Chronological humorous short stories

This script is very short and funny, which can remind the students who are leaving the dormitory bit by bit, but it may need to be revised. Take a look. ..........

Interior of a university dormitory (three bunk beds, placed on both sides of the door, you can see two when you open the door. A locker divided into six compartments. A long messy table. People (in order of appearance): Chen, Long Ge, Melon, Huaping (opposite dormitory) Time: one night during the National Day holiday.

Open the curtains. Chen, the commander of the army, pushed the door and came in, with shoes in his hand, barefoot and a computer bag on his shoulders. At first sight, I saw Brother Long sitting barefoot on the bed near the balcony playing computer. Q: "Do you still play?" Standing across the table from Brother Long, I'm looking forward to it.

Brother Long stepped on the bed with his right foot and his chin against his knee, motionless. Answer: "What do you mean I still play? I will come back after dinner. "

The commander Chen paused: "Really?"

Longge looked up at Commander Chen as if smiling. Say, "What? No? "

Army Commander Chen Le smiled and said, "No, I didn't say no". Talk about who dares to say no to otaku. "Go to the balcony and put your shoes away.

Longge shook his head with a wry smile. He paused for a game and said, "You know what this ghost is. Confucius said,' A gentleman doesn't have enough to eat, but he is restless. If he is sensitive to things and careful about what he says, he will know the right way and become honest. It can be said that he is eager to learn. "Do you know what that is?"

Suddenly the door opened. Chen, the commander of the army, went to the upper berth near the door, threw his backpack up and looked at the door.

Brother Long is also guarding the door.

The door opened. Melon seems difficult to take out the key of the right hand and hold a bunch of medicine in the left hand. Come in and close the door with your feet. A wry smile: "I was raped by that strong doctor today!" " "

The commander Chen made the bed and said, "Is it a man or a woman?"

Melon shouted: "* * * yo! It is an old man. " He threw the medicine on the table and sat on the chair.

Brother Long lit a cigarette, looked at the melon and asked with a serious expression, "What is Qiang rape?"

Chen, the commander of the army, said when washing his feet on the balcony, "How can you be an otaku?" Then everyone laughed. Everyone is laughing and doing their own thing. Chen, the commander of the army, sat in the chair opposite longge on slippers after wiping his feet and turned on the computer; Brother Long continued his game; Melon began to fiddle with his medicine. )

I only care about you, super out of tune. Brother Long looked at the computer screen and said, "Listen, Huaping (from the opposite dormitory) is stupid." ! I can't stand him! "

When the song stopped, there was a shout outside the door: "Brother Long, Brother Long, open the door!" "

Brother Long shouted, "Brother Long is not here!"

Chen, the commander of the army, went on to say, "A man or a woman? What is the password? "

Melon laughed. Still working on his medicine.

Outside the door came: "man!" " At the same time, there were three consecutive knocks at the door.

Chen, the commander of the army, looked up at the words he had just typed and shouted, "Don't give them away for nothing."

Longge put his foot out of bed, stepped on his slippers, played the ash, smiled and looked at Commander Chen and then at the door.

The knock on the door didn't break, but another voice came: "woman!" " "

Brother Long smiled and said, "Even women don't give it." I switched my cigarette from my left hand to my right hand, took a drag and looked at the door with a grin.

There was no knock at the door. Hua Ping's helpless voice came from outside the door: "Commander Chen, you idiot!"

Melon dropped the medicine with a smile and got up to open the door. Huaping's head leaned in from the door. Melon grabbed the handrail of the door and said, "What a fool to come back!" " Huaping didn't say anything, a face of base smile, walked to Chen Junchang there. Melon closes the door and follows Huaping. Hua Ping came to the side of Commander Chen. Melon sat back to its original position and turned on the computer.

Hua Ping touched Chen's face with a smile and said, "How dare you be stupid?" Chen Mei, the commander of the army, looked up and replied, "How dare you!" Hand conveniently to Huaping's thigh. The flower was tied on Commander Chen's shoulder, and the body did not move * * * and pushed back, avoiding Commander Chen's hand. With a base smile, I walked from behind commander Chen to longge.

Brother Long looked up at Huaping, and there were only two words: "Silly ×"

Huaping walked to the left of Longge and touched his left chest with his right hand. Say: "What is the silly hanging playing?" Just stick your head in front of the computer screen and block the view of Brother Long.

Brother Long let go of the mouse, pushed Huaping's head and said, "Do you dare not stop Lao Zi?" Then continue the game.

