover it. When I woke up, I saw it was a shopping guide magazine with a message: 30% off discount! I fainted again.

7. A: After reading the book "The Annoying Brothers", my wife gave birth to twins. B: That’s nothing. After my wife read Alexandre Dumas’s “The Three Musketeers,” she gave birth to triplets. C: Oh my god, how can this happen? My wife is reading "Alibaba and the Forty Thieves"!

8. One day, the school was cleaning. When I was cleaning the window, I stood on the table because the window was relatively high, but I couldn't clean the glass below. When I passed by, mm yelled to rub my private parts. I was shocked. Asked where? mm said my lower part, please help me wipe it. The whole class burst into laughter

9. Tang Monk: We should find a shortcut to learn scriptures this time! Wukong: Flying is faster than riding a horse! Bajie: Shenliu is faster! Sha Monk took out a gun: I heard this The toys were sent to the West immediately.

10. The wife was pecked by a rooster. She was very angry and chased the rooster until she was panting from exhaustion. My husband tried to dissuade her to no avail, so I chased the hen with a broom and beat her. The wife was puzzled, and the husband explained: It bullied my wife, and I dealt with it.

11. One day the geography teacher asked the students, where does the river flow? One student suddenly stood up and sang: The river flows eastward. The teacher ignored him and continued, "How many stars are there in the sky?" The classmate sang again: "The stars in the sky join the Big Dipper." The teacher was furious: Get out of here! Student: Let’s leave as soon as we say. The teacher said helplessly: Are you sick? Student: You have what I have, I have everything! Teacher: Please say one more thing... Student: Yell when you see an injustice on the road! Teacher: Do you believe that I will beat you? Student: It’s time to take action Then he took action and the teacher was angry: I will let you drop out of school! Student: Traveling to Kyushu!

12. A farmer drove a donkey into the city and met a rogue. The rogue asked: Have you eaten? The farmer said: Eat! The scoundrel said: I am asking about the donkey! The farmer turned around and slapped the donkey twice and said: I am not honest! I have relatives in the city and they didn’t even say a word!~~~

13. Sorry, it’s so late. I’m sending you a text message. If it disturbs you, let me tell you - you deserve it! Who told you to go to bed earlier than me, haha

14. A fugitive who escaped from prison was caught When we came back, the police asked: Why did we need to escape? The answer: Because the food was too bad. Asked again: What tool did you use to pry open the iron door of the prison? Answer: The fried dough sticks in the morning.

15. Autumn is the harvest season. Others' gain is success and happiness, your gain is the realization that not everyone will be successful and happy.

16. At night, the wife heard her husband crying, so she pushed him awake and asked: What’s wrong with you? The husband rubbed his eyes and said: I dreamed that I was married again. The wife was happy: That’s great, why are you crying? The husband said with a sad face: But you are still the bride. . .

17. I was simmering rice at noon and asked my husband: Do you want softer rice or harder rice? My husband looked at me disdainfully and said: It sounds like you know how to simmer it. I hope I'm well-fed

18. Wife: Which team is playing which team? Husband: France is playing Nigeria. Wife: Is this the Chinese Super League? Husband: World Cup. Wife: Where is the Chinese team? Husband: Watching TV like you. Wife: Why don’t you go up and play? Husband: FIFA won’t let you. Wife: Is it because of the Diaoyu Islands? Husband: Because my level is not good. Wife: Isn’t there Yao Ming? Husband: Get lost

19. Wife, it’s so hot today, why don’t we go out and find a place to play? Where do you want to find a cool place where you can play in the water? You can turn on the air conditioner and wash your clothes

20. If I had known that it would be so difficult to get into the egg hatching university! I wouldn’t apply, complained a rooster.

21. If you are so cold, you will have no friends to talk to the electric fan about the air conditioner.

22. A: Why is the manhole cover round? B: If it is square, you will definitely ask why it is square, then it must have a shape.

