Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Catch grasshoppers-for the second-grade girls.
Catch grasshoppers-for the second-grade girls.
? Starting from Wednesday, four friends discussed catching grasshoppers on weekends. On weekdays, they scrape corn husks, turn over materials and shoot grasshoppers.
Don't worry, Wang Xiao! Grandpa, who used to be a carpenter, scraped a smooth stick for Wang Xiao, made a piece of blue plastic skin left by Mazar, and tied it to one end of the stick with wire. After school, Wang Xiaoli took it in his hand and immediately ran into the street. "Pa ..." A few slaps were slapped on the ground, crisp as firecrackers, and the cock crowed, which attracted a group of friends around, all of whom could not put it down.
On Friday night, Zhu Xiguo ran home excitedly, imagining that he was a decent grasshopper. But when I got home, I was scared. The yard is full of corn, like a hill, and there is no room for waste.
"Watermelon, don't be idle, put down your schoolbag and get started quickly." Dad's voice came from the other side of the mountain. Zhu Xiguo's enthusiasm was relieved at once. I have been thinking that tomorrow's "grasshopper race" will be yellow and I don't want to pick it well. Seeing that corn is like hatred, I pick one and throw one. "What's the matter with your boy? The corn stigma fell off before it was cleaned? That's it, piled up, not rotten? "
At the point of eating in the evening, my father asked Lala to drink rice soup and calculated, "Ming, I'll cut down the corn stalks on the south slope." You can fight a hard battle with your milk, and more than half of the corn in this yard can go down; " The day after tomorrow, watermelon went to the field and knocked clean the soil eggs with corn stalks. "Zhu Xiguo buried his face in a bowl and his nose was sour.
In the evening, by the bright moonlight, every family gathers until midnight. Before going to bed, under the foreign oil lamp, grandma watermelon looked at her grandson who had been pouting and said with distress, "What's the matter, my dear grandson?"
Zhu Xiguo didn't want to catch a grasshopper so much, but he made an appointment with Wang Xiao and others, and everyone else went, and he didn't go himself, which was very humiliating. Listening to grandma's question, I couldn't stand the injustice any longer and turned into tears. The panicked grandmother wiped his face with her sleeve and asked, "What's the matter? What's wrong? "
Watermelon sobbed and told the story intermittently. "This matter, is it worth crying? Ming, just tell your dad. " "Dad, can you promise? Milk, talk to dad! Dad, listen to you the most. " "If you want to do your own thing, you have to say it yourself. Just say it, and I will help you. " Say that finish, blew out the lamp. In the dark, Zhu Xiguo thought, Grandma said that if there is a way, there must be a way!
The next day, after breakfast, my father lifted his head and was ready to go out. Zhu Xiguo got up the courage and said, "Dad, I want to catch grasshoppers today." "What? The corn at home has never been smashed or hammered. Do you just want to play? " Zhu Xiguo's tears are about to fall again. Grandma came out of the back room and said, "Let the child go. I am short at the moment and want to eat a fried grasshopper. "
Dad saw grandma have it. "Go or go, you have to take off your new shoes and put on those old ones!" Half a boy likes to eat with shoes on, but he didn't help him open his mouth six months ago! "As soon as I turned around, someone said, come back early and don't play wild. "Zhu Xiguo's old shoes, the soles of which are falling off, can only be pulled, but dad finally let go, and he dare not defend any more.
? Zhu Xiguo quickly found out last year's grasshopper racket. The iron bar rusted and broke, and the racket failed and aged into two parts. He found wire cutters, a pair of old slippers worn by his father, cut off the upper, and slapped the cotton locust with a wire dart, but it looked too ugly. Now, they don't care so much.
? When catching grasshoppers, the dew is too heavy to get up early. When playing, the sunlight absorbs the dew, so grasshoppers are light and easy to catch. "Watermelon, what are you dawdling about? Just waiting for you! " Zhang Qingshui was about to laugh when he saw his distinctive "grasshopper pat". Wang Xiao squinted at him. He blushed and held back. "Go ahead." Wang raised his grasshopper racket, just like the captain of an outing, holding a bright red flag and humming a song "Let's go, let's hold hands ..."
Zhang Qingshui Road: "Let's see if we can catch a bronze lang today." Big grasshopper! "The king said dismissively," Bronze Lang, don't think about it. I haven't seen you for two years. " "The nails on my milk wall are so big, as big as my palm. "Zhu Xiguo said." Ming, take it down and let's have a good time. "Zhang Qingshui said that won't do! My milk breaks at the touch and I dare not move. "
Far away, by the river of monk Zhang, I heard the sound of "pa pa ...". Three little friends, happen to coincide to speed up the pace. It's crisp in autumn this year, and it's closest to the river, with the largest number of grasshoppers and large size, so people gather here.
