An irresistible joke

Jokes that make people unable to hold back

Jokes that make people unable to hold back. Everyone is familiar with jokes. Many people like to listen to jokes in life. Jokes can make people laugh. People who are in a bad mood can instantly become happy. There are many types of jokes. Let’s take a look at the jokes that people can’t hold back. Jokes that people can’t hold back 1

1. Not long ago, Our community wants to donate books to a school in a poor area.

An old lady ran over carrying a bag.

She panted and said to the community staff: "Little comrade, I have been looking for a long time at home and there is no big book. Do you think these small books can be donated?"

The staff answered I couldn't help but feel happy when I passed the old lady's bag. It contained more than ten manuals for household appliances.

2. I parked the taxi on the side of the road and a lady came up.

The lady’s mobile phone was out of battery and she asked me to borrow it. I reluctantly handed it to her.

A woman called a man and the conversation was endless.

I reminded her: "To make a long story short, my cell phone is running out of money."

The lady nodded and said into the phone: "To make a long story short, my cell phone is running out of money. ”

When we arrived, the lady got out of the car. Not long after, a message came from my mobile phone: "A certain number successfully recharged 200 yuan for you."

3. I went to a small convenience store to buy something last night* **30

I gave 100 to the boss and got back a piece of 50 and a piece of 20.

The boss kindly reminded: "There are a lot of counterfeit 50-dollar bills now, please look carefully."

I thought this boss was a nice person, so I checked the banknotes carefully. It turned out to be real money, and he went home.

After I got home, I found out: Damn, 20 is fake!

4. I recently bought a car, and a colleague gave me a Chinese knot, saying that hanging it on the car can bring fortune.

As expected, not long after I got into the car, someone knocked on the window: "Does it cost 20 yuan to go to the train station? An irresistible joke 2

1. Thinking Living in your heart, I didn’t expect it to be a community with many neighbors.

2. My money is really wet, because I keep crying when I spend money.

3. The really scary thing is not playing the piano to a cow, but having a cow playing the piano to you

4. I hope you will have wine, sex and a girl in the future, and the girl is too ugly to look at

5. Bangs How can this thing grow so fast

Six. I am very principled. My principle is to follow your mood

Seven. I am single because no one can easily deserve it. Go to me, the successor of communism.

8. I originally wanted to give life a kiss, but reality gave me two slaps.

9. Alipay wants to do social networking. It's simple, just be a "rich person nearby" function.

10. Just want to turn around gracefully, but unexpectedly hit the wall

11. Good job on being lazy. It's called enjoyment; if it's done well, it's called persistence; if it's done well, it's called being wise and foolish? Don't use a honey trap on me, otherwise I will fall into your trap. , If money is dung, then I am a dung beetle

Thirteen. With dead vines and old trees, crows, air-conditioned WiFi watermelon, Ge You's same sofa, I will just lie there as the sun sets.

14. The strange woman who takes the initiative to ask you to open a room is either a lady or a fairy

15. If I die, the only thing I can’t worry about is my QQ

10. 6. Don’t envy us for not having homework during the holidays. Do you know how tiring it is to play all day?

17. I know that I have a bad temper. If you can’t bear it, you should reflect on yourself and why. Others can.

18. You must cherish what you give, especially your face.

19. I want to kiss you when I am happy, and I want to be kissed when I am unhappy.

20. We agreed to grow old together, so let’s dye ourselves grandma’s gray

21. Even if my love is cheap, yes You won’t get discounts either

22. You still have to have dreams, otherwise you will have nothing to talk to when you drink too much one day.

Twenty-three. When you get married in the future, and the person you marry is not me, I will move to live next door to your house and be a quiet Laowang.

24. You always say that your dreams are out of reach, but you never go to bed early or get up early.

Twenty-five, you are fat and you are ugly, we are friends

Twenty-six, you are prettier than your girlfriend, I am also sorry about this.

Twenty-seven, life will make you suffer for a while, and after you adapt, it will make you suffer for a lifetime.

28. I don’t know how others turn pressure into motivation. Anyway, I only turn pressure into appetite.

Twenty-nine, everyone is so young, why should I spoil you?

Thirty, I advise you to like me sooner.

Thirty-one, beggars will not be jealous of millionaires, but they will be jealous of beggars who are better off than themselves.

Thirty-two. If you don’t come to sleep with me, you don’t care what time I go to bed.

Thirty-three. After consulting a fortune teller, you and I are destined to be together.

Thirty-four. A strange woman who takes the initiative to ask you out for dinner is 100% drunk Trust.

Thirty-five, blame me for being so stunningly handsome that so many singles have been displaced

Thirty-six, never bow your head, the double chin is too obvious

37. When it comes to going to work, the main job content of a considerable number of people is to "pretend to be busy".

Thirty-eight. "How do you feel when faced with an overwhelming amount of homework?" "You get my people, but you can't get my heart."

Thirty 9. On WeChat, 1. The strange woman who takes the initiative to add you as a friend is either your wife or a Wechat businessman.

