Does anyone have a funny joke? Each joke should not be too long like a text message, the more the better, urgently needed!

1. During a class, the teacher asked a question: "What did Fang Zhimin say before he died?" A man was listening to his Walkman with headphones and did not pay attention to his own volume. Fang Zhimin said those words: "Come on! Throw me money to death!..."

2. It was also in class, and the teacher asked us to name our favorite mottos. One of my classmates said it without hesitation: "You can kill with just a nod to the ground, but you can die with your head in the air!"

3. One day after going to bed and turning off the lights, a classmate stood on a whim and sang in the middle of the dormitory. : "You said you wanted to do it, but you didn't wear a luck-proof condom. Now, you're pregnant. Do you want to give birth to a child..." (If you need it, please refer to Zhang Yu's good intentions) The whole song The song was heard by the head teacher who came to check the ward. .

4. Someone’s sleep talking---God! Give me a woman! 5. There is a stronger dream talk. Late one night, I suddenly woke up and heard someone murmuring---Brother Yide, help me mount my horse (Romance of the Three Kingdoms). Five minutes later---Good head, not only who will come cut? (Romance of the Sui and Tang Dynasties) Five minutes later---Xiao Li's Flying Knife is indeed well-deserved! (Xiao Li Fei Dao) Five minutes later---different dimension space! (If I remember correctly, it should be Saint Seiya) Five minutes later---Henhen, hehe, hahahaha (according to my guess, it may be Yagami's three-part smile...) I really want to know him What are you dreaming about? . . . .

6. One of my classmates went to meet a female netizen one day. When he came back, everyone asked him how he was doing, and he gritted his teeth and said, "Don't mention it, his mother's, the whole first palace The eunuch--it doesn't matter what you want!"

7. One time, my classmates and I went out to have breakfast. While a classmate was eating, a dog ran up to him and waggled its tail. He looked at the dog. For a long time, I said something violent: "Call daddy, and I will feed you."

8. One day in class, my classmate was caught talking nonsense, and the teacher looked at him with raised eyebrows. : "You are the one I dislike the most in this class." After hearing this, the classmate replied word for word: "What an honor!"

9 During class, the teacher asked: "The founder of Taoism "Who is that person?" A certain classmate answered loudly: "I!" Copy link: "In today's world, students must be determined to make progress." A classmate got it right, but was ordered to write an 800-word review. What he got right was: "Looking at the world today, teachers must be shameless X L..."

11. One day when we went out drinking, a large crowd of people got very drunk. A man who was not afraid of death rushed to the public phone booth, picked up the phone and dialed 110. After the call was answered, he called loudly. Said: "Hey! Who called my phone just now?!"

12. I remembered a very cute thing that happened in school~ One night, my roommate was very generous and dug out his "private reserve" points. For everyone in the dormitory to eat ~ At the end he said: "Eat quickly, these biscuits will expire after 12 o'clock ~" I don't know why, this sentence is harmonious again, I am depressed 15. I will sleep with my mother today Next to me, the old man suddenly touched me and said: This body is so slippery, whoever sleeps with you in the future will definitely feel great! ~Tian Lei, Mom, I said, can we not be so bh? !

16. I just told a girl on QQ that I like you.

The person on the other side was silent for a while, and then he said, why did you say it as if you had slept with me...

17. I am a college student...during the holidays...I basically slept until after 12 o'clock every day...one morning I woke up suddenly Then I couldn't fall asleep... So I got out of bed and started reading... I don't know how long it took... My dad got up and came out of the room and saw me: "Oh... I got up so early to read... It's rare..." After saying that... he walked to the hall to watch TV... About 10 seconds later... my half-open door was kicked open... and my angry dad pointed at me: "Tell me... did your kid fail the exam again...?" Dad... you It turns out he is really my biological father...

18. There is a small shop in front of my house. The advertisement broadcast every day is "The boss's wife has run away. The boss's wife has run away. The boss has no intention of running the business. Cleaning up the place." It lasted for a month. Change it to: "The boss lady is back, the boss lady is back, the boss celebrates with big discounts." The next month is: "The boss lady ran away again, the boss lady ran away again..." - PS: Boss lady, is she tired?

19. Me: I want to live in a Buddhist temple for a while and experience the transcendental feeling of clear clouds and clear wind!

Wife: Your penis is very big!

Me:............

20. My wife called her husband, who is a programmer: "I bought a pound of steamed buns to take with me after get off work. Come back, if you see a watermelon seller, buy one." That night, the programmer husband came into the house holding a steamed bun. . . The wife said angrily: "Why did you just buy a steamed bun?!" The husband replied: "Because I saw a watermelon seller." (Hint: Do you understand?)

12th Floor

21. There are ramen sellers in school cafeterias, usually Lanzhou ramen. The chefs and waiters all wear white hats. My boyfriend is short-sighted. He once went to buy beef ramen and wanted to take it back to the dormitory to eat. We asked to take it away, but the boss said depressingly that it was difficult to package our noodles. He said, don’t you have a packing bowl on your table? The Muslim boss put the hat on his head very depressedly...

22. I was just watching the news on a certain channel. A certain leader passed away, and then there was a long mourning ceremony. It took about five minutes to name people. Grandma listened and asked, "Are all these people dead?" Well, it spoke to how many people felt.