Catching grasshoppers is also a gift. If you shoot it down, it will be heavy and the grasshopper will be beaten to mud. If you can't take it, you can't take it. After a beating, the grasshopper was killed. Pick it up and put it on the dog's tail grass. When it wakes up, it can't run away. The big grasshopper used in the game dared not pat with the ball. The grasshopper photographed has no spirit. If it loses the game, it can only be caught by hand. Seeing the target, calmly, accurately and quickly, the grasshopper landed in the pickpocket's nest with one hand and was not injured at all.
? Catching grasshoppers is not a cooperative undertaking. One person, one direction, drives sideways, and I am afraid that everyone will gather together to see who is the big grasshopper.
Wang Xiao's grasshopper racket not only has a nice sound, but also is the most practical. When grandpa was doing it, he deliberately dented the dart in the middle of the racket by half a finger, so that when the racket went down, he only knocked out the grasshopper and didn't hurt any body. Wang Xiao-Yan is also sharp-eyed. Whether it's a big tooth or an emerald, he can't escape his "magic pat" when he sees it. In less than half an hour, a dog's tail is covered with grass.
Although Zhang Qingshui didn't catch Wang Xiaoduo, he caught several thigh-long "generals"! The boy looks stupid and clever. He stole a glass bottle and put all the grasshoppers in it. He shouted, "Wang Xiao, watermelon, look!" All green, no hair. "Just now, a big grasshopper was scared away by this cry." What are you calling? You are just a grasshopper! "Wang Xiao said angrily. Zhang Qingshui stuck out his tongue and ran to Zhu Xiguo. "Listen, general! "Just like the emerald on TV, it is green and attractive under the reflection of glass." How beautiful! "Zhu Xiguo eyes like got into the bottle.
"In the future, I will win the competition!" Zhang Qingshui proudly put the bottle in her arms. "Why send so many local crickets?" Zhu Xiguo's face suddenly blushed to her lips, and she said hesitantly, "My grandmother is really delicious." He dare not run fast, and his shoes are falling off.
Zhu Xiguo looked at the dog tail grass in his hand. There were few decent grasshoppers on it. It's really humiliating to compete with local crickets! Listening to the sound of friends slapping, he felt as if there was a little mouse in his heart, so he was in a hurry. I'm too lazy to catch soil crickets anymore. I beat the grasshoppers around and mowed the grass. The frightened black crickets crawled around, and the little grasshoppers panicked.
Walking slowly forward, suddenly, I saw a grasshopper with gray and green. It's not pretty, but it's still quite big. He held his breath and walked carefully. Just as he was about to catch it, the grasshopper was frightened and flew away. When he jogged over, he felt it again and flew farther. Again and again, the grasshopper flew into the "site" of Yanglinshan. This boy hey, bang, the gray-green grasshopper was killed. He hey hey, "watermelon, mine!" "
Zhu Xiguo ran around panting and saw the grasshopper being snatched away by him. His excited lips trembled and he wanted to grab it. On second thought, forget it, even if he took it, it would be half dead!
Zhu Xiguo turned back to his own piece. When he saw it, others had already passed. Look around helplessly, there are many people there, and you can't run fast to rob others. Just a few pictures, there are few people by the monk river. Everyone knows that there is a big grasshopper. If you can't spread it, it flies into the river and people dare not go down easily.
When he came to the riverbank, disappointed Zhu Xiguo swept wildly with hemp, and flying insects, large and small, were scattered around, failing to shoot the desktop. "Hey," he just sighed lightly. When the grasshopper swatted away the leaves, there seemed to be a big grasshopper! Squatting down and looking carefully, Zhu Xiguo quickly took two steps back. He couldn't believe it, a "bronze lang"! It, quietly hiding in a clump of Sophora japonica leaves, is slightly deeper than the surrounding green leaves. If you don't look carefully, you can't see it at all. Under a ray of sunshine, the wings of this "Bronze Lang" are longer than the buttocks, and the beard swings flexibly from side to side.
