I read a joke the other day and it killed me.

I used to think that being addicted to the Internet affected my efforts and progress, and I struggled in the abyss of quitting the game and Weibo.

Now re-examine my life, it is obvious that vulgar and false efforts in the eyes of the secular have affected my mood of surfing the Internet!

After correcting my thoughts, I suddenly became enlightened. Brush Weibo to understand the world, play games to exercise your brain, and watch videos to cultivate your body and mind. My future is bright!

Please?Line?Up?

There was a time when I particularly hated queuing. I felt that time was wasted and I was very unhappy. But then I thought about it, mainly because of my problem: generally speaking, the poorer people are, the more time they wait in line in their lives.

Observe and evaluate the suitability of future spouse or son.

On a blind date with a sister arranged by a colleague, I suddenly got up before the food was served: "I feel bored, shall I go first?" Then he left.

I had to endure tears and eat all the dishes for both of them, because I vomited after eating too much.

mistake

Your dog doesn't know you can make mistakes. When you get up at night and trip over it in the dark, it will only think that you get up and kick its head.

be picky

When I was shopping, I saw two people quarreling, and the louder the quarrel, the more fierce it became.

I guess they will fight, and there are melon seeds in their pockets, so they eat and watch.

Then they hit me together.

society

My cousin who went to college told me that she couldn't stand boys like Little White Rabbit. She thinks everyone is good people, just like idiots. Every time I see such a boy, she wants to sleep with him, making him realize that society is sinister and people are unpredictable.

cheat

On the way home from school, she suddenly said, "Mom, I want to eat three ice creams today!" " "

Me: "children can't eat that much, they can only eat one!" " "

She: "Good!"

I was lost in thought when I watched my daughter eating ice cream happily.

Have a crush on sb

I like a boy on the high school basketball team. Once, after he played basketball, I handed him water, which was 20 centimeters higher than me. I looked up and saw him sweating and panting. At that moment, I thought he was like an orangutan, and then this secret love came to an abrupt end.

Buy salt

There was no salt at home, so I gave my son five yuan and said, "Go to the newly opened shop downstairs and see if there is any salt."

Then he left happily with the money. After a while, he came back with a few packets of spicy strips in his hand and said while eating, "Dad, there is salt in the shop."

life

Life is like a play, you are your own director.

Of course, your boss is a producer, your parents are screenwriters, and your target is big names. Anyone can guide you.

massive

In my opinion, the problem of advanced mathematics is this: it is known that the school finishes class at 12: 30, and Xiao mingcan leaves the classroom 10 minutes earlier. He needs to go down seven floors, each with 30 steps. The distance from the teaching building to the canteen is 320 meters, the wind speed is 3 meters per second, and Xiao Ming walks 70 centimeters. Q: Will Xiaoming order fish-flavored shredded pork when he arrives at the canteen?