Psychotic joke

Hand in Homework —— A Collection of Jokes in Mental Hospital

1. Two mental patients fought fiercely, and A suddenly retreated to the corner and stopped fighting.

B: "Why didn't you call?"

A: "You think I'm stupid! You are a psycho. It's not illegal for you to kill me. If I kill you, I will go to jail. "

2. A mental patient knocked on the glass of the service desk and asked the nurse, "Is this glass bulletproof?"

Nurse: "This is bulletproof glass."

The mental patient asked again, "Can you prevent bombs?"

Nurse: "I don't think so!"

The mental patient took a pair of kings out of his pocket and threw them on the glass table and said, "Blow!" "

The nurse was shocked, thought for a long time and said three words: "I can't afford it!" " "

The mental patient turned around with satisfaction. ...

3. The director of the psychiatric department wanted to see the patient's recovery, so he drew a door on the wall and said to the patients, "Come here, whoever opens this door today can go home."

Hearing this, the patients swarmed around the painted door.

The dean was very disappointed. At this time, he found a patient still sitting in his original position and asked, "Why don't you open the door?"

The patient looked at the dean and told him calmly, "Let them squeeze in! I have the key anyway. "

4. An intern asked the dean how to judge that a mental patient has recovered.

The dean said, "Let the mental patient go to the bathtub, give him a basket and a cup, and let him clean up the water in the bathtub."

The intern said excitedly, "Can a recovered patient use a cup?"

The dean looked at him with strange eyes: "No way, recovered patients will unplug the bathtub."

There is an old lady in a mental hospital who squats at the door with a brown umbrella and white clothes and shoes every day and doesn't talk to others.

A doctor wanted to know what the old lady was thinking, so he also learned to squat there with a brown umbrella and white shoes. A month later, the old lady finally spoke. She said to the doctor, "Excuse me, are you a mushroom, too?"

6. A mental patient is singing in bed. After singing two songs, he turned over once, then got ready and sang two more songs.

The doctor asked him, "Why did you turn over? Keep singing! "

The patient replied, "Are you stupid? After playing the A side of the tape, of course, turn over the B side. "

7. Male psychosis: "I have something to tell you."

Female psychosis: "What's the matter?"

Male psychopath (whispering): "You must keep a secret. I am the son of a bodhisattva. "

Female psychosis: "When did I give birth to your son!" " "

8. A mental patient fishes in an empty fish tank every day.

One day, a nurse jokingly asked, "How many fish did you catch today?"

The mental patient suddenly jumped up and shouted, "What's wrong with you? Didn't you see it was an empty fish tank? "

9. The doctor asked the patient who came to see a doctor: "What do you feel abnormal?"

Patient: "I like to eat hot pot."

Doctor: "It's normal. I like it too. "

Patient: "Do you like to eat the lid or the bottom of the pot?"

10. Suddenly it began to rain heavily, and a group of mental patients rushed into the rain one after another, shouting "Come and take a bath!"

The doctor shook his head with a wry smile and suddenly found a patient standing beside him firmly. He asked him, "Everyone else has gone down to take a bath. Why don't you go? "

I just heard this patient say, "I'm not like them. They are all crazy. I am not. "

The doctor said excitedly, "I finally cured you."

The patient went on to say, "I'll wait until the sun comes out and the water is hot before washing ..."

1 1. A patient came to see a psychiatrist:

Patient: I always thought I was a bird.

Doctor: Oh, that's serious. When did it start?

Patient: Because I am a bird.

12. A doctor in a mental hospital asked the patient: What would you do if I cut off one of your ears?

The patient replied, then I can't hear you.

The doctor listened: mm-hmm, it's normal.

The doctor asked again, what will happen to you if I cut off your other ear again?

The patient replied, then I won't watch it.

The doctor began to get nervous: how could it not be seen?

The patient replied: because the glasses will fall off.

13. Mental patient A stole the phone book from the nurse's office and went back to the ward.

Ask B, "What do you think of the novel I recently finished?"

B looked at it and replied, "Yes, yes. However, there are just a few more roles. "

Then the nurse in the mental hospital came in and said, "You put the phone book back for me!" " .

14. Two pilots ran out of the mental hospital, secretly flew a plane and escaped. Suddenly, a pilot shouted, "There is no gas! What should we do? " "What's the matter?" The other said unhurriedly, "Why don't we just drive back and add some?"

15. A mental patient was lying on the dining table with several leaves on his pillow, and the patients around him pointed at him with chopsticks.

The doctor asked in wonder, why not eat together?

Patient: I am the roast suckling pig they ordered.

16.？ In a mental hospital, a patient is writing a letter. When the nurse saw it, she asked him curiously. ?

Nurse: Who are you going to write to? ?

Patient: Write it to myself! ?

Nurse: Then what do you write? ?

Patient: You are mentally ill! I haven't received it. How do I know?

17. Two mental patients, one wearing red and the other wearing green, escaped from the hospital.

? They ran and ran, and then climbed a tree.

? After a while, the man in red jumped down from the tree and rolled and rolled. ?

? Then he looked up and said to the person above, "Hey ~ ~ Why don't you come down?"

? The man above answered him, "No! I haven't cooked ... "

18. "Why did you give up treatment?"

"Because I don't want to give up on you."

"You can still like me after you are cured!"

"No, only a psychopath will like you."

19. One day, Xiaoqing drove her van to a mental hospital to deliver goods. After entering the hospital, I learned that one of the tires had a flat tire, so Xiaoqing got off the bus and prepared to change the spare tire. In the process of replacement, I accidentally put four screws on the flat tire wheel into the ditch. At this time, Xiaoqing is worried about how to solve it. Suddenly, a psychopath passed by.

The patient smiled at Xiaoqing: "I can't do such a simple question." No wonder I can only be a truck driver. "

Of course, Xiaoqing disdainfully asked the patient, "How to solve it?"

The psycho said, "Just pull out the 1 screws of the remaining three tires, put on the spare tire, and then drive slowly to the city to find a garage."

Xiaoqing suddenly realized, "You are so smart, why are you still in this mental hospital?"

At this time, the patient said, "I came because of mental problems, not because of stupidity!" " "

20. Psychiatrists believe that a perfect life should be as trouble-free as dementia; Dare to think and do like schizophrenia; As happy as mania; Like paranoia, not afraid of hardship; Death is like depression!

Class 5 big cat with teeth.