Joke riding

1\ A male teacher said angrily to a girl who was sleeping in class: I'm so tired up there, don't move down there! If you don't cooperate, you won't even respond If you have nothing in your stomach in the future, don't blame the teacher! As a result, the whole class fainted

1. One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and roared: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I see where the fuck you lost!

2. Boyfriend and girlfriend sleep in the same room, and the woman draws a clear line: animals cross the line. Woke up and found that the man really didn't cross the line, and the woman slapped the man hard: you are not even as good as an animal!

3. One day, I met a foreign guest. He said, I'm Hong, and the foreign guest said, I'm Fang Qi!

Zaizai was repaired by his father. He went to his mother to complain: "Mom, what would you do if someone hit your son?" Mom: "I want to avenge his son!" " "Aberdeen:" ... "

An old lady can't read, but she likes listening to the radio. The weather forecast must be heard every day. One day at dinner, I asked my family, "I have a question." Do you know where it is? It rains almost every day there. "

6. A little mouse on the cliff waved its short front paws and jumped down again and again, trying to learn to fly. The mother bat next to her looked at it and said anxiously, Dad, don't tell it, it's not ours!

7. My friends and I went to the top of Mount Tai to watch the sunrise. A friend pointed to the sky and said, "I see it!" " "I saw it too!" At this time, someone in the distance came out with trousers and scolded: "See it when you see it!" " What are you yelling about? "

1. Ghost: God, next time I want to be as white as an angel with wings, but I still want to suck blood.

God: Then reincarnate as a nurse.

2. A friend sold popsicles in the park for the first time, so he was embarrassed to shout. Then suddenly someone shouted "sell popsicles ~ ~ ~ sell popsicles ~ ~". Hearing this, my friend shouted happily, "Me too ~ ~ Me too ~ ~".

Ants and elephants died soon after they got married. While burying the elephant, the ant wept bitterly: "Dear, why did you leave so early?" I will bury you if I don't do anything else in my life! " "

4. A boy secretly loves a girl and dares to ask her what kind of boy she likes.

"Like-minded" girls answered, and even asked several times, it was the same answer.

The boy was very discouraged and said, "Can you have a flat head?" .

One day, I was out of breath to catch the last bus and shouted: Master! Master, wait for me ~

Suddenly a passenger poked his head out of the window and said to me slowly, Wukong, stop chasing.

6. One day I had a physical examination, and one of the questions was to guess the name of a bird by looking at its legs. A student really couldn't understand it, so he tore up the paper in a rage and was ready to leave the examination room. The invigilator was very angry and asked him, "What class are you in? What's your name? " A student lifted his trousers and said, "Guess, guess."

7. After the performance of the beautiful Mongolian actress, the leader came to the stage to receive her, and then her hand asked her if she was cold or warm. She refused to let go for a long time and kindly asked, What's your name? The actress replied excitedly, "Maragobi Matsumoto".

8. A man bought a parrot that can only speak two words. One day, when the master was not at home, a ventilator knocked at the door.

Parrot: Who is it?

A: Gas converter.

Parrot: Who is it?

A: Gas converter.

……

There is a man lying in front of his master's house. The master wondered, who is this?

Inside the door: gas converter

9. A person saw a pile of things on the road, squatted down and smelled it, said it might be poop, touched it with his hand and licked it in his mouth. It was really poop, but fortunately he didn't step on it! ~

10. The doctor asked the patient how the fracture happened. A: I feel sand in my shoes, so I shake my shoes with a telephone pole. I shook and shook ... a man thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two.

1 1. A professor is giving a lecture on the spot: "Don't be afraid of being dirty in scientific research. . . "Then he squatted down, poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger, and then put his finger in his mouth and licked it clean. A classmate quickly said, "I'm not afraid of being dirty." . . "Then I poked the cow dung on the ground with my finger and licked it in my mouth. Professor: "Besides, I should be good at observation. I just poked dung with my middle finger, but I licked my index finger. . . "

12. In a public toilet, Mr. A was constipated and couldn't pull it out for a long time. Then another man, Mr. B, rushed in, just squatted down and pulled happily. After listening, Mr. A said, "Dude, I really envy you. You are so happy." Mr. B said, "What is there to envy? I haven't taken off my pants yet ... "

13. A gentleman was practicing riding a bike when a pedestrian came up to him. A gentleman panicked and shouted, "Stop! Stop! " The pedestrians stopped in a daze. But a gentleman rode so badly that he knocked down a pedestrian. Pedestrians got up and got angry: "You told me to stop! You have a good aim, don't you! "

14. Beautiful sister, 2 years old. One day, I called her mother and the little guy answered the phone. Out of courtesy, I also want to say hello to her. "Honey, where's mom?" "Go to Huaguoshan!" "..." "Honey, what are you doing?" "Aunt, you are so funny. I'm not calling you! "

My colleague's son, 4 years old. A classic saying: "When I was young ..."