Zhu Xiguo's heart is about to jump out. I dare not even think about catching Bronze Lang! Grab a bronze lang, don't fight, and you win! I am so happy to catch a bronze lang and send it to grandma in a photo frame. However, Bronze Lang is the cleverest grasshopper. It's as quiet as a virgin in the shadows, but it's like a rabbit at the slightest sign of trouble. It's by the river again. Once you fly into the river, it is not a pleasure. Zhu Xiguo thought about three things and decided to venture to the side of the road and come back, so that even if the "Bronze Lang" ran away, it would fly to the field and be easy to catch.
Zhu Xiguo went around to the shady place of the cotton sliver, bent down and gently reached over. The more careful he is, the more his hands shake, and the tired leaves tremble with him. As a result, before the last jump, the cunning bronze lang kicked his hind thigh, spread his wings like a bird and flew into the field.
Zhu Xiguo chased after him desperately. He took off his prostitute and slipped into the river. He cares nothing but Bronze Lang.
Far away, I watched a green dot fall on the dry corn stalk. He ignored the protrusion on the ground and ran straight over when his foot hurt. Close, close. I didn't see who it was, so I stabbed it obliquely and ran faster than Zhu Xiguo. I threw away the bronze lang in one hand and held it in my hand. The child was about to laugh when Zhu Xiguo almost grabbed it. Yang Shulin, this is my grasshopper! Yang Linshan see Zhu Xiguo to rob, hurriedly put your hands up "you? Joke! " Say that finish turned to go.
Unexpectedly, Zhu Xiguo rushed over without saying anything, and the two men tore into pieces. Yang Linshan held his hand high for fear of hurting Tong Lang. Zhu Xiguo also fought in one hand and fished for bronze lang in the other. He can't catch up with Yang Linshan in strength, and he is afraid of hurting Bronze Lang. The two men are at loggerheads and can't win or lose for a moment. More and more children gathered around, not only did they not pull down their shelves, but they kept shouting and watching the fun!
Wang Xiaohe and Zhang Qingshui pushed the crowd away, each pulling one, and each got a few punches before pulling away. "Are you two crazy? What's wrong? " Zhu was so angry that his lips trembled and he couldn't say a word. After Yang Linshan took a few breaths, his mouth was "beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep Zhu Xiguo's mouth opened wide and his face turned purple eggplant, but he didn't hold back a word. "Look, he has nothing to say!" There is contempt in Yang Linshan's eyes. In school, people like Zhu Xiguo should be bullied if they fall from the back of the car and are as soft as dogs. Yang Linshan is cocky and gloating.
Wang looked at his "arrogant" expression and wanted to go up and beat him up. In anger, he shouted at Zhu Xiguo: "If you don't talk again, the Bronze Lang will be given to others!" Zhang Qingshui also have them, whispering, "the grasshopper is a small matter, you are committing robbery! At school, Yang Linshan plays the trumpet. Who will play with you? ? "Zhu Xiguo patted his chest with his hand and took a deep breath." Conscience of heaven and earth, bronze lang is the first thing I saw! ""
Asked by Wang Xiao and others, he told the story. Everyone acted as a little judge. Although Zhu Xiguo is plain and soft, it has nothing to do with his "unique skills", but because he is an honest man, many people have a good impression on him. And we all know that even if the grasshopper runs in front of each other, it must be guarded by others, and others can't catch it. Abandoning it is different from robbing others. The one facing the light quarreled with the one facing the fire.
On weekdays, at school, Yang Linshan is too lazy to argue with Wang Xiao and others. He didn't say anything. Different grades, one in the sky and one at the bottom. What did you say? But now, when he saw that so many children had turned to Zhu Xiguo, he grabbed the bronze lang and asked for more money, saying, "You are bullying the weak and afraid of the hard! I will sue the teacher when I go back to school! " Tell the teacher that when a special rotten egg explodes, most people are dumb.
Wang Xiaoke regardless of that set of "teachers have to be reasonable! If you bully people so much, we will sue the teacher. " "Yes, yes, yes," said Zhang Qingshui. "Go, go, go now, I know our teacher's house!" Say, come forward to hold Yang Linshan. Yang Lin is not good enough? Zhu Xiguo said timidly, "Don't bother the teacher." Wang Xiao farted with anger. At this time, the senior sang said to Sheng Mao, "Don't pout. Let's play a game. Whoever wins will get the bronze lang. " "Right, right, right, right, right." Yang Linshan gritted his teeth. "Compare, who is afraid of who?"
