Who can tell me some classic cold jokes? The colder the better! ! ! Thanks! ! !

There was a buck. He walked, faster and faster, and finally it turned into a highway (deer)~!!!!

There was a matchstick, While walking, I suddenly felt my head was itchy, so I scratched it, but it caught fire...

I went to the hospital for emergency treatment, and when I came out, it turned into a cotton swab...

There was a penguin who was bored, so he plucked his own hair to pass the time, and finally plucked out the last hair. At this time, it suddenly said: Ah, it’s so cold

A little penguin asked his grandma: Grandma, are you a penguin?

Grandma said: Yes, Of course you are a penguin.

Then he asked his father: Dad, are you a penguin?

Dad said: Of course, you are a penguin.

Little Penguin: But I feel so cold...

Once upon a time there was a little lamb. One day he went out to play and met the big bad wolf.

The big bad wolf said: "I'm going to eat you!!!"

Guess what happened?

-

-

As a result, the big bad wolf ate the lamb.

The stone and the rice cake fought, and the stone flew up. He kicked the rice cake into the sea with his feet

Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who were privately committed to life, but the boy needed to perform military service, so he made an oath with the girl, gave her a diamond ring, and promised that in three years I met the girl today, and when the time came, that ring would be used as a wedding ring. After three years, the girl had been waiting for the boy, but could not wait. She was so sad that she threw the diamond ring into the sea in despair. Go to another place. However, the boy has actually been waiting for the girl. However, the girl misunderstood the date, so it became a regret forever. The boy was heartbroken... A few years later, the boy went fishing. Guess what? What did he catch?

rice cake!

Tell me a story. Once upon a time, there was a couple who made a private vow for life, but the boy had to serve in the military, so he made a vow with the girl, gave her a diamond ring, and Promise to meet the girl today in three years, and when the time comes, that ring will be used as a wedding ring.

After three years, the boy heard the news of the woman's marriage on the boat returning home. He was so sad that he threw the diamond ring into the sea in despair. Three days later, the boat docked. The boy went to a small restaurant on the street to eat. He was served a fish. He picked up the fish and took a bite. He bit something hard and spit it out. Guess what he saw?

Fish bones!!!!!

Xiao Bai + Xiao Bai =?

Answer: Little White Rabbit, Little White Two

Q: A rabbit races with a fast tortoise. Guess who wins?

A: Rabbit~~

Q: Wrong~! It's the tortoise. It was said earlier that it was a tortoise that ran very fast. It ran very fast~~

Q: The rabbit was unwilling to give in and raced with a tortoise wearing sunglasses again. Who is this time? Win pull?

A: Yes. . Rabbit Bar

Q: Wrong~~! That turtle took off his sunglasses, too! It’s that fast tortoise again^O^

Q: A rabbit is racing against a fast tortoise. Guess who wins?

A: Rabbit~~

Q: Wrong~! It's the tortoise. It was said earlier that it was a tortoise that ran very fast. It ran very fast~~

Q: The rabbit was unwilling to give in and raced with a tortoise wearing sunglasses again. Who is this time? Win pull?

A: Yes. . Rabbit Bar

Q: Wrong~~! That turtle took off his sunglasses, too! It’s that fast turtle again^O^

Question: What are cloth and paper afraid of?

Answer: Cloth is afraid of ten thousand, paper is afraid of nothing.

Reason: Don’t be afraid of ten thousand (cloth), just be afraid of something unexpected (paper).

A lumberjack went to apply for a job

Foreman: Go try the forest in front... See how many trees you can saw in one minute...

One minute passed...

Foreman: Wow...20 trees in one minute...That’s amazing...Where did you work before?

p>

Worker: Sahara Forest...

Foreman: Never heard of it...I have only heard of Sahara Desert...

Worker: Yes...I changed my name later!

A man left home to go to work on Friday afternoon. It was payday, so instead of going home, he spent the entire weekend partying with friends and spending his entire salary.

When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his furious wife was waiting for him, scolding him for nearly an hour. Finally, his wife stopped nagging and asked him: "How would you feel if you couldn't see me for three days in a row?"

He replied: "I feel pretty good."

Monday passed and he did not see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday also passed, and he still did not see his wife.

On Thursday,

.

The swelling had subsided a little, and he could finally see his wife a little bit from the corner of his left eye

Wife: I am so blind that I will only marry you if I step on shit.