15. There was an accident on the expressway-the tortoise trampled the cow to death. The police are investigating the cause of the accident and say, snail: How did the tortoise hit you? The lying cow in plaster recalled sadly: I don't remember, he was too fast!

16. A polar bear stayed in a daze on the ice. When he was really bored, he began to pull out his own hair, one ... one ... one ... one ... one ... one ... one ... one ... one ..........

17. My colleague's daughter is a little beauty embryo. When she comes back from kindergarten, her mother often asks her, "Beauty, did anyone call you that today?" The little girl sighed: "I guess they see me too much, so they think I'm not beautiful."

18. A couple gave birth to a little boy after contraceptive failure. The child clenched his fist and kept laughing. The nurse broke his fist and found birth control pills in it. Then the little boy said, "You two want to kill me, it's not that easy, hahahaha ..."

19. Two people went to the mountain to play. A man accidentally slipped and fell off a cliff. His companion shouted anxiously, "how are you, brother?" Are you all right? " I only heard the person who fell answer "I don't know, I'm still falling ~ ~ ~".

20. I also thought of a cyclist who didn't hold the handlebar and put his hands on his chest. A traffic policeman saw it and said, Good palms! The man replied, hello, comrades!

2 1. The monkey asked the fox how to describe the elephant's fart with a song. The fox said: Ku Kuiji's Ant said: "Fuck, I thought it was a power train." : when > yes. "

22. The two brothers were chased by the tiger, and the younger brother really couldn't run, so he said, "Brother, let's stop running and kill this beast." The eldest brother said, "Don't talk nonsense, I can't run, just run past you."

23. Noodles were beaten by steamed bread. I asked my cousin for instant noodles for revenge. When I saw the bean bag, the instant noodles were beaten to pieces. When I came back, I said to the noodles, don't worry, I beat the shit out of it.

24. A fashionable woman got on the bus and saw that the seat was empty, so she took out a tissue and wiped it for a while. She was just about to sit down and fart. A man next to her smiled and said, "I'm Kao Hua. I'm so fucking clean. I have to blow it after I wipe it."

Penguins are bored, so they want to go to the North Pole to play with polar bears.

Walking, walking for many years, almost there, suddenly remembered that the gas at home was not turned off properly.

So I went back, walked for many years, turned off the gas, set off again, and walked for many years.

Very not easy to come to the door of the polar bear, knocking at the door:

-Polar bear! Come out and play!

Polar bear:

-Stop playing.

26. In junior high school, a math teacher talked about equation transformation. On the podium, he rolled up his sleeves and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to change! ……

27. A judge squinted and tried three suspects, A, B and C, in one day.

The judge said to A, "Did you steal it?"

A: "No"

The judge was furious: "I didn't ask you."

"I didn't say anything either," C said.

28. On the plane, the crow said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water", and the pig said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water, too!" After hearing this, the stewardess threw the crow and the pig out of the plane together. The crow smiled and said to the pig, "Don't be silly, I can fly ~ ~ ~"

29. A rabbit walked into a shop and asked the boss, Do you sell carrots here? The wife said: no, after a while, the rabbit asked again, do you sell carrots here? The boss impatiently said no! After a while, the rabbit asked again, and the boss finally couldn't bear it: if you make trouble again, I'll cut your ear off with scissors!

After a while, the rabbit came again: Do you sell scissors here? The boss said: No. Rabbit asks again: Do you sell carrots here? ...

30. The devil caught the princess.

The devil said: you can shout your throat out, and no one will come to save you!

Princess: Break your throat, break your throat!

Nobody: Princess, I'm coming to save you!

Devil: Speak of the devil!

Cao Cao: Devil, what do you want me to do?

Devil: Wow, I saw a ghost!

Ghost: Shit! Someone found out.

Shit: Nonsense, who found me?

Who: It's none of my business!

Devil: Oh, my God!

God: Who called me? !

Who: Nobody called you!

Nobody: I didn't! ! !

It is said that the devil has suffered from schizophrenia since then.

3 1. A king wanted to marry a princess and put an apple on her head. Whoever wants to shoot will have a chance to marry the princess.

The first man shot the apple and said, "I'm Robin."

The second man also shot the apple. He said, "I am Hou Yi."

The third man accidentally shot the princess. He said, "I'm sorry ..."

32. Someone was practicing in a mental hospital, and suddenly a psycho came after him with a kitchen knife. The man turned his head and ran until he reached a dead end, thinking it was over. The patient said, here's the knife. It's your turn to chase me.

