Looking for short jokes for English class presentations~~

Let me take it down

An elephant said to a mouse, "no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that I have ever seen."

"Pless, say it again. Let me take it down." the mouse said. "I will tell a flea what I know."

For my use

A big head The elephant said to a little mouse: "You are undoubtedly the smallest and most useless thing I have ever seen."

"Please say it again and let me write it down." said the mouse. "I'm going to tell this to a flea I know.

Too Fast or Too Slow

A man was driving at 130 miles an hour when a policeman overtook him.

"Was I driving too fast, officer?" the man asked.

"NO," the policeman answered, "You were flying too slow."

Too slow Or Too Fast

A man was driving 130 mph when a police officer saw him.

He asked, "Am I driving too fast?" police officer. ”

“No,” the policeman said, “you’re flying too slow.” "

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman? "

"She is the one who sells the candy."

Good boy

Little Robert asked his mother for her two cents.

"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday? "

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he replied. "You are such a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Give you two more cents. But why are you so interested in that old lady? ”

“She is a candy seller.

”

Nest and Hair

My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.

"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.

"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.

"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her.

"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

Notes:

(1) inform v. tell

(2) nest n. nest; nest

(3) description n. describe

(4) encourage v. encourage

(5) resemble v. similar; similar

18. Bird's nest and hair

My sister is a primary school student Teacher. Once a student told her that a bird had built a nest in the tree outside the classroom.

"What kind of bird is it?" "My sister asked her.

"I didn't see the bird, teacher, I only saw the bird's nest. "The child replied.

"So, can you describe this bird's nest to us? "My sister encouraged her.

"Oh, teacher, it's just like your hair. "

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

Notes:

(1) poisonous adj. poisonous

(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue. Cause in the sentence is the shortened form of Because.

I just bitten my tongue. Tongue

“Are we poisonous? " asked a young snake to its mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied, "Why do you ask? "

"Because I just bit my tongue.

”

A Woman Who Fell

It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

Falling Woman

During rush hour, I hurried to New York's Luxury Center Station to catch a bus. A train. Approaching the door, a fat middle-aged woman rushed from behind. Unexpectedly, she lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slipped on her back. Her inertia made her close to my feet. But she got up on her own. She calmed down, winked at me, and said, "Do beautiful women always fall at your feet? ”

English Jokes (1)

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

What is the difference between monkeys and fleas? You may immediately think that they are one big and one small. But other than that, monkeys can have fleas. , but there can't be monkeys on fleas. Isn't this an interesting answer?

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

A: By treading on his corn?

If you step on the farmer's corn or grains, he will definitely be angry; and if you step on the corns on the soles of the farmer's feet, he will be even more angry. Corn Corn can mean both "corn/grain" and "corns".

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

Because the snail (Snail) always carries a house on its back, so it is not surprising that snails are the strongest creatures in the world.

Q: What do people do in a? clock factory?

A: They make faces all day.

When you see the phrase make faces, you must not think that people who work in the clock factory do it all day long. Grimace! Because in addition to this meaning, it can also literally be interpreted as making a clock face.

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

A: Keep him awake.

How to stop a sleepwalker from sleeping? What about sleepwalking (walk in his sleep)? The easiest way is not to let him sleep. Although this is not a treatment, if the sleepwalker is kept awake, he will indeed stop sleepwalking.

English Jokes (2)

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

He is really somebody.

-- My uncle has 1,000 personal.

--He's really a big shot. What to do?

-- Cemetery keeper.

English Jokes (3)

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

They are brought directly from the United States

A Shortly after returning from visiting her daughter in the United States, an old Chinese woman went to a city bank to deposit the U.S. dollars her daughter had given her. At the bank counter, the bank clerk carefully checked each banknote to see if it was counterfeit.

This approach made the old woman very impatient, and finally she couldn't bear it anymore and said: "Believe me, sir, and please believe these banknotes. These are real U.S. dollars, and they are imported directly from the United States." brought.

”

English Jokes (4) my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

My dog ??can't read.

Mrs. Brown: Oh,

Honey, I lost my precious puppy!

Mrs. Smith: But you should put an ad in the newspaper. Ah!

Mrs. Brown: It’s no use, my puppy can’t read”

English Jokes (5) Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

Give me the winner

-- Waiter,

This lobster has only one claw.

--Sorry, sir, this one must have been in a fight.

-- Oh, then give me the winner.

English Jokes (6) The mean man's party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh, " was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

The Stingy Man's Treat

A notorious stingy man finally decided to treat himself to a treat . When explaining to a friend how to find his home, he said: "You go up to the fifth floor, look for the middle door, and then use your elbow to ring the doorbell. When the door opens, use your feet to push the door open."

"Why do you have to use my elbows and feet?"

"You have to use both hands to carry the gift. God, you don't come empty-handed, do you?" replied the miser .

A Useful Way

Father: Jack, why do you drink so much water?

Jack: I have just had an apple, Dad.

Father: What's that got to do with it?

Jack: I forgot to wash the apple.

Chinese:

Dad: Jack, Why do you drink so much water?

Jack: I just ate an apple, Dad.

Dad: But what does this have to do with drinking water?

Jack: I forgot to wash the apples.