Under the eyes of the public, Zhu Xiguo and Yang Linshan pulled the hook mercilessly. "Hook hanging, 100 years are not allowed to change. Whoever changes is a bastard! " Sang asked Yang Linshan for the bronze lang and said, "I will give it to whoever wins in the future. Don't cheat. " Yang Linshan reluctantly took out the bronze lang. Sang Shengmao carefully put it in a glass paper bag (plastic bag) and tied it with straw rope to prevent it from flying. "Leave a message, don't be bored to death." Zhu Xiguo is not at ease. Finally, Zhang Qingshui particularly emphasized that "I am willing to gamble and lose." Whoever loses can't cheat, let alone tell the teacher! " Otherwise, it's a son of a bitch! "
Friends help clean up. Find a piece of land, throw away all the big bumps 30 meters away, pull out weeds and level the potholes with soil. While he was free, Wang Xiaoer pulled Zhu Xiguo aside and handed him a grasshopper "Take it!" Zhu Xiguo winked and said, "Can I use your grasshopper?" "Then you use your own?" Wang Xiaoxiao pointed to his dog's tail grass, those black crickets, when they were fighting just now, most of them were killed, and the bottom spit in their mouths.
"Don't hesitate, you are also discussing." Looking down Wang Xiao's hand, Yang Linshan's best friends took out their best grasshoppers and gestured. Zhu Xiguo still has a layer of worry. If Wang Xiao's grasshopper loses, it will be planted, but if it wins, whose is it? "Small, can you do it?" Zhang Qingshui asked incredulously, "Use mine! I am very handsome. " "You know what? My grandfather said that these fancy grasshoppers are all fake, but mine are pure-bred, covered with duck feathers and gray, and like a snakehead, covered with spots and full of energy! "
Wang Xiao's grandfather is the only old revolution in the village. When he was young, he crossed the south and the north. That's right. "No wonder you won the most in the grasshopper competition. There are secrets in this! " Zhang Qingshui smacked his mouth and said.
Wang Xiaotu lip-synched and told the big secret. He was so angry that "get out! Punish you. "
The grasshopper race is very simple, that is, tear off the grasshopper's hind thigh to make it fly low. On the unified starting line, the grasshopper ran to the finish line first and won.
? At the beginning of the game, Yang Linshan immediately threw himself on the ground and blew the grasshopper with his mouth. The friends on the side shouted, come on, as long as you don't touch the grasshopper, you can go anywhere. "Win, come on!" Breathe "Come on, win." Whew, another breath. He is a gray general, his grasshopper is smaller than Wang, and he has a little finger belly. He couldn't help letting Wang Xiao and them shout out their voices. The general in gray is as steady as Mount Tai, as in a garden, and he is in no hurry. The winner is already lying down 1/3. Yang Linshan also took out a killer weapon, a sharpened wooden stick on his head, and poked the grasshopper's ass from time to time, which made the grasshopper lie down faster.
General gray, it will be more headstrong this time. He didn't walk in a straight line and almost climbed outside. Zhu Xiguo was in a hurry and blew a little too much. This guy snorted and his legs straightened up. Anxious Zhang Qingshui scolded, "I said, no, look, look." Wang Xiao is anxious to cry.
By the time General Gray adjusted his posture, "Victory" had been lying for two thirds. Yang Linshan looked at them in a mess and shouted even more happily. The awl in his hand went down needle by needle, and all the wings of "victory" were smashed. Wang Xiao and Zhu Xiguo didn't shout or blow. Two more steps and you win. Zhang Qingshui also muttered: "You should still use me!" Win with mine. "
Just when everyone had given up, General Gray suddenly exploded off the ground and flew straight out. Like a bullet, we didn't see it clearly and it landed a few miles outside the finish line. Stop and cheer for a minute. "Win, win, we win."
Yang Linshan can quit. "You cheated!" Wang stepped forward. "Did we cheat there?" "Your grasshopper, your thigh is certainly not torn, otherwise you can fly?" Indeed, it is impossible for a grasshopper to fly without its hind legs. "Tear it, don't believe you!" Sang Shengmao took it, and no one spoke. They looked at him and waited for the referee.
The second half of General Gray's thigh was indeed pinched off, but there was still a little left in the first half. General gray may just use the remaining stump to jump into the air. "General Gray pinched his hind legs, watermelon, and won!" Sang Shengmao announced. Wang Xiao and others jumped up happily. Yang Linshan wanted to argue, but did not dare. He threw the winner to the ground, trampled him to death and drove him into the soil.
Zhu Xiguo wants to give the Bronze Lang to Wang Xiao. "You can give it to me? Besides, my grey general is not bad at all. " After that, Wang Xiao gently put General Gray on the ground. "Come on, hero, you're free!" "It slowly climbed into the rows of dry corn stalks.
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