Humorous jokes will make you smile a little

Humorous jokes will make you smile a little

Humorous jokes will make you smile a little! For more jokes, please pay attention to cold jokes, hilarious jokes, humorous jokes, adult jokes, ten Thousands of funny jokes column.

1. In the morning, the couple went out on the street?

Wife: My dear, the cold wind is howling, where is the coldest place for you?

Husband: Face?

Wife: But why doesn’t my face feel cold?

Husband: Why don’t you try it without makeup tomorrow morning?

2. An artist wanted to paint a portrait of Wukong. Wukong took off his clothes and stood in front of the artist.

The painter looked at Wukong and said: "You should put on your clothes and I will paint you again!"

Wukong asked: "Why?"

The painter Said: "You don't need to draw such monkey hair when you put on clothes, it will be faster!"

3. My buddy went on an adventure in Africa and was caught by the local cannibals. The leader of the cannibals told him: "Now You have two choices: 1. Eat a hundred kilograms of shit; 2. Die!?

The buddy is also iron-clad and shouts: "A scholar can be killed but not humiliated. I choose to die." A hundred years later, he is a good man again. ?

The patriarch smiled and said: ?Well done, he is a man. Come here, take him out and feed him shit until he dies!?

4. Aguang I bought a kitten and I love it very much. But the kitten was very naughty, so Aguang taught it a lesson: Lambs know how to kneel down to breastfeed, and crows know how to nurse in return. I feed you delicious food every day, why don’t you know how to repay me?

Unexpectedly, the first The next day, a half-eaten mouse appeared on Aguang's dining table.

5. After dinner, the man’s phone rang.

When the man saw it, he saw that it was a colleague calling. He guessed that he was asking to play mahjong.

We agreed to go shopping with my wife to buy clothes, but now I have to run away, which may not be easy.

The man had an idea and pressed the speakerphone: Hey, I’m about to go shopping with my wife. Who are you? What’s the matter?

After a while, the voice of a colleague came from : We have a meeting in the evening to study the issue of the four winds!

Man: Okay, I’ll be there soon.

The man turned around and said to the woman: Make an appointment with a companion to go shopping. You heard it too. I have a meeting.

The woman had no choice but to leave alone.

The man secretly rejoiced. He was so smart that he used all the four winds of east, west, north and south? @李沙王

6. Lao Wang’s left ear turned green and he went to the clinic.

The doctor said: Don’t think about it, it must be cancer and you need to cut it out quickly!?

Three months after the surgery, Lao Wang’s right ear turned green and turned green again. Come.

The doctor said: Don’t think about it, the cancer cells must have spread, and you still need to cut it!?

Three months after the surgery, Lao Wang’s whole head turned green, come again!

The doctor said: "Don't think about it..."

Old Wang interrupted: "Doctor, you'd better think about it, otherwise my brain will be gone." !?

Doctor: Okay, I thought about it for a moment, it’s obviously your wife who cheated on you!?

7. In the company’s lottery, the winner was Water Margin Character cards.

Lao Wang shouted: ?I drew Xiao Li Guanghua Rong!?

Manager: ?Send me a bow and arrow!?

Lao Li shouted: ?I drew To Lu Zhishen!?

Manager: ? Give me a bunch of Buddhist beads!?

I shouted: ? I drew Wu Dalang, manager, are you giving me a beautiful wife?

The manager smiled and said: ? Give me a cuckold!?

8. The Story of Love of Shit

A fly has outstanding literary talent and has an article called "The Story of Love of Shit":

p>

Of all the animals and plants on land and water, some of them are edible. My neighbor's mosquito only loves blood. Since spring, insects love honey very much.

I only love feces when it comes out of the anus without being cold, falls to the ground but does not scatter, is soft on the inside and soft on the outside, does not spread or stains, has a fragrant fragrance that floats ten miles away, is as yellow as the moon, can be viewed from a distance and can be eaten up close.

I say that blood refers to the essence of animals; honey refers to the essence of plants; feces refers to the mishmash of things. Oh, blood love, bats and mosquitoes. The love of excrement is fresh to those who give it together. Honey love is suitable for everyone.

9. The poet got drunk, walked to the railway, and began to write a poem: The endless road leads to the boundless darkness. The dawn suddenly appears. Is it the sun? No, it is a shooting star. It is coming roaring, With a roar that broke through the air...

This poem became his last work.

10. Go to the red light district to be chic, after entering the store

Old Madam: Handsome man, we have beautiful Xinjiang chicken, try it!?

Me: ?Xinjiang girl, how about calling me up!?

After a while, a Xinjiang girl came over, the one with the big face, I will never forget it!

11. Wife:? Husband, I want to buy beautiful clothes!?

Husband:?Dear, is it okay if you don’t buy them?

