Describe a lovely humorous joke

1, broke up with his girlfriend and wanted to take a shit, but he cried. I cried while pulling, so sad. There were too many tears, so I wiped them with a wipe paper.

My wife yelled at me, "You have mosquitoes on your back, don't move, don't move. See if I shoot or not. " Then he stood behind me. I waited for a long time without waiting for a bang, so I asked my wife why she didn't shoot. The wife replied, "What's the hurry? I am still focusing! " "

My wife forbids me to play mahjong. I played mahjong secretly last night and didn't go home until 10. The wife really asked: Did you play mahjong? I said: no! She asked: Did you win money? I blurted out: win … this mouth!

My girlfriend went to class by bus, and the driver suddenly braked. A1.85m buddy standing next to her grabbed my girlfriend's head before she could grab the post next to her. Later, the buddy kept apologizing and said that he didn't see it clearly. As a result, my best friend came back and cried to me: Is my head really like a pillar?

5. Sister's height 160cm. When I was waiting in line for dinner yesterday, a man about 185cm stood in front of me. Before long, another tall man came. They actually skipped me and started chatting. How embarrassing!

6. A 5-year-old child came to the mobile business hall and said, "Auntie, I want to charge the phone bill." "Hey, the mobile phone you use is so small!" "Mom said I called, and I want to have a sister."

7. The landlord, a female colleague, was busy one day and asked LZ to help me make a cup of instant coffee. When I finished drinking it for her, LZ said, "I don't know how much water you need to put, so I put it in my first urine in the morning." I still remember her sad eyes …

8. On the bus today, a stumbling old man suddenly came over. I gave him my seat decisively without thinking. The old man was very moved and talked for a long time. Finally, the old man said, you are a good man. Why don't we become sworn brothers? I said you are old this year, and the old man said 93. I said ok, there is really no reason to refuse. The old man knelt down without saying anything, saying that he didn't want to be born on the same day of the same year, but he thought ... as soon as I heard this, I would go to Nima's house, but I wouldn't worship you. Go find something you don't like.

9. I asked the goddess, "If I were driving a bike instead of a BMW today, would you still get on the bus?" Without thinking, the goddess said, "No."I said angrily, "Snobbish woman, get off the bus." As a result, the goddess cried and took out her mobile phone: "Hey, Dad, where did you hire a psycho to be our driver?"

10, a fool says he is cute, and a fool says he is a foodie. People with flat breasts say they are Mori women, while people with low IQ say they are idiots. Say cheap and sharp, scold the street and spit. Only older unmarried women dare to call themselves royal sisters, and only fat and impotent men dare to call themselves uncles. Cutting a reform-through-labour head means that people are cracked and their brains are simple without a muscle. There is no reason to be single, just because of ugliness …

1 1, I overheard someone singing at work today: the sun is shining in the sky, the flowers are smiling at me, and the bird says, morning, morning, you are sick ... I admit that I have been laughing until now. ...

12, drinking outside, a cool-looking girl at the next table is comforting another lovely girl who looks lovelorn. "But so are you. When you know that he is a scum man, you must be with him. " "I thought he would change for me, but who knows he will never change." I said the last sentence, the cool girl is probably a little impatient. "You can't blame the shit after eating. You should blame yourself for eating it. "

13. Today, the boss made a private visit incognito. Without knowing it, we were still playing with our mobile phones and were caught by our boss. During the meeting in the office, the air seemed to condense. Suddenly, one or two colleagues farted and looked at the boss with a serious face, afraid to laugh, and almost suppressed internal injuries. At this time, the boss snorted with a smile and blew out a nose bubble. Emma, this is really an internal injury ...

14, Girl: Let's break up. Boy: Can I ask you one last question? Girl: Stop asking! I love it! Boy: No. Did you release my bank card from Taobao?

