What jokes do you rely on in Zhihu?

There is such a conversation on the bus. ...

W: Will you help me dig P shares?

M: No! You can't dig it yourself? !

Woman: Help people dig! !

The people next to them began to pay attention and turned to look at them.

M: All right! But it's inconvenient on the bus. Get off and dig again. ...

Woman: People don't want it, so help them dig it now!

Man: OK, OK, I can't stand you anymore. ......

Everyone on the bus stared curiously ... only after the man picked up his cell phone and dialed the phone number. ...

M: Hello! P shares? I am a dog! I am on the bus, and May is looking for you. ...

One day, the devil took the princess away and the princess kept calling for help.

Demon: You can scream loudly, and no one will come to save you!

Princess: Broken throat! Throat is broken!

Nobody: Princess, I'm coming to save you!

Devil: Speak of the devil!

Cao Cao: Devil, what do you want me to do?

Demon: Wow! I saw a ghost!

Ghost: Oh ~ It's been discovered!

Ha: Nonsense, who found me?

Who: It's none of my business!

Demon: Oh ~ my God!

God: Who called me? ?

Who: Nobody called you!

Nobody: I didn't! !

It is said that the demon king suffered from schizophrenia ~ ~ ~ ~

The priest and the nun went to play golf.

The first one missed, Abbe: Damn it, missed.

Sister: Please don't say that. It's disrespectful.

The second one missed, Abbe: Damn, it missed.

Sister: Please don't say any more. If you say that again, you will be cursed.

The third one hasn't been hit yet, Abe: Damn it, it hasn't been hit.

Suddenly the sky thundered and there was a loud noise, and the nun was killed by lightning.

The sound stopped, and a voice came from the sky: damn, it's crooked.

In the fridge.

1 egg said to two eggs.

"Hey, look ~ look ~ `The fifth egg is disgusting. It is covered with Mao Mao. "

The second egg said to the third egg

"Hey, look ~ look ~ `The fifth egg is disgusting, and the color is the same as shit."

The third egg said to the fourth egg

"Hey, look ~ look ~ `The fifth egg is disgusting. Mao Mao is covered with it, and the color is the same as shit."

The fourth egg said to the fifth egg

.............

The fifth egg said

Get out, I'm Kiwi! !

It is said that an old farmer couldn't find a toilet when he went to town, so he went to a high-end hotel and told the waiter that he wanted to borrow the toilet.

The waiter said yes, but he had to pay 50 yuan money. The old farmer gritted his teeth and said, "Bingo!"

Then run into the toilet. After going in, the old farmer found that there was no pit like his home in the toilet, so he found a newspaper to cover it and wrapped it carefully. Seeing a hole in the wall, I stuffed it in. When he came out, he said, "The toilets in this city are really strange. . . "

Half a minute later, the waiter who went in to clean came out with a bill of 100 yuan and said, "grandpa, I'll give you one hundred yuan." Can you tell me how you pull it? "

-I saw a wall full of poop in the toilet. -The hole plugged by the old farmer is a toilet vent (with a fan). . .

The bear and the rabbit found a bottle in the forest. When they opened the bottle, a fairy appeared. The fairy said, thank you for letting me out. I can grant you three wishes.

The bear said, I hope all the bears in this forest are females except me. Well, the fairy helped him realize his wish.

The bear said, no, I hope the whole world is a female bear except me. Well, the fairy helped him realize his wish.

Finally, the bear said, I hope all these females love me. Well, the fairy realized his wish.

Next is the rabbit.

The rabbit said, I want a scooter. The fairy gave the rabbit a motorcycle.

The rabbit said, I want a helmet. The fairy gave the rabbit a helmet.

The rabbit finally said, I hope this bear is gay.

This is the funniest joke I have ever heard in my life. It's about penguins going to play with polar bears. There are already four versions ~

Marketer: Kid, do you have any dogs, kittens, rabbits or birds at home?

