Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Appreciation of "Selling Crabs"
Appreciation of "Selling Crabs"
Wang runzi
Wheat yellow crab, bean yellow turtle.
The wheat seedling is yellow and the crab head is fat. The male is all fat, the female is all seeds, and the toes are all meat. Steam the fresh crabs that have just got off the net in a pot, make clear soup with white brains, cover the red claws with purple, chop off the ginger and pour in vinegar. It's called ginger crab, and it's really a dish with wine.
The crab market is well known in this coastal town. In recent years, due to more and more people coming to rest and recuperate, the value of this "mad general" has also risen sharply. Last year, it sold for 20 cents a catty, but it rose to 50 cents as soon as it opened this year, and it is still rising. No matter how expensive it is, some people buy it. It is said that it is not only fresh and delicious, but also nutritious and can cure any disease.
On June 29, at every party, crabs went on the market early, went off the market quickly, the sun was red, and they were out of stock. Those who didn't buy crabs left disappointed, and some waited eagerly. It often happens that people who go far out to sea and land late are also listed late. This is from experience, and people who often walk in the crab market will know it.
Among the people waiting to buy crabs, there is an outstanding fat man. If he looks down, he can't see his toes, and the raised part in the middle will block the line of sight. Sparse gray hair, neatly combed back, dipped in water, no one is messy. You can't see a wrinkle on your white face, like steamed bread just out of the pot. Because of fat, the nose and eyes are particularly small; Because it is small, it is particularly wonderful. He is not as impatient as others, but he smokes leisurely and walks calmly. Sometimes I look up and puke a smoke turn. That look seems to tell others: "Hey, wait for noon!" I'm not leaving! "
Some people can't wait and finally leave.
Fat comrade disdained to take a look at the people who left, and his mouth gave me a smug smile.
A rustic, lean old man even appeared in the crowd buying crabs, which made this small team look very uncoordinated. Dark face, beard, hunchback, gray eyes, like a layer of soil. It looks like an old dry pine tree. It can be seen from his clothes that he is from the mountain, but the seaside people don't wear his shoes that kick down the mountain. He is obviously more anxious than anyone else, running around and looking at both sides of the gathering place from time to time. The copper hookah in hand was lit a few times and smoked loudly.
The sun climbed a high pole.
The thin old man couldn't wait, so he went up and asked the fat comrade, "hello, comrade, excuse me." What time is it? " Without looking at the thin old man, the fat comrade casually said, "It's a quarter short." "Well, well ..." The thin old man nodded. In fact, he doesn't know when it is a quarter to five, but he can't ask any more. He just smiled faithfully and his face was wrinkled. "Hey, hey, comrade, do you think you can still get the goods?" Fat comrades pay attention to thin old men. He blinked and looked at him from top to bottom. An affable smile immediately appeared on his face: "old comrades, do you want to buy crabs?" Tomorrow, not today! Go home, ah ... ""Well, well ... "The thin old man thanked him and walked down. He sighed, reluctant to leave. He squatted down to smoke. In fact, there was not even a spark in the ashtray for a long time.
The thin old man refused to leave, which made the fat comrade very unhappy and his face suddenly turned cloudy. He took a sip of his cigarette and started pacing again, much faster than before.
People are whispering:
"Call a person to go, he left ..."
"Stay and eat alone."
"The fat is so thick, still eat!"
"Hey, I heard that crabs can cure obesity ..."
This statement was obviously heard by fat comrades. In protest, he threw away half his cigarettes.
"Hey, filter!" Someone laughed.
That's good. Before we know his name, we might as well call him "filter tip" However, there is no malice. Fat people are afraid of being called fat. As for the old man, if you call him a "smoker", I guess he won't protest either.
Where there is a will, there is a way. Sure enough, a little girl selling crabs came. Carrying two baskets full! The little girl leans to one side, and two baskets swing from person to person.
"selling crabs!" The little girl shouted as she walked. The cry was crisp and sweet. Listen, you'll think the crabs in her basket must be fresh and beautiful.
