Find a cixi joke

In the 22nd year of Guangxu (AD 1896), the Qing Empire was invited to participate in the first Olympic Games. At this time, Cixi was in charge of state affairs for more than 30 years, not to mention the "Olympic Games" and even the "Sports Games". At this time, an old minister said that the so-called "sports meeting" was just a "form of entertainment" inherent in China since the Han Dynasty. Today, there is only one country in the world, and countries will meet in an unprecedented grand occasion. Without my participation, how can it be called a "world event"? Should and must go. As for who to send? For an Olympic Games, the emperor and the empress dowager don't have to "travel by personal expedition", but the specifications can't be too low for people to look down upon. Just find a leader. Who will take part in the competition? Just find a troupe and a few jugglers. So the major policy was decided.

With the approach of departure, the leader's prince has not yet been determined, mainly the existing prince, who has the status and power to disdain to go. To put it bluntly, he thinks that "there is not much oil and water", and some people think that going out with the troupe to play tricks can't afford to lose people. Fortunately, there is also a prince who loves to go to the opera. As soon as he heard this, he took the troupe out and volunteered. Cixi was very happy to see this advocate who never wanted to do anything, and this time she begged at a critical juncture. She immediately appointed him as the "imperial envoy of the Olympic Games" and led a team to participate in the war.

Wang Ye personally led his "Olympic team" and arrived in Athens on March 1896, just in time for the opening ceremony. Olympic officials met with Wang Ye and reported the competition schedule to him. First of all, we should raise the national flags and play the national anthem. Please take out the Qing national flag and national anthem. The monarch asked, "What are the national flag and the national anthem?" The official replied, "It's a flag and a song representing your country. As long as people of all countries see this flag and hear this song, they will know that this is your Great Qing Dynasty. " Your majesty understands, but where can I find the national flag? The sovereign is the sovereign after all, and the dragon is the representative of the Great Qing Dynasty, so the dragon flag is used. It is too late to do it now. A servant said that there was a dragon on his master's robe. Cut it down and set an edge, and it will be the dragon flag. I don't have a five-claw dragon, but your report's four-claw dragon can. The problem of the national flag has been solved. But raise the national flag and play the national anthem. What is the national anthem? "The national anthem is naturally a song that can represent the Great Qing Dynasty. As soon as you listen to this song, you will know that it is a song of the Great Qing Dynasty. " The prince is very good at it. I didn't bring a troupe, so I asked the troupe to play Drunk Imperial concubine. After that, he sat there in go to the opera. The performance lasted two hours. Seeing that things were not over yet, Olympic officials sent someone to ask Wang Ye when the "national anthem" would end. It's still early to reply, so don't wait for them. So the game began.

The first event is the 100-meter race, and there are no suitable candidates for the troupe and acrobatic class. The report will bring an "emergency transport of soldiers" or a messenger saying that this program is for you. So the soldiers rushed to the starting line with everyone. Only when the starting gun rang, athletes from all over the world rushed to the journey. Ji Shoubing stood motionless at the starting line and asked him why he didn't run. He said the gunshots were nothing to be afraid of. Look how scared they are. Even if you run, listen to the report. He will never run away without the reporter's order. Everyone has no choice but to report to the prince again. The prince said, "by the way, I forgot to issue the token just now." Take out the token and give it to the bearer. You can run. As soon as the courier got the token, he heard a whoosh and rushed to the runway, only to see the braid hanging behind his head immediately cross, forming a right angle with his body, and suddenly caught up with the player in front. But he came back soon and asked, "Which one should I take back?" They told him that you don't have to catch anyone, just run as fast as you can. So he rushed back to the runway and rushed to the finish line. At this time, before other athletes arrived, he naturally won the gold medal in this event, which was also the first gold medal in the first Olympic Games.

In the track and field competition, the high jump event began to call the roll. Asked if there were any contestants in Daqing, the prince asked if there were any jugglers who could dance. The vaudeville leader said he didn't know there was a high jump, and none who could jump came. The monitor of the troupe said that we have a martial arts student here. The report said that Wu should go to Wu Sheng. To say that this wusheng is really unambiguous, he came to the stadium armed with a chair. Seeing that athletes from all over the world are short-sleeved, we Wushu students are just different from them. At that time, the level of sports was generally not high, and the men's high jump started from one meter to thirty or forty. Athletes from all over the world crossed the pole one by one, and we martial arts students stood and watched with disdain. Near the finish line, a referee saw Wu Sheng, asked him what he was doing, said he was an athlete of the Great Qing Dynasty, asked him why he didn't jump, and said he thought he was too short. He asked him how high he was going to jump, and said at least one foot. The referee didn't know how high a pillar was, so he made a gesture here and scared the referee. The highest benchmark at that time was only 2.5 meters. So, after everyone jumps, the referee will pick the crossbar to the top of the pole, so you can make do with it. I saw our Wu Sheng tucking the hem of his shirt to his waist and gently coming to the bar. When he was pulling onions in the dry field, he jumped motionless on the bar and everyone watched. However, the player stood on the beam and never came down. This achievement is immeasurable, and the referee shouted in a hurry: "Come down and jump for me." Players don't want to jump back to the original side, which is broken and the result is invalid. Fortunately, this is only the first attempt, and there are two more opportunities. In this second attempt, I saw Wu Sheng's feet jump, and a kite turned over in the air and ran over the beam in the name of wealth. There was silence at first, then applause and cheers. The referee is also busy here, arguing whether the result is valid or not. Because the rules at that time did not prohibit taking off with both feet, there was no reason not to count. So this Olympic gold medal fell into China's pocket. It is said that since then, the rule that only one foot can take off has been set.

Next is the ball game. Football is a mature competitive event in Europe, which is far from the traditional cuju in China. The Qing delegation is not going to participate in this activity. However, I found that there is a project called basketball, which is still worth fighting for. At that time, basketball was in the "primary stage", with only one basket, which is equivalent to playing half-court basketball today. No matter who gets the ball, both sides can shoot when they get into the basket. This juggling class can't be rejected any more. I chose five people to play pyramid-shaped arhats, which probably explained several rules. These people are very smart and say to Wang Ye, "This counts. Isn't it just putting the ball in the basket? Just wait and see! " At the beginning of the game, the whistle sounded, and the opposing player grabbed the ball first and threw it into the basket continuously, and soon scored seven or eight points (one point for one goal). At this time, the captain of the juggling class also saw the clue and shouted "Get up". In a short time, five people were piled up in the basket. When the opponent throws another ball, the players behind take it and pass it to the players above in turn. Top players dunk directly. The ball goes through the basket, is caught by the bottom, goes through it again, and there is nothing on the other side below. There is nothing to say in the end, and it is a complete victory. It is said that basketball has changed the rules since then.

At the first Olympic Games, China won three gold medals. The award ceremony and closing ceremony are about to begin. Looking back, the Prince of Qing still listened to Drunk Imperial concubine. Olympic officials came over and asked, "haven't you finished playing your national anthem?" The prince replied, "soon, this is over. There are two more."