Child: No, my mother gave birth to me!

Q: What animal is the best?

A: Pigs, because pigs (pearls) are experts.

Q: What animal sticks to the wall most easily?

A: Sea (newspaper) leopard

Q: What happens when a fat man falls from 12 floor?

fat person

Q: Who will help you eat when you are full?

A: Feilong, because Feilong is added in units of (days).

Q: A puppy was traveling in the desert and then died. How did he die?

A: He suffocated because there was no telephone pole to pee in the desert.

Q: A puppy was traveling in the desert and found a telephone pole, but it was still suffocated. Why?

A: There is a sign on the dotted pole, which says "No peeing here".

Q: A puppy was traveling in the desert and found a telephone pole. Nothing stuck to it, but it was stuffy. Why?

A: Many puppies are waiting in line.

Q: A puppy was traveling in the desert and found a telephone pole. There is nothing posted on it, and there is a queue. The result is still suffocating. Why?

A: Because there are two beautiful dogs MM behind him, he is very embarrassed.

The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much."

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there is still no"

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" " "

There is a person who looks particularly like a bicycle. As a result, one day she stood on the road and rode away.

There was a man who looked like an onion, and one day he left.

I cried as I walked.

One day, two bananas were walking on the road. The front one said it was hot, so he took off his clothes. As a result, the back one fell down.

One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"

What happened to a rabbit in the company?

The first company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: Not busy.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: I'm not busy because I can't work for the company more. What does the company want you to do?

* The second company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: Very busy.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: Because you are disorganized, you will be busy all day. What does the company want you to do?

* The third company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: Not bad.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: Because you are irrational, there are "yes" or "no" places. What does the company want you to do?

* The fourth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: Just finished.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: Because you are so inefficient, can't you check it after you finish? What does the company want from you?

* The fifth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: Some of them have finished the inspection, and now they are doing something else. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: Because you are not systematic, won't you do something together? What does the company want from you?

* The sixth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: I have finished all the work and am helping others. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: Because you don't have a plan, won't you plan what to do tomorrow? What does the company want from you?

* The seventh company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: Today's work is finished, and so is tomorrow's work. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: Because you don't consider the whole, won't you help your colleagues solve problems? What does the company want from you?

* The eighth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: I have finished today's work and tomorrow's work, and now I am helping my colleagues.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: Because you are too pushy, your help is likely to cause laziness or stress in others. What does the company want from you?

* The ninth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: Wait a minute, I'll think about it before I answer you.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: You are very arrogant. I keep asking you questions. Why does the company want you?

* The tenth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tu Tu: I ... I ... No, I don't know ... how to answer you.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: Because you don't even know whether you are busy or not, what does the company want you to do?

* Eleventh Company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: Fuck you, I quit ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Boss: Hey! If you have personality, our company won't let you go!

● White rabbit and big bear

The little white rabbit and the big bear were walking in the forest and accidentally kicked over a jar.

An elf came out of the pot and said that he could satisfy their three wishes.

The bear said, turn it into the strongest bear in the world. Its wish has come true.

The little white rabbit said, give it a small helmet. Its wish has also come true.

The bear said, turn it into the most beautiful bear in the world. Its wish has come true again.

The little white rabbit said, give it a bike. Its wish has come true again.

The bear said, turn all other bears in the world into bitches!

The little white rabbit got on the bike and said as he ran, turn this bear into a homosexual. ...

● Wife: I really stepped on shit before I married you.

Husband: I was really blind enough to step on shit before I married you.

……

Shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, you both stepped on it. ...

A man went fishing by the river. He wore a leaf first, but no fish took the bait for a long time. He changed a piece of bread, but no fish took the bait for a long time. So he had to change earthworms, but no fish took the bait for a long time. ...

In a rage, he took out 100 RMB! Fall into the water!

Tnnd~~ What to eat! Buy it yourself! !