A Letter to a "Learned" Neighbor-Chekhov

Maxine ... (I forgot your father's name, please be generous and forgive me). Please forgive me, an old guy and a ridiculous human being, because I shouldn't dare to disturb my first step with the humble words in this letter. It's been a year since I moved to our humble place and lived next door to a nobody, but I still don't know you and you don't know my poor dragonfly ears.

Therefore, dear neighbor, please allow me to at least establish diplomatic relations with the first step through these ancient hieroglyphs, hold the first step's learned hand ideologically, and celebrate the first step's arrival from St. Petersburg to our mainland, but we really don't care about these here. We are all peasants. Peasants are untouchables.

I've been looking for opportunities to make friends with you. I am as thirsty as a chicken, because learning is our own mother to some extent, and it is as civilized as it is. And because I have always admired scholars, they are well-known and busy, wearing laurels and golden drums, medals and ribbons on their chests and diplomas in their hands. They are famous for their thunder and lightning, and they are all over the country.

I have always loved astrologers, poets, metaphysicists, associate professors, chemists and other first-class scholars. I have advanced academic and scientific departments at my feet, that is, finished products and achievements, including the inner ear. It is said that intellectual activities have been carried out in test tubes, thermometers and a large number of beautifully illustrated foreign books for many years, so many books have been published.

Not long ago, my neighbor Garasimov came to my humble abode, that is, to visit my shed and my humble abode. This person is so forgetful, reviles and denies the ideas and concepts of the first step, such as the origin of human beings and other phenomena in this tangible world. He made a big mistake and strongly opposed the first step in the field of knowledge and the ideological horizon full of planets and meteorites.

I don't agree with Garasimov's point of view on the rationality of the first step, because science is my life and my food, and God has given mankind to dig metals, nonmetals and diamonds in the depths of this tangible and intangible world. But then again, if I dare to refute some ideas about nature from the old man's point of view, then, brother, please forgive me for being too underestimate.

Garasimov told me that first step once wrote a book explaining the primitive state of human beings and their life before the flood, but first step was not very clever. The first step is that human beings come from apes, long-tailed apes, orangutans and so on. Please forgive me, little old man. Anyway, I don't agree with you on this important issue. I can take you into an army. Because man is the master of the world and the forest of all things, if he comes from an ignorant stupid monkey, he will have a tail and a strange voice.

If we were all born of monkeys, then Tzgang (4) will lead us to play monkey tricks in big cities now. We have to pay money to watch each other play monkey tricks, dance under Tzgang's command, or be locked in the iron fence of the zoo. Are we covered with hair? Don't we have clothes on, but the monkeys don't? If the monkeys we see in the chief aristocrat's house every Tuesday have even a little taste, will we still love them and not despise them? If our ancestors were born by monkeys, they wouldn't be buried in Christian cemeteries.

For example, my great grandfather, A Mu Frosi, lived in ancient times and in the Polish kingdom. He was not buried like a monkey, but with the Catholic abbot Yao Akimu Shostaki. His manuscripts on temperate climate and excessive drinking are still kept by my brother Ivan (Major). The elders of the monastery are Catholic priests, not monkeys. Please forgive me, an ignorant person, for disturbing my academic work, boasting from my old man's point of view, profaning and listening clearly with my vulgar and a little rough ideas. This idea will not appear in the minds of learned civilized people, but only in their stomachs. Whenever a scholar has a wrong idea in his mind, I can't be silent, I can't stand it, I want to refute the first step.

Garasimov told me that your idea about the moon, that is, the bright moon, is quite unfair. If you cover the moon, it will get dark. After everyone sleeps, you will give us something instead of the sun, but the first step is to move the electricity around, which is yellow. My old man's language is so stupid, please don't laugh.

The first step writes that humans and tribes can never live and survive on the moon, that is, the bright moon, because if humans live on the moon, their houses and rich pastures will block the magnetic magic light of the moon and make us unable to see the moonlight. Moreover, human beings can't live without rain. Rain always falls on the ground, not on the moon. People who live on the moon will tumble to the ground, but such a thing has never happened before. When people live on the moon, garbage and swill will fall on our continent one after another.

