Ancient classic joke stories

Ancient classic joke story 1: drunkenness

On May Day, we seldom get together. As a result, Lao Wang drank too much. He went to the bathroom, so did I. Afraid of his accident. He came out of the toilet and I went to the toilet.

I didn't see Lao Wang when I came out, so I went back to the table and started drinking. They asked me where Lao Wang was, and I said that he might have gone back.

They said: impossible, he can't go back in such a short time.

We'll come out and look for it right away.

I walked to the pigsty next to the toilet and heard a conversation.

Lao Wang was drunk and slept in the pigsty.

He didn't feel it yet, and said, big nephew, I have long taken a fancy to my nephew's daughter-in-law, so I won't go tonight and sleep here.

The pig, led by old Wang Zhan, couldn't help humming.

Lao Wang was angry and shouted, What are you humming? I will leave at dawn tomorrow. She is still yours.

Ancient classic joke story 2: Don't touch my donkey

My cousin opened a donkey meat restaurant in the city, and the business is very prosperous. A few days ago, my cousin called and asked me to take Lao Hei to his donkey meat restaurant to help.

Lao Hei is the donkey I have kept for many years. My cousin can't play with him. I was in a hurry and came to this city. Only when I got there did I know that my cousin had a new idea. He put a stone mill in a small room in the backyard of the donkey house, and he asked me to lead the donkey grinding bean curd. To say that this idea is so creative, there are many guests in the donkey meat restaurant, some of whom come to taste pure natural green tofu, and some just come to see how the donkey meat is pulled out and polished fresh.

Among the frequent guests, one boss Chen is quite annoying. He often drinks as drunk as a fiddler and is insane. I heard from my cousin that Boss Chen is the best tycoon in the local area. Rich and powerful people dare not provoke him, so they can only submit to humiliation.

At noon that day, I wanted to take off my old black condom and let it have a rest. My cousin brought some drunks in and the leader got pregnant. I recognized him as boss Chen. He was so drunk that he was shaking when he walked. With the strength of wine, he slapped Lao Hei, and Lao Hei screamed and almost kicked him with his hoof. I quickly drank the old black, and boss Chen was happy: I think this donkey is good, and it barks loudly. You give it two whips, and I'll pinch the watch to see how many times it can pull a minute! ?

I put an eye patch on Lao Hei, took a few shots, and Lao Hei immediately turned around, once or twice? Boss Chen shouted? Stop? He cried excitedly:? Six and a half laps, this donkey is really strong. You take it off and pull it. I think you can pull a few laps a minute! ?

This statement really annoys me. Does anyone compare people with donkeys? My cousin coughs for fear that I will offend the guests. Boss Chen used his mouth when he saw that I didn't move? Sniff? In tears:? I won't let you pull for nothing. Here's 50 dollars. ?

Fifty dollars! I can't earn this day. I can earn fifty dollars in one minute. It's a good deal. I immediately unloaded the old black and pushed the grinding rod around. Several people shouted, Come on, let me work hard. A minute passed, and Boss Chen looked at his watch and said that he had only run less than four laps. How's it going? I said no matter how strong I am, I can't pull the donkey. You have to bet that this meal is on you. ? Say that finish, he threw me fifty dollars.

It was a little hot when I took the money. So these rich people are betting on me and the donkey. Those people all laughed, some called me stupid, some said donkey meat was strong, and another boy said that if donkey meat was tasted, it would be delicious. I was shocked, but I saw boss Chen immediately ask me, well, who, how much is your donkey worth?

I said grumpily:? Not for any money, not for Jinshan Yinshan. ?

Boss Chen has lost face, he? Huh? In tears:? As long as you have money these days, you can buy whatever you want! A broken donkey still talks about Jinshan Yinshan. A good donkey in the market only costs 2000 yuan. We will pay 3000 yuan. Do you want to sell it?

I promised nothing and almost quarreled with him. Thanks to my cousin's words, I persuaded him to go away. When he left, boss Chen looked back at Lao Hei, very unwilling.

I thought it was over, but my cousin hurried in and told me that Boss Chen had drunk a lot of wine and insisted on eating the donkey treasure he had killed now. I know that the donkey treasure they are talking about is a dish in a restaurant, but it is actually a donkey whip. And I said, how is that possible? My cousin has put the donkey's reins in my hand, so he threw me out and let me take the donkey to hide first. At this time, boss Chen and his gang have stumbled over and stopped Lao Hei from saying that they wouldn't let me go and wanted to give me more money.

I couldn't help it any longer, and raised my voice: don't touch my donkey! I won't sell it if you add100000! ?

Boss Chen sneered: You go out and ask who I am, and then ask if there is anything I can't buy. ? I told you, I'm about to get on that old black car. I quickly pushed him away. He was a little anxious and later asked my cousin. As a boss, how do you educate your employees? This donkey is not allowed to eat. I can't even ride it.

