Ask for adult riddles or jokes

The following jokes are all collected by my non-collective plagiarism. I think they are funny, meaningful or ridiculous ... I hope you can laugh!

I once had a dog and named it "Don't move". "Come here, don't move!" Then the dog went crazy.

"What delights in corrupting a woman's chastity?" What are the names of "flower thief" and "bad guy who likes to play with men?" "preserved egg"

Preview: According to reliable sources, Santa Claus fell down due to smog on his way to buy goods in China. No one dares to help him so far. He is still lying in the snow. Cancel this Christmas.

The ugly duckling was born ugly. Nobody likes it. Being bullied by other ducks since childhood. He left his mother sadly, wandered alone, met with strong winds and heavy rain, hounds and Xiong Haizi ... but the ugly duckling was not afraid. It works hard, studies hard and improves quality. Finally, people found that although it was not beautiful, it was quite delicious.

Today, I quarreled with a worker in the factory. I was angry and wanted to hit him, but the supervisor and his fellow villagers were here, so I didn't dare to do it. In the evening, I asked my friend to come over and asked him to call a dozen people. I'll meet them at Qiaotou Square and call that bastard out. Later, my friends couldn't find their way, so I went to pick them up and passed an alley. There's nobody around. There is a kebab seller, and I want to eat it. He sold a May Day kebab. Do you think it is expensive?

Today, two women in our company finally fought like men because a female colleague gave them three imported whitening masks. . .

When I went to the hospital for a physical examination, the doctor took my report and said, "It's a good thing you came early ..." When I was shocked into a cold sweat, the doctor said unhurriedly, "If it was later, I would get off work."

I threw up a little. Girls nowadays are spoiled. Today, I went shopping with my girlfriend. She just walked 500 meters. She said she was tired. Only 500 meters! I had to get rid of her and go by myself.

Tips for life: How to turn plastic bottles into steel balls for washing dishes? First, find a beverage bottle made of edible PC plastic and put it aside for later use. It's better to find coca-cola bottle than Pepsi. Sprite and pulse quality are good. Suggest more choices. Don't choose Huiyuan paper packaging. Ok, we have collected 20 bottles. Now let's take these bottles to the recycling station to sell, and go to the supermarket to buy steel balls together!

Today, I met a friend I haven't seen for years. He has a bright future now and helped the police complete an anti-vice operation. When interviewed by reporters, he sat on the bed with his head in his hands and looked very modest.

Why did the tractor hang itself? Why did they hang themselves after pulling the hook, and why did they hang there 100? I thought about it for a long time.

Two hens were chatting when a listless rooster came over. Hen: Why? Rooster: Doing business for the tired! Hen: What business is so tiring? The cock blushed and lowered his head and said, sell some chicken essence! ! !

Back in those days, I punched Nanshan nursing home and kicked Beihai kindergarten, all of which were put down below one meter. I stamped my foot in the morgue and stood up if I didn't accept it. No one dares to breathe! Open the door, fellow villager. We are the Red Army. We are organized and disciplined! If you don't take a needle and thread, open the door, fellow villager. If you don't open the door, we will shoot.

"Hello, I'm Liu Bei!" "I am Guan Yu!" "I am Zhang Fei!" "We are the flying feathers of Ada, the three kingdoms group!" Cao Cao sang affectionately, "We all need courage to face Ada Feiyu ..."

Preparation, Singing: Don't wait until a thousand years later, Cao Cao told me that fairy tales are all lies. I can't be your monkey brother. Monkey, you are really amazing. Wuxing Mountain can't hold you down, and a gourd baby jumps out. There are seven melons on a vine, and they are not afraid of the wind and rain. Ah, ah, ah, sheriff black cat, Deng Deng Deng Deng Deng.

I lit a cigarette in the morning and accidentally burned my wife next to me. I'm sorry to see my wife leaking a little.

"May Day is too short!" "Who his mama said you were short? ! "The martial arts in the corner called out.

Children always kick the quilt when they sleep. Fortunately, I found out in time that I broke my leg, otherwise I would definitely catch a cold. Now some girls flirt with men on WeChat, Weibo and QQ all day. After a few words, they met and checked in. They regard their feelings as children's play and have no idea of self-esteem. For such girls, I just want to say four words to them: Please contact me.

Patrick panted to Squidward Tentacles, "Why are there so many steps?" ? Squidward Tentacles: But you only took three steps! Patrick: I think I've taken four steps. ...