Who can tell me some health jokes about dogs?

Mouse: "Why did you close the doors and windows on such a hot day?" ? 」

Ling: "So the neighbors will think we have air conditioning. 」

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Title: Spring Festival couplets

Once upon a time, there was a very overbearing rich man. But it's interesting to say that he can't understand a word.

But he is most afraid of being told that he has no culture, so he pretends to be gentle everywhere. He signed the calligraphy and painting hanging in his house.

The writing, in fact, was written by someone he paid for.

A few days before the Spring Festival, the rich man intends to show his "knowledge" to his relatives and friends during the Spring Festival.

So he called Mr. Xue from the village and asked him to write Spring Festival couplets for him. Although Mr. Xue is reluctant,

I have to deal with it and forget it with a stroke of the pen. Of course, I still want to read it to him.

This is an ancient Spring Festival couplets:

As the days increase, the sun and the moon increase people's life span.

Come next spring.

Hardly had he finished reading when the rich man got angry: "What? As the days increase, people live longer and longer. How can we all get what we want?

People live longer, even poor children? You changed it for me. 」

"How to change? 」

"Change the mother's birthday girl, my mother's birthday girl. 」

Mr. Xue is angry, hum! You are too overbearing. Well, I must play with you today. So he said

"Boss, to tell you the truth, this couplet pays attention to antithesis, and the first couplet has to be changed. Otherwise, people will read it.

This is a joke. Who wrote this pair? Too ignorant. 」

"Then you can change it, as long as my mother lives long! 」

"Boss, how to change, or you go ahead. 」

The rich man said unhappily, "why are you so wordy?" As long as my mother lives longer, what will you change? "

I don't care. "Say that finish and went away, he can't read, then know how to fight. Mr. Xue then picked up a pen.

Brush and brush, and a pair of revised Spring Festival couplets will be written.

On the first day of New Year's Day, relatives and friends who come to the rich man's house to pay New Year's greetings come in and out, which is very lively. Among them,

Those who can read a few words hurt their stomachs when they saw the couple at the gate.

It turns out that this new Spring Festival couplets is written like this:

Tian Zeng ri yue Niang longevity

Man Chun Gankun Disc is full of doors.

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Title: Bad luck

On the last day of the end of the semester, Xiaoming went to the class teacher and asked the teacher to give him extra points.

The teacher said, "Why? 」

Xiao Ming replied, "Because my father said that if I failed in the exam,

A person will be in trouble,

I think teachers should think for themselves. 」

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Title: Killing pigs

Students are diligent students. He works part-time during the winter and summer vacations to earn tuition. Cut meat for the butcher during the day.

Meat, working in the hospital at night.

One night, an old woman had to undergo surgery because of an emergency, and a student wheeled her into the operating room. Look, old woman.

At Jiasheng, he suddenly shouted in dismay:

"Oh, my God! You are a pig killer. Where are you pushing me? 」

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Title: The Lion and the Tiger

At the end of the history exam, there is a fill-in-the-blank question:

"The Yellow Emperor has a capital" bear "

Yaojiandu ""

Shunjian Capital """

As a result, a student actually wrote the following answer:

"The Yellow Emperor has a capital" bear "

Yaojiandu "has lions"

Shunjian Capital "has a tiger"

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Title: Procrastination

The Procrastinator Club held an essay contest entitled "How can procrastination help me".

Champion is a housewife, and the article she applied for is only one sentence:

"I will write tomorrow. 」

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Title: Egyptians and China.

China and Egypt are both ancient civilizations.

Both China and Egypt are proud of their long history.

One day, an China was chatting with an Egyptian, and the Egyptian said to himself, Do you know?

Last year, the Egyptian national archaeological team carried out a large-scale excavation under the pyramid and found this cable.

Therefore, there were telephones in ancient Egypt.

China people said: Three months ago, our national archaeological team started a large-scale excavation (at the Great Wall).

As a result, nothing was found. There were radios in ancient China! ! !

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Title: fastest

Three children are faster than their father!

The first child said: My father is the fastest. The coffee cup on the table fell off. He can throw it away before it falls to the ground.

Grab the cup.

The second child said: My dad is quick. He went hunting and shot a deer 200 feet away. Now the deer has fallen to the ground.

Before, he can rush up and hug the deer.

The third said: My father is a civil servant. He gets off work at five o'clock every afternoon and gets home at half past four.

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Title: Famous medical drama official.

Li Shizhen, a physician in the Ming Dynasty, was once the magistrate of Pengxi County, Sichuan Province, but decided to resign after editing Compendium of Materia Medica.

Officials return to China.

Before leaving office, the county magistrate who took over was Li Shizhen. During the dinner, the new official asked, "I have never heard of Gong Li's medical methods.

Gao Ming, can you give Xiaguan a post to nourish the prescription? 」

Li Shizhen had long heard that this person was a faint officer in the four books "Sexy and Rich", so he pretended to promise and accepted the article.

Room four treasures, prescribed a dose of medicine:

Bai Ziren San Qian papaya two money.

Guan Gui San Qian Chaihu San Qian

Yizhi Erqian Fuzi San Qian

Eighty-two cents, three in one.

Wu Tai San Qian Shangdang III

Yam is two yuan

Finished, Li Shizhen and roared off.

The next day, the faint officer handed the prescription to the master for medicine. The master looked at it carefully and quickly said, "It's from your Excellency."

He cursed! "And then solved the mystery. The official was so bureaucratic that he slapped the table.

Do you know what is cursed in this prescription?

Mubaiguan Chaiyi attached a platform for eight people to climb the mountain.

(The thin wooden coffin was also carried up the mountain by eight people.)

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Title: Motto

The fish in the restaurant is not fresh. Just "rotten fish"

What I fear most when riding a motorcycle in rainy days is the "splash" of the car in front.

China people find that the earth is round, so they will run counter to it.

For some people, we describe them as-time seems to be "cheap".

Bought a fake Rolex for the sake of appearance.

The feeling of being with people who talk a lot is that talking a lot will get "wet"

Motorbike Avenue runs rampant, and the police light up a red light. It is true that "Tao" also has "theft".

Youth bean looks so much like a face that we all call him "Feng" with a full face of spring.

After meeting, most pen pals always fall in love at first sight.

The feeling of seeing Ye Zimei is that the waves are surging.

For those who play Paige but can't find spades, we will warn "Tao Qi".

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Title: composition

Xiaomei wrote down her wish when she grew up in her composition book.

I hope to have a lovely child;

Second, I also hope to have a husband who loves me.

As a result, I found that the teacher wrote a comment: "Please pay attention to the order. 』

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Title: Sensitive topic

Xiao Li: "I heard that our Uni-President Food Company encountered many obstacles in setting up a factory there. What a surprise! "

The other party deliberately made things difficult and published personal grievances? 」

Xiao Chen: "Because the name of that factory must be called' Taiwan Province Unified Mainland Factory', which one and which one are not?

Are you looking for ugliness yourself? 」

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Question: What did the doctor say? ....

Xiaojie, because of the great pressure of the entrance examination, he reads books without sleeping every day.

His English is not good, but he must study English harder.

One day, Xiaojie's grandfather had an accident and the hospital called Xiaojie's home.

Xiaojie is the only one in middle school. He informed his parents and immediately rushed to the hospital. Later, Xiao

Jay's parents just arrived.

Mom saw Xiaojie and asked him anxiously, "What did the doctor say?" Xiaojie is nervous.

The answer is "doctor ...! ! "

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