23. The pilgrim asked the abbot: What made you abandon the mortal world and become a monk in the temple to practice. The abbot smiled slightly: Because of my cat. The pilgrim was puzzled and asked: What does this have to do with cats? The abbot said quietly: When I was young, my business failed and I was destitute, so I cried to the cat at home. I asked the cat, where should I live? The cat raised its head. Say to me: Temple (meow)!

24. I had a dinner with my friends. By the end of the meal, no one wanted to pay. I stood up and said: Well, for the sake of fairness, I will hide it. Who will go first? How about finding me who will pay?

25. When I got up in the morning to inflate the bicycle, I couldn't help but feel sad. I will buy an electric inflatable when I get rich, so I won't have to be so tired anymore!

26. People are divided into two categories: one is frugal as if they will live forever; the other is extravagant as if they will die tomorrow.

27. My wife ran away from home because I often beat her. This made me very regretful as to why I didn’t break her legs in the first place.

28. If a person does not eat what he likes, he will offend his mouth, his stomach, and his heart at the same time. How could he live happily when he offended so many organs in his body at once?

29. Appearance beauty is indeed important, but appearance beauty alone is not enough. We should also sympathize with those who are not beautiful in appearance.

30. The smell of cooking fumes from my neighbor’s cooking these past two days has always been very strong, and it has drifted into my room. This makes me very upset. I should not have smashed the glass of his kitchen last week.

31. Can you please give me a big hug? Okay, even a small hug can’t hold you.

32. A boy in the class skipped class and went out to play ball. He was discovered by the head teacher, who blocked him at the door of the classroom. The get out of class was almost over and the boys came back. The teacher asked: Where have you been? The boy calmly replied: When he went to the toilet, the teacher pointed at his sweaty head and asked: What's going on? The boy held it in for a while and said: Teacher. . . I have constipation and can't hold it in.

33. There is a message on the wall of the school toilet that says: XXX is here for a visit. . . As a result, I found a sentence on the wall the next morning: Did you enjoy swimming in the urinal? It tastes very good!!!

34. I woke up in the middle of the night and suddenly saw a little red light in the distance. Alas, I forgot to turn off the power again. I pressed it with my hand, and damn! The mosquito coils were not burned out. .

35. I took the bus to work today. A little girl came and said to me: Uncle, can you give me a seat? Seeing the cute little girl, I gave it to her like a gentleman. seat and look forward to her response. Unexpectedly, she said: Uncle, although you don't look good, you are still quite sensible.

36. After the son separated into separate beds, he always wanted to find a reason to sleep with his mother. Once, the son stayed on the adult bed and refused to leave. The mother asked him why he didn't go to sleep by himself. The son said quiply: He couldn't sleep alone and wanted to find a girl to accompany him.

37. My dad was shaving this morning, and my mom said: Why do you keep shaving when you have nothing to do every day? My dad replied: If it doesn’t let me show its face, I won’t let it show its head!

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38. My mother said to me: When you go out from now on, don’t call me mom, call me sister. Me: Why? My mother smiled and said: That makes me look so young! My father said from the side: If you want to look younger, you should call me grandma.

39. Buy fruit. The boss said: 5 apples, 20 yuan a ***. I thought it was expensive, so he said: Can you order less? With a sudden movement, the sign was torn off and fell to the ground, breaking into two pieces. The boss's face changed when he saw it, and the waiter said in a hurry: Boss, this is a good sign. Boss: Is this a good sign?! ??Guy: It’s a good sign that we’re going to open a branch.

41. I just threw rubbish into the trash can downstairs from upstairs, but it was thrown outside. When the cleaning man saw it, he raised his head and asked: Why are you throwing rubbish downstairs?! Me: Because Throw it upstairs, but I can’t throw it.

42. Today a customer came to my restaurant for dinner. As he was eating, he said: Why is there no air conditioning in your restaurant? I pointed behind him and said: Isn’t the one behind you the air conditioner? , didn’t you see such a big vertical air conditioner? He looked back and said: Damn! Why does it look like a refrigerator?