Skit Robot Wife (Guo Degang Cai Ming) Lines

Guo (singing): Being single is hard to buy. When I am single, I want to get married. Women nowadays are so annoying. I might as well buy it as a robot.

Guo: Alas! Single After so many years, I have never found a suitable girlfriend. I found that there is no one who is perfect. I am tired of being among people. So, I simply ordered an imported robot to be my wife. She has no shortcomings at all. And she will do whatever you ask her to do. It’s so comfortable!!! Hahahaha. And I ordered it according to Mao Amin’s appearance. Hahaha. Ah... why does she look like Cai Ming? No wonder She gave me a 20% discount. Oops. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over, it’s over. It’s over. It’s over. She bullied me every day when we were working together. This time she even came to my house with me. Let me tell you. .I don’t care if you look like Cai Ming. But your temper must not be like her. Otherwise, I will really spend money to pay for my suffering.

Cai: Happy Spring Festival and good luck in the Year of the Rat. .I am lucky to be able to serve you. Hahaha.

Guo: Oh, this is not bad, not bad, not bad. This little mouth is quite sweet. Oh, this money is not wasted. What is your name? What's your name?

Cai: Short-sighted

Guo: What! Short-sighted! Hey, what's your name? I think I'll change it for you. I Seeing that you look like Cai Ming, let’s just call you Caihua. I said Caihua, from now on, I will be your husband and you will be my wife. Come here and let me kiss you. I’m sorry.

Cai: Hey

Guo: How can it be like a human being who always falls out when he or she falls in love?

Cai: Before entering the husband’s program, all the robots were judo. Seven paragraphs.

Guo: Ouch. Ouch, my God. I’d better input the program quickly, otherwise I’ll have to spend the whole year in the hospital. What personality types do you have here?

Cai: The strong female type, just like Wu Zetian.

Guo: No. I still want to be the leader.

Cai: The enjoyment type. That’s it. You earn money and I help you spend it. Eat whatever is delicious and buy whatever is expensive.

Guo: No! No, no, no, no. I don’t want people like me! Don’t you have something suitable for us ordinary people? Is that the type that ordinary people use?

Cai: There are career type, family type, charming type, simple type, passionate and unrestrained type, gentle and virtuous type...

Guo: Waiting Wait. I want this, I like gentleness.

Cai: You are back!

Guo: What are you doing

Cai: Thank you for your hard work!

Guo: You, you, you, what do you want to do

Cai: I’m really sorry for not coming to the door to greet you.

Guo: Oh, hehe. Haha. So that’s it...light up the cigarette for me.

Cai (light the cigarette, hammer the leg)

Guo: Ah, it’s comfortable. Haha. This leg. Cai Ming Oh, Cai Ming, you also have today. These legs! Hahahahahahaha. Oh, I have survived. (I turned into a peasant and became a slave and started singing... Bazaar Hey) Okay, okay, okay. Get up. .Get up. Get up. Just think about it.

Cai: I’ll go and get you some tea

Guo: Ah, okay, okay.

Cai: I'll cook for you

Guo: Ah, okay, okay.

Cai: The cauliflower is causing trouble for you

Guo: Oh, no, no, no. We Chinese men are not used to this.

Cai: You will get used to it gradually

Guo: We are very satisfied without kneeling down to our wives.

Cai :I'll wash your clothes

Guo. Oh no. I'll wash it myself

Cai: I'll scratch it for you

Guo: No. I'll scratch it myself

Cai: Don't be too polite.

Guo: Ouch. My waist can't bear this. Where is the remote control?

Cai: You Are you looking for something?

Guo: I'm not looking for it

Cai: Can I help you find it?

Guo: I'll look for it myself.

Cai: You...

Guo (pressing the remote control): Stop! Ouch. Ouch, my God. Who can stand these two couples who are always so polite in their lives? I think you should help. I'll do it

Let's be practical. Just help me clean up the house.

Cai: Please choose the clean type.

Guo: Ah. Clean type

Cai: Oh , Oh my God, this doesn’t look like a house for people to live in. It’s completely a pig’s nest.

Guo: How can this be a pig’s nest?

