Mobile phone joke

1. Today, the office network suddenly failed to connect. The boss is studying IP settings with a male colleague. The male colleague went to HR elder sister's computer to set it up for a long time. The boss waited anxiously and shouted, Have you set it? A: Soon, soon.

2. When you have a problem with your wife, you fight. I ended up in the hospital. My friend and an uncle are comforting me. Uncle said, "Young man, you are very good. Last time I saw a young man beaten like a mummy by his wife. " I just want to say, "Grandpa, it was me last time."

3. The leading daughter-in-law gave birth to twins and posted news in the group. Everyone expressed their congratulations. In order to quickly attract the attention of the leaders, I quickly adjusted the font to the maximum and started typing: Congratulations, I gave birth to twins! When I typed the word twins, I quickly pressed SBT and sent it out. As a result, the screen shows "dead pervert"! What big three words! Still bold! The whole group suddenly fell silent. ...

4. I just went to dinner and saw tea eggs. I thought I was a junior and about to graduate. Before I ate tea eggs, I gritted my teeth and asked how much it was. The boss even said, "no, this is what we use to show off our wealth!" " "

I have been dating my boyfriend for half a year. One day, I asked him: You said we were married. What was life like after marriage? Boyfriend: An idiom. Me: Does the husband sing along with the woman? Boyfriend smiled cunningly and said, it's day after day.

6. I went home and got an iPad and said to my grandma, "Look, grandma, you can read on it." Grandma was very surprised. She took it to the iPad and looked at it. Then she licked her finger and turned a few pages on it.

7. "Mom, listen, Xiao Lizi next door changed'1'to' 5' on the report card, and his mother found out and is swearing!" "The child is really outrageous. You don't want to learn that, do you? " "He SB, I'm not as stupid as him! What do you think of changing it to 5? I only changed it to' 4'! "

8. Teasing my roommate to buy clothes, the boss offered 599, and he told people he brought 70. What should I do? The boss said ok, I'll sell it to you at 70. Then he took out a piece of 100 for the boss to find. At this time, the boss said heroically, I can't change one hundred, or if you change another one, I will be all broken.

9. A fat man went out and got on a bus. The car was crowded with people, and the fat man finally got to a position. Who knows that he had just sat down when an old man appeared in front of him. When the fat man saw the old man stumbling, he got up quickly and gave up his seat with his hands. Who knows that the uncle held him down and shouted, "Young man, don't move, you will take up more space when you stand up!" " "

10, I took my daughter out to play, and she always asked me to buy this and that, but I didn't buy any. This has become a habit, but it is not good. I told her that you should listen to your parents, and everything they said was reasonable. She replied, then your mother asked you to buy me something to eat. Why didn't you listen? ...

1 1. A child went to the shop downstairs to buy a drink. The shopkeeper gave him a bottle, and then the child said there was no money. The shopkeeper angrily threatened: "No money to find your mother!" "The child was so scared that the bottle cap fell to the ground. Pick it up and have a look: another bottle! So he gave the bottle cap to the shopkeeper and left happily. Let the shopkeeper look blank. ...

12. A doctor said to the patient, "I have bad news and worse news. Which one do you want to listen to? " The patient said, "This is bad news!" The doctor said, "When the test report comes out, you can live for 24 hours." The patient said with a little collapse, "That's worse news!" " "The doctor said," I have been looking for you since this time yesterday, but I found you. "Patient:" ... "

13, high school organizes measles vaccination, wears thick clothes in winter, and boys and girls live in the same room. It may be inconvenient to get an injection, so you need to take off your coat. Several of our buddies were waiting in line, only to see the female monitor of our class beautifully take off her sweater and reveal her bra. This is not a bright spot. So far, I can't understand why her bra is over the sweater.

14. Today, I went to a buffet with my best friend. Our goal was to eat until I helped her out, and then I ordered a lot of dishes. Later, I could hardly eat any more. My best friend said I went to WC, and when I came back, I was surprised to find that she could still eat. Later I learned that she took off her bra. She said that once she took off her bra and felt that her chest was still quite full, so I knelt down.

15, one day Xiaoli's father hired a tutor for Xiaoli. A few days later, Xiaoli's father wanted to know how Xiaoli was studying, so he asked her what three plus two was. Xiaoli thought about it and said nothing. The teacher stretched out five fingers beside him. Xiaoli looked into her eyes and said, bear's paw!

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