I want a joke

I have a lot. If you want, give me your email and I will send it to you

2. When Xiao Ming was waiting for the bus, there was a girl who kept staring at him and smiling. He thought he was handsome and stalwart. After walking around for a few times, MM's smile became more and more charming... Finally, the aunt said: Young man, please stop stepping on the shit, okay?

5.` "This child looks exactly like me!" The eldest brother proudly said to his friend. "Don't be sad," my friend comforted. "It doesn't matter if the child is ugly, as long as he is healthy and lively."

8.` The turtle and the snake went to the park, and they only had one ticket. The turtle let the snake wrap around his neck. , when entering the park, the eagle checking tickets said: Stop. The turtle and the snake panicked, and the eagle said again: Look at you, you look like a turtle, and you're still wearing a tie!

11.` The couple was having a lively fight, and the police came to stop them after receiving a complaint. An angry woman opened the door, and the police asked: Who is the head of the household? Woman: I’ll tell you later, I’m deciding this with my husband!

12.` The teacher asked the students: How to explain "sharing pain with others will reduce the pain by half"? Xiao Lun replied: If my father beats me, I will beat my brother right away!

13.` A father took his three-year-old son to a violin concert. Halfway through the concert, the son suddenly asked his father: When will dad be able to saw off that big wooden box?

14.` The science teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death? No one answered...Teacher: Doesn’t anyone know? At this time, someone behind the classroom said: That's because the mind is naturally cool...

15.` A peasant woman was counting tall buildings, and a liar came over: How many floors were you counting? The fine is 5 yuan per floor. Peasant Woman: Fifteenth floor. After paying the money, the onlookers said: It's a stupid risk. Peasant Woman: He is stupid. In fact, I counted eighteen floors!

16.` Spiders race to build webs. The foreign spider weaves a wide web and is proud of it: broadband! The Chinese spider flew up and down to weave a delicate ornament, smiling: The world is unique, the Chinese knot!

20.` I took a bus one time and there were quite a lot of people on the bus. Suddenly, a sudden brake. I saw a man leaning forward and bumping into a rather fashionable woman. The man apologized quickly. The woman turned around and said viciously to the man: "Look at your virtue." Just when everyone in the car thought that a war was about to break out. The man spoke: "Miss, this is not virtue, it is inertia."

21.` The defendant promised his defense lawyer: "If you have the ability to make me stay in prison for only half a year, then you He will receive an additional $1,000 in remuneration." As a result, he finally got his wish. The lawyer said while collecting the money: "This is really a tricky job. The judges originally wanted to acquit."

22 .` A lady went to take a snapshot. After taking the photo, I went to pick up the automatically developed photo. After reading it, I exclaimed: Why do I look like a monkey in the photo! A woman from behind said coldly: That's mine, yours will have to wait for five minutes.

23.` Wife: Hey, dear, today is Sunday, you wash the sheets. Husband: Why are you so anxious? You can just cover it up the other way around. Wife: Alas, you are too lazy. I did it once yesterday.

26.` Yesterday a friend called me and asked if the mayor of Wuhan was named Jiang Daqiao. I said no. He said that when I was crossing the river in Wuhan by train, I saw a billboard that said: Wuhan Yangtze River Bridge welcomes you!

28.` After the English test, the English teacher said to the class representative: Let students without PASS stay. As a result, the class representative wrote on the blackboard: After school, those who are not afraid of death will stay.

29.` Husband: Honey, I’m fired. Just because of a trivial matter, so unfair! Wife: Why? Husband: I forgot to close the tiger cage after get off work last night. But they didn’t even think about who would dare to steal the tiger!

30.` On the first day of the obstetrician's practice, his wife asked him: "How was today?" The doctor said: "It's not too bad. Although the mother and the baby were not saved, the baby's father was finally saved. Live."

31.` The ostrich stared at the giraffe for the first time. The giraffe ran away shyly, and the ostrich chased after it. Giraffe: Don't worry...it's the first time we meet.

Ostrich: I just wanted to ask...what brand of hair remover did you use?

33.` After reading the news, my wife asked excitedly: If you flew into space on Shenzhou 5, what would you most like to tell me? The husband grabbed his wife's hand and said: The earth is better and more attractive!

36.` Zhu Bajie burst into tears. Wukong asked what was going on. Bajie said: I fell in love with a girl a few days ago, but today I saw her at the meat table in the vegetable market.

40.` When a monkey eats, he should stuff it into his butt before eating! Because he ate a big peach last year and had to work hard to pull out the peach, so now he measures everything he eats