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Prose essay "Cowardly Love"
one
In my childhood memory, my father always smiled at me affectionately and never got angry. And mothers are much stricter. I remember when I was a child, I liked to eat those fruit-flavored hard candy. My mother is worried about my teeth and won't let me eat them. My father would buy it quietly and put it in my pocket on the way to kindergarten.
Remember/kloc-the Spring Festival when I was 0/8 years old. My family went to my grandmother's house as a guest, and my second aunt also came. My uncle is a businessman. By that time, he had four big shops. On that day, my uncle invited the whole family to a restaurant for dinner. They talked about their plans for the New Year. Suddenly he patted his father beside him and said, "Brother-in-law, how are you now?"
"He can't catch up with you, but he will be promoted next year." Mother took the words with a smile. My uncle toasted my father to congratulate him, and his father responded falteringly. His face was red before drinking.
Mom laughed all night and her back was straight. After the banquet was over, she became indifferent for an instant, and her face was as black as a stone that had not seen the sun for a long time on her way home. As soon as I entered the room, she pushed me back to my room to sleep. I know in my heart that another quarrel is inevitable.
Through the crack of the door, I saw my mother throwing things at my father's feet like crazy. She pointed to her father and said, "Zhou Lixin, can you make me live more smoothly like a man?"
But my father silently picked up what fell to the ground. I cried quietly. From then on, I told myself that I would never look for a man like dad again. At the very least, he should know how to defend his dignity.
two
Fortunately, I have gone to college and lived on campus most of the time, but I still heard some gossip about my mother in the gossip of my neighbors.
One early winter evening, my mother suddenly called and said, "You have something to do when you come home." They have divorced. Mom didn't ask for anything, including me. I sat on the sofa crying. Dad advised me to say, "Forget it, let your mother go." With tears on my face, I pointed at him and shouted, "Why? You are my father! Why don't you protect this family! The whole community knows that mom is having an affair. Why didn't you stop her? ! "
Father slumped on the sofa and would only mumble, "I'm sorry."
That year, I fell in love. That is a boy who is willing to fight for me. His name is Jiang Bin, and he is tall and big, which always makes me feel strangely safe. When my father found out, he came to see him at school. When he learned from his classmates that Jiang Bin was punished by the school for fighting, he never agreed to let me associate with Jiang Bin again.
He said, "Listen to me, that kind of boy is too wild and unreliable."
I can't help but retort: "Is a weak person like you reliable?"
My father was speechless for a long time, but finally he turned and left.
three
A year later, my mother sent a wedding photo. She looks happy in the photo. I am no longer so sensitive to their divorce, but what I will never forget is that my father's weak personality ruined my happiness.
After graduating from college, neither Jiang Bin nor I found a suitable job. My mother raised some money to let me open a restaurant with him.
Next year's wedding is approaching, when my father helped me write the invitation, he suddenly asked me, "Will your mother and them come?" I nodded and he said, "Oh, then I won't go." "If you don't come when I get married, are you afraid to see mom and them?" I said half jokingly. Father only smiled twice and didn't answer.
Father really didn't come to the wedding in September. I haven't seen my mother for years, but she is much younger. It seems that she has found the life she wants.
One day's wedding was exhausting, and Jiang Bin was lying in bed drunk and unconscious. I sat at the table and counted the gifts of the day. When I touched a red envelope and tore it open, it turned out to be my father's passbook. After so many years, I have saved one by one, and there are actually 68 thousand, which is probably all his savings. I pushed Jiang Bin and said, "When did my dad come? Why didn't you call me when you saw it? " But he was in a daze and couldn't say anything.
Late at night, I called my father and got through quickly. He doesn't seem to be sleeping. "Why didn't you call me when you came?"
"It is enough to see you. On the big day, two fathers stood behind and made people laugh. " He may be drunk and his speech is a little vague.
"Give me all your bankbooks, what will you do?"
"Silly girl, what is the use of my money? It will be yours sooner or later. " My father's voice became choked and incoherent. "I'm sorry you are my father, I can't do it all my life ... you must be as happy as your mother ... my father misses you very much ..."
My father's phone was cut off, and I thought of my father who was drunk in the cold room. I shed tears for him for the first time.
four
Jiang Bin and I only lived happily for three years, and then I found out that he had a lover.
He is indeed stronger than I thought. He used to fight hard for me, but now he slaps me for his lover. That slap made me decide to divorce him.
I didn't tell my father about the divorce. Although I live in the same city as him, I seldom go to see him. I'm afraid to see him, for I'm afraid he'll see me down and out. I left the restaurant and found a job. I rented a house not far from my company.
A person's life is as simple as a straight line, company, fast food restaurant, rental house. I sat in a fast food restaurant as usual that day. In the dense heat, I accidentally saw my father. His white hair seems to be covered with frost. He sat in front of me and whispered, "Come home with me."
five
Before my father retired, he finally bought a two-bedroom house through the welfare of the unit. He moved my luggage into the big room facing the sun. Father clapped his hands and said, "Let's live in this room."
He casually opened a transparent jar on the table and said, "Eat?" It's full of colorful hard candy. He said, "Didn't you like it best when you were a child?"
"I haven't eaten for a long time."
Father sat down by the bed with a smile. "It's delicious. When I eat this, I think of you as a child. "
It's hard to imagine how my father, who never eats sugar, likes these hard sweets. Perhaps, because of these monotonous sweetness, it can remind him of his daughter who once pestered him to buy candy. However, my daughter has long forgotten all this.
In the evening, I called my mother. I asked her if she thought about her father. The other end of the phone was quiet, and it took a long time before a faint sigh came. She said, "There's something I've always wanted to tell you. Actually, it's not easy for your dad. I wanted to divorce him when you were in high school. But he would rather be pointed at for so long than leave after the college entrance examination. It is not easy for a man to do this. Mom was too selfish at first. "
I hung up the phone that day and couldn't sleep for a long time. I always thought it was my father's cowardice that tore this family apart, but I never thought that his eternal tolerance was full of infinite love for me.
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