Mothers of four children respond to divorce disputes during pregnancy: what is often abused by domestic violence?

According to the recent statistics of UN Women, in the past year, 245 million women 15 years old and above suffered from intimate partner violence. Ding Shutong is one of them. She runs a gallery in Beijing and is now the executive director of Hongfeng Ark Home. Nine years ago, Ding Shutong, 40, was beaten twice by her husband during her pregnancy. On the first15th day after the baby was born, she drove out alone and filed a divorce lawsuit with the court. Dealing with domestic violence is a long struggle. Courage may be the difference between Ding Shutong and most women who have been abused by domestic violence, but children are their common weakness.

Mothers of four children respond to divorce disputes during pregnancy: what is often abused by domestic violence? Come and have a look with me.

He Wenyi Xiangyi Editor Tao Ruogu

Abstract: In Beijing Hongfeng Women's Psychological Counseling Service Center, Ding Shutong met too many injured women, who wanted to cry as soon as they met, and even talked upside down. Some people have been beaten for 30 years, but they can't produce legal evidence. Some people are still enjoying themselves in the circle of friends after being broken by their husbands, including white-collar workers, senior engineers, intellectuals who graduated from prestigious schools, and migrant workers who come to cities from rural areas. According to the recent statistics of UN Women, in the past year, 245 million women 15 years old and above suffered from intimate partner violence.

Ding Shutong is one of them. She runs a gallery in Beijing and is now the executive director of Hongfeng Ark Home (a single-parent family mutual aid organization). Nine years ago, Ding Shutong, 40, was beaten twice by her husband during her pregnancy. On the first15th day after the baby was born, she drove out alone and filed a divorce lawsuit with the court. Dealing with domestic violence is a long struggle. Courage may be the difference between Ding Shutong and most women who have been abused by domestic violence, but children are their common weakness.

The following is Ding Shutong's dictation.

"Am I too aggressive?"

The first domestic violence was because of a little thing, I forgot. My ex-husband grabbed my wrist and it made my wrist red. His eyes were red and growled, which scared me. Our house is a duplex. He also smashed things, picked up a cup and threw it downstairs. He felt normal and let it out. I can't take it anymore. I was pregnant and wanted to have the baby.

It was nice and sweet when we were pregnant. He usually does housework and tries to make money, which is the pillar of our life. He is an engineer, and I admire him even more for his hard work. At that time, I was 40 years old and an older woman. A little hypoglycemia after pregnancy. The doctor said that I should bring sweet things and milk when I go out, and I should finish it in 4 hours. He was a little unhappy, saying that all his family were pregnant and still working in the fields. Everyone has children, so how can I have a lot of things to do? Occasionally, I will go back to my parents' house and try to avoid quarreling.

I have never seen domestic violence before, so I called the police that time. My parents hardly had any big arguments, and I thought, God, how did this happen? The policeman came home and asked me where I was hurt. I said I wasn't hurt, but my wrist was red. The police said there was no injury, so I couldn't identify it. They also criticized us and let us live a good life and leave.

After he moves, he will apologize, take double care of him, suddenly become a warm man, cook for me or get some chicken soup. But it doesn't work for me. I'm thinking, when the baby is registered, I have to get a divorce. At that time, I didn't want to listen to anyone's advice or let others interfere with my judgment. Divorce means making him pay the price, not fighting for nothing.

My ex-husband and I got married after knowing each other for more than a year. It was introduced by a friend. He comes from rural Hebei and is very handsome. I grew up in Dongcheng District, Beijing and run my own gallery. My parents think I should find someone with a stable job in Beijing, but I don't like that. It seems that you can see the end with a dead salary.

I didn't want to get married at first, but then I gradually felt older and my marriage was relatively stable. Two people earned some money, then gave up their children and went to the seaside for retirement. He is usually not violent, but he won't communicate after an argument. I hope you are completely controlled by him, so there will be violence.

The second time, she was pregnant for more than 6 months (2065438+February 2002). Chatting with a QQ netizen in the upstairs study. People I've never met talk about him hitting me and communication is not smooth. I didn't return to QQ when I went downstairs. He (ex-husband) went to the study to use the computer. When he saw the chat record, he was very angry and went downstairs. We were sitting on the sofa talking about it, and he slapped me. I went to the bathroom to look in the mirror, and my eyes were blue. I felt great at that time, and I was injured this time.

