Northeast humorous jokes

A complete collection of humorous jokes in Northeast China

Joke is a Chinese vocabulary, which means something that makes people laugh. Jokes are short in length, simple and ingenious in story, often unexpected, giving people a wonderful feeling of being suddenly enlightened. The following is the relevant content of the humorous jokes in Northeast China that I compiled.

Today, I put on neat clothes and shiny shoes, walked through men and women, and went to the first floor of the mall to buy a rose. The salesgirl asked: Is it for your girlfriend or your wife? I smiled and said to her, go back to soak your feet … soak your feet … feet.

2. A woman learns a driver's license and takes a road test. Get off the bus in front, it's her turn, very nervous! She got off from the right, then went around to the left and opened the car door ... and then she shouted, Coach! Where is the steering wheel! The examiner looked back at her and said quietly, you opened the back door.

A male colleague went out at noon yesterday without his mobile phone. His wife keeps calling. The female colleague who took a nap was disturbed by the noise. She took her cell phone and shouted, "Are you bored that we are sleeping?" "As a result, male colleagues didn't come to work today! A child asked his mother: Then why did you marry your father? Mom said, "Mom was blind before she married your dad!" " "The child asked his father again: Why is our family so poor? Dad said, "all the money in our family has been given to your mother to treat her eyes!" " "

There were so many people in the restaurant that a young couple couldn't find a seat, so they shared a table with me and sat opposite me. To tell the truth, that woman was really beautiful, so I took a second look and the man found her. He slapped a Volkswagen key on the table to scare me. I looked carefully, and I went to Phaeton.

I smacked a Maserati car key on the table, smacked, smacked, Bugatti, Rolls-Royce, I dropped several car keys on the table, and the man led the woman away in a despondent way ... Really, what are you pretending with me?

I am in trouble today. There are several transparent shrimps in the fish tank in the office. The leader looked at them with glasses for a long time and asked me what I kept. I said, "Shrimp!" The leader was stunned and left.

I was also stunned and quickly explained loudly: "Shrimp boss! Draw shrimp! The leader is really shrimp! It is a real shrimp! "

Northeast humorous jokes 2 1. On the train, you guard against me and I guard against you, but brother, we have been talking for half an hour. You don't need to bring a bucket of instant noodles to the toilet, do you? One day, the robbers arrested Liu Neng, Xie Guangkun and Zhao Si. The robber said, you three go to the orchard, one chooses the same fruit, so you three go in. After a while, Liu Neng came out with an apple. The robber said to him, you put the picked fruit in your anus and I will let you go. Liu Neng failed in his attempt and was killed. Xie Guangkun came out with three grapes, and the robbers said the same thing to him. When Xie Guangkun stuffed the third one, he suddenly laughed and poked the last one, so he was killed.

When Xie Guangkun came to hell, Yan asked him, Why are you so stupid? If you don't laugh, you'll be fine! Xie Guangkun said, I don't want to laugh either, but when I stuffed the third one, I saw Zhao Si coming out with a watermelon in his arms.

2. The child asked: What is courage? Dad: Bluff! The child asked: What is tenderness? Dad: Bitch! The child asked: What is honesty? Dad: Bear! The child asked: What is positive? Dad: Show off in an ostentatious manner! The child asked: What is shame? Dad: Have a drink! Child: "I don't understand this?"

Dad: You are "two whites".

3. The child asked: What is recklessness? Dad: Come on! The child asked: What is powerful? Dad: Bang! The child asked: What is weakness? Dad: Noodles! The child asked: What is thrift? Dad: Dig! The child asked: What is waste? Dad: Do it! The child asked: What is slander? Dad: bury it! The child asked: What is shame? Dad: the price has dropped! Child: "I understand everything this time!" " "

Dad: "Pretend."

When I was a child, I trained a puppy to pick up a frisbee, but there was no suitable prop, so I used shoes as it. The ideal is beautiful, but the reality is very distressing, because I successfully cultivated a notorious "shoe thief" nearby. The only good thing is that it is not used for grinding teeth.

5. Holding the notice from Harvard University in my hand, the tears of excitement blurred my eyes and finally realized my dream for many years-I can do purchasing in my circle of friends!

6. I went to work this morning and went out to see a dog tickling on the stairs and suddenly fell down. The point is, this guy jumped up and barked at me. I'll go. I'm still a few meters away from you. I met porcelain in the morning.

Northeast humor joke 3 1 When the bell rang, a boy panted and ran into the classroom, explaining to the teacher: I came back with the school bus to save money. The teacher replied: next time you should run with a taxi, so you can save more money and not be late.

2. One day at school, the teacher said, "The topic of today's composition is for the teacher." As soon as the voice fell, a student stood up and said, "Teacher, please go to the hospital. We can't cure you. "

3. Even if 99% people in the world think you are ugly, there are still 75 million people on the earth who think you are ugly. Do you feel suddenly swollen!

4, girls are, small and fresh in front of relatives, quiet in front of outsiders, neurotic in front of acquaintances, and female hooligans in front of girlfriends.

Monkey, did you propose to Xia Zi with this ring? You are so funny! You don't have a half carat diamond, so no one cares about you! When Chang 'e was so ashamed of me, she said, Don't tell me if you love me or not. Look at the size of the diamond ring first! Alas, how realistic the little fairy is now. Alas, I tell you, with this ticket fairy, you will shoot her to death with a diamond brick, and she didn't even call for help!

