Jokes to please your girlfriend (be sure to laugh and refuse cold jokes)?

It is said that Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei, Sun Quan and Cao Cao once flew together.

In case of emergency, you need to parachute to escape.

Only then did I find that there were only three parachutes left on the plane.

Zhuge shook his feather fan and cleared his throat, and everyone became nervous.

And said,' Well, the mountain man can answer a few questions,

Just jump. If you can't answer, jump yourself.

Others have no choice but to agree.

Zhuge Liang shook the feather fan again and asked Liu Bei, "How many suns are there in the sky?"

Liu Bei thought briefly and answered "One", so he went down with a parachute.

Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again, "How many moons are there in the sky?" Sun Quan replied: "One."

I also brought a parachute down.

Finally, it was Cao Cao's turn, and Zhuge Liang asked,' How many stars are there in the sky?

Cao Cao was stunned and couldn't answer, so he had to jump by himself.

Unexpectedly, jumping into the sea saved my life.

Cao Cao felt very happy.

The second time, four people flew in urgently.

After four discussions, it is better to do it the old way.

Zhuge Liang shook the feather fan again and asked Liu Bei

What was Zhou Wuwang's campaign to defeat Zhou Wang? '

Liu Bei thought simply and answered' Makino War'

Zhuge Liang nodded, and Liu Bei took an umbrella bag and went down.

Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again, "How many people died in that battle?"

Sun Quan thought about it and said,' About 30,000 to 40,000.'

Zhuge nodded, and Sun Quan went down with an umbrella bag.

Cao Cao couldn't help laughing and thinking,' Zhuge Liang, Zhuge Liang, I have known it since ancient times.

Especially in the army, you fell down this time, hehe. '

I saw Zhuge Liang ask' what are their names'

Cao Cao almost fainted and had to jump by himself.

I didn't expect to jump into the sea again to save my life.

Cao Cao snickered to himself

Mama of, Lao tze deadly, see you zhuge old man can do to me? ! '

The third time, the same four people flew, and the plane was in an emergency.

As soon as Cao Cao thought about it, Zhuge tried to fool me again, so I jumped by myself.

Free from insults. So he jumped into the air,

Descending at high speed in the air. I can only hear Zhuge Liang's laughter from above.

Speak of the devil, waste your life's wisdom, haha, there are four parachutes on the plane today. '

Three kingdoms joke

On the grass boat-

Lu Su: "Is it really possible to borrow arrows like this? Mr. Kong Ming? "

Zhuge Liang: "Trust me."

Lu Su: "But I'm still a little worried ..."

Zhuge Liang: "There is no need."

Lu Su: "But don't you think it's getting hotter and hotter in the boat?"

Zhuge Liang: "that's a little ... is there anything wrong?"

Lu Su: "Yes, I'm afraid the enemy is shooting rockets ..."

Zhuge Liang: "Hey! ? Amethyst ~ ~ Can you swim ~ ~ I can't ~ ~ "

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Zhongjun's big client-

Zhuge Liang (puts on his glasses and opens his name book): "Zhang Yimou!"

Person: "..........."

Zhuge Liang (holding glasses and looking at the name book carefully): "Where is Zhang Yimou!"

Person: "..........."

Wei Yan: "Strategist ... Zhang Yide, right? Is Zhang Yide ... "

Zhuge Liang: "........"

-Zhuge Liang hated Wei Yan all his life and secretly told Ma Dai to assassinate him before he died.

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Changbanpo-

Cao Hong: "Look, Prime Minister! That enemy general is back! "

Xia Houdun: "Today is the seventh time. Isn't he tired?"

Cao Cao: "Shit ... I have to kill all my troops before I stop!" " ! ? "

Zhao Yun, who fought in the chaotic army, said, "Zhang Fei is XXXX! Let me not give me the map at the back of the house ~ ~ ~ Where is Changban Bridge?

Yes ~ ~ ~ "

-Zhao Yun, word dragon, number, one of the five generals of Shu.

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Zhang Fei: "Stop, old thief!"

Yan Yan: "Ring-eyed thief! Dismount and die! "

Police car: "Listen, two thieves ~ ~ ~ You are surrounded ~ ~ ~ Drop your weapons ..."