Forty, at the same age as a flower, it has grown into a fleshy person.

41. Because I want to see you, I have to run there

42. People who are clear don’t tell secrets, so come to me when you have time.

43. When others hold hands, I will hold my dog ??and see who is unhappy and bite him twice.

44. I suggest you like me and I will text you back immediately.

45. If your partner is not me, you might as well be single.

Forty-six. The lovely me back then is long gone, replaced by a more lovely me.

47. Let me tell you, you are so stupid to refuse such a cute girl like me

48. Every time someone is mean to me, I feel that this person has What's wrong, he can still lose his temper and be speechless in front of such a cute me.

Forty-nine, there is no banquet that lasts forever, but if you treat me, I can eat more with you.

Fifty. Those nights when you stay up late will eventually be repaid with a morning when you can’t get out of bed.

Fifty-one, if I die, remember to give me a handsome boyfriend

Fifty-two, a life where everyone loves you, a beauty where flowers bloom, Really happy

Fifty-three, everyone is like "love doesn't know where it starts, it goes deep", but I am different, I "don't know where the money is, and I am penniless."

54. Anyone who takes the initiative to tell you the above is either a liar or has been deceived.

Fifty-five, what should I do if I think the partner is slow to reply to messages? If it were me, I'd get back quickly.

Fifty-six. Now I only need three steps to solve math problems: read the problem once, write down the solution, and start crying.

Fifty-seven. This summer, not going out feels like a waste of life, and going out feels like dying.

Fifty-eight, silence is golden, don’t talk to me, I want to save money.

Fifty-nine. When I don’t want to care about you, it’s useless for you to coax me. At this time, you have to give me a red envelope. 3 unbearable jokes

1. Someone fed a parrot, which was very smart. One day a friend came to see him. After ringing the doorbell, he heard someone inside saying: "Press again and again." The guest pressed again: "Press again and again." Someone inside said: "Press again and again."

"The guest pressed the back door and it opened. After opening it, the guest asked, "Why did you ask me to ring the doorbell so many times?"

The host said: It was the parrot who asked you to ring the doorbell. My parrot is very smart. You touch its left The guest said hello and said goodbye when he touched the right foot. The guest was very happy and asked, "How about touching both feet?" The guest then went to touch the parrot's feet. Unexpectedly, the parrot shouted: "You want to knock me down, are you making a mistake?" "The guest was stunned.

2. Dude, go to the interview! The examiner is a mature woman, and others said a lot of flattery! The guy only said one sentence: Brother 21. The female examiner came to the house the next day, You are hired!

3. Wife: You care about the game more than me and the child. Husband: Who said that? Wife: I ask you, when was our little baby born? ? Husband: On the day of the match between the Liaoning team and the Bayi team!

4. When the wife was driving, she was about to hit a truck, and the husband yelled, "Step on the gas!" "Thank God, she hit the brake!

5. Wife: "Who is in your office? Husband: "Just me and the female secretary." Wife: "That's a lot of chatting." Husband: “I don’t have time to chat.” Wife: "Are you busy with a lot of things?" Husband: "It's nothing. I just can't talk about it." "

6. There was a couple. The wife was responsible for buying and cooking food. One day, the wife had something to do at work, so she called her husband to buy food. After returning home, the wife thought the food her husband bought was not good. She said : "Look at what the food you bought looks like. The husband said, "I bought them all according to your pattern." ”

7. A buddy asked his wife why she chose him among many suitors. His wife said that he was the only one who didn’t snore.

8. A drunkard walked to In the wild, he saw a small box filled with precious treasures, and a mirror was placed on top of the treasure. The man opened the lid of the box very happily, but he was very surprised and frightened when he saw a person in the mirror. : "I thought it was an empty box. I didn't know you were in the box. Please don't be angry! ”

9. I was pregnant and wanted to eat fruit. I went to the fruit stand and bought a large watermelon and lychees and peaches. On the way home, I couldn’t carry them anymore and put them on the ground to rest. At this time, a young man came over and helped me pick up the watermelon. , and left. I was so grateful that I quickly said thank you, and I followed him. He walked faster and faster, and finally disappeared into the crowd with Xigua.

10. Chinese class, The teacher wrote "soft" on the blackboard and asked the boys to pronounce it together: "It's finished - soft". The teacher said: The boys' pronunciation is not correct. The girls shouted: "I'm finished - soft". The correction said: Riwuwan - soft. The teacher got impatient and corrected sharply: The correct spelling should be - Riwuwan I - soft.

11. The miser’s son said: Dad said: "Can you give me a few shillings? Tomorrow, the teacher will take us to the zoo to see pythons. "Why spend that wasted money!" Just take my magnifying glass to the river and look at earthworms. "

12. My wife is a cosplay enthusiast. Once she lied to me about a business trip, and then I brought my parents over for dinner after get off work. When I opened the door, I saw her wearing Tsukino Usagi's clothes, with two yellow Pigtail pointed at us with a magic wand and said: I will destroy you on behalf of the moon! (increasingly high-pitched) and then slammed the door shut... When we were stunned, she turned normal for a second and pretended to be fine. Open the door for us. My parents are laughing like crazy...