How can there be people on the moon? Did the people there live at night and die during the day? It is also impossible for our government to approve people to live on the moon, because the road is long and difficult to climb, and it is very easy for people to evade military service once they get to the moon. It can be seen that the first step has made a small mistake.

According to Garasimov, I was told that the first step has been written and published in your profound works. On the largest celestial body, on the sun, there are some dark spots. It can't happen, because it can never happen. If ordinary people can't look directly at the sun with the naked eye, how can they see the spots on the sun as their first step? Since the sun has no spots, it doesn't matter. Why add spots? If those spots haven't been burned, what kind of wet things are they made of? Maybe fish seem to survive in the sun, too. Please forgive this poisonous Datura (5) for telling jokes so foolishly!

I have always been loyal to science! 19th century sailboats are worthless to me. Science has covered him with its huge wings. Any invention shocks me physically and mentally, no less than nailing a nail to my back. Although I am an ignorant man and an old-school landlord, I, an old loser, still get into science, invent with my own hands, and fill my absurd brain and savage head with all kinds of ideas and the greatest set of knowledge.

The one that covers Mother Nature is a big book, which we should read and read. I have created many inventions with my personal wisdom, and no reformer has ever been able to catch up with such inventions. I want to say without boasting that my education level is not too bad, but it comes from penance, not from the money of my parents, that is, my parents or protectors. Because parents are rich and extravagant, they have a six-story building with slaves, livestock, maids and electric bells, which actually harms their children.

Here are some things I invented with my little cleverness. I found that once a year, our sun wears a grand and luminous coat in the early hours of the morning, which is colorful, fascinating and wonderful. His wonderful expression of frequent blinking leaves a naughty impression.

There is another invention. Why are the days short and the nights long in winter and the opposite in summer? The reason why the days are short in winter is that it contracts when it is cold, which is similar to other tangible and intangible things, and also because the sun sets early. Because the air is too hot, the nights get longer.

Secondly, I also found that dogs eat grass like goats in spring, and coffee is harmful to people with high blood volume, because it can cause dizziness in their heads, blurred vision in their eyes, and so on. I have made many inventions. Besides, I have no diploma or certificate.

Dear neighbor, please come to my house. Thank you very much. We make inventions and read books together, so that we can teach this boring guy all kinds of calculation methods.

Not long ago, I read in a book by a French scholar that a lion's face is completely unlike a human face. I wonder what scholars think. We should discuss this by ourselves.

You are lucky to be here. For example, if you come tomorrow, you can't reward. We are fasting at present, but we should make another meat dish for the first step. My daughter Nada Senka asks you to bring some profound books. She is a liberated woman in my family. She thinks everyone is a fool and only she is smart. Let me tell you, young people nowadays are too pushy.

God bless them! My brother Ivan (Major) will come to my house in a week. He is a good man, but we secretly say that he is a secular generation and doesn't like science. This letter should be delivered to your home by my servant Trofin at eight o'clock in the evening. If he is late to deliver the letter, the first step is to slap him with the professor's style. There is no need to say anything polite to this man. If the mail is late, it must be the damn fool who ran to the hotel.

It is a long-standing custom for husbands to visit their neighbors, whether it begins with us or ends with us. So, be sure to come and bring the machine book, which is lucky. I wanted to visit your home myself, but I was embarrassed and lacked courage. Excuse me for interrupting you.

I am a retired sergeant of the Don River Army who respects you. I come from a noble family.

Your neighbor Vasily Misha-Blatov (6)

⑦ Xie Jian, a village in Brynne.

Here, a colon is used instead of a period. In addition to punctuation errors, there are also mistakes such as typos, diction and sentences, and misuse of classical Chinese, so I won't mention them one by one.

(2) According to the custom of Russian upper-class society, it is disrespectful to call a person by his real name. It is necessary to call his real name together with his father's name to show respect, such as Ma Kexin Ivanovich.

(3) Archaean: According to the legend in Christian scriptures, there was a big flood in Archaean.

④ Gypsies, also known as gypsies, are a wandering people who often make a living by busking in Russia.

⑤ Solanaceae plants can be used as anesthetics.

This surname can be translated into "Seven Swords".

The name of this village can be translated as "Eat all the pancakes". The grotesque or humorous names and places commonly used in Chekhov's early works are not noted in the following article.