Huaping squeezed into the bed on the left of Longge and sat down. He looked at the computer screen and said, "Silly, you lost your password again!" " "Longge turned to look at him and said," Do you want to take care of Lao tze's business? Shit! Are you kidding! " Hua Ping went on to say, "Can you do it?" Brother Long ignored him. Hua Ping asked again, "Didn't you go out today? "Then he said," Brother, Brother Long, you are almost an otaku! "

Chen, the commander of the army, looked up at Huaping: "Who told you that he was going to be an otaku? I tell you:' He is an otaku!' "

Longge took a look at Huaping with a smile. Hua Ping said, "Damn Brother Long, you are so deep."

Melon went on to say, "What is deep?" ! He is an otaku! "Then he looked at Longge with an exaggerated smile and said," Right Longge? "

Brother Long, turn off the computer. He said, "You're kidding. I'm going to wash and sleep. "

Laughter.

Xiao Wu, who just put on his police uniform, decided to treat himself and go to the cinema to see a movie. There was a long queue to buy tickets, and Xiaowu breathed a sigh of relief and came to the end. "New police, right?" Next to a person asked. Xiaowu wondered, "How do you know?" Well, how do old policemen queue up to buy tickets? ""oh. " Xiao Wu understood, went straight to the ticket booth, paid the money and said, "I'll buy the ticket." "The new police, right? "The man in the window smiled." How did you know? ""How can an old policeman pay a ticket? Go inside. No one dares to stop him. " "Oh. "Xiao Wu learned again, and no one stopped him when he tried. Entering the theater, Xiaowu went downstairs and took a seat casually. Before * * * could sit still, someone next to him asked, "New policeman? "This is really strange. Xiaowu was puzzled, but his mouth was still hard: "Who said that!" "The old policeman is watching a movie upstairs, and the new policeman like you is downstairs. "Xiao Wu went upstairs to see it, didn't he? There are many policemen here. Xiaowu picked a seat and sat down. Before long, the film began. A policeman next to him turned to look at him and said coldly, "New policeman, right?" "How did you know I was a new policeman?" "The old policeman didn't sit and watch movies as well as you did, just like me. "Small arms learn to the appearance of the old police, put your feet up and put them around the necks of people in the front row, feeling much more comfortable and finding some feelings of being a policeman. Halfway through the movie, Xiao Wu was a little anxious and hurried to the bathroom. At the door of the bathroom, I was stopped by a staff member: "New policeman? "Xiao Wu also wondered:" I didn't write it on my forehead. How do you know? " "The police are still here? People pee from upstairs to downstairs. You look like a new policeman. "Xiao Wu was ashamed and almost threw people to the police. He stood on the edge of the second floor, zi out a stream toward the downstairs ... "Hey, is that the new policeman upstairs peeing? "Suddenly someone shouted downstairs." ... "Xiao Wu leaned down." You see, the old policeman is a lump of urine. How can a new policeman like you pour it on my head! ""... RMB #. *&... "Xiao Wu was depressed and found a lady on the road who wanted to keep warm. After some groping, the young lady asked, "New policeman! "Xiaowu is a little dizzy." What happened? ""How can an old policeman be so polite? They are all bullies. "After putting a bow on the young lady, Xiaowu decided not to embarrass the people's police any more, and left without paying the young lady or the bar fee. The boss turned to look at him and said, "New policeman?" Xiaowu completely collapsed. He grabbed the boss by the neck and asked, "How can you see this? "Boss:" The old policeman not only beat for nothing, but also collected protection money when he left! " Xiao Wu thought: Bullshit! ! The new policeman is also a policeman! So he said to the boss: Give me the protection money! ! ! The boss said: new policeman? Xiao Wu: ... Boss: Old policemen always ask us to deliver the fees to our door. How can we collect them in person? Xiao Wu was humiliated by the boss of the karaoke bar and decided to show the dignity of the police and give the boss a little embarrassment. Listening to the good sound coming from next door, Xiaowu kicked open the closed door and snapped at a naked man and woman inside: "Don't move, I'm a policeman!" " "The woman sat up lazily, hugged the man, squinted at Xiao Wu and said," The new policeman? " The man also said, "He is a new policeman." Xiaowu sharply asked the dog men and women, "How do you know that I am a new policeman?" The woman pointed to the man around her and said, "How can an old policeman not know their director?" Xiao Wu heard that the director turned and ran away, and ran into a man's arms when he went out. When he saw that he was a well-dressed gentleman, he quickly apologized. The man smiled and said, "New policeman, right?" Xiaowu is about to explode: "Do you know?" I am the manager here, and every old policeman doesn't know me. "Xiao Wu hurried out of the karaoke room and saw a man picking up a bicycle under the street lamp when he went out. He ran over, grabbed the man and went back to the police station. The man glanced at him and said, "New policeman?" "no! ! Come back with me! " "Not yet, the old policeman doesn't care about this ..." "What happened to the new policeman? The new police have a new image! " "Oh, this is what I heard, when your director was a new policeman. "Xiao Wu drove a police car to a friend's house, which was very fast. Very pleasant. At the corner of the street, a cyclist suddenly appeared from the darkness. Xiao Wu couldn't step on the brakes, and with a bang, the bike flew out together. Xiao Wu hurriedly got off the bus and looked forward. The man's leg has been bleeding, and there is a big pool of blood on the ground. Without further ado, Xiaowu picked up the man and walked to the car. The man asked Xiaowu, "Comrade, be a new policeman. "Xiaowu wondered: Why did everyone ask me today if I was a new policeman? Am I in trouble today? "The man * * * went on to say," Whatever the old policeman hit him, he took the flute and left. It's like you stopped to see me, which makes me so miserable now ... "Before he finished, the man fainted. Xiao Wu was flustered after returning home, so he went to the forum to read the post. By the way, he registered an ID called "Riverside" 007 and ran over to ask: "New police?" Xiao Wu panicked and said that no one on the Internet knew you were a dog. 007 even the old and new policemen can see it? Busy posting asked: "How do you know?" 007 replied: "The old policeman came here to go