Urgent need for SMS jokes

4. Agua broke up with his girlfriend. Agua asked his girlfriend: Do you think our relationship can be saved? Girlfriend replied: it's a key on the phone! Agua: Is it redial? Girlfriend: No, it's speakerphone!

That fool stole the beggar's wallet and was seen by the blind. The mute gave a roar, which startled the deaf. Camels come forward and lame people fly. Asako said, look at my face. The madman said: that is, people should be rational.

6. I like Teresa Teng and died; I like Barbara Yung and committed suicide; I like Anita Mui, dead; I like Ka Kui Wong, I fell dead; I like Leslie Cheung, jumping off a building; I like you. It's up to you.

7. Money can buy a house but not a home, marriage can't buy love, and clocks can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Hurry up, remit your money to my account and let me bear all the pain personally.

8. God bless me, bless those who forget me, don't contact me, don't call me, don't send me text messages, don't miss me, don't miss me, their mobile phones fell into the toilet. Oh dear! By the way, let the water flush.

9. When you smile, the wolf will hang himself. When you scream, the chicken flies and the dog jumps. When it stopped, it smelled bad. When sweating, lice are infested, and if you don't dress up, you are uglier than a ghost. Kneel down as soon as you dress up, paralyzed.

10, jump instruction: I want to be happy on the ninth floor, I want to breathe on the eighth floor, I want to struggle on the seventh floor, I want to leave a message on the sixth floor, I want to be disabled on the fifth floor, I want to be hospitalized on the fourth floor, I just scare the third floor, I am interested in the second floor, I have a lively first floor. . .

1 1, I think that's enough. My eyes turned blue in the middle of the night, I forgot to give money when I bought something, and pork vermicelli was not greedy. 1+ 1=3 found it difficult. Zhao Benshan wanted to hurt herself when she was Sun Nan. .

We escaped the famine together, seven irons suffered together, eight irons polluted together, and nine irons went whoring together. ,。

15, a child yearns for the sea and finally has a chance to play at the seaside. He stood happily on the beach and shouted, "Sea, Mom". Suddenly a wave threw him down, and the child got up and scolded, "bah, stepmother."

16, when did the boyfriend have it? Ask the group friends questions about wine. I don't know if there are any handsome guys in the group, but I have a girlfriend. I want to be alone, but I am afraid of loneliness outside the group. Falling in love is even harder. The pillow is empty, the dream is still there, and I can't sleep at night. I shouldn't get drunk. When can I fulfill my dream? Women have black and white beauty and ugliness, and men are tall and thin? It is difficult to finish. I hope the group will last forever and be single. !

18. Get married in our village. The conditions in our village are not bad: clothing depends on spinning, eating depends on the party, getting rich depends on grabbing, getting married depends on thinking, traffic depends on walking, communication depends on yelling, public security depends on dogs, and heating depends on shaking!

19, no one will admit it after drinking a little wine, smoking to the end, playing mahjong day and night, dancing exhausted, bragging and blowing you can't believe it!

20. The elephant stepped on the ant nest, and all the angry ants climbed on the elephant's back. When the elephant shook its body gently, the ant was knocked to the ground, leaving only one ant holding the elephant's neck. The ants on the ground shouted in unison, "strangle it, strangle it."

2 1, I heard that you hate being awesome recently. Putin will help you get off the plane, Bush will be your driver, Madonna will accompany you on the elevator, Kim Hee Seon will roast your chicken, Andy Lau will take out the garbage, and even I will send you a message.

22. During the Bush Gulf War, my father smoked and my mother twitched. His uncle insisted that he was bin Laden and wanted to blow up his aunt, a snake spirit. His grandmother jumped off a building and pretended to be an eagle. Only his grandfather is the coolest, whispering "I am a girl" in the toilet.

23. One night, the monkey picked up a card. Because it was dark, he couldn't see what it was, so he climbed to the top of the tree and looked by moonlight. It was a bolt of lightning that hit it. The monkey exclaimed, it turned out to be a card!

Second, continuous classic short jokes.

1, the soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: "What can I do? Stepped on the price compensation. "

2. I'm very upset that I haven't heard from you for a long time.

I thought of death. I cut my pulse with potato chips, hit my head with tofu, and parachuted upstairs.

Hanging with noodles, but none of them died.

Invited me to dinner and died.

If you feel cold, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, 2 to talk about work, 3 to talk about life, 5 to introduce me, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me.

The giraffe married the monkey, and a year later, the giraffe filed for divorce: I will never live such a life of jumping up and down again! Monkey is furious: leave! Who has seen kissing and climbing trees!

The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day, surrounding you and holding you tightly." The pot said, "It's almost fucking ripe and there's still so much nonsense."

6. Have you eaten? Please receive the short message. The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alasao, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

7, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: the sky is used for wind and rain; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I used it to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stew vermicelli.

8. Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are by the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry, when you go to the toilet by the river and there is no paper, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch!

10, God, it's so blue! Sea water, too salty! Life is too hard! Work, too annoying! And you, decree by destiny! Miss you, insomnia! It's too far to see you! What can I do? I miss you so much that I can't eat chopsticks or swallow bowls!

1 1, send you 12 Zodiac. I wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, cute as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a sheep, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog and looks like a pig!

12. The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the stool pulled by the gibbon. After the gibbon cleaned it gently and carefully, they fell in love. Others asked how they got together. Chimpanzees said with emotion: ape dung! It's all ape shit!

