Nanhui marriage custom

In rural areas, the role of matchmakers is very important. The matchmaker handles eight characters, spreads red, visits, speaks well, receives dowry, gets married and gives gifts. Both men and women have to invite the matchmaker to dinner many times, so there is a saying that "the matchmaker eats eighteen hooves". Xia Yao/Map

In the old society, when the children in Nanhui area reached the age of 12 or 13 (some even reached the age of seven or eight), some people already proposed to be matchmakers. Matchmakers are mostly mothers and aunts at home or relatives in neighboring villages. Local rural women are used to talking about family affairs from house to house, and the marriage of their children has become the main topic of family affairs, and both marriages are involved. The matchmaker usually asks the advice of the man's family first, and then goes to the woman's family to get the eight characters. Of course, the matchmaker will inevitably introduce the situation of the man's family. If the woman knows the details of the man's family and thinks that the portal is improper, she will politely refuse on the grounds that she is still young. If the woman's family has no bad impression on the man's family, she is always willing to be a character. Sometimes the matchmaker knows that a girl hasn't moved in, so he goes to get the eight characters first, and then waits for an opportunity to find a partner for her.

After the man receives the horoscope brought by the matchmaker, he will ask the fortune teller to arrange the horoscope. Fortune-tellers calculate according to the boy's life letter and the girl's eight characters (in the past, after the child was born, fortune-tellers were asked to write a life letter). If the fate is mutual, things will be settled. If the eight characters match, the man asks the matchmaker to propose marriage. At this time, the woman always uses "I am still young" to perfunctory, and sometimes even if she wants to, she will not agree to put on airs. After the matchmaker came to propose marriage, the woman's family was unfamiliar with the man's family, so she asked someone she trusted (mainly family background, family style, etc. ). If she thinks the match is right, when the matchmaker comes to propose marriage again, the woman's family will also talk. In this case, the man can send two posts to the matchmaker. After accepting the post, the woman's family agreed to this marriage, and then the woman's family sent two more posts for the matchmaker to take to the man's house. This is called "spreading red" and "changing posts".

After the red spread, the man asked the matchmaker to send two red paper packages (banknotes) to the woman's house, and the woman's house usually received one package of bride price, but the other package was unacceptable, so he asked the matchmaker to return it to the man's house.

The custom of spreading red in local rural areas continued until the 1980s and 1990s, and it still exists in some areas. However, most of the introducers are over 20 years old, and fortune tellers are rarely required to arrange eight characters. After a long period of love, the two sides fell in love and got married.

The man chooses the date of the visit, and the matchmaker goes to the woman's house to invite the girl to the door. On the day of crossing the door, the man rocked the boat (the rich man used a sedan chair) to pick it up, and the matchmaker went with the boat. There will be several tables of banquets at the man's house and all the relatives of the older generation will be invited. Through the introduction of the matchmaker, the girls all meet their future in-laws and elders, who will call them "Yue" (a gift). The girl didn't open her mouth the first time she came to the door. Everything was entertained by the matchmaker. My fiance is not present at ordinary times, because she is shy and has long avoided it. After dinner, the girl was accompanied home by the matchmaker.

The next day, the girl wanted to buy a gift and go to the man's house to "look back". All gift-giving elders should also give one or two gifts to show filial piety. I also hope to "please come back" in the next two or three days. The "invitation" does not require the presence of a matchmaker, but the mother-in-law or girl comes forward to invite the woman's home and accompany her home. That night, the girl lived in the man's house, so that the girl became a daughter-in-law (also called daughter-in-law). From then on, the daughter-in-law can go to her husband's house at will.

When a son-in-law goes through the door, that is, "recruiting a son-in-law", he should also hold the etiquette of going through the door, looking back and returning the invitation. The process is the same as that of a daughter-in-law.

After the daughter-in-law goes through the door, every Spring Festival and Dragon Boat Festival, her husband's family will send her a big plate and a Dragon Boat Festival plate. The woman's family should also return gifts to honor her in-laws. Every New Year's Eve, Dragon Boat Festival, July 30th, October Dynasty and other festivals, the husband-in-law will invite his daughter-in-law home for dinner, or his daughter-in-law will invite his hairy son-in-law for dinner.

In the past, poor families had no money to give gifts to buy banquets, and most of them did not engage in this ceremony. But if there is no door ceremony, men and women can't communicate at ordinary times until their wedding night. There used to be a joke circulating in the local area. Once, the new wife "Little Full Moon" came back from her family and got lost. When she saw a man mowing the grass, she asked for directions and the man showed her the way. When the new wife came home, she realized that the mower who had just shown her the way was her husband.

The custom of passing the door has continued to this day. Although the ceremony has been simplified, it is still grand in rural areas. At that time, male families will hold banquets and invite relatives and friends to drink engagement wine. The matchmaker must be present. Even if you are in free love, you should ask an acquaintance to be an introducer, commonly known as "holding the matchmaker" or "holding the matchmaker". On this day, the matchmaker went to the girl's home to invite the girl, and the girl offered tea. The girl came to see the man's parents, relatives and elders, accepted the "meeting ceremony" and started a love relationship. After that, the two sides can walk around freely, but on holidays, the man's family will inevitably give gifts to the woman's family.