Cai: Oops. It’s so dirty. .Wash your hands.

Guo: Ah, what? Oops. The most annoying thing for me is washing my hands.

Cai: Don’t forget that I am one of hundreds of workers on the assembly line. I picked it up by touching it. There are no germs on my body. Sato who put my head on is suffering from the flu. Yamada who put on my neck is suffering from hepatitis. Matsui who put on my arm is suffering from dysentery, and Watanabe who put on my leg is suffering from dysentery. I have typhoid fever.

Guo: Oops. Then I’d better take a shower... The people you mentioned just now sound familiar to me. Jiu Shan must be with you too.

Cai: Yes. He is not seriously ill, he has AIDS.

Guo: Oops. I found that your war criminal is quite good. ah.

Cai: He is undergoing reform through labor.

Guo: Uh, okay, okay. Hey, why do you always ask me to wash? Why don’t you disinfect yourself?

Cai: It’s easy for me, you can sleep at night At that time, sit in a pot of boiling water, and my head, arms, and legs can all be removed. You put them all in the pot and simmer over low heat overnight. When you get up early the next day, you Then take me out of the pot and put it on according to the instructions.

Guo: I'm sleeping...You are stewing in the pot...? This, this, this, I can't sleep.

p>

Cai: It doesn’t matter if you can’t sleep. You don’t need to stew my head. Put my head next to your pillow. I’ll tell you stories. I’m especially good at telling ghost stories. Here’s an embroidered shoe. .Basket-colored skeletons, green corpses...

Guo: Oh, stop. Oh, I don’t dare to stay in her room anymore. Can’t you make something that makes me feel comfortable? ?

Cai: Please choose the considerate type.

Guo: Oh my god. You told me earlier. The most painful thing about me is that no one understands me. !

Cai: I understand you. Do you often act in skits with a guy named Cai Ming?

Guo: Yes. We have a very good relationship.

p>

Cai: Really? In fact, you hate her very much in your heart. She took away all the fun and funny lines, causing you to yell and jump around on the stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Guo: Shhh...Long live my understanding...Sit down. To tell you the truth, the two of us work together. We just have to come down every time we perform. If Cai Ming fails in his performance, I Just comfort her. Don’t take it too seriously. You did a good job in acting. In fact, I was thinking...

Cai: I want you to be beautiful, but your acting is bad. It’s time.

< p>Guo: Yes. If she becomes popular, I will tell her after she comes down...

Cai: Don't take it to heart. This audience is uneducated. They shouldn't laugh. Laughing blindly

Guo: Ha. Yes. This is the feeling I want. How come you know everything?

Cai: I am considerate.

Guo: You must not tell anyone. If you say it, I will be embarrassed to see others. I will have to slap myself in the face.

Cai: What?

Guo: I have to slap myself in the mouth.

Cai (smacked four big mouths)

Guo: Oops. Oops. Oops. Oops. Stop! Ouch. Oh my god. Why did you hit someone?

Cai: You said you wanted to whip yourself. I whipped you for you in an understanding way, but you were not happy. You humans are so hypocritical.

< p>Guo: Oh my god. We humans have shortcomings, but we know it hurts! We understand that feelings can be painful. Unlike you robots, who are cold and emotionless!!! Ouch. If this continues, I won’t be able to survive the Spring Festival. What kind of robot is this? Return the product.

Cai: The remote control is broken. Now it is in a state of logical confusion

Guo: You. What do you want to do?

< p>The music starts. Cai pulls Guo to dance.

Guo: Ah, let go of me. Ah, oh, I really can’t stand it.

Cai: I want you to carry me out to play. !!

Guo: What? What did you say? You want me to carry you out to play?

Cai; Well. If you don’t want to carry me, let’s dance!

p>

Guo: OK. OK, OK. I’ll carry it.

<

p>Guo: Cauliflower. Where do you want to go during this Chinese New Year?

Cai: I want you to carry me to the Great Wall to play

Guo: Great Wall? Oh my god Oh my god. Is Comrade Zhao Zhongxiang here? Zhao Zhongxiang, let me give you a gift....

The two of them have finished playing