When I went to the police station, the police thought I was in trouble and said that the two people were not doing well. My ex-husband was taken to a small room by another policeman. After about half an hour, the door opened, and my heart sank-the police came out with a smile and began to make peace. From the police's point of view, they think I am a "daughter". His family's attitude should also be tolerated. I don't know if I was wrong, or if I really went too far.

Later, when I arrived at the "Ark House", I realized that there were too many such things, but many people were hiding something and were afraid to say it because of their face. More than 90% divorced single mothers here have suffered domestic violence to varying degrees, including physical violence and mental violence. There are very few people like me who resolutely divorce after slapping, and most of them are very tangled and contradictory.

Gao Fei, both husband and wife are famous universities and have two children. His wife hasn't been to work for four or five years, and her family depends on her husband's salary. This wife called me and said that she had broken a rib. As a result, she was still happy in the circle of friends the next day, saying that her husband was good and her husband was very hard.

She didn't want a divorce, so we advised her to find a job, and later she found a job with high income. Maybe after her husband was nicer to her, she quit the ark home. This case is simple, but it can be seen that the most serious violence is not divorce. The other party gave a little warmth, took a little thought to forgive immediately, was not so serious, and stood up and divorced.

Evidence chain

My child was born two months after the second domestic violence. She had a caesarean section and had a massive hemorrhage. After the operation, she had to press her abdomen (to help restore the uterus, which was very painful). Originally, my wound was so big that holding my stomach almost killed me. My ex-husband thinks people are like this, so why are you so afraid of pain?

I stayed in the hospital for five days after the child came out. He took me back and made some food to take care of me, but I never hesitated, never. I know exactly when I want a divorce. I told him the first time (domestic violence), and he didn't agree, because he was still pregnant. What about the baby? The second time, he wanted his mother to persuade me again.

He told his mother that when I was a child, you held the doorknob at home at night and waited for my dad to come home and fight. You have a good life, too. Why did she get divorced after I hit her once? Can you convince her?

At that time, his mother bowed her head with a sigh and couldn't say a word. His mother is over 70 years old, and he and his father have been fighting with each other all their lives. I saw her helpless expression and thought that if we continue to be together, it will be a continuation of this life. I go my own way. I am divorced.

In fact, the second time he hit me, his eyes were swollen, and my reaction was quite strange-"You can file a case if you are injured." Because I chatted with a friend who is a lawyer before and learned what evidence chain is, I already have a plan in my heart.

I said the wound was serious. I said everything was red, but it wasn't. He was so scared that he drove me to the hospital, so I secretly told the doctor that he had hit his eye and had to write it clearly in the diagnosis. She was a female doctor, who said nothing on the surface, but wrote "blunt instrument injury" when writing the diagnosis certificate, which was one of the evidences that the court later found domestic violence.

Then I went to the public toilet and called the police. On the way home, the police kept calling me, but I couldn't answer it, for fear that he would find out and have another violence. When I got home, the policeman knocked at the door. My ex-husband was surprised. He didn't even know when I called the police.

At the police station, the police tried to make peace, but they didn't take notes. I wanted to have evidence that could be valid in court, so I asked him to write me a repentance book, writing down the time, place and what happened. The police saw that I let go and told him to write quickly. He also writes consciously and presses his fingerprints.

Then you will always be close to him, avoid quarreling or make some concessions. I want to ensure my own safety.

When I was in confinement, I found a divorce lawyer online. I found Hongfeng (Beijing Hongfeng Women's Psychological Counseling Service Center) anti-domestic violence hotline and made a phone call. The counselor said that it will be a long struggle to deal with domestic violence. If I want a divorce, I can only say that I support you, because the other party is heading for crime. At that time, there was no anti-domestic violence law, and a voice like this told me that this was a great spiritual support.

But then the lawyer came to my house and saw that the child was so young that he didn't want to take the case, but I explained my experience and still had some obstacles in my heart. The lawyer also promised to represent me.

At that time, it seemed that 10 day children registered. On 15, I asked Yue Yue if he could take a bath. I'm going to file a case. Yue Yue was shocked and told her these things. She said you can take a shower. If you go out, I'll look after the children for you. She is a single mother and has suffered from domestic violence for a long time, so she understands me very well. I took a shower and then drove out to file a case.