Marriage is a good day, which is commonly known locally. When the child reaches the age of seventeen or eighteen, parents will arrange marriage for the child. At this time, the male family first asked Mr. Feng Shui to choose the auspicious day of the zodiac. After the wedding date is fixed, the male matchmaker will take four posts to the woman's house to have a good life. If the woman's family accepts these positions, it means that they agree to get married. However, when men post for the first time and the second time, most women don't accept it, and they always shirk it on the grounds of "too young" and "I can't afford a dowry". Generally, two posts will not be received until the third time, and the other two posts will still be sent back to the man's house by the matchmaker, indicating that they agree to get married as scheduled.

If the woman's family insists on not accepting the post, most of them will refuse to get married because of the decline or sudden disaster of the man's family. Some men can't marry a daughter-in-law for a while, so they organize a group of people to make a surprise attack and go to the woman's house to rob her daughter-in-law and get married. Because there is an appointment first, others generally do not interfere.

When the man sets a wedding date, he usually goes to the woman's house five or six months ago to celebrate the wedding day (most of them choose festivals, such as Dragon Boat Festival and Mid-Autumn Festival). If it is too early, it will be "scolded" by the woman's family: "I don't know if I should pay a dowry, but I will come early to urge him to marry me." If you are late, you will be "scolded" by your wife's family: "You don't know what to look at, don't look." After the woman's family receives the good day post, the man's family should start with small dishes, and the matchmaker will send money to the woman's family and make new clothes for the bride. About a month before the wedding, I will go to the market and then send money or gold and silver jewelry.

A few days ago, men and women invited their matchmakers to have wine to thank them, commonly known as "media wine", and the banquet was rich. Please ask the matchmaker to pay attention to the problem during the wedding. In the past, matchmakers played an important role in the process of marriage between men and women. Matchmakers contact, help arrange eight characters, send messages, come to the door, say good things, get a dowry, get married and give gifts. Therefore, when a man and a woman propose, it is inevitable to invite the matchmaker to dinner many times. Therefore, there is a saying in the local area that "the matchmaker ate eighteen hooves".

Nowadays, the custom of robbing relatives has long been banned, and Mr. Feng Shui is no longer invited to choose the auspicious day for weddings. The wedding date is usually set on holidays (usually the day when the lunar calendar meets the double). It's agreed that the matchmaker will come forward, but it's just a formality. In fact, the man and the woman have already discussed it in advance. Before marriage, the man gives bride price, dowry and jewelry to the woman. Generally, women only accept part of the bride price, and some refuse it. Men and women share candy with neighbors, colleagues at work, etc. Notify relatives and friends of the date of the wedding reception or send invitations.

When you go out with a dowry, you must go east or south. Don't change hands in the middle, don't stop, be sure to reload.

Yaoxiatu

The night before the dowry, the woman's family should pack up and fill the box. The bride's red and green flowers were sewn by her sister-in-law, and the quilt, sheets and pillows were paved with a piece of homespun. When packing the box, parents give their daughter's quilt cover, homespun, clothes, headscarf and other things to her sister-in-law, who puts them in the box like her sister-in-law, meaning that these things are taken to her husband's house with their consent.

After filling in the box, Niang Nan sang a wedding song. The content of the song is nothing more than "mom baby, because my parents are poor, I can't afford anything." Then he cried and said, "Thank you for your kindness in raising me." . At this time, the aunts, little sisters and relatives in the neighboring village will come to listen, and the kind-hearted little sister will pretend to come forward and persuade her to cry, which will really lead to the topic. Niang Nan displays her talents along the topic, which is an opportunity for onlookers to learn and ponder.

The next day, the dowry was placed in the first half of the living room, everything was pasted with red paper or happy characters, and candles were lit on the table of the incense table. The average family should have a foot toilet (toilet, pail, foot bucket, rice bucket and other round pieces), and put red eggs, dates and longevity fruit (peanuts) in the toilet for good luck. A bag of bedding containing lucky money, called "descendants' bag", was taken to her husband's house to make a new bed. A pile of quilts are placed on four tiles, and they are made into "quilts" with earthenware cloth, with red eggs and wedding cakes in the middle. In the past, every household in Nanhui rural area spun and woven cloth, and there were dozens of homespuns in the box. The rich man holds a "kitchen box dowry" and has hundreds of bumpkins.

When a man goes to a woman's house to ask for a dowry, he must have several boxes of cloth (home-made cloth) and a pair of baskets (with red paper on both poles and baskets). The dowry boat is parked on the bride's water bridge. Those who come to get the dowry are promoted first, and then go to the door of the living room. The representative (mostly my uncle) gave the bride's matchmaker a bag of money and asked the matchmaker to give it to the chef, sewing master and batting master, commonly known as "spending money". At this time, the woman's family was promoted again and began to pay a dowry.