People who buy crabs are jumping about, carrying net bags and small baskets, and no one will let anyone squeeze them. To people's surprise, the filter ran at the front. The body like a cotton-padded jacket was very agile and vigorous, and the two big guys were carried aside by his left shoulder and right arm. After he occupied the first position, he turned and shouted, "Help! Help! "
Where's the bong? First, he stood for a while. When he turned around, put his pipe in his pocket and tried to fight for a seat, the two crab baskets were already installed. He turned from left to right in a hurry, and the front turned to the back. Stop talking about people, he can't even squeeze his eyes in.
Countless hands with money reached out to the little girl and shouted, which was deafening: "I weigh three pounds!" " ""I weigh five pounds! " "I got the front, two dollars! ……
The little girl calmly put down her baggage, raised her face with a smile, put a lock of hair on her eyes behind her ear and said with a calm smile, "No matter how urgent, I have to catch my breath!" " "
"That's right. Look at this little comrade's tiredness. He is sweating all over! " The filter smiled sweeter than a little girl.
"This is not sweat! Sea fog. " The little girl corrected her voice angrily, took the scale, wiped off the grass on the beam and prepared to open it.
"Yes, sea fog, sea fog!" The filter echoes. He bent down with one hand on his knees, and the other hand reached into the basket carefully.
"Bite you!" The little girl gave a cry.
Filter frighten hurriedly hand back.
The little girl looks fifteen or sixteen years old at most, and has the physique of a girl: her fluffy bangs are covered with misty stars and shivering; Bright big eyes, like dripping dew, are full and will overflow; It is also a wet layer on the convex cheeks that are red by the sea breeze. She is like a flower in the morning light. Pants hang down, sleeves are rolled up, and there is a simple pastoral atmosphere.
"ouch!" When the filter called, he finally couldn't help picking the biggest crab. His hand is clamped and he can't earn any more. His mouth was crooked with pain.
The little girl smiled happily, as if shaking a string of happy copper bells. People who buy crabs are also happy, laughing their heads off. The crab "General" seems to be venting his hatred for the captive, turning his long green eyes and tightening his grip. The filter didn't dare to move, but shouted, "ouch, ouch!" " "
The little girl held back her laughter, stretched out her index finger and middle finger, and played "beep, beep" on the crab cover several times. Really smart. The crab immediately released the "iron pliers" like an electric shock. Filter put your finger in front of your eyes, ah! Bite off two rows of jagged blood prints!
The little girl wiped her tears and said, "You deserve it. Who made you anxious? " Laughing at him again.
The filter pointed angrily at the crab and said, "I want this one!" " This, this mother and son, this ... "He picked up the big ones in the basket and pointed out six or seven at a time.
The little girl hesitated, but she weighed him and reported, "Five catties and twenty-two, 2510, 2510, 5525, 5525, two dollars and eighty-six. Ok, count two dollars and eight! " She has a keen sense of balance and is fluent in accounting.
The filter refused to pick up crabs, and his small eyes blinked quickly: "Slow down! How much is your crab a catty? "
The little girl said, "Fifty-five cents!"
"You little comrade, kill people? Today's episode is 45 cents, there is no second price! You say, is it? " The filter made a wheezing sound and my stomach was full of things. He straightened up, rested his hands on her hips, turned around and blinked at the man behind him.
The United front was formed immediately. People in the back are also arguing that it is too expensive.
The little girl smiled calmly: "You lie! I know the price of today's series is 50 cents. "
The filter paused for a moment, then faltered: "Well, well, even if it is, it's not your call!" " Huh, killing people? "
"You get what you pay for." The little girl put down the weight, grabbed the paddle-shaped hind thigh of a crab with her hand and twisted in mid-air. The crab immediately moved like a dance, but she couldn't hold her hand. "Look, who has such fresh crabs! It was my father and I who went to sea to fight. I spent the night at sea without eating two meals! Whatever you say, you have to give me money to suffer! It's not as easy as eating crabs! " The little girl's voice is a little tired and hoarse.
People were silent.
The filter lit a cigarette and smoked leisurely.
