A joke with a literary title

Classic joke: the toilet meets money, and one day she was too drunk in the wine field. In a daze, she strayed into the ladies' room and vomited in the compartment. At this time, a lady went to the toilet to pee. When Qian heard her urinate, he mistakenly thought that someone was pouring beer and said angrily, "I told you not to drink." Who is falling? " The lady was shocked, so she held back her urine and wanted to wait until the money was gone. Unexpectedly, she farted. Hearing this, Mr. Qian was furious, patted the partition with his hand and shouted, "I said I wouldn't drink it, but who opened another bottle?" Who starts drinking first! "Classic joke: I peeked at my wife's diary that day and accidentally found that my wife had a notebook. I took a closer look, and it turned out to be a diary:

1. Today, I reported to my husband 10 yuan for shopping, and I want to save my own money bit by bit.

2. Lie to my husband and say that I lost 100, pretending to regret it. I want to use this money to care for my hair so that he won't complain that I waste money every time I do my hair.

I bought a T-shirt for my husband, obviously 80 yuan. I told him it took 150 yuan. It not only made him feel decent, but also benefited me. This is killing two birds with one stone.

In front of my husband, I am obedient, gentle and considerate, and rush to do housework. When he was in high spirits, I asked him to buy the skirt I had long wanted. Although it was a little expensive, he actually agreed. It turns out that honey trap is so easy to use!

The day before the wedding anniversary, a big meal was prepared, suggesting to him how expensive the gifts other husbands bought for their wives on the wedding anniversary. The next day, he actually bought me a silk scarf, which was extremely stingy, but there was no reason for the nameless fire.

6. Pretend to be sad and complain to my husband: Look, my eyes are wrinkled. I thought he would persuade me to buy some expensive cosmetics, but he was indifferent and said it was a natural phenomenon.

7. I'm especially flattering my mother-in-law these days. My mother-in-law is very happy. My husband praised me for being more sensible than before. Hum, be beautiful. It's my mother's birthday in a few days. You can go and see it. Classic joke: Is the fly delicious? Mao Mao's father never lets his children talk while eating. When eating, my father saw Mao Mao's desire to talk and said to him, "Son, what do you want to say?"

"Dad, is the fly delicious?" Mao Mao asked.

"no!" The father said, "Why do you ask?"

"There was one on your plate just now, and you swallowed it." Classic joke: Prove that a man saw a store sale and went in. "What do you want?" "I want to buy dog food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a rule?" "This is the case with goods on sale." The man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him. No way, the man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this store to buy cat food. "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same shop assistant, and the man dawdled with her for a long time. As a result, he still has to go home and take the cat to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the shop with a big cardboard box with a hole and found the salesman. "What do you want?" "Just put your hand in and you'll know." The salesman put his hand in: "What is it? Very sticky. " "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."

Classic joke: "The Condor Heroes" has four chapters on East Evil (below).

Huang's song "Tide of the Blue Sea" blew away, and his enemy fell to the ground and died.

Huang: ... hahahaha! Sick woodcutter, how can you listen to old people's music ~

Peach Blossom Island Servant: Master, you keep blowing out of tune, and you still eat stinky tofu and garlic every day without brushing your teeth ... If we were all deaf and put on gas masks in advance, we would have died long ago. ...

Huang Rong: Dad, do you like jing elder brother?

Huang: Yes, I like it very much!

Huang Rong: Yes ~ ~! What do you like about him?

Huang: I want to register a Disabled Persons' Federation in Taohua Island. Mei Chaofeng is blind, Lu Chengfeng is lame and his servant is deaf. I've been searching for it for so many years, and all I need is a fool …

Yang Kang: Brother Guo, I think your white sculpture is good. I'll pay 1200 silver. Can you sell it to me?

Huang Rong: jing elder brother, sell it to him! If your brothers have a fight, just promise them!

Yang Kang: Sister-in-law is happy! Are these birds loyal to each other?

Guo Jing: Of course, Rong Er sold it four times and flew it back every time.

Chen Xuanfeng (dying): Thief's wife, I can't die with you ... The Nine Yin Zhen Classics ... is actually on me. ...

Mei Chaofeng: Ah ~ ~ ~ you thief.

Chen Xuanfeng: It's all my fault that I didn't tell you before ... In fact, the Nine Yin Zhen Classics was stabbed on me ... Do you remember ... The first chapter was on my stomach; On the left is the second chapter; The third chapter is on the left foot; The palm of the right hand is chapter 4-chapter 48, left armpit; On the right is Chapter 49. Finally, the most important thing is ... don't get me wrong ... No. ...

(Say that finish, biu hangs up with a bang. )

Mei Chaofeng: 555555 ... Why does God always have a hard time with me, a blind widow?

It is said that Master Lu captured Yang Kang and others and sent them back.

Lu Guanying: ... You golden dog who oppresses the Han people. I told you to live today, but you can't beg for death! Pull him down and whip him!

There was a clear whipping sound from outside the hall. ...

Half an hour passed and the servant came in to tell me. )

Lu Guanying: What happened? Did he take it?

Domestic servant: Shit, this bitch, unexpectedly, she is getting more and more energetic, and her mouth keeps shouting. ...

Lu Guanying: What?

