Do people have to get married?

The person asking this question is most likely someone who is frightened by the pressure to get married.

Now I tell you, people do not have to get married, but you must know what kind of life you want to live.

To be honest, 8 out of 10 modern people are forced to get married by their parents.

One of my students is also a post-90s generation who is deeply tortured by the urge to get married.

She told me:

My parents conspired to deceive me in order to force me to go on a blind date.

On the second day of the Lunar New Year last year, they said they would take me to drink tea. Finally, when I went to the teahouse, I saw a boy sitting there with the same astonished look on his face as me. We looked at each other and smiled awkwardly.

My parents urged: "Young people, don't be so shy, add WeChat to chat."

I have also encountered many weird blind dates.

Some people said that they liked me as a rural girl and the other party was an only child, so they wanted me to marry her and have three or four children to make the family prosperous, because urban girls generally are not willing to have so many children.

My inner thought is: If I want to prosper my family, I have the ability to have children by myself. Am I a fertility machine?

Some people said that they had several houses at home and would buy me a new wedding house as soon as I got married. The prerequisite was that I could not work again after marriage.

When I think about having to face the ubiquitous serial urge to get married during the Chinese New Year, especially when my closest parents look like "you will be doomed if you don't get married", I really imagine Shu Qi in "The Leftovers Are King" roared like this: "Will you die if you are single? Will you be sentenced if you don't get married? The discrimination against me in this society is deep enough. You don't question the world, and you still join them in discriminating. Me?"

Come, let's look at your question again, "Do people have to get married?"

Why do you ask this question? Some classmates said: "Why else? Because the family is killing people and forcing them to do so."

Then the question comes again, why does the family want to destroy the marriage like a life force?

Taiwanese scholar Sun Longji wrote in "The Deep Structure of Chinese Culture":

"In China, a collectivist culture, a person is incomplete. He cannot even constitute The existing units, singles, lunatics, etc. who have never married will be excluded from the family system or severely ignored. Only by getting married and having children to build a complete family can they form an independent unit that is respected. "

So, under such traditional cultural values, what Chinese people care about most is not whether you find love, but when you reach the same age, no matter what, you have to find someone to start a complete family, otherwise you are rebellious. , is a loser.

If you don’t get married, your parents won’t have the upper hand in chatting with others. Is that okay?

The motivation of many parents in urging marriage is not really for the happiness of their children, but for their own face.

This face mentality is more vividly reflected during the Chinese New Year.

Seven aunts, eight aunts, and neighborhood elders gathered together to concentrate their voices and turn the New Year into a large-scale comparison scene:

“What’s the use of reading so many books? "It's not like I can't get married."

"What's the point of making so much money? It's not like I can't get a wife."

"My grandson can call me grandma, when can you." Let your mother have a grandson? "The pressure of not being recognized makes you feel guilty and even inferior.

"Are you too useless for living so long without even having a partner? Is there something wrong with you?"

However, these people who question you are really Are you concerned? Are these voices worthy of your attention?

Don’t care!

Most of them chimed in for the sake of chatting, just to show their superiority.

From a psychological point of view, this kind of problem that appears in rural society can be attributed to pathological symptoms.

What does it mean? It is to suppress the self-needs of each independent individual in order to satisfy the wishes of parents and relatives, to regard step-by-step life and conformity as the truth, and not to have any self-awareness.

The deep thoughts of those who urge marriage for the sake of face are actually:

* Marriage is a task that everyone must complete. Completion is a victory and superiority to others.

* A small number of people who do not get married and have children step by step and pursue true self-worth will show their backwardness and inferiority.

So, they want to attack you.

Do you understand? You must first understand the psychological motivations of those who urge marriage, so that you can know who really cares about you and who is just pretending to laugh at you. Then you will not be embarrassed and fall into the psychological dilemma of panic and self-blame, and you can better deal with the urge to get married. to fight back.

Those who want to show off their superiority, just say it back generously:

* I am not in a hurry, I have the patience and ability to find someone who is really suitable for me, not like some When people reach an age, they can just find someone to marry.

You have to know what you want, instead of being shaken when you are urged to get married.

In the past 16 years of marriage and relationship counseling, I have seen many people who marry late. They are not anti-marriage, they just don’t want to rush into a marriage because they are urged to get married, so they don’t set rules for themselves. How old should you be before you get married?

You have to understand one thing, the freedom of life is in your own hands.

Only a life that has been fully tempered can be called mature.

Marriage brings happiness and misfortune.

Being unmarried, unmarried, or marrying late can lead to a happy life, while others lead a lonely and miserable life.

The key is that you have to know what kind of life you want.

So, getting married is not a necessary option in life. If you are ready to get married, then I wish you find happiness.

If you don’t want to get married, I also wish you the ability to create happiness.