Someone outside the circle said sympathetically, "Don't go to the sea if you can go up the mountain!" " It's a main pipe. It can't be squeezed in.
For a long time, the filter spit out one mouthful smoke and made up his mind to say, "Here's fifty-two cents. How about it? "
The little girl snorted a smile from her nose.
"Fifty-three cents!"
The little girl didn't look at him, her hands crossed on her chest.
The filter blushed and her voice trembled: "Pentagon Temple, are you serious?" As he spoke, he threw half a cigarette on the ground and stamped it out with his foot. Then, he broke a huge net bag and said generously, "Come on, pour it! I don't care about spending that extra eighty cents! "
As soon as the little girl pulled the scale, wow, all the weighed crabs fell back into the basket: "The money is yours and the crabs are mine!" " "
The filter got angry, threw away the net bag and made it look like it was leaving: "I bought someone else's." Go, let's go! "
This time, the United front was not formed and no one moved.
"selling crabs!" The little girl spoke her sweet and crisp voice again.
The crowd is crowded. "Weigh me, there are guests waiting at home!" "Yes, not bad!" "Come on, three pounds!" "……"
The little girl's business started. A basket soon sold out. As she weighed it, she glanced at the filter tip from time to time, with a sweet smile on her lips.
The filter's face turns red and white. Seeing that there are fewer crabs in the basket, I am really a little impatient. He twisted his body, supported his knees with one hand again, bent down again, endured the pain of squeezing his stomach, and risked his hands to grasp the thighs of seven or eight crabs in his hand, neither weighing nor letting go.
The people who bought crabs gradually dispersed, leaving only a few crabs in the hands of filter tips. Their faces turned purple and sweat dripped down because they bent down for a long time. He gasped out of breath: "hey, little comrade, the rest are candidates, count less!" " ..... "His face turned into a flower with a smile, and his small eyes blinked rhythmically, almost begging, waiting for the little girl's answer. At this time, the long stemmed Chinese pipe leaned forward. The filter immediately became highly tense. The long stemmed Chinese pipe said, "Daughter, weigh two for me." The filter glared at the pipe and held up all the crabs: "No, I'm round! "The little girl said awkwardly," Uncle, it's sold out. " Long stemmed Chinese pipe sighed and said, "Daughter, I'm not afraid of your jokes. My mother has ... well, I have that cancer and live in the hospital. I don't want to eat for a few days, just want to eat a crab. Why don't you ask this comrade to join us? Alas, she suffered all her life, driving her to death ... "The old man's eyes were full of tears.
The little girl pressed her lips tightly and her eyes sparkled.
The filter turned away.
Dry pipe bags shed tears: "Kindness is good!" "
The filter ignored the tobacco pouch and only urged the little girl to weigh the crab quickly.
The little girl said, "Even two!" I will give you fifty cents. "
The filter thought for a moment: "no, no, I'll give you fifty-five cents, which is a lot of money." Weigh it, ah, weigh it! " "
Long stemmed Chinese pipe shook his lips angrily: "Daughter, don't embarrass me, I won't buy it." Say that finish, turn around and go.
The filter froze: "Hey, hey, this old man ..."
The little girl's chest undulates. Suddenly, she ran a few steps forward and grabbed the tobacco pouch: "Uncle, wait." He turned to the filter and said, "well, give these crabs to your uncle and you can take them away." How much you want is forty cents. "
The filter is thoughtful, and his little eyes are shining brighter than ever. He is calculating and thinking. He looked up, as if he had made up his mind again, and said, "I'll go." The little girl bit her lip: "Bingo!" The filter hesitated to put down the crab in his hand.
Without weighing, the little girl caught all the crabs in the basket into the net pocket of the long-stemmed Chinese pipe bag. The old man was so anxious that he shouted, "I want two, two!" " ..... "The little girl said," Uncle, let aunt eat more! "
"But my money ... money ..." The long stemmed Chinese pipe muttered, reached into his pocket, took out a small torn and dirty cloth bag, let go, took out the only five yuan and held it in front of the little girl. My hands are shaking.
The little girl left only one yuan.