It's polite to take a dowry. If you don't pay attention, you will be picky by your wife and even refuse to pay a dowry. The dowry must be received by my uncle. My uncle took the toilet and said to the dowry collector, "I took the baby at a glance." So everyone can move their dowry. Dowry taboo to say "lift", but to say "rise". When the makeup artist receives the first dowry, she can only put one foot in the threshold and one foot outside the threshold. As soon as your foot steps into the door, the woman will say "grab the dowry." "Upside-up" can't be disassembled, and several people must carry it onto the boat with the stool feet covered with falling box cloth. When you go out with a dowry, you must go east or south. You can't change hands halfway, you can't stop, you have to pretend to be heavy, and you have to walk a long way, commonly known as "leading the dragon". The purpose is to let everyone see more and show off more.

In the past, local people held weddings in sedan chairs. The groom gets married in a sedan chair or by boat, and the bride hosts a banquet. After the banquet, the groom goes home first. Before the man stepped onto the sedan chair, he lit incense and candles on the table incense in the guest room and placed sacrifices. Only when the matchmaker knocks on the head can the sedan chair usher in the New Year.

When the bride's sedan chair enters the house, the Yin Qing class (the early crane class) with the sedan chair must play in front of the woman's house. After the matchmaker handed in two posts, at the repeated invitation of the female family representative, the performer can enter the living room to have tea cakes. At this time, the mother (Xi Niang) will "dress up" the bride (comb her hair). Once upon a time, there was a local bride who was in charge of the wedding ceremonies of several village houses and was called "mother tutor". The wedding bride unscrews the hair on her face for the bride, which is called "opening her face" and puts on palace clothes (including silk floss, sunglasses, various headdresses, red satin cotton-padded jacket, red skirt, embroidered shoes, etc.). ). The palace costume was rented by the man to the rental store and delivered by the matchmaker in advance.

When the bride was dressed up, the mother cried a wedding song at the bedside, telling her daughter to behave and be filial when she went to her husband's house. Then, in the sound of the matchmaker and the bride urging them to get on the sedan chair, the bride put on embroidered shoes at the door of the guest room, stepped on the sacks laid in advance (for the good luck of the family) and walked to the front of the sedan chair, which was carried by her brother. At this time, the bride sang "Brother Xie" again. The bride is carried on the sedan chair by her brother, which symbolizes the establishment of uncle Lang's authority. As the representative of parents and relatives, Uncle Lang enjoys certain authority in safeguarding the rights and interests of his sister and nephew in her husband's family. The bride's embroidered shoes can't touch the ground, which means that the mud from her family (the symbol of family fortune) can't be brought to her husband's family.

After the sedan chair was carried to the corner of the men's field and stopped, the wedding guests were released to welcome the new and publicize. The mother-in-law gave up her post to her daughter-in-law. After the daughter-in-law took the post, the sedan chair was carried to the front of the living room, and several boys took a sack from the front of the sedan chair and spread it to the living room in turn. The bride walked out of the sedan chair, accompanied by her little sister, walked into the living room on a sack, and the groom walked into the living room accompanied by the young man. At this time, the doctor (master of ceremonies) drinks gifts, and the bride and groom bow to the incense table, then to the family hall and elders, and finally the bride and groom salute each other. After the ceremony, the bride and groom enter the room arm in arm (usually on handkerchiefs).

The bride was led into the room, sat on the bed and was led to the door by the bride (see elder). The parents-in-law are responsible for calling the elders, the bride calls the elders, and the mother-in-law speaks for them, which inevitably leads to a meeting for the elders. My uncle can't open the table until he is present. The bride and groom don't sit at the same table, the groom and uncle drink, and the bride eats garden wine accompanied by her little sister, matchmaker and wedding mother. The bride can't eat at the dinner table, just pretending.

After the banquet, relatives and friends will build a new house around the bride and groom. According to local regulations, new houses are built regardless of age. The women clamored for the bride to open the box and see how many soft things were in the cage. Finally, the bride and groom share the happy fruit (with my uncle, each person has a red cane and several water chestnuts, and the person who starts the new house will be satisfied). After the guests left, the bride and groom sat on the bed and looked at the flowers and candles. When the flowers burned to the tiger's chin, they were blown out. Xi Niang wrapped the candle head and threw it under the bed. On the wedding night, the bride and groom generally don't sleep, so they are called "couples with flowers and candles" locally.

That night or the next morning, the bride will divide boxes of cloth and give her parents-in-law a quilt. All the other elders who have given the greeting ceremony will be given a piece of cloth or a headscarf.

In the past, a man's wedding banquet had to be "three days" of ostentation and extravagance. The afternoon before the wedding, the chef and the waiter entered the venue, and the wives were busy making zongzi, jiaozi, steaming cakes and baking cakes. At the end of the banquet, they will send zongzi or cakes to the guests, commonly known as "paying back the money". That night, the chef will cook several tables of dishes (mostly with scraps such as fat intestines, pig lungs, fish heads and fish tails) to entertain relatives and friends who come to help. On the second day after the wedding banquet, Dong entertained his relatives who stayed behind to help. The local name is "knocking at the bottom". So that the wedding can be completed.