My cousin lost his smiling face and dared not say anything. The drunkard next to him woke him up and said it was fun to ride a donkey. Seeing that I didn't agree, boss Chen took out a hundred-dollar bill and said that if he was allowed to ride, the money would be mine and he wouldn't eat the donkey.

I hesitated. I didn't want him to touch Lao Hei, but I was afraid he would pester me. Cousin still took the money and said with a smile, it's okay to take a bus, boss Chen. Be careful. ?

Several people helped Boss Chen onto the donkey's back. Although it is not heavy, Lao Hei still stands still. I just want to invite him down, but he slapped the old black ass hard, still in his mouth. Have to? With a loud cry, Lao Hei got a fright, and his front legs stood up, throwing Boss Chen down at once.

Everyone is in a mess. My cousin went to help Boss Chen. I quickly grabbed Lao Hei and tried to take him in, but I heard Boss Chen yelling at him from behind. Don't go! Look at my suit, you have to pay! ?

Looking back, I saw that Boss Chen's suit really tore a long hole, but it wasn't my fault. Obviously, he had to ride a donkey and spank.

I had a quarrel with him, and my cousin hurried to mend it. I was also afraid that my cousin would be embarrassed, so I asked Boss Chen how much this dress was worth, and I tried to make it up for him.

? Make up? Boss Chen burped. Have you ever heard of Goldlion in Hong Kong? Market price 1.2 million yuan. How can I make it up to you?

Ah! This is too much. Isn't this bullying? Even if you don't eat or drink for a year, you can't afford such expensive clothes. Cousin was dumbfounded, too. He didn't know what to say with his mouth open.

Boss Chen simply left the clothes with his cousin, saying that it happened in the restaurant and he gave them to his cousin for handling. He didn't pay for clothes, so he went to the Consumers Association to complain and closed his cousin's shop.

Seeing that my cousin was on the verge of tears, I had to bow my head and beg Boss Chen for leniency. At this time, a guest next to me helped to say a few good words, saying that Boss Chen is a man who has seen the world. In his eyes, this dress is just a matter of two mahjong. Let's roll with the punches and roll with the punches. There are many adults.

Boss Chen's face is slow:? I can't bear to let you pay; I won't let you pay. I've suffered too much. Tell you what, I want one thing, the treasure of the donkey. You won't lose money by putting it on this dress, will you?

Everyone next to him said that Mr. Chen had more money, so he changed into a dish of clothes with more than 10 thousand yuan. I looked at Lao Hei and couldn't bear to kill him. The expression on my cousin's face was also very sad. Finally, he said to me: Cousin, I paid more than 10,000 yuan. Lao hei has been with you for ten years. Please take it back. ?

As soon as I heard my cousin say this, I couldn't help it anymore. I grabbed him: stop, I'll make him a donkey treasure.

Boss Chen smiled proudly. That's right. This donkey is just a little taller. No matter how valuable it is, can it be worth 12 thousand Be quick with your hands and feet I'm going to sleep first. As long as you finish eating the donkey treasure, I'll give you another thousand dollars. I must eat it today. ?

A few hours later, I brought a plate of cooked donkey treasure to boss Chen, who was breathing alcohol and sleeping soundly. My cousin called several times before Boss Chen opened his eyes. Seeing that the food was ready, he came to his senses, ate a few chopsticks and praised it again and again.

I said:? This is the donkey treasure you asked for. We agree to use it to pay for your suit. ?

Boss Chen? Huh? In tears:? That dress is very expensive. It cost more than 600 yuan. ? It seems that he was drunk, and he told the truth. My cousin thinks that we have been cheated, so he quickly reminds Boss Chen: As you just said, this dish of donkey treasure is ready, so you give him 1000 yuan. ? What? Boss Chen cried. What is so valuable? A donkey is only worth a few dollars. Don't rip me off when I am drunk. ?

Hearing that he was so good at cheating, several guests next to him couldn't stand it, and they came out to testify and accused Mr. Chen of breaking his word. Isn't this a joke on the poor? Seeing that he was angry, Boss Chen reluctantly took out his money, stopped eating donkey treasures and left the pub step by step.

My cousin handed me the money. I'm embarrassed to say that he can't afford to offend this man. He also caused me great losses and had to buy me another donkey as compensation for my old black.

I watched all the guests go away, and then I whispered, what should I pay? Old black is still hiding in the haystack in the back. I didn't kill him. I dug out some donkey intestines from the refrigerator and fried them. I put more soy sauce, and everything looks the same. ?

Cold cousin:? You have a lot of nerve. You dare to fool people at this time. If boss Chen finds out, it will be a disaster. ? I smiled:? Cousin, it's not my fault! These drunks are drunk in a daze. Don't you also think about it?

Cousin patted his head: Hey! I asked boss Chen to trap me for traveling and forgot that we were old black donkeys. Where did you get the donkey treasure?

;