13, the lion and the bear shit by the tree respectively. A month later, the lion found that the tree next to his stool was thicker than the bear's, so he said a philosophy full of vicissitudes-lion shit is better than bear shit!

14, think of a number in your head, add 52.8, multiply it by 5, subtract 3.9343, divide it by 0.5, and finally subtract ten times the number in your head. The answer is romantic!

15, you always fart in the office, and your colleagues can't help asking if you can keep quiet. Then I saw you sitting there shivering and asked what you were doing, and you replied that I was shaking!

17, it is said that you are cruel. You have occupied four seats opposite the theater. When someone calls you up, you only hum twice. The security guard came over and said that friends are cruel enough. Where are you? You gnashed your teeth and said, I fell down the aisle upstairs!

18, miss you, miss you, find a painter to draw you, stick you in a cup, drink water all day and watch you-are you happy? Pour a cup of boiling water and burn you to death!

19, dear users, at this time, we have deducted 20 yuan from your phone bill and dedicated it to the Palestinian national liberation cause. Therefore, the Palestinian self-government has decided to give you a lofty title in the name of the whole Arab world: Ben Shalebaki!

20. The beauty of learning lies in confusing people; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in being stupid without regrets; The beauty of a man lies in lying.

2 1, I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you or not. Do I care about you as much as I care about you? I'm dizzy!

22. Have you ever heard of it? Looking back 500 times in previous lives, I brushed it in this life. Close friends like you and me, it seems that they didn't do anything in their last life, so they fucking turned back!

23. Two counterfeiters inadvertently made counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 yuan candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried and the farmer gave them two 7-dollar ones.

24, your life portrayal: learn to take a bath by yourself at the age of ten-pigs are self-cleaning; Twenty years old is radiant-when the pig is young; Looking for a job at the age of 30-starting a pig-raising career; At the age of forty, I hired a servant-a pig's servant; Learn to play basketball at the age of fifty-throw pigs!

25. A three-year-old boy took the hand of a three-year-old girl and said, "I love you." The little girl said, "Can you be responsible for my future?" The little boy said, "Of course, we are not one or two years old!" " "

26. I just chatted with my friends, and some of them talked about you. Do you know? I quarreled with them and almost got into a fight, because some of them said you looked like a monkey and some said you looked like an orangutan. It was really too much! I didn't treat you like a pig at all!

27. One day, I told you that you were a pig, and you said: I am a pig. So I started calling you a pig. Finally, one day you can't help but announce loudly in front of everyone: I'm not a pig!

28. The three most popular words during the Iraq war: peace and war. Found it. found it. Connect these three English words and read them aloud for three times, and you will uncover a major historical mystery. (I farted) ...

29, people will fall in love, not special; Cattle can eat grass, which is not special;

Pigs can press the phone, which is quite special; Press it again! What a pig!

Wow! And laugh! What a cool pig!

30. There are two words I've always wanted to say to you. Today, I finally got up the courage: the first sentence, I love you and I like you very much; The second sentence, never take the first sentence seriously.

3 1, psychological test:

If you think you have a high IQ, just press it.

I think it's quite humorous. Press it.

I find it quite attractive. Press it.

Press if you feel handsome.

Test results:

Quite shameless

32. I see vicissitudes in your brow, confidence in your eyes, years on your forehead and leeks between your lips and teeth. Go brush your teeth!

33. Eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit.

34. Two cows are grazing. One of them said; "Recently mad cow disease epidemic. We will not be infected, will we? " The other end of the phone said; "No, we are kangaroos." Already crazy!

35. I have been an unknown knight in the Jianghu until one day I met the most mysterious you in the legend and even called out your name. Since then, I have also had a famous name in the Jianghu: knowing that pigs are narrow!

36, marriage: poor and ugly one meter forty-nine, primary school culture rural hukou.

The broken house has three rooms and an acre of thin land, but the wife has no cold pot and hot stove.

I can't leave my mouth all the year round. Today I want a girlfriend by text message.

Revolutionary road hand in hand, ok?

Doctor: Why can't I find my pen? ? I want to write you a prescription. "The patient whispered," doctor, didn't you put it under my arm? "

38. I want sunshine to warm you, starlight to decorate you, wine to intoxicate you, food to satisfy you, fireworks to shine on you, and happiness to drown you. But I haven't been a god for a long time, so I can only wish you happiness every day by SMS!

39. What if all the pigs in the world died? Answer: At least you.

42. A student asked, "Where did you take my shirt?" Roommate "sent it to the laundry room." "God, I wrote down the main points of history class on my cuff."

44、nHZ！ His mother knows you can't guess or understand,

Take a closer look! Still can't see it? Do you know Pinyin?

There is a limit to your stupidity, right? Turn the phone upside down!

45. Father: "Why are you so stupid? You are such a little pig! Ahem! Do you know what a pig is? " Son: "Yes, it's the son of a pig."

47. A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by. A policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived.

48. A man wanted to jump off a building, and his wife shouted: Husband, don't be impulsive, we still have a long way to go! Hearing this, the man swooped down. The policeman said, you really shouldn't threaten him like this!

49. The prisoner was shot. The first shot didn't go off because of the poor quality of the bullet, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried and hugged the bailiff's thigh and said, Brother, strangle me! It's fucking horrible. ....