The filter opened its eyes in surprise.
The long stemmed Chinese pipe turned red and refused to accept money: "No, no! How much, how much. I know, you can go up the mountain instead of going into the sea ... "
The little girl put the money into the hand of the long-stemmed Chinese pipe: "Uncle, don't be too suspicious. Even if I show a little concern for menstruation, I will tell my dad when I go back, and he will agree. " My mother got this disease last year ... "Her eyes were full of tears.
Holding a cracked hand, the cigarette bag wiped the little girl's tears and said, "Good boy, don't cry. Oh, don't cry. I'll stay, but it's still wrong." ……"
The little girl smiled through tears and rubbed her eyes hard and said, "Uncle, let's go, aunt is waiting for you!" " Go back to cook early, and the tide will ebb when it is released. "
The long stemmed Chinese pipe looked straight at the little girl, and her eyes were moist again. He raised a big hand and touched the little girl's head as if caressing his daughter. He couldn't help crying, so he turned and walked to the crowd.
"Uncle!" The little girl stopped him again: "eat the rest, cook it next time, but don't hit it under the night dew, it will be poisoned!" " "
The long stemmed Chinese pipe finally left and the little girl looked at him.
The filter, who has been holding her face aside and smoking, walked up to the little girl, shook her fat wrist with a watch in front of her and said, "Look, it's ten o'clock, go and get the crab!" " "
The little girl stood silently for a while, turned around and picked up the empty basket, and silently walked off the set.
The filter caught up with one step and grabbed the basket: "You cheated, are you going to run?" Where are the crabs? "
The little girl turned around, blinked mysteriously and said with a smile, "Come with me!" "
They pushed their way out of the crowd in tandem. Cross the streets and alleys, and you will see the sea in the east. There are many ships moored at the seaside.
"Well, it's over there, waiting a lot!"
A stone in the filter's heart fell to the ground, and a smug smile appeared on her face. The little girl walked very fast, and he struggled to follow, but he trotted along and walked side by side with her.
"Hey, little comrade ..." He gasped. "Did you just go to sea?"
The little girl nodded: "Hmm."
"Just out of the water, the scale can be higher, huh?"
"hmm."
"Hey, little comrade, can you ..., hey hey, can you make it cheaper? I ran away ... This long road ... "
"hmm!" Unconsciously, the little girl came to the front again. The filter is running again.
Stepping on the beach is full of sand, like stepping on a cotton blanket. The little girl walks like a fly, but she suffers from the filter. As soon as the foot fell, it sank deep and the shoes were full of sand.
"Ah ah, little comrade, slow down ... let's go ..."
The little girl turned around and smiled and said, "Come on, it's right ahead." The filter wiped the sweat on her face, exhaled the gas in her stomach, stumbled, caught up, grabbed the basket and let the little girl drag it away.
Beside a small sampan, the little girl stopped. Sit on the ground and just breathe.
The little girl unhurriedly put down the burden, turned the two baskets upside down, knocked them on the beach and threw them into the boat. Then, I jumped on the boat.
The filter froze: "Crab ... Crab ... Crab? ……"
The little girl giggled and bent over with laughter. The boat whirled gently in the water. She grabbed the paddle and shook it gently, and the boat rolled into the sea. "The crab is in the sea!" She cried crisply.
The filter only knows that it is accepted. He got up, rushed to the beach, stamped his foot and shouted, "Come back, come back! You yellow-haired girl! "
The little girl shook her paddle freely and blurted out a fishing song:
Hey-
If you want to eat birds,
Want to eat seafood and go to the ocean ...
The filter angrily grabbed a handful of sand and threw it into the sea. When I caught the second one, my hand was pricked by something. Looking down, I saw a big crab claw, which was just poured out of the basket by the little girl. Look carefully, there are many miles! He didn't care about the little girl, so he bent down to pick it up and put it in the net bag. He counted in his mind: sixteen pliers and thirty-four crab legs ...
The fishing song is far away, but the boat is far away. I can't hear or see. Leaving only a blue ocean. There are layers of beautiful white waves surging on the sea ...
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