Why do you have to talk evasively?

Emperor Kangxi of the Qing Dynasty worked hard and did many great things when he was young. In his later years, he was old, with gray hair and loose teeth. This is the natural law of life, but others are old-fashioned, and I am not happy to hear someone say that he is "old". Therefore, the officials around him are very aware of his psychology, and they are very taboo to say "old" and never touch his bad head in front of the emperor. In order to show that he is still young and energetic, Emperor Kangxi often takes his queen and concubines to the hunting grounds to hunt wild animals or fish on the lake.

One day, he led a group of concubines to go fishing on the lake. After a while, the fishing rod moved. Emperor Kangxi quickly raised his fishing rod and saw an old turtle hooked by a fishhook. He likes it very much. Who knows that as soon as he was pulled out of the water, he heard a "plop", and the turtle actually unhooked and fell into the water and ran away. It's a pity that Kangxi sighed. The queen who accompanied Kangxi on the left quickly comforted and said, "It seems that this turtle is old and has no front teeth. It can't hold the hook."

At this time, a little princess who was watching couldn't help laughing and kept laughing, but couldn't stand up at all. Kangxi couldn't help being furious. He felt that what the queen said was really unintentional, while the concubine was intentional, insinuating that he had lost his teeth and was useless when he was old. After Kangxi returned to the palace, he immediately issued a decree to put his concubine in limbo and never come back. At this time, the young princess felt very regretful. She sighed and said, "Because I didn't pay attention to a smile, I actually killed myself as a widow all my life. This is the result of my imprudence. "

Why did Emperor Kangxi clearly say the word "old" when he spoke, but she didn't blame it. The concubine just smiled and Emperor Kangxi blamed her? First of all, because of Kangxi's taboo psychology, he refused to accept that he was old and was afraid that others would say that he was old. This kind of psychology actually reflects a general mentality of the elderly, because he is old and his physical strength and energy are not as good as when he was young, but he doesn't want to admit this reality and hopes that others can objectively deny it, so once someone brings up this topic, he can't bear it. Because the emotional distance between the queen and the concubine and Emperor Kangxi is different. When you think about it carefully, what the empress said also has two meanings: express meaning and implied meaning. Clear meaning means literal meaning. Because the feelings of Emperor Kangxi and the Empress were close and had positive associations, he only understood literally that the Empress comforted him out of kindness. Although the princess said nothing, she just smiled. However, she smiled on the basis of the queen's words, and was far away from Emperor Kangxi's feelings, which made Emperor Kangxi have a negative association. The implied meaning is that the old turtle lost his tooth and couldn't hold the hook, and he was as old as Emperor Kangxi, so it was useless, and even the turtle hooked on it escaped. This deeply hurt the self-esteem of Emperor Kangxi.

Of course, Emperor Kangxi's heavy punishment of smiling concubine also exposed the ruthlessness of the feudal emperor, but if he is an ordinary person, he will certainly be unhappy if others make fun of his shortcomings. People always have self-esteem, and they all want to be respected by others. They don't want others to say unhappy things as soon as they meet. So everyone doesn't want others to touch their shortcomings, regrets, privacy and embarrassing things, which is also the psychological state of ordinary people. Therefore, in real communication life, we must respect others with our heart, and never talk about things that others are taboo, otherwise it will worsen interpersonal relationships and cause communication mistakes.

A fat customer went to a clothing store to buy clothes. She is interested in a coat with big flowers and horizontal stripes. The salesman advised her, "This kind of clothes with big flowers and horizontal stripes is suitable for slim people. You are too fat. It's not ugly to wear such clothes again. " The salesman was kind, but she touched the customer's taboo, and the customer turned and left without saying anything.

A man with a disability in his arms learned to write and draw with a pen between his toes by his own efforts, and his paintings were also sent to overseas exhibitions. When a reporter interviewed him, he suddenly asked, "You are famous for your toes. Is the foot more useful or the hand more useful? " This question made the painter very angry and asked the reporter: "The statue of Venus is famous for its broken arm. Do you think it's beautiful? " The reporter was dumbfounded on the spot and the interview failed. There is an old saying: "Don't say short in front of short people", and you can't "say a pot won't open". Otherwise, it will not only hurt others, but also cause irreparable harm to the speaker himself.

Of course, life itself is very complicated, because of various reasons, sometimes it is inevitable to talk about some topics that will make others taboo. In this case, we should pay attention to speaking skills. Try to be tactful and subtle, and avoid using words that will directly stimulate the senses when choosing words and making sentences, so that the effect will be better. For example, a chubby female customer went to a cloth store to buy a cloth-cut shirt, but she couldn't decide whether to choose a large flower pattern or a geometric pattern. Considering the customer's characteristics, the salesgirl helped her choose a fabric with geometric patterns and introduced to her: "This kind of cloth with big flowers is a little swollen, which is more suitable for thin people, but not for you. The fabric design is generous in geometric pattern, good in color and inexpensive. If you wear it, pulling seven feet is enough. It doesn't cost much to make a shirt, and it can make people look young and slim. " Fat customers feel comfortable when they hear it.