Yes, jokes

00 1 The magpie came, and my mother said it was like a bird and a guest. The swallow came, and my mother said it was a good bird or a guest. The crow came, and the child asked, are you a guest? The crow cried, Yes, I am a hacker!

A person is always farting in the office, and my colleague can't help but say, can you be quiet? Then I saw him sitting there trembling and asked, why? Answer: I set it to vibrate!

Carrot respectfully handed the business card to the customer. The customer looked at the business card and asked, why is it called Korean ginseng? Carrots have a thin waist. "People haha!"

Maitreya said: "Laugh when you open your mouth, laugh at the past and laugh at the present, and laugh at everything;" A big belly can hold you, the sky and the ground. "A big belly can accommodate things that are difficult to accommodate in the world. Why are we not pregnant?

Love is empty, I wander in the street; People are empty of money, and a single evil cause is troublesome; Things are different, business is empty, and it is crazy to think about it; Life is not easy when the mobile phone is empty and there is no money to charge it; Anyway, all four are empty.

Before a condemned man went to the execution ground, the judge asked him what he wished for this time. He said: "My greatest wish at this time is to be able to put on bulletproof vests and helmets!"

Four basic principles of the internet: insist on asking about gender, age, marriage history and region, and you are no exception. Please answer directly!

Before 008 Qing Dynasty, he was sitting in class, and Beiyang Army was carrying a gun. Wuchang city was abolished, and the Northern Expedition helped. Nanchang peripheral injury; Long March over the wall, stealing sheep in the anti-Japanese war behind enemy lines; Who can be better than me?

Missing you is a common thing, missing you is a daily thing, dreaming about you is a nightly thing, loving you is a lifelong thing, and cheating you is just one thing.

0 10 recruiting friends: having a car and a house has a fixed income every month. If you are interested, please contact me immediately-Attached: Room-University Dormitory for six people; Automobile-bicycle (absolutely environmentally friendly); Fixed income -265438+ monthly 0 yuan school subsidy.

0 1 1 The miser was on a business trip. He was afraid that others would steal the wine he just ordered, so he wrote on the paper: I spat in the cup. After a while, he came back and found a few more words on the note: I vomited too!

0 12 my friends and I went to the top of Mount Tai to watch the sunrise. A friend pointed to the sky and said, "I see it!" " ""I saw it, too! "At this time, someone came out with trousers in the distance and scolded:" See it when you see it! "What are you yelling about!"

0 13 restaurant, female: Are you going to marry me or not? The man was silent. W: Don't think that nobody wants me. If I get angry, I'll find someone to marry here right away! The waiter came over: Miss, you scared away all the guests in our shop.

From 0 14: 00 to autumn, the notice in the boys' dormitory reads: "According to the investigation, a few boys use binoculars to observe the scenery of the girls opposite, and it is forbidden from today." All beings were in a daze, but they heard a boy say, "Autumn is coming, and the scenery is not like midsummer."

0 15 An old buddy lost his car. When he put the new car downstairs, he locked three locks and put a piece of paper: let you steal it! The next day, the car was not lost, and two locks and a piece of paper were added, which read: Let you ride!

0 16 The husband said sadly: There is no perfect woman in this world. Madam: Am I not? Husband: No, you only have perfection. Madam: Why? Husband: Because you have no external beauty and internal beauty.

0 17 The tiger said to the chicken, You can't live without me. Chicken said: I will never understand your tenderness. The tiger killed the chicken to scare the monkey and said to the chicken, it's not that I was careless. Say to the monkey: understand my heart. The chicken said, Why do I always get hurt?

0 18 "Do you know why men like to have long hair like ladies recently?" "Because, if your lover or wife finds long hair on their clothes, he will smile and say,' This is my hair!' "

When I was born, God promised to marry his most beautiful daughter to me. I looked around, looked up and down, waited for 2 1 year, and then ran to ask God. God said, "What's your hurry? I don't even have a girlfriend yet! "

There are ten penguins in 020 Zoo. You are ordered to interview what penguins do every day. The first nine said they ate fish and played with each other. Finally, I only ate fish. Why do you ask? The last one has arrived: my name is Bobo.

02 1 If you are still at work, you are a soldier; If you dare to travel around the world, you are a warrior; If you don't reply to the text message I sent, you are a martyr; If you insist on inviting me to dinner … then you are a gentleman!

Weather forecast: I miss you a little from tonight to tomorrow morning. I expect to miss you continuously in the afternoon. Affected by this low mood, the night will become a big dream, and the mood will drop by five degrees. It is expected that this weather will last until I see you.

First-class men are carefree, second-class men make phone calls, third-class men run up and down, and fourth-class men sit at home and scold.