The court lasted for several months from filing a case to opening a court session. The first time, my lawsuit was directly rejected because the other party disagreed. After solving the economic (property distribution) problem at the end of 20 13, I filed a second divorce lawsuit. This time, the court found domestic violence and asked him to pay compensation of about 1000, and the custody was mine.

Later, I met a 60-year-old elder sister in Ark House, who was abused for more than 30 years, but was not recognized by the court. She also called the police, and her ex-husband wrote a letter of guarantee that she would never hit her again. However, in court, her ex-husband said it was written to make her happy. This guarantee did not specify the content, nor did it go to the hospital for diagnosis. It is not a complete chain of evidence and has no legal effect.

Shelter for single mothers

I joined Ark Home on 20 15. I want to find more companions for my children and let her know that there are many children raised by single mothers in the world. I called Hongfeng and asked if it could be such an organization. There happens to be an Ark Single Parent Family Center there. Hongfeng replied that it could be improved, and later we renamed it Ark Home. The Ark is Noah's Ark, a refuge and a healing center.

Some mothers want to hide their identity as single parents in other places and deliberately show that they are still with their children's fathers, fearing that there will still be some discrimination in society, but when they come to Ark, everyone here can talk openly about their experiences and problems. At present, there are about 300 to 400 members, more than 90% of whom have suffered domestic violence. One is divorce, and the other is "pseudo-single parent", that is, there is no divorce, hesitation or some contradictions, but the marriage is on the verge of disintegration.

The first single mother I came into contact with when I worked here was my elder sister in her sixties. When I first met her, she was in good shape. She is a smart person with good temperament and dress. More than a year later, she came to me with divorce litigation materials, saying that she was already waiting for the final judgment, but she was not confident. Let me see.

The divorce proceedings made her unkempt, and her hair Mao Mao was wild. She kept sighing, feeling confused and helpless. She is a "fake single mother". She has been abused for more than 30 years and has never had the courage to divorce. When it comes to divorce, the violence of the other party will intensify and the nose will bleed. Later, she was beaten again in her 60 s. She said to her ex-husband, "I can't stand it now. If you hit me again, you can kill me. " It was time to file for divorce.

I said how can you endure it for so long. She told me it was because of the baby. She is quite tolerant, and most women who are abused by domestic violence will have this characteristic. She rents a house now, for fear that the other party will follow her. I took a photo of her, let her see her state, and advised her, "If you want to make yourself better, even if that sentence is not satisfactory, consider it a period of history, just a few decades, and there is still a long way to go."

Ark's mothers are divided into groups, some want to start a business to earn money, some are parents-children, but no matter which group, the biggest psychological obstacle for mothers is children.

Growing up in a violent family, some children show impatience and even start work from an early age, but sometimes their parents don't realize it.

One of the members is from the Northeast, and now he is 48 years old. He is chubby and outgoing. He keeps talking and dares to say it. But she has a characteristic, the corners of her mouth are downward, which is the manner of crying. When my parents divorced when I was a child, my mother didn't want her, so she lived on a construction site with her father and was violated by her father. She especially hates her mother and why she gave her to her father. Beaten by her husband after marriage, her teeth are loose. Then I called the police and arrested my ex-husband.

After the divorce, she took care of the children and sometimes beat and scolded them. She said that her mother said she was ugly and dirty when she was a child, and she does the same to her daughter now. She called me several times and cried every time, saying that she had beaten the child again and regretted it. Various psychological counseling methods were used in the early stage, but to no avail. I gave her an ultimatum a year ago. If I hit my daughter again, if I know, I will call the police. She said there was no way. She knew she shouldn't scold her daughter, but she didn't know why she was kicked, so she had to scold her.

Once her daughter played with my daughter, and the child wanted to take my child's cart, but my child refused to take it. As a result, the child raised his feet and stared at my daughter with wide eyes, so he was about to kick. I immediately saw her mother's influence on her.

Source map

weakness

I have something in common with these abused mothers, and children are our weakness. I gave my children a nickname called Yiyi, which means we depend on each other. In the whole process of divorce, children are particularly difficult.