Husband: I am so blind that I will only marry you if I step on shit.

...

Shit: I was so blind that I was stepped on by the two of you while I was lying there...

One day, Xiaofang was at the intersection. Wait for Xiaoye to pick him up on his motorcycle.

Not long after, a motorcycle stopped in front of Xiaofang, and Xiaofang immediately jumped on the back seat:

(beating the helmet) "Why is it so late? It's been more than 30 minutes. "Yeah!"

The knight opened the helmet cover: "Miss, I'm here to ask for directions, please don't hit anyone."

Electrical appliances held a joke telling contest,< /p>

It is stipulated that every appliance must tell a joke,

and make every audience laugh,

otherwise they will be arrested and sent to Aru bar. The first person to appear was the washing machine.

As soon as he finished telling the joke, the whole audience laughed.

Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say: "It's so cold~~~"

p>

So the washing machine was taken to Aruba. Next up was the smartest computer. As soon as he finished telling his joke, all the household appliances burst out laughing.

The rice cooker was also heard saying: "It's so cold~~~"

p>

So! The computer was also taken to Aruba.

The third place is the most humorous desk lamp.

After the desk lamp told the joke very confidently, everyone was rolling on the ground laughing.

The rice cooker He also said: "It's so cold~~~"

Just when the lamp was about to be taken to Aruba,

the rice cooker stood up angrily,

< p>Turn around and said to the refrigerator sitting behind him:

I've had enough of you. Just smile and don't open your mouth so wide. It's very cold."

The army recruits animals Join the army to fight

So all the animals in the forest came for physical examination

The monkey who ranked first did not want to join the army

Look at his long tail

p>

So he gritted his teeth and broke it with all his heart

After entering...

The military doctor said: The monkey's tail is broken, it is disabled, and there is no need to be a soldier. ...

After the second rabbit saw the monkey’s behavior

he resolutely broke off his long ears

After entering. ..

The military doctor said: The rabbit's ears are broken, it is disabled, and there is no need to be a soldier...

The third black bear thought...

"What should I do if my ears are so short and my tail is almost the same?"

The kind-hearted rabbit and monkey came to help him think of a solution...

Suddenly the monkey shouted: I understand. If your teeth are broken, you will be considered disabled!

So the monkey and the rabbit gave the black bear a hard beating

Broken all his teeth...

Although the black bear was in pain, he went in for a physical examination very happily

Soon after, the black bear came out with his mouth covered

Crying and saying...< /p>

They said I was too fat to be a soldier

Once upon a time, a man fished and caught a squid.

The squid begged him: Please let me go. Roast me and eat it.

The man said: OK, then I will ask you a few questions.

The squid said happily: You can do it!

Then the man grilled the squid...

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One day Mung Bean committed suicide by jumping off the 5th floor. He bled a lot and turned into a red bean. He continued to bleed pus and turned into a soybean again. The wound became a scar and turned into a black bean.

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There are 5 eggs in the refrigerator. The first one said to the second one: Hey~ Look~ the fifth egg is furry~~ It’s so scary~!

The second one said to the third one: Hey~ Look~ the fifth egg is hairy~~ It’s so scary, so scary~!

The third one said to the fourth one: Hey, look, the fifth egg is furry. ． ． ． ． ．

The fifth egg heard: Fuck you, I am kiwi~! ! !

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< p>When will you want to unify? When buying instant noodles

Asong and Abo chatted and told each other that time is not forgiving.

A Song: "Recalling my childhood, the happiest thing I ever had was Children's Day."

Abo: "Ten years later it was Youth Day."

< p>A Song: "In ten years it will be Father's Day."

Abo: "In a few decades it will be Old Man's Day."

A Song: "Again In a few decades."

Abo: ".Qingming Festival.

"

Xiao Ming said: "Akang, let me ask you, "A shark ate a mung bean, and what did it become?"

Akang said: "I I don’t know, what’s the answer?”

Xiao Ming said: “The answer is “mung bean paste (mung bean shark)”, you are very stupid!”

One day Xiaoqiang asked his father : "Dad, am I a stupid boy?" Dad said: "Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy?"

A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak are on the street. When we met on the Internet, why didn’t they say hello? (Assuming they can speak)

Because......................

Because........................

Because they are not familiar with each other~~!