33. The stewardess advised passengers to fasten their seat belts.

"The last time the plane landed, everyone who didn't wear a seat belt fell bloody."

Q: "The one with the seat belt."

A: "Nothing, everyone is seated, just like the living."

A new sculpture was built in a school-a girl holding a book in her left hand and a pigeon in her right hand. The school leaders openly call the students names in the school. There was an endless stream of replies, and one of them was the loudest: reading is for birds!

36. Boyfriend and girlfriend go shopping together.

Girlfriend: Ouch, my feet are so sore.

Boyfriend is nervous: What's the matter? Did you step on a lemon?

37. The bear asked the white rabbit, "Have you lost your hair?" The white rabbit said, "No."The bear asked, "Did you really lose your hair?" The white rabbit said, "It really won't fall off," so the bear wiped his ass with the white rabbit.

38. The little white rabbit goes to the bakery: Boss, are there a hundred steamed buns? Boss: No, the little white rabbit came again the next day: Boss, are there a hundred steamed buns? Boss: Sorry, there isn't.

On the third day, the white rabbit came in: Boss, are there a hundred steamed buns? Boss: I'm sorry, but I still don't have it.

The fourth day, the little white rabbit came skipping: boss, are there a hundred steamed buns? Boss: Great! There are a hundred steamed buns today ~!

White Rabbit: Great! Give me two!

39. Father and son take the bus.

Son: Dad, when will it arrive?

Father: Stop it.

Son: When will it stop?

Father: I stopped when I arrived.

40. A man and a tiger are tied to two trees respectively. There is a candle under the rope that tied the tiger, and the rope is almost burned out. If the rope is burned, the tiger will eat the man. As a result, the man said a word and was not eaten by the tiger.

He said, "Happy birthday! ! "The tiger blew out the candle. ...

4 1. The wolf is just lovelorn. When he was foraging, he passed a hut and heard a man lecturing his child: "If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolves. The child cried in the house all night, and the wolf stayed outside all night. When I got up in the morning, the wolf choked and said, men, men are liars! ! !

42. The girl asked her boyfriend, "What do you like about me?"

Boyfriend is stuck. "I, I, I, I like you to stay away from me."

43. On the first day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river, caught nothing and went home.

The next day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, but found nothing and went home.

On the third day, the little white rabbit just arrived at the river, and a big fish jumped out of the river and shouted at the little white rabbit:

If you use carrots as fucking bait again, I'll kill you!

44. A gentleman was afraid to open his eyes when flying for the first time. 15 minutes later, he opened his eyes, looked out of the window and shouted, "Oh, it's so high, people are like ants!"

The neighbor said, "That's an ant. The plane has not taken off yet. "

45. My girlfriend texted me: "Let's break up!"

After a while, I received another message: "Sorry, I sent it wrong! ! "

46. Sanmao went to the hair salon to do her hair, and said to the stylist, braid my hair. The stylist accidentally dropped a San Mao's hair. San Mao said with a sigh, then divide it. But the stylist accidentally lost his root again. Sanmao saw the fire: Do you want me to have long hair?

47. Once upon a time, there was a fudge. After walking in the street for a long time, it suddenly said, my feet are so soft.

48.do you like me?

W: Guess.

M: I like it!

W: guess again.

49. A mental patient was writing something, and the doctor asked, "What should I write?"

"Write a letter."

"To whom?"

"me."

"What does it say?"

"Idiot, I didn't receive how do you know! ? "

50. During ... .........

Child: He took off his clothes and put on his trousers.

Teacher's comment: Is he going to take it off? Still have to wear it?

Title: Among them

Children: I hurt my left foot.

Teacher's comment: Are you a centipede?

Title: One after another.

Child: After work, Dad goes home one after another.

Teacher's comment: How many dads do you have?

Theme: sadness

Child: There is a ditch in front of my house, which is really sad.

Teacher's comment: The teacher is even sadder.

Title: Once again

Child: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin.

Teacher's comment: Is your mother a deformed diamond?

Title: Look.

Children: What are you looking at? Never seen it?

Teacher's comment: Don't procrastinate too much.

Title: Prosperity.

Children write: bustling confession.

Teacher's comment: Don't watch too many series!

Theme: Delicious

Children write: delicious fart.

Teacher: .........

Title: Innocent.

The child wrote: It's really hot today.

Teacher's comment: You are so naive.

Title: Sure enough

The children said: I ate fruit yesterday. Then I drank cold water.

Teacher's comment: a sentence that cannot be separated.

Theme: ... first, then ... Example: eat first, then take a bath.

Children: Goodbye, sir!

Teacher's comments: .................

Title: In addition,

Child: A train passes by, besides, besides.

Teacher's comment: forget it if I die.