024 First-class beauty crossed the ocean, second-class beauty Shenzhen Zhuhai, third-class beauty stayed in Shanghai, fourth-class beauty waited in the countryside, and fifth-class beauty was sent to reeducation through labor!

Who is Qingtian's husband? -Egrets, because a line of egrets went to heaven. Who is Qingtian's husband? -blue sea, because the blue sea is clear and the night is in my heart. Has Qingtian been a mistress? -Yes, because of young Bao Qingtian.

A good man is a profound book, and the more you read it, the more fascinated you become; A good woman is the king's crystal clear spring water. The more you drink it, the more fragrant it becomes. A person is a car, not only can drive, but also can repair. A woman is a cup of tea. She not only wants to drink, but also tastes.

Freshmen on campus: students who repeat grades are called "international students", those who have money at home are called "rich students" and those who doze off in class are called "poor students".

028 important news: Saddam found it! Bush said, "Don't set fire to the oil well!" Saddam said, "I won't give an order! I don't order! " The result was put into Beijing Xiaotangshan Hospital!

You're cool, you're handsome, you're single, chasing after your beautiful girls in a row, making you picky. You're so happy that your face is blooming and your heart is beating. Suddenly a voice came from your ear, "Garbage pickers are not allowed to sleep here."

Marriage is called network access, bigamy is called double number card, extramarital affairs is called call transfer, and many couples are called Monternet. Divorce is called cancellation number, separation stop number, remarriage is called remarriage, woman remarriage is called transfer, and man remarriage is called replacement card.

03 1 my car has no license, driver's license, driving license and road maintenance fee ... in short, it has nothing, but it is unimpeded all over the world. Actually, it's nothing, because it's a bike!

Bajie peeked at the spider essence taking a bath, wanted to see the naked body, and asked Tang Priest for help. Tang Priest shouted, Look out! It thundered! It's raining to collect clothes! When Spider Spirit ran ashore, Bajie fainted: Master, I'll take you.

In 033, I will be sent to Israel, so I must first seduce his heart, kiss his bones and muscles, kiss his body and skin, caress his body, and have sex in disorder, and then I will know that I was born in sorrow and died in happiness.

034 mobile phone rings, which means I miss you; Second, I miss you so much! Three times, I miss you very much! Four tones, I miss you very much; Five tones-demo, it's time to answer the phone!

One night at 035, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and roared: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I don't think you can fucking pay for it!

A couple went to register for marriage. "Have you ever had a premarital examination?" "Yes, his house and car are gone." "I'm going to the hospital." The young woman blushed and whispered, "Yes, it's a boy."

One day, 0 and 8, 6 and 9 met in the street. 0 disdainfully looked at 8 and said, you are fat. Why wear a belt! 6 without looking at 9, he said: Cool is cool, don't stand upside down!

038 boyfriend and girlfriend sleep in a room, and the woman draws a clear line: the beast is the one who crosses the line. Woke up and found that the man really didn't cross the line, and the woman slapped the man hard: you are not even as good as an animal!

There was a man whose family was poor since childhood. His mother made underwear out of rice bags and ordered him to wear it on his wedding day. The first time I took off my pants on the wedding night, my wife immediately fainted, and the front of my underwear was impressively marked: net weight 30 kg.

I heard that you quarreled with your wife yesterday. How did it end? " "Of course she knelt down and begged me!" "no! How did she beg you? " "She said,' I won't hit you. "Come out from under the bed!" "

A fly and its mother are eating. The son frowned and asked his mother, "mom, why do we stand on the stool every day?" The stool is so dirty! " Mother said, "Don't say such unsanitary things while eating!" " "

A: You didn't perform well in the crematorium. How did you get fired? B: It's all my fault! Did you say anything? B: That time I asked the family next to me how rare it would be!

Everyone works together and has a working meal together. One day at noon, I ate spicy tofu. The man said, "Tofu is not enough." The woman said, "Then eat my tofu!" The man said, "Your tofu is delicious!"

On the cliff, a little mouse waved its short front paws and jumped down again and again, trying to learn to fly. The mother bat next to her watched it fall on her head and said anxiously, Dad, don't tell it, it's not ours!

045 when you don't have a girlfriend-a good citizen; When you have a girlfriend-get a bail pending trial; When engaged-monitor the residence; After marriage-life imprisonment!

The wind is raining and the rain is fluttering, and the crescent table is hooked. You push the ebony chariot, and your hair flies in the drizzle. Suddenly you stop the chariot, glare ahead, and suddenly shout at the sky: collect junk.

Our pimple thief is rich: the clothes he wears are vegetarian, the traffic doesn't go, the communication is online, his wife is jealous, the old man runs away, and he gets up in the morning to gamble on the rent on New Year's Eve. Jojo revealed: build huts indiscriminately and strive to be relocated households!