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The story of diusim: "............."

Dong Zhuo: "........."

Lu Bu: "I just want to hear your truth. Which one do you love more?" ! ? "

The story of diusim: "............."

Dong Zhuo: "........."

Lu Bu: "Answer me!"

Dong Zhuo: "It's really hard to decide ~ ~ I like both ~ ~".

Lu bu: "scum ~ ~ ~! ! "

-According to research, the first BL murder case in China history occurred in the late Eastern Han Dynasty. ...

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Wuzhangyuan-

Jiang Wei: "Teacher, I'm back! Today, I bought three pence a cart of celery and four pence five barrels of rice. ...

Huh? Why are there seven lights on in the room? Lamp oil is very expensive now, and military grain and oil subsidies do not contain kerosene ~ ~ ... what! ? Three days and three nights! Still not going out? You can't live! ? Wow ~ Look at the big one in the middle ~ ~ Take it out quickly. Well, you see, a light is already on ~ ~:) Oh, by the way, what did you want to say to me just now, teacher? "

The superstar fell down. ...

Sanjiangkou-

Sun Shangxiang: "It's Ding Feng and Xu Sheng's people. My brother must have sent them to kill us! What should I do, husband? "

Liu Bei: "Oh, when I left Jingzhou, the military adviser gave me three tricks, and I have already used two. Now it's time to use the third one. "

Wait, Zilong, open the toolbox! "

Zhao Yun: "Yes. (opens) Oh? There is a blue tights and a red cloak in it? ! "

Liu Bei: "Don't ..."

Zhao Yun: "There is also a note ... If you become Superman, you can repel enemy soldiers ..."

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Liu Bei: "Yun Chang, let me introduce you. This is my great benefactor Liu An. When I was in trouble, he killed his wife and cut meat to feed me. "

Liu An: "Nothing ..."

Guan Yu: "But he obviously raises pigs at home. Why ... "

Liu Bei: "Have you forgotten? I am a Muslim ~ ~ ~ "

Guan Yu: "..."

-Guan Yu Liu Bei cut his robe and broke his righteousness.

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At the door-

Sima Yi: "The piano is a mess! Kill the city and capture Zhuge Liang alive! "

In the city-

Qin Tong: "I told you not to play that sonorous rose, but I didn't listen ..."

Jian Tong: "No, the teacher is a fan of Yi Lian ..."

Zhuge Liang: "Let's leave you two in the city to die ..."

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Soldier: "Report back to General Guan, he will raise the flag and triumph!" "

Liu Bei: "Brave enough! Oooo oooo ┅ ┅”

Zhang Fei: "There are two sons! Glug ┅ ┅ "

Guan Yu: "Big Brother, I'm back ~ ~ ~"

Liu Bei: "Well, I'm sorry, my third brother and I have finished our lunch." : ; "

Guan Yu: "-_-bb ┅ ┅"

A year later, in front of Hulao Pass-

Marotta: "Master Xiang! A big red face came in and cut off General Hua's head and flew away! "

Dong Zhuo: "Hey! ! How cruel! ? "

Allied camp-

Liu Bei: "Yun Shang has been moving faster and faster recently."

Zhang Fei: "Well, the wine is still warm."

Guan Yu: "Ah, ah, ah, ah ~ ~ plop, plop ~ ~"

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Si Mahui: "Ah!"

Liu Bei: "What's the matter, sir?"

"Your monarch's mount seems to be the legendary fierce mahr. If you don't give up, you will suffer in the future. "

Liu Bei: "Thanks for reminding me, but I don't believe in superstition."

After Liu Bei left-

Linzhi: "Dad, did you get the white horse you wanted ~ ~ ~"

Si Mahui: "Don't worry ~ ~"

Zhao Yun: "Is anyone at home? Have you seen my master ┅ ┅ "

Si Mahui: "Huh? General, your mount seems to be the legendary fierce horse "Lu" ...

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Cao Cao: "Chicken ribs! Chicken ribs! "

Yang Xiu: "Come ~ ~! Please enjoy your meal, Prime Minister. "

Cao Cao: "Push ... Push it out and kill it!" "