undercover, and the registration ID should be at least called' River Bottom' or something." Xiao Wu is determined to turn over a new leaf and vows to be an old policeman. One day, he passed a cigarette stall and went up to the cigarette seller and said, "I took these two Zhonghua's and two Zhonghua's. When the cigarette seller saw it, he smiled and said, "New policeman. "Xiao Wu said," Shit, how do you know? The cigarette vendor said, "Old policemen never take cigarettes from the stalls. They all know it's fake cigarettes. The old policeman said, "Bring me two China people to the back." After Xiao Wu left the smoke beach with a cigarette, he felt it was useless to smoke it himself. Might as well find a place to change some money. So I went to a smoking hotel. "The boss came to return these two cigarettes." "How much do you want?" Xiaowu wanted to think. He must not know that I am a new policeman. "Small arms put down his cigarette and took the money away. The boss said, "You are a new policeman. Old policemen always take money without leaving cigarettes. This article comes from: Eisen's online humor jokes //ishion/joke/list.asp? Id= 14333 1。 Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier! 2. A farmer asked a veterinarian to breed pigs, and the veterinarian said: It seems that artificial breeding is needed. The farmer hesitated for a long time, summoned up his courage and said, yes, I'm afraid it will bite me. Someone farted on the bus. A coquettish woman spat, "bah-bah-bah-". A man said, what, you spit out your shell after eating fart? ! One day, 0 and 8 met in the street. 0 disdainfully looked at 8 and said: Fat is fat. What belt are you wearing? A sister-in-law saw a person who was about to get off the bus drop a pack of cigarettes on the pedal, and quickly said to that person, Comrade, you dropped the cigarettes! The man is furious: you just castrated! 6. A village woman went to town for the first time and wanted to go to the toilet. After a long time, she asked the policeman helplessly, Comrade, there is a public toilet in front. Where is the mother toilet? 7. Freshmen on campus: students who repeat the grade are called "international students", those who have money at home are called "rich students", and those who doze off in class are called "poor students". 8. An American called Bush a * * element in front of the White House, and was immediately arrested on the charge of leaking state secrets. The thief stole a chicken and plucked its hair by the river. When the police passed by, the thief threw the chicken into the river and explained to the police: This chicken is swimming and I am looking after its clothes. A person was constipated when he went to the toilet, and suddenly he saw a person rushing in, and it was stormy in an instant. "Dude, I really envy you, so fast." "What do you envy? You didn't take off your pants "1 1. What would you do if I hugged you? Woman: resist! Man: What would you do if I kissed you? Woman: Resist. Man: If I ... Woman: It's over! After all, a woman's strength is limited. 12. A foreign youth who came to China could not understand the difference between "iron" and "steel". One night he came home late and couldn't open the door, so he had to shout, landlady, will you open your steel door? I can't get in! 13. When the nurse saw the patient drinking in the ward, she went over and whispered, "Sweetheart!" The patient smiled and said, "Little baby." 14. When Bush visited the Pentagon, he felt sad. #8220; The Pentagon has become a four-corner building. Powell said, "Mr. President, the Pentagon is a hexagonal building with no corners." 15. When the leaders visited the countryside, the village head asked the farmers to shout slogans and repeat the last two words. When the leader arrived, the township head shouted "Stop whoring" and the farmers followed "whoring! Hey! " 16. A company recruits, and the English name of the next girl to be interviewed is "spring". The secretary wanted to take the opportunity to show off her English level and shouted: Hi! That one named "Chun", it's your turn! 17. The tortoise said to the mouse, "I work in a five-star hotel!" ""nonsense ""really, they made soup from my bath water just now. 18. A woman felt tired in the park, so she lay down on a bench to relax. When a beggar came to molest her, the woman was furious. The beggar didn't want to: Since you don't want to, why are you lying in my bed? 19. On the bus, the pregnant woman standing said to the strange man sitting next to her: Don't you know I'm pregnant? I saw the man very nervous and said, but the child is not mine! 20. A leader made a report: "Now that men and women are equal, lesbians stand up …" All the lesbians present stood up and waited for instructions. The leader turned a page, which read: "Le" 2 1. A wife searches her husband thoroughly every day to see if she can find a woman's hair. A * * searched for a long time, but found nothing, but scolded: now even a nun is wanted! 22. People: Does your army have an army? Jun: Yes, there is no military discipline! Min: Really! Do I have to pay? Jun: What money do you need? Our military discipline was handed down from above. 23. Before dying, the old man confessed to his wife: I once had an extramarital affair, please forgive me! Wife: What a big deal! You can sleep now! Which of our children looks like you? 24. The teacher visited the home and asked the students: Is your family happy? The student proudly replied: happiness! Father came and slapped him in the face. "Boy, who let you change your surname! ""25. After many years of marriage, a white couple finally had a child, but the result was black. The husband blamed his wife and said, It's all your fault! You must turn off the light every time you go to bed. 26. One day, I saw a rooster chasing a hen with a feather duster. I went forward to inquire and found that it was a hen who had just laid a duck egg! 27. The swimming coach is straight and loud. One day, he met a female student in the shopping mall and greeted him. He said loudly, you really didn't recognize you when you put on your clothes. 28. A man stutters when he sees a beautiful woman: Xiao … Jie … I … My last name is … Wu … Can … Can … Can I talk to … you … can you? Beauty: Impotence doesn't matter, there may be a cure! He is in the next class. I just went to the wrong classroom. I have a classmate who never buys toilet paper himself. Whenever I use it, I go to someone else to get it. I once saw him take toilet paper from my house. I said to him angrily, why do you always take my toilet paper? Won't you buy it yourself? He said, don't be so stingy! Isn't it just a little toilet paper I'll give it back to you when I'm finished!