At first, I didn't want my ex-husband to see the children. He also contacted me, but I refused. I was always afraid that he would take the child away, so I installed a camera in front of my house. Because there is such a thing around me, a mother I know, her child was hidden by her husband when she was 5 years old. Finally, the child was awarded to the father. In the cases I have seen, the court will award custody to people with children, so why did you hide the children? That's how you got custody.

It took her three years to find the child. After she found it, she only peeked at the back door of the classroom. The child went to the podium to answer a question before he could look at his face. As soon as she has time, she goes to the school gate to wait for the children, but the children especially refuse her. The mother sometimes speaks backwards. She said, Ding Jie, you have to forgive me. I rely on drugs every day.

Visiting hours are written in the judgment, which is very detailed, but it is difficult to implement. I will also accompany her to Zhangjiakou to look after the children. Every time I am condescending to my father-in-law, I try my best to kiss his ass and think about buying something to be nice to others, so at least he won't transfer the child away. Since last year, the other party has let the children and their mothers video.

My ex-husband also came to our house to look after the children. I kicked him out and didn't want to have more contact with him. But later, Hongfeng's experts said that the child still wanted to see his father, knowing that there was such a person, but he still wanted to see him.

Why do you want to see him? What qualifications does he have? I didn't understand. Later, there was a parent's company day in kindergarten. When the children came back, they lay in bed and cried with their eyes closed. After a while, she asked if all the children had fathers. It makes me feel terrible.

She never asked her father at ordinary times. This is the first time. I used to avoid reading to her. For example, lambs live with their mothers, who are mothers, grandmothers and grandfathers, and can live without their fathers. I think it's my problem. The children have the right to see their father and want to see him, but some of my grievances have caused a gap between them.

Before New Year's Day that year, his father called me to ask about the children. I hung up directly before, and I agreed to let him look after the children this time. But in order to prevent the children from being robbed, I asked an elder sister of Ark to follow me to find the shopping mall. The children's playground is on the third floor. I thought he wouldn't run down with the baby in his arms. If he runs away, I will call the security guard and be sure to be alarmed. Before he was allowed to see the children, all the risks had been considered in his mind.

They haven't met for three years. To be honest, I think it's good to watch them play together. Before they met, her father called, but my child didn't answer. A few days later, he called again, and the child thought about it, so he called his father with the phone and had a happy response.

The first time the child refused to answer, he probably thought I didn't want to answer. The second time was what she wanted. I think divorce does the least harm to the child and makes her have maternal love and fatherly love.

Later, I found that the child was still missing. She will be sad to see my cousin holding his son. She should have such a hardworking and loving father in her mind.

Once a child said that the teacher always asked her in writing class, "Why does Dad never pick you up? Who are you at home?" . I called her father and told him about it. Her father went to see the writing teacher and said that if you are interested in me, add me to WeChat and tell me not to ask my daughter every day. I can't solve this problem. Only when father solves it will he give her a sense of strength.

I think differently from women who have suffered from domestic violence for a long time. Many people were beaten a lot, but they were not recognized as domestic violence. I feel very wronged. Don't care too much, try to start a new intimate relationship. But next time, you must know each other's family background first. I don't understand the first paragraph. His father died five years ago, and I can't see how his parents got along. Maybe being from a family brought him something.

When the child grows up, I will tell her about the relationship between her parents, and she will understand when she grows up.

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Mothers of four children deal with divorce disputes during pregnancy: they often watch family violence;

Interpretation of the legal consequences of domestic violence in divorce disputes

Source: Jingfa. com

Transfer from: Beijing-France Network

On March 1 2022, the People's Republic of China (PRC) Law on Domestic Violence (hereinafter referred to as the Law on Domestic Violence) was officially implemented for the sixth anniversary. At the same time, China's Civil Code has also been promulgated for one year. Family harmony is the foundation of social harmony, and the harmony of personal marriage and family relationship is related to the harmony and stability of the whole society. From paying attention to the construction of "excellent family style" to strengthening the protection of rights, the Civil Code and the anti-domestic violence law have always paid attention to protecting the legitimate rights and interests of vulnerable family members. In this issue, Jing Xiao Mahler chose to apply the Civil Code to try typical divorce cases involving domestic violence, and deeply analyzed the legal consequences that would occur after divorce disputes were identified as domestic violence.