One night in 048, Bush suddenly woke up from his dream and found bin Laden standing beside his bed with long hair fluttering: How dare you! Bin Laden shook his head: Rejoice is so confident.

You are not young, there are some things you should know! Days are used for windy and rainy days; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I was used to prove how great human beings are. What about you? Used to stew vermicelli.

Seven commandments after meals: don't smoke, don't eat fruit immediately, don't relax your belt, don't drink tea immediately because you are tempted, don't walk, don't take a bath immediately, and don't sleep immediately! Bajie: Do you remember?

05 1 A crane mixed with the chickens to grab food. The chicken asked, who are you? Crane said: I am a chicken. Chicken does not believe: Is there a chicken with such long claws? The crane said: Pheasant, soliciting.

I have three words to say to you: the first sentence is I miss you! The second sentence is I miss you! The third sentence is I still miss you! Give me a bowl of rice, I haven't eaten for three days!

Birds A and B bet that A flew down from the branch and tried to tear the meat off the butcher's knife. After A was saved by B, he tried to be brave. "Why did you save me?" I just want to fuck him naked. "

If we say: I can meet you after burning incense for one year, I can know you after burning incense for three years, and I can cherish you after burning incense for ten years. For the happiness of the next life, I am willing to convert to Christianity.

I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I know it's not good, but I'll regret it all my life if I don't tell you what I think. Whatever your decision is, I won't force you. If you are really in trouble, don't pay back the twenty cents!

An old farmer wanted to buy a mobile phone, and the salesman sold it to him: this is good, and it is not expensive. You can also download ~ ~ ~ "Have a baby!" I'll take it!

A woman complained to her husband, "You are so timid. You are inferior to others in every respect." The husband said, "Yes, especially the wife!"

The zebra's love for the deer was rejected. Zebra roared: Why is this? The deer said timidly, my mother said that tattoos are all bad teenagers.

Sleep in class 059, be infatuated with anti-terrorism, be tireless in legend, send arrears by SMS, smoke and rub hemp in plenary session, two bottles of white wine are not drunk, skip classes in groups, long live college life!

Old John asked his future son-in-law, "When you marry my daughter, what will you give me if I give her a generous dowry?" I'll give you a receipt.

06 1 Pupils make sentences with "must": I must raise my puppy! The teacher approved: it is ok to raise children, but not to raise people! !

062 Speaking of catchwords: The worst dish is copying squid. The youngest grandmother, the hostess. The strongest network, the network of relationships. The most difficult to prevent theft, cheating.

At the lecture on women's health knowledge, the teacher asked, "What should I pay special attention to after pregnancy?" A young woman stood up and replied, "Get married quickly."

Don't look thin, I'm covered in muscles; Although I am black, my face shines; My head can be broken and my hairstyle can never be messed up; Blood can flow, shoes can't be oiled.

Our village is poor! Getting rich depends on grabbing, getting married depends on thinking, traffic depends on walking, communication depends on yelling, public security depends on dogs, and heating depends on shaking!

066 went to a restaurant that day and ordered a dish called Bosnian War and Dragon Crossing the River Soup. Come up and see, vomiting blood! Fried black fungus with spinach and a bowl of clear soup with onions floating on it!

A man trapped in the desert got two wishes from God. He said he would drink water every day and look at women's butts. With a bang, he turned and went into the toilet.

068 piggy founded the club and said: members should call me piggy's nickname! Dog: Call me puppy! Kitten: Call me kitten! The chicken blushed and said she had to go first.

I am a lonely tree, waiting for thousands of years, just because one day when you walk on the roadside, I will fall for you ... even if I don't hit you, I will live in vain!

A man tried to chase Anonymous, but Anonymous refused several times. One day, a man came to woo again, and the woman was furious: What do you like about me? Can't I change it?

07 1 the family members of the meat brown family were beaten by steamed stuffed buns and retaliated crazily. All the family members of steamed buns were beaten, and fried pot stickers were not spared. The seller was cornered and couldn't bear to tear his clothes and say, "I'm undercover!" "

A mental patient shouted to the doctor, "I am the king, and you all have to listen to me!" " Doctor: "Who said that?" "God said!" Then another patient jumped out: "I didn't say that!" " "

The parrot said to the flight attendant, "Go and get me a glass of water." The pig saw it and said to the flight attendant, "Go and get me a glass of water, too." The stewardess threw them out of the cabin in a rage, and the parrot said, "Idiot, I can fly."

Firefly was detained for hooliganism. Fireflies refused to accept: Who discharged? Who streaked? Who has an exhibitionist? I'm not allowed to order the toilet when it's dark?