Domestic servant: candles, candles ...

Du wenzhang

On ghost island.

Ouyang Feng: ... Guo Jing! I asked you to cut 100 wood yesterday. Have you finished cutting it?

Guo Jing (one stand hand): OK! ! ! I really worked hard to round them up.

Ouyang Feng: Shit, my raft ... I just asked you to cut it round, but you cut off this big basket of chopsticks and toothpicks. ...

Ouyang Feng taught Ouyang Ke to look at the sky at night. ...

Ouyang Feng: Look, Chloe, that star with a long tail is a meteor. Legend has it that three wishes can be realized!

Ouyang Ke: Wow, it's a pity that it landed so fast.

Ouyang Feng: Yes, so there are many wishes in life that cannot be realized. ...

At this point, Ouyang Ke suddenly saw a flash in the sky.

Ouyang Ke (excitedly): Rong Er, Rong Er, Rong Er!

Ouyang Feng: Stupid pig! That's baseball coming towards us, so hide quickly ~

Yang Kang: Master, what I fear most in my life is poison. What should I do?

Ouyang Feng: Kang Er, you should try to taste some poison every day, just a little at first, and then gradually increase the dose. After a hundred days, there will be no poison!

(A hundred days later ...)

Yang Kang: Poison ... Poison ... Give me poison. ...

Peter Pan

Zhou: They are usually called flowers. This is a good thing I stole from the palace at the risk of my life! Let's try!

Hong Qigong: Hey, what is it?

Zhou: Gong Mi must have been brought by the envoy of the Great State of Jin that day. You see, this is the "one person, one mouthful" written by the emperor himself!

Hong Qigong: Hmm! The color is unique and it tastes strange to chew. This is really a miracle!

Meanwhile, in the palace.

Emperor: Strange, where did you put the excrement box for the doctor's test? The word "Tiangong" is still gone. ...

Guo Jing, Hong Qigong, Ouyang Feng and Ouyang Ke are sailing at sea. Suddenly, the old urchin appeared on the sea. ...

Zhou: Hi ~ ~ Look, I'm riding a shark. Yo, that was fast ... Can I hang it? Do you want to delay? Shirley is not bad ... Do you envy it for being cool?

Everyone thought: I'm impressed. Riding dolphins is still so awesome.

The old urchin meditated in the cave with his eyes closed, his hands folded, he trembled and muttered to himself. ...

Guo Jing: ... Brother Zhou, have you started to believe in Buddhism?

Zhou: No, I'm playing with my hand. It works harder than that hand.

Yan hong hong lie pian

Bao Xiruo: Your Majesty, please let me reunite with my husband!

Hong Yan Hong Lie: Dear Princess ~ ~ ~ Come on, stand up quickly. ...

Bao Xiruo: Shit, you've been calling me "standing, standing" since I entered the capital. No wonder the breasts of male and female servants never grow up. ...

Seeing that Hong Yan Honglie was asleep, Yang Kang hesitated to take a knife in ... Who knows that Hong Yan Honglie saw the image from the opposite bronze mirror and immediately turned to hold Yang Kang's hand.

Yang Kang: Shit, I have a knife in my right hand. What are you doing holding my left hand?

Hong Yan Honglie: Strange? I just saw you holding a knife in your left hand!

Yang Kang: (I'm still the sixth prince, I didn't even know what was in the mirror was a virtual image ...)

Hong Yan: Kang Er, what's the matter with you? You're not trying to kill dad, are you?

Yang Kang: Father ... Actually, I saw a fly landing on your back and wanted to help you kill it.

Hong Yan: Really? Kang Er, that's very kind of you. ...

Five minutes have passed.

Yang Kang: ... One last cut! ..... believe me, the child will be able to hit the next knife!

Hong Yan Honglie: Kang Er ... Please ... If I can't tie it any more, my father can't hold on. ...

Guo Jing sneaked into Hongyan Honglie drugstore and saw a winding "rope" on the ground.

Guo Jing: Bad luck ~ This must be the "Dabu" snake that Liang Ziweng has kept for more than 20 years ~ Look at the night I didn't suck it dry today …

Huang Rong: jing elder brother, it still stinks. Go brush your teeth again

Guo Jing: ... I don't know who left a big note in the pharmacy in Dreadwind ... The counter-offer is very round ... Classic joke: the first night of the female secretary's work was excellent, and with the help of the boss, she married a capable clerk. dusk ......

Groom: Keep your voice down, how embarrassing it is for others to hear!

Bride: Why do you sound like the boss? Classic joke: Mini One night, the wife couldn't wait to hug her husband: "Dear, I think …" The husband didn't even look at his wife, holding a newspaper in his hand. So, the wife became angry from embarrassment.

The next day, her husband was reading the newspaper again. She wore a sexy red bathing suit and walked around in front of her husband, but he still didn't look at her.

On the third day, she changed into a blue bathing suit, but her husband still didn't even look up.

On the fourth day, the wife stood naked in front of her husband. At this time, the husband finally looked up and said, "The day before yesterday, you wore a red bathing suit, which was really beautiful and sexy. You wore a blue bathing suit yesterday, which was also very beautiful. Why is this transparent swimsuit so wrinkled today? It's time to iron ... "