Domestic violence is a legal cause of divorce.

Kang v Wang (divorce dispute)

primary facts

Kang (female) and Wang (male) got married on August 10, 2004, and they had a son after marriage. Kang claimed that Wang left the company shortly after his marriage and had no job. Kang had always borne the daily living expenses of his family. Since 20 15, Wang has often beaten Kang for family chores. On June 8, 20 15, 2 1, Wang and Kang had an argument. Wang smashed Kang's head with a blunt instrument, and Kang called the police and made an injury identification. Kang sued the court to dissolve the marriage relationship. Wang argued that he did not agree to divorce. This case is the first time to sue for divorce. Kang is not calm enough, too soon. Wang is willing to correct his mistake, and the relationship between the two sides has not broken down.

Referee result

According to the evidence filed, the court of first instance found that Wang's behavior constituted domestic violence, and the relationship between the two sides had indeed broken down, and the judgment allowed the two sides to divorce. Wang refused to accept the appeal, and the court of second instance ruled that the appeal was rejected and the original judgment was upheld.

Interpretation of Beijing Hammer;

In the trial practice, if the divorce is filed for the first time and there is not enough evidence to prove that the relationship between the two parties has indeed broken down, the people's court may decide not to divorce according to the facts of the case in line with the principle of maintaining the stability of marriage and family. However, if there are legal reasons for divorce such as domestic violence, even if the first mediation fails, divorce should be granted. The second and third paragraphs of Article 1079 of China's Civil Code stipulate: "If the relationship has indeed broken down and mediation fails, divorce will be granted. In any of the following circumstances, if mediation fails, divorce shall be granted: (2) committing domestic violence or abusing or abandoning family members; ...... "Thus, when the people's court hears divorce cases and judges whether the feelings have really broken down, domestic violence is one of the legal reasons for judging divorce.

Domestic violence not only leads to the breakdown of the relationship between husband and wife, but also is a dangerous factor that destroys family harmony and affects social stability. Therefore, in divorce proceedings, if it is found that there is domestic violence, even if the violent party expresses firm repentance and does not agree to divorce, and mediation fails, the people's court shall decide to allow both parties to dissolve the marriage relationship according to law.

Generally speaking, it is not appropriate for the actor to raise minor children directly.

Zhang v jiao (divorce dispute)

primary facts

Zhang (female) and Jiao (male) got married on March 5, 20 14 and had a son. The relationship between the two sides is not harmonious after marriage. After drinking, he often insults and beats Zhang in front of children. Children are often afraid to go home after school because they are afraid. Zhang sued the court for divorce, claiming that the child was raised by him. Jiao argued that Zhang was a housewife, had no income from work and was unable to support her children.

Referee result

The court of first instance found that Jiao's behavior constituted domestic violence. Proceeding from the principle of meeting the best interests of minor children, the children were sentenced to be directly raised by Zhang. Jiao refused to accept the appeal, and the court of second instance ruled that the appeal was rejected and the original judgment was upheld.

Interpretation of Beijing Hammer;

The third paragraph of Article 1084 of China's Civil Code stipulates that if the parents fail to reach an agreement on the issue of support, the people's court shall make a judgment according to the specific conditions of both parties and the principle of being most beneficial to the minor children. Therefore, when dealing with the ownership of children's custody in divorce disputes, we should fully protect the legitimate rights and interests of minors. Whether there is domestic violence is an important factor to determine the ownership of children's custody according to the principle that is most beneficial to minors.

In the trial practice, some abusers argue that domestic violence only exists between husband and wife, but it does not affect their feelings for their children. Will this cause them to lose the right to directly raise their children? In fact, domestic violence is a serious violation among family members. In divorce cases involving domestic violence, a large number of underage children witnessed cases of domestic violence between parents. Minors who witness the process of violence will cause great psychological trauma to their hearts, and minors who witness domestic violence are actually "victims" of domestic violence. Therefore, if one parent is identified as domestic violence, whether it is direct violence against minor children or not, according to the principle that the civil code is most beneficial to minor children, if there are no other circumstances, it is generally believed that the violent party should not directly raise minor children.

The principle of divorce property division is to take care of the innocent party and divide less property for the violent party.