In the Internet cafe, a 12-year-old child was playing World of Warcraft when he suddenly shouted, "Dad, someone hit me!" " "Everyone at our scene was surprised and thought, does anyone in Warcraft recognize Dad? Just then, a middle-aged man's voice came from the other end of the Internet cafe: "Son, where is it? I'll do it! ! "People in the Internet cafe are dizzy. A few minutes later, the middle-aged man shouted, "son, we can't beat them." They are well equipped. Run! " "Everyone is crazy about ft. After a while, a middle-aged woman entered the Internet cafe, looked around, and then went straight to the boy and grabbed the boy's ear and scolded, "Didn't you go to the teacher's house to make up lessons?" ? "The boy covered his ears with one hand and pointed to the other side of the Internet cafe with the other, shouting," There's Dad! ""his mother looked surprised, and sure enough! Immediately asked: "Didn't you go to work overtime?" Everyone in the internet cafe fainted n times! His father argued: Double the experience today. His mother was overjoyed and furious, and said, it's a good thing I asked for leave to come and see, otherwise your father and son would be two grades ahead of me at night, and you wouldn't send me a message if you had twice the experience. You will know when you go back at night! Who's that? Oh, son, don't be afraid. Mom's here. Mom will play tuba to support you. Mom doesn't believe that our mother and son can't die! All the onlookers lamented: What can I do if I have a wife? If you have a mother, what can you ask? Admire! I really admire it. There is a female classmate in the university, from Beijing, who is cold and humorous. She talked about her score after the college entrance examination. Call the sorting desk to check the scores. Find the math score and report on the phone: "Your math score is 6 points-"Hearing this, she secretly rejoiced: "Hey, math made me get more than 60 points?" "-points!" Continue to report by phone.