Advice in the second child era: eccentricity is human nature. But the preference should be moderate, too much will become toxic.

Many second-born mothers are puzzled. They gave birth to a second child. Dabao, who was as clever as an angel, became a "demon on earth". A friend complained that when the whole family was in a hurry to coax her sister, she quietly threw her sister's toy into the toilet and spilled her sister's milk powder all over the floor. She cried earth-shattering when she was slightly dissatisfied. My friend is worried that her neighbors will warn her of child abuse.

I only have one child, so I have no say in the second child. But at least I am the vested interest of the second child, because I am the youngest in my family and have two sisters. In order to prove my identity, I'm also fighting for it, and I won't accept any charges such as a son preference fine. )

Every time I go back to my hometown to be with my sisters, my sister's favorite thing is to accuse my father of being partial. I remember it very clearly. I got the fifth place in my class in the final exam of senior one. My sister and I are both better than me, and both of them are the first in our class.

In our school, the third place won the prize before the exam, and the fifth place took nothing. When I got home, my two sisters held brand-new pencil boxes and notebooks, one for each, which made me cry.

My dad saw me crying and asked why, and then he did something that I hated. He confiscated all my sister's prizes and told them that they couldn't use them until I won the next exam. Until now, I still remember my successful smile and the way my sister looked at me.

Now that I am a mother, I can criticize unprincipled hegemony and eccentricity like my father. Being partial to the little ones will bring psychological shadow to my sister and affect my healthy growth. Barabara can write a big article.

Indeed, these things can be regarded as jokes now. My sisters and I still have a very harmonious relationship, and this incident has not brought them too many scars. Now we are all broad-minded and fat, and the family is happy.

But the time goes back 30 years. How innocent are the two girls who came home happily after taking the first place in the exam? The hard-won prize can't be used, and it can't be used until my sister wins the prize in the exam the next year. Who did they provoke? Fortunately, their sisters were particularly competitive and won the first place in the class the next year. The three sisters happily mentioned the grand prize together.

I cite my sister and me as examples, not to say that favoritism will not affect children. If it had no effect at all, my sisters and they wouldn't remember it so clearly for 30 years. In all fairness, with more than two children at home, it is difficult for parents to keep a bowl of water level. Every child has a different temper and personality, and parents also have their own preferences. Parents are completely required to treat every child equally, which is the same for every child. Immortals can't do it, let alone ordinary people.

In most families with two children, it is easy to understand that the younger one is more favored. After all, the little one is just born, and it is inseparable from people to eat, drink and sleep. The family will pay more attention to him and then ignore the boss. This is understandable and human nature, but it does not mean that it is right to do so.

In the story of a teenager, Cui Hanyu, a nine-year-old boy, expressed his great wish on the high platform: to have his own children and two more when he grows up. Why do you want a second child at a young age?

It turned out that he had a younger brother when he was three years old. What did he play? My brother grabbed it, he grabbed it back, my brother cried, my brother cried, and my mother beat him. Therefore, he wants to have two children and take it out on the second child. Is this a 9-year-old's revenge?

Cui Han's practice for her mother represents a large part of the second-born mother. You are the elder brother, so let the younger brother who is not sensible be sensible. Many brothers and sisters accused their parents of being partial in the program "Teenagers Say", and they heard such words every day.

When Cui Hanyu said that he would take all his anger out on the second child, the host, teachers and classmates, including his mother, couldn't help laughing. It's really funny that a 9-year-old boy plans to have several children in the future, but who can understand the youth's heart behind it?

Cui Hanyu was interrupted by his mother. To tell the truth, I thought her mother would apologize to him, saying that she ignored his feelings and didn't treat him and her brother fairly. Unexpectedly, Cui Hanyu's mother said, "Cui Hanyu, your idea is wonderful." When you said you wanted a childhood friend, I gave birth to your brother. "

Mom is your brother, and Cui Hanyu is speechless and can only say, "I regret it now."

Cui Hanyu's question, the answer given by his mother, is that his younger brother is what he wants, and he will suffer from crying in the end. Who told you that you are young and ignorant, but you want a childhood friend?

To tell the truth, my mother's answer disappointed me. Cui Hanyu and his younger brother are only three years apart. If Cui Hanyu was really born by his mother, that was his requirement when he was two years old. The child's words were reckless, but he was justifiably taken by his mother as the reason why he had to let his brother go.

There is also a sister in Tale of Teenagers who accuses her mother of favoring her sister, saying that her sister is her mother's pistachio. Her mother smiles when she sees her sister, and frowns when she sees herself. But this elder sister is lucky. Her mother gave timely feedback at the scene, saying that her elder sister was so old, and she was strictly required to finish her homework and go to bed early, so that she could have the energy to cope with the next day's study. She and her sister are very happy.

In real life, people with brothers and sisters must get more attention from their parents than the only child, and their parents' love cannot be strictly divided into two or three parts. Accept this reality and don't have unrealistic expectations for your parents.

However, as parents, we can't pin our expectations on our children's understanding and understanding, and we should have a good idea in our hearts. Eccentricity should be moderate, too much will become poison.

It is understandable that one of the children is inclined to love in a special period. However, preference should be moderate. If preference becomes a habit, blindly asking brothers and sisters to let go of their younger brothers and sisters, there is no principle and no bottom line, and the harm to children will be incurable for life.

In The Thief's Family, Ji Ya, who runs away from home to work in a custom-made shop, has no nostalgia for his family because of his parents' partiality. Ji Ya is in the shop where he works, chatting with Guest No.4 and talking about his home. She also has warm memories and is very close to her sister.

Ji Ya began to learn violin when she was in primary school, and so did her sister after she graduated from primary school. My sister is very clever. She plays better than Ji Ya several times. Later, my sister said that she couldn't afford two children to learn the violin, so Ji Ya stopped studying.

Ji Ya stroked the scarred hand of Guest 4, as if touching his own heart.

Excessive preference will scar the neglected children and make the favored children fearless. There are parents and brothers and sisters at home. Who will like his family?

My parents will also be partial, but their partiality is sometimes to my sister and sometimes to me. When the elder sister got married, my second sister and I were both at school. The neighbor said that if you ask the wife of your father-in-law for more bride price, your two daughters will have their tuition fees. My mother said it was the parents' responsibility to send their children to school, not the elder sister's. My mother saved all the bride price my brother-in-law gave my sister, and married many more things.

Should brothers and sisters make way for their younger brothers and sisters? Maybe sometimes you should give up, but this time, brothers and sisters want to give up and take care of their brothers and sisters, and should not be forced by their parents. If you are a brother/sister, you should give up your brother/sister.

In the story of a teenager, a girl accused her grandmother of being partial. She speaks very well. I am also a child, and I need your concern. You can give your brother more love, but don't talk to me in that tone. Grandma responded positively to the child at the scene. You have been wronged, and grandma will improve in the future.

In Inferiority and Transcendence, Adler puts forward three kinds of children who are easy to become problem children: children with physical defects, spoiled children and neglected children. On the issue of multiple children, if parents don't grasp this degree, there will be multiple problem children at home. Children's childhood problems will become obstacles to their growth.

Parents with many children at home should not always stand on the commanding heights and say to the boss: You are brother/sister, so you have to give way to your brother/sister. Before saying this, ask yourself, can you always let others have no principles? This sentence will not only hurt the boss's heart, spoil his brothers and sisters, but also make the brothers and sisters who should be close to each other become strangers.

It's not easy to level a bowl of water, but we prefer moderation, too much will turn into poison, and don't let our words make children suffer.