Lang v Li (divorce dispute)

primary facts

Lang (female) and Li (male) got married on 20654381October 9 +07. After marriage, the feelings of the two sides became increasingly alienated, and Lang moved to the unit dormitory. Li went to Lang's dormitory many times to make noise and threats. Later, Lang sued the court for divorce and division of property. After receiving the court summons, Li sent Lang more than 100 WeChat messages, all of which involved threats.

Referee result

The court of first instance ruled that both parties were allowed to divorce. According to the evidence on file, Li constituted domestic violence. In the division of property, according to the principle of taking care of the woman and the principle of no-fault party, Li was sentenced to less joint property of husband and wife. Li refused to accept the appeal, and the court of second instance ruled that the appeal was rejected and the original judgment was upheld.

Interpretation of Beijing Hammer;

The first paragraph of Article 1087 of the Civil Code of our country stipulates: "At the time of divorce, the joint property of husband and wife shall be handled by mutual agreement; If the agreement fails, the people's court shall make a judgment based on the specific circumstances of the property and the principle of taking care of the rights and interests of the children, the woman and the innocent party. " For the first time, the civil code stipulated the principle of "taking care of the innocent party's rights and interests" in the division of divorce property. For the perpetrators of domestic violence, in the division of divorce property, the court can punish the perpetrators by giving them less property according to the specific circumstances of the case.

Article 2 of the Anti-Domestic Violence Law stipulates that "domestic violence as mentioned in this Law refers to physical and mental aggression committed by family members by means of beating, binding, mutilation, restriction of personal freedom, frequent abuse and intimidation." It can be seen that China's legislation fully protects citizens' spiritual interests, and the identification of domestic violence includes not only physical violence, but also mental violence. In practice, mental violence is mainly manifested in insults, abuse, slander, disclosure of privacy, unwarranted accusations, demeaning personality, intimidation, threats, stalking and harassment. Mental violence usually causes psychological and spiritual harm to victims such as inferiority, fear, anxiety and depression. In this case, Li's behavior objectively caused Lang's mental fear, which is in line with the characteristics of domestic violence. Compared with physical violence, mental violence is more concealed, but it does no less harm to the injured party than physical violence. Therefore, we should abandon the wrong idea that only physical violence is domestic violence, bravely say no to mental violence, and safeguard our personal dignity and spiritual interests by law.

A divorced party who suffers from domestic violence may request the violent party to compensate for the losses.

Tang v Liu (divorce dispute)

primary facts

Tang (female) and Liu (male) got married on 20 15 10 16. Because of the big age difference between the two, Liu is suspicious by nature and often follows and monitors Tang on his way to work. Back home, Liu repeatedly questioned whether Tang had any contact with the opposite sex. Once he found that the opposite sex sent WeChat or called Tang, he added up Tang's bad words and made Tang kneel down and slap himself in the face, causing Tang's right ear to be perforated. Auditions usually take place during the day. Later Tang sued the court for divorce and claimed damages of 654.38+10,000 yuan.

Referee result

The court of first instance ruled that both parties were allowed to divorce. According to the evidence in this case, Liu was found to have committed domestic violence and supported Tang's request for Liu to pay 654.38 million+damages. Liu refused to accept the appeal, and the court of second instance ruled that the appeal was rejected and the original judgment was upheld.

Interpretation of Beijing Hammer;

Item 3 of Article 109 1 of China's Civil Code stipulates: "Divorce is caused by one of the following circumstances, The innocent party has the right to claim damages: ................................................................................................................................ "Domestic violence will not only harm the victim's body, but also cause serious trauma and negative impact on his spirit. Article 86 of the Judicial Interpretation of Marriage and Family in the Civil Code further clarifies that divorce damages include material damages and mental damages. Where compensation for mental damage is involved, the relevant provisions of the Interpretation of the Supreme People's Court on Several Issues Concerning Determining the Liability for Compensation for Mental Damage in Civil Tort shall apply. Therefore, victims of domestic violence in divorce disputes can not only claim medical expenses and nursing expenses caused by domestic violence, but also claim compensation for mental damage. The specific amount of compensation for mental damage is determined by the court according to the local economic development level, the degree of infringement of the wrong party and other factors.