Tell a few jokes to make me laugh.

1, live on campus, the weather is sultry at night, and there is no electricity, so I put the mat in the corridor to sleep. As soon as I lay down, I was surrounded by mosquito formations ... I rummaged for a plate of mosquito-repellent incense to put under my feet, and then I slept peacefully ... Less than an hour later, I was awakened by a man's scream, and I was furious. I saw a figure shaking and saying, "You, your uncle!" " It's scary enough to lay a straw mat and light a candle in the corridor ... "

2. After Yao Ming retired, because of his height problem, his life was inconvenient, and he sought medical advice everywhere, but it was not solved. One day I met a monk. The monk said that there is a secret recipe that can reduce the height to 1.8 meters after taking it. Yao Ming was overjoyed and asked what medicine it was. The monk said: short oil!

3. College entrance examination candidates need to write the word "beneficial" when they enter the examination room to do questions, but the word "beneficial" can't be written, and it's fruitless to think about it. . . . Surprise! Bring a bottle of drink into the examination room during the exam. There is a word "thank you for your patronage" on the bottle cap, which should be the same as grace. Sneaking, pretending to drink water, unscrewing the bottle caps one by one. Dizzy! ! ! I saw "another bottle" printed on the cover!

4, drinking coffee, sitting next to a man in a suit, the phone rang, he connected, complaining: "I didn't tell you, your bill is only one billion, too little, I won't do it." And then hung up. I'm in business, too, and suddenly I look at him with a little more respect. Q: "What company do you work for? Don't take such a big business? " He smiled awkwardly: "I printed money in Mingbi, and the profit of one million and one billion is only tens of dollars." Who will do it! "

5. Tomb-Sweeping Day has arrived. Last night, my family and I went downstairs to burn paper money to worship our ancestors, leaving my sister to look after the house. As soon as I came back, my sister said to me, "Brother, a few people talked to you on the Internet just now, and I helped you reply!" " "I looked at the message record curiously. It turned out that ... Oh, my God, my sister actually replied to me: I'm sorry, my brother is gone, and he can't come up to talk to you unless I help him burn paper ...

6. A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky, "I'm dead, God help me!" " "I saw a voice falling from the sky at the first light:" Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and smash the leader to death. " So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, then glared at each other. At this moment, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead. "

7. That's the smell. Once upon a time, an old man liked to drink soup cooked by his wife. As long as he doesn't drink for a day, he will feel sick all over. Later, his wife died and he couldn't drink the soup, so he was very sad and began to let his wife cook it. But no matter how well his daughter-in-law does, he always throws it aside and says, "It's not the smell. You can cook such a terrible soup! " At first, the daughter-in-law always swallowed her words, but as the days passed, she still couldn't do it. Finally, she had a murder plan to kill her father-in-law. But she doesn't know how to do it. She thought and thought, and suddenly found a rusty pesticide in the corner. She sprayed insecticide into the soup, and then got up the courage to give it to her father-in-law, who shouted, "That's the smell! This is the taste! "

8. Once upon a time, Americans visited Russia. One day, I saw two Russian workers on my way to Russia. One is to dig a hole by the roadside with a shovel, and dig a hole every three meters. Another worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on. ....

Out of curiosity, the American asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill in the hole as soon as you dug it?" ? 』

Russian workers replied: "We are greening the road. I dig a hole, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second man didn't come today. 』