15, a buddy is single and often goes dancing in the square with his aunt. I'm surprised. He said to get on well with the old woman first, and maybe his future mother-in-law. A month later, he hooked up with a mother-in-law …

16. I lost my electric car, so I called the police and finished the record. I casually asked the police uncle. Are you sure you can get it back? He thought for a moment and said, there is not much hope. I lost a pedal the year before last, and I haven't heard from you yet …

17. Walking with huskies in the neighborhood, a golden retriever came face to face. Retriever wanted to play with Hal, so he picked up a paw and patted it gently! I didn't pay much attention, but Hal was lying on the ground with his feet dangling! Crying and twitching in the mouth. The owner of Jin Mao was dumbfounded and asked me wronged: "Well, what else do you want to correct me!" " "Passers-by looked at me sarcastically, calf! Get up! Promise me you won't kill you ...

18, want to buy a car, Ferrari Enzo is not bad, but the chassis is too low. I went to the 4s shop to see Lamborghini. Lp700 is good, but it's a little too high-profile. Rolls-royce, so old-fashioned Finally, considering the economic factors, I brought a bike, 100 km just need to sweat.

19, a buddy was tired of staying in Beijing and went to the United States for a holiday to relax. When he first arrived in America, he saw many people buying lottery tickets. Some people have won the third prize LV bag, some people have won the second prize Rolex watch, and many people want to win the first prize. Because the first prize hasn't come out yet, my buddy took a look and went up to try his luck. He bought one and opened it. Everyone was overjoyed at once. Big deal: America is really my lucky god. The staff came forward and told him, congratulations, young man, get your luggage ready and leave tomorrow. The first prize is a 10-day trip to China!

20. At dinner, my wife asked me, "Who is the most beautiful woman in the world?" I replied without thinking: "No, I only know that you are a woman!" " "The wife nodded with satisfaction. Now my mother is breaking up with me.

2 1. Today, the chicken killer cut his neck and pulled out his hair. The chicken opened its eyes and stared at me, and then died. Damn, I'm scared to death ...

22. I took the bus yesterday and suddenly my ears itched. I scratched and found a hair on my ear. So I quickly pulled it out. At this time, a woman's tragic cry came from the side. Hey! Women's palms are really big.

23. On the weekend night, we went to the suburbs to put the Kongming Lantern Cage. When Kongming's lantern gradually rose into the sky, my brother asked his little daughter to make a wish and said it was clever. My three-year-old niece looked at the fading Kongming Lantern, clasped her fingers on her chest and said loudly, "I want it to fly back at once."

24. Work clothes are required to work in the company. I forgot to bring it once, so I didn't wear it. At noon, I go to the canteen to eat. My aunt, who cooks rice, gave me a plate full of dishes, and there were more than three people. I was shocked in an instant. Colleagues say you're not wearing work clothes, and people regard you as a leader … ..

25. Dad bought a new alarm clock yesterday and said to me, "Use it to wake up you lazy pig tomorrow morning." Sure enough, my father woke me up with an alarm clock this morning.

26./kloc-ran away from home when he was 0/8 years old. By chance, I saw the "looking for you" posted on the telephone pole by my family, and my eyes were wet with tears. It turns out that my parents still love me. I took a closer look and it said, "Disability is rewarded."

27. When I was doing Chinese, it suddenly occurred to me that the names Xin Qiji and Huo Qubing are so like lovers' names. Then who is he? Is he their child?

28. The rebels were defeated and fled to the north. The general rode out of the city gate with a gloomy look. The lieutenant stepped forward and knelt down: "General, shall we chase?" The general stroked his beard and said, "Go after him!" The lieutenant didn't move, and neither did the army. The general was shocked and added, "Go after him!" The lieutenant did not move, and the army did not move.

29. One day, my friend and I were walking in the street. Suddenly, I stepped on a banana skin and fell down. My friend quickly helped me up, and then said to me seriously, "My mood now can be described by the name of a drink." "What?" I said, my friend laughed and said, "Cool."

30. My son said happily to me with his report card: Dad, I got the first place in the exam. You promised to show me the sea! Seeing his expectant eyes, I touched my crumpled wallet, bowed my head helplessly, and slowly said to my son, Look, this is the Mediterranean!