6. There is really no coat like a school uniform: the mobile phone is hidden in the sleeve, the book can be put in the pocket, the pillow is rolled up and spread out as a blanket, and you dare to rub it anywhere. The key is that after wearing it, everyone can be evenly ugly. Sixteen, life is like some people singing, the first sentence is out of tune, and then everything goes wrong.

7. My wife baked cookies for the first time and they were burnt. I encouraged her to say, "My wife is great. She made Oreos." She was a little embarrassed: "No …" I said: "My wife must make the best!" When she was happy, she became excited: "Then you can eat them all."

8. The snail flew into a rage when checking out after dinner: "You are a little too dark. I just ate a small bowl of noodles here and charged my room rate. Please make it clear that the private room is my own, not yours. "

9. A man and a woman are making out. The man tried hard, but the woman didn't respond. The man asked angrily, "can't you respond a little?" Can't even call the bed! "The woman immediately shouted," Sleep! Bed! "

10, the woman is ugly and can't get married, hoping to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car.

1 1, a, I saw someone as soon as I closed my eyes. This is C, my mother, so it's you, stretching your neck, looking at hand G with EF smug expression, grinning, HH smiling.

12. Before I got married, I thought boys were the most handsome when playing basketball. After marriage, I suddenly found that it is the most exciting thing for men to cook, wash dishes and clean up the house!

13. After spending more than a year with my girlfriend, I finally understood two sentences. I can calm my girlfriend down by picking a word at random. The first sentence: You are right. The second sentence: buy.

14, never quarrel with your parents, because you will only be scolded if you win, and you will only be beaten if you win.

15, I went to work today and want to go tomorrow. This is a career; I went to work today, and I have to work tomorrow. This is a profession! I drank together today, and I want to drink again tomorrow. This is a friend. We drank together today, and we will drink tomorrow. This is the customer! I ate today, and I want to eat tomorrow. This is delicious food. I ate it today, and I will eat it tomorrow. This is a meal!

16, I went to my best friend's house, and she was actually reading a book. I asked her why she was so diligent. She said: color matters to people, and color declines gracefully. I asked what it meant, and she explained: I send selfies every day, and my friends are tired of watching them. So I'm going to make jokes and be an educated slut.

17, a dog grinned and the lion dodged. The little lion asked, "How shameful it is that you dare to fight with a tiger but avoid a dog." The lion said, "Fight with the dog and let the tiger know. Why don't you laugh at me? "

18, Jiaozi wants a divorce, and his wife asks why. Jiaozi: I fell in love with wonton. Madam: Didn't you say that you like my simplicity? Jiaozi: Now I realize that I prefer perspective clothes.

19, asking people to pay back money is like a secret love. I always feel embarrassed to say it! When you get up the courage to say it, you may not even have friends!

Xiaoming came to the forest and saw a bird playing mahjong. He asked, What kind of bird are you? The bird playing mahjong answers: I am a sparrow. Xiao Ming walked on and saw a bird taking a bath. He asked, What kind of bird are you? The bird in the shower replied, I am a magpie. Xiaoming walked on and saw a bird making a hole in the tree. He stepped forward and said, you must be a peacock! The bird gave him a white look: roll, I'm a woodpecker!

2 1, the female manager took a nap and stole her WeChat group: "I am pregnant." Who expected the boss to reply: "Are you sure? This is not a joke. " When we saw the news, we were all shocked. As a result, the boss replied: "The project will be established next, and you are not responsible." I think there's a problem.

22. Woman: Brother, I have a tight part on my body. Do you know where it is? M: (secretly pleased) I don't know. Where is it? Woman: It's at hand. Man: Sister, I have a hard part on my body. Do you know where it is? Where is the girl (shy)? M: Yes.

23, a sister. One day after dinner, my father looked at me for a long time. Suddenly sighed and said, hey, I wanted to solve one bachelor for my country twenty years ago, but I didn't expect to be able to do two more. My own dad, stop it. I want to be quiet. ...

24. What is a famous brand? If you add a zero to the cost price, it's called a famous brand. Cost plus two zeros is called luxury. How many zeros can be added after the cost price? This is called a cultural relic!

25. Frog, dog and goldfish participated in the swimming competition. The dog won the first place and the frog won the second place. Why did the champion go to the frog? There is no dog paddle in the international swimming competition, but there is breaststroke.

26. You are very handsome. You have a nest of cabbage on your head and a sack of kelp in your waist. You think you are Dong Fangbubai, but in fact you are the second generation of a failed God!

27. The world is so strange. Poverty limits my imagination, but not my weight.

28. Look at someone in Weibo who said that when he was in a bad mood, he went to chat with his aunt in the community, and in ten minutes, he would know who was worse off than you. I tried to find my aunt in the community and told her about my miserable life. My kind aunt patted me on the shoulder and said, what is this? Xiao Wang in Building 7 is much worse than you. I cried after listening to it, because I am Xiao Wang in Building 7.

29. When someone wants something from others in business, they will pester them and promise anything, but they always try their best to avoid it afterwards. On one occasion, he failed to fulfill his previous promise. He said to his friend, "believe me, I am by no means the kind of person who turns his back on others." The friend looked at him and said coldly, "Slip?"

30. The teacher asked: Why didn't dragonfly come to school today? The fly stood up and answered: yesterday, the street was being swept away and taken away. The teacher asked again, why didn't you get caught? The fly replied with a bitter face: the city manager said I was ugly and noisy, which seriously affected the city appearance. Get off the road.

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