My girlfriend wants to hear jokes, but I don’t know how. Who has funny jokes? urgently seeking

1. It has been so many days since the Asian Games, and the American team has not won a single gold medal!

2. Your wife is a big tree, you must hug her; your lover is a little bird, you must not feed it; your wife is a treasure, don’t quarrel if she quarrels; your lover is a grass, whoever plucks it will follow you. Run; they say that beauties are good, they don’t make noises and they don’t run, but they are hard to find.

3. When the community opens, the slogan reads: If you can’t give your second wife a home, then please at least give her an apartment!

4. The four pillars of successful people: guidance from experts, help from nobles, blessing from gods, and supervision from villains.

5. Experiencing a relationship is like eating chocolate. Even if you don’t pay for the chocolate, you still have to pay for losing weight!

6. 1. Little sister: from noble to vulgar; 2. Beauty: from stunning to gender; 3. Boss: from rare to ubiquitous; 4. Chicken: from poultry to human; 5 .**: From intimacy to sensitivity; 6. Fang_Affairs: From personal privacy to public suffering.

7. Very meaningful professional phrases: ①Female director: Stop! Do it again. ②Female traffic police: If you say you can’t stop, don’t stop. ③Female conductor: Go a little further, it’s very empty inside. ④Female internet cafe owner: Can’t get in? There are people waiting behind. ⑤Female nurse: Get on the bed quickly and take off your pants! ⑥Female teacher: If you don’t do it well, you will be punished a hundred times. ⑦Female mountain climbing commander: You have to climb up even if you climb.

8. Loneliness said to me: I’m leaving. Then it really disappeared. But I turned around and saw her there again. I said, aren’t you leaving? She said, I am either leaving or coming, and it was my sister who left just now. I am her sister, and my name is Loneliness.

9. When Huang Yaoshi chose his son-in-law, he asked Guo Jing and Ouyang Ke to write an essay each. Guo Jing racked his brains and wrote five hundred words, feeling worried. Unexpectedly, Ouyang Ke only wrote one hundred and forty words, and Guo Jing won easily. Ouyang Feng was furious and slapped Ouyang Ke in the face: "S-b! I tell you to write Weibo every day!"

10. Chatting with an old lady in the park, the old lady complained that her health was not as good as before. I said: It's okay, depending on your body, you can live to at least 90. The old lady said helplessly: I will be 90 in three months.

11. In a restaurant in Zhengzhou, a fly appeared in a well-sealed bottle of Old Village Chief wine. The restaurant diners refused to pay for the meal. When the restaurant asked the delivery clerk for an explanation, the clerk said : This fly came from the northeast and we can’t control it.

12. I was so depraved that I even wanted to go clubbing on Monday night. Feeling anxious, I prayed to Lady Guanyin: "Can I go clubbing tonight?"

Sister Guanyin gave me a signal with her right hand. : "OK!" I suddenly felt that it didn't feel so sinful.

13. During the computer class, I found that my girlfriend’s comment name on QQ was w, so I asked her what she meant, and she said it meant “mine”. I was moved www.ixue5.com A few days!

Today I played with her mobile phone to see what my name was in her phone book, and I saw a C. What does this mean...what does it mean...what's going on...

14. A friend of mine went on a blind date at a hotel.

The woman asked if she had a car.

Brother replied: Yes

The woman asked: What kind of car

Brother: Just a Honda.

Woman: Oh, that’s not bad, much better than Alto.

After dinner, the woman said she would take the car out and let everyone go for a drive.

My friend decisively went to the hotel garage and rode out on a motorcycle.

The woman was angry and scolded: Your father’s Wuyang Honda!

15. A classmate, on Singles’ Day a few days ago, he sent a message to the girl he liked to wish her a happy Singles’ Day (he wanted to take the opportunity to express his feelings), but the girl replied: “I don’t have to, haha. ”

16. I broke up with my girlfriend and agreed that we would never have contact with each other until we die. The next day I checked the monthly subscription of my mobile phone and found that there were 499 minutes left in the monthly subscription of point-to-point calls between us, so I sent her a text message. : We still have 499 minutes left on our couple’s monthly call plan. How about we make it up for another month and split it next month? Girlfriend said: Yes, we can’t move cheaply...

17. Girlfriend: Husband, my classmate asked me to go shopping, please give me some money.

Boyfriend: Are you using money to hang out with other men?

My girlfriend made an S pose and said: You underestimate me. If I go out with a man, do I still need to bring money?

18. Girlfriend: I bought you at a dip just because I saw that you were a potential stock. Who knows, a few years later, there is no upward momentum at all. It was better to just choose blue-chip stocks at the beginning.

Boyfriend: Just be content. With your vision, you will definitely buy PetroChina.

19. Girlfriend: Do you miss me?

Boyfriend: I think so.

Girlfriend: Where do you want to go?

Boyfriend: I want to go anywhere.

Girlfriend: When don’t you want to! ?

Boyfriend: If you don’t ask, I won’t think about it. . .

20. The best female secretary: "Boss, good morning!", The best female secretary: "Boss, it's morning!"

21. Mom said that food has been very popular recently. Expensive, money is cheap. . .

22. Shanghai and Shenzhen brand high falling tablets contain high falling volume! One day's decline is as good as the past five days, which is a great deal!

23. A classmate bought a plate of "Male Mosquito Music" mosquito coils. Everyone asked, "What do you call male mosquitoes?" "Female mosquitoes are so smoked when they come out to suck blood that male mosquitoes just take advantage of it..."

24. What is overtime pay? This thing is like a virgin. Everyone is talking about it, but no one has seen it.

25. I went to the supermarket with Lao Chen that day and saw pomegranate vinegar. Lao Chen was surprised and said that pomegranates can also be used to make vinegar! Later, when he saw dumpling vinegar, he was surprised and said that dumplings can also be made into vinegar! I saw Lao Chenju, pointed at him and said: Lao Chen, you are so pitiful.