Daughter-in-law:?Can you act like a man?

Husband: I need clothes again, what the hell are you looking for?

12. The grandson followed his grandfather to the monk temple. When he saw the monk, he asked his grandfather

Grandson: Why, monk? Are they all bald?

Grandpa: ?Hey~, children can’t talk like that, ask again!?

Grandson: ?Why do these bald donkeys have no hair?

< p>　13. Two masters of love, talk about their understanding of women

A:?This handkerchief smells like roses, so beautiful!?

B:?This handkerchief smells like osmanthus , Xiaoli’s!?

A: ?This handkerchief, smells of cologne, ice cold!?

B:?This handkerchief, smells of chopped green onion, belongs to the cafeteria aunt!? < /p>

14. Go to the canteen to buy cigarettes. They cost 10 yuan a box and give 100 to the boss.

The boss looked at me happily and said: "I don’t have any change to ask you, so let me give you 10 yuan." My daughter can pay the bill by spending one night with you. ?

When I got excited: "Don't worry about me. It's really not easy for me to save some private money to buy cigarettes secretly!"

Boss: "Why, you Don’t want to? Or I’ll call my daughter out!?

Me: No! No! You don’t have to look for the money. Don’t let your daughter know that I hide my private money!? < /p>

Boss: Good son-in-law, as long as you come here often to buy things, I promise not to tell you! Hahaha?

15. In high school, there was a foreign teacher who went to the cafeteria to buy food

Foreign teacher: ?I want to buy two wreaths!?

Canteen aunt: ?I bought the wreaths for your father.?There is no such thing!?

Foreign teacher: ?No, no, No, I ate it myself!?

Canteen aunt: ?That’s called Hanamaki!?

16. Women have so many enemies: they have hatred against the game, they have hatred against their mother-in-law, and Do you have grudges against your daughter-in-law, against tobacco and alcohol, or against your mistress?

Relatively speaking, men have far fewer enemies: they have grudges against the husbands of beautiful women.

17. There was a big flood in Xiao Maju’s house. It was boring for Xiao Maju to stay at home. He wanted to take advantage of the nice weather to go out for a walk.

When they reached a river, the foal hesitated. He didn’t know the depth of the water and never dared to cross the river.

At this time, there was a small animal in the river, flopping and playing.

The little pony asked: "Is the water deep?"

The little animal in the river laughed and said: "It's so deep that it doesn't even cover my butt." ?

The little pony thought that it must not be deep, so he stepped in. As a result, he was drowned. He came out half-drowned and lay down by the river and cursed: "Didn't you say that the water is not deep?" , just flooded your ass. ?

The duck in the river said helplessly: "Fuck, no matter how big the water is, it will cover my butt."

?

18. Xiaomei particularly likes Korean movies and is always fascinated by those Korean Europeans. That day, Xiaomei came to me with swollen eyes.

I said to Xiaomei: What’s wrong, why are you crying? ?

Xiaomei said: ?I’m scared. Last night, I dreamed that two long-legged oppas came to me, which scared me to death. ?

I was stunned and said: ?Aren’t those two long-legged Oppas handsome? ?

Xiaomei wiped away her tears and said: "Yes, he is quite handsome and cool." ?

I said doubtfully: "Then you should be happy. This is called a dream." ?

Xiaomei cried and said: "Those two oppas, one wearing white clothes and the other wearing black clothes, are so scary. How could I dare to go with them?" ?

I shouted: ? Damn it, black and white are impermanent. ?

19. I said to a friend: Do you know why the elevator was invented?

The friend shook his head and said: It should be for convenience. ?

I shook my head and said: No, a wealthy businessman was bitten by three five-step snakes, so he could only walk fifteen steps, so he spent money to invent the elevator. ?

My friend laughed, and I continued: Do you know why the cable car was invented? ?

My friend then shook his head, and I laughed and said: Because another wealthy businessman was bitten by two five-step snakes, he could only walk ten steps, so he invented the cable car. ?

My friend asked at this time: ?What did the rich businessman who was bitten by a five-step snake invented?

I smiled and said: ?He invented the wheelchair. . . ?

20. A girl was walking on her way home. Suddenly a man appeared at the intersection. The man said in a lewd voice: "Beauty, can you give me your phone number?" ?

The girl was very scared, but she still said calmly: "Can I discuss this matter with him?" ?

The wretched man was stunned and said with a nervous expression: "There is no one around in this big black sky. Who are you talking to?" ?

The girl smiled strangely and said: "Why not? It's just that you can't see it." ?

The wretched man had a guilty conscience, so he was so frightened that his heart beat wildly, and he turned around and ran away.

The girl smiled helplessly, patted the four-month-old child in her belly and said: My son, you must be bolder in the future, otherwise you won’t dare to ask for the phone number of a beautiful girl. . ;