13. The boys and girls who were watching Anhui TV just rushed forward. A female rusher said that she came for her baby. My baby is three. Years old! Then my mother said with disdain: My baby is twenty. . . . . . . . . . Talking in sleep, there is something called 'Jenny', who is she? Oh, that is my horse. Ah, I am not even as good as your horse!

15. The courier arrived while I was cooking. I didn’t have time to open the door. The little guy knocked a few times and thought no one was there, so he went downstairs and left.

I hurriedly poured out the dishes, rushed to the balcony, and shouted to my little brother's retreating back: "Wait! Brother! Wait a minute! Don't leave!" The elders who were enjoying the cool air downstairs were all shocked. Brother was also stunned, turned around and looked up, looked at me for a few seconds, and smiled warmly: "Yeah! I'm not leaving!"

16. Two buddies and colleagues who have a good relationship share the same surname The girl with the song... In order to show favor to the girl, one buddy changed his QQ name to "Rhapsody", and the other guy was even more ruthless and changed it to "Crazy Episode". As a result, the girl agreed and the QQ name was "Crazy Episode". Dude, you can’t chase an open-minded girl...

17. “Do fathers always know more than sons?” “Of course!” “Who invented the electric light? "Edison." "Then why didn't Edison's father invent the electric light?" "Haha, his father was busy inventing Edison." 18. My husband likes it. Bragging about himself made his wife impatient. One day, when the husband was bragging to people that he was a martial arts champion, his wife kicked him from behind and knocked him down. The husband stood up straight and said: This is my coach.

19. I want to have a girlfriend; I want to have a girlfriend;

20. A girl can become a woman once, but a boy needs to become a man repeatedly. training!

21. A man asked his friend who was very afraid of his wife: "The Bible says: The husband is the head of the wife. Is this true for you?" The friend's wife rushed to answer: "Why not? I am just his mouthpiece. I am responsible for speaking, and he is responsible for nodding." The husband nodded in agreement.

22. The title of the Hunan essay "Walk Through", I think I can write 800 words in one breath: Walk Through! Passing by! Don't miss it! The products in this store are all 2 yuan, 2 yuan for each piece, 2 yuan for each item. Buy whatever you want at a low price and get it at an affordable price. Don’t miss this opportunity. Don’t come back again. We will clear out all items and sell them at a loss! Whatever you choose, buy whatever you want, it’s only 2 yuan! The original price was 8 yuan for 10 yuan, but now it is 2 yuan for the whole store. You can't buy it for 2 yuan and suffer a loss, and you can't buy it for 2 yuan and get fooled...

Twenty-three. When Xiao Ming was one year old, he called grandpa for the first time, and grandpa died. Not long after he called his mother for the first time, she died. Later, he called Dad, and Carpenter Wang next door died. A doctor from Tsinghua University pointed out: There is a bug in this joke (loophole). When calling grandpa, it should be the father of Carpenter Wang next door who died. And a classmate of Jiaotong University pointed out: The mother of the carpenter next door knew that this was not a bug (loophole)

24. I went to the Internet cafe I often go to in the evening to look for young people. My first words when I met them were It was: "Fuck! I'm broken in love again!" Then my little loser stood up, threw the headset, and yelled: "What the f*ck is wrong with you being broken in love? I've lived for 25 years and I haven't lost any love!" The whole Internet cafe was instantly quiet. Got it! Then the female cashier I met at the bar joked: "Hey, you're a 25-year-old virgin, come to cheer up your sister!" The internet cafe was abuzz again.

Twenty-five, I was pretending to be angry just now, while my husband was drinking milk aside. My husband ran over and kissed me, and said proudly: "Milk-flavored kiss. Tell me what flavor you want!" Me: "Shit-flavored." My husband was confused...

26. Molly said: Before we got married, you always called me a taxi, but now you think you can take a bus. The husband said: This is because I am proud of you, my dear. In a taxi, only the driver can see you, but in a bus, hundreds or thousands of people can see you.

Twenty-seven. On Christmas night, there was a man lying on the road. The onlookers asked noisily: "Why are you lying in the middle of the road?" The man shouted angrily: "You try drinking as much as I do!"

Twenty-eight, my friend and colleague fought In Mahjong, one of the female colleagues played cards very slowly. My friend laughed at her. Then the female colleague innocently asked: "How did you count six and seven cakes so fast?"

29. My brother said which island is the coldest. My father said that Iceland was wrong. My father said that the answer would be announced. My brother said A: Treasure Island has air-conditioning.

30. Wife: "The little one next door The two of us are arguing and no one else cares about it. Why are you messing around?" Husband: "How can I ignore it? If we fight in the future, no one will stop it. How can I handle it?"