1 1 Jokes make you understand life.

There is a strong lock hanging on the gate, and an iron bar took a lot of effort, but it still can't be pried open. The key came and his thin body got into the lock hole. With a slight turn, the big lock opened with a bang.

Feeling: Everyone's heart is like a locked door, no matter how thick your iron bar is, it can't be pried open. Only by caring can we turn ourselves into a delicate key and enter other people's hearts.

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Father and son saw a luxury imported car. The son disdainfully said to his father, "People who ride in this kind of car must have no knowledge in their stomachs!" "The father replied airily," People who say such things must have no money in their pockets! "

Feeling: Does your view of things also reflect your true attitude?

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After dinner, mother and daughter wash dishes together, and father and son watch TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a sound of breaking dishes in the kitchen, and then there was silence. The son looked at his father and said, "Mom must have broken it." "How do you know?" "She didn't swear."

Feeling: We are used to treating people with different standards, so that we are always strict with ourselves.

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There are two sightseeing groups traveling to the same place. The road conditions are poor, and there are potholes everywhere. A tour guide repeatedly said that the road was like pockmarked. Another tour guide said poetically to the tourists, "We are now taking the famous charming dimple avenue in the local area."

Perception: Although the same situation, supplemented by different perspectives, will produce different attitudes. Thought is a wonderful thing. What you think is up to you.

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Students in the third grade of primary school will volunteer to be clowns in the future. Someone denounced it as: "Without ambition, you can't teach a boy!" "Some people will say," May you bring laughter to the whole world! "

Perception: As elders, we require not only encouragement, but also narrowness to define success.

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My wife is cooking in the kitchen, and my husband has been nagging: "slow down!" " Watch out! The fire is too big! Turn the fish over! Too much oil! The wife blurted out, "I know how to cook. The husband calmly replied, "I just want you to know how I feel when you are talking while I am driving." ..."

Feeling: It is not difficult to learn to be considerate of others, as long as you are willing to seriously stand in each other's perspective and position.

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A bus full of passengers sped down the hill, followed by a man. A passenger stuck his head out of the window and said to the car chaser, "Dude, forget it, you can't catch up!" " ""I must catch up with it, "the man panted." I am the driver of this car! "

Feeling: Some people must work hard, because otherwise, the consequences will be very tragic! However, it is precisely because we must go all out that the potential instinct and unknown characteristics will finally be fully displayed.

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A: "The new neighbors are so hateful. He rang my doorbell at midnight last night. " B: "How hateful! Did you call the police immediately? " Answer: "No, I think they are crazy. Keep playing my trumpet."

Feeling: Everything happens for a reason. If you can see your mistakes first, the answer will be different.

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Zhang San is driving on a mountain road. Just as he was enjoying the beautiful scenery leisurely, suddenly the oncoming truck driver rolled down the window and shouted, "Pig!" " "San-yue zhang think more angry. He also rolled down the window and cursed: "You are the pig! "Just finished scold, head-on hit a group of pigs crossing the road.

Feeling: Don't misinterpret other people's kindness, it will only make you suffer and make others lose face.

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The little boy asked his father, "Does the father always know more than his son?" Dad replied, "Of course!" "Who invented the electric light?" "Edison." "Then why didn't Edison's father invent the electric light?"

Feeling: Authority is often just an empty shell that can't stand the test, especially in today's pluralistic and open era.

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Xiaoming accidentally swallowed a small piece of soap in the bath, and his mother called the doctor for help in a panic. The doctor said, "I still have a few patients here." It may take half an hour to get there. "

Xiaoming's mother said, "What should I do before you come?" The doctor said, "Give Xiaoming a cup of boiled water, and then jump hard, so that Xiaoming can blow bubbles with his mouth to kill time." & ltbr style = " font-size: 12px； Color: # 9E9E9E"M.J458.CoM 43 classic quotations that let you know the world.

1. True love is like a ghost. Everyone is talking about it, but no one has really seen it.

I want to be one of your teeth, because then, at least when I am hurt, you will be sad.

3. The only thing in the world that can be obtained without effort is age.

4. A person's winter is so cold.

5, hourglass. What we miss is our fleeting time.

6. Many years ago, happiness did not belong to me.

7. Life is the pain of separation, death is the eternal gathering, and the enrichment of fantasy makes up for the emptiness of reality.

8. In this era, I got used to being bohemian and lost my reserve.

9, children, don't dream of youth, the world is lying even when breathing.

10, the loved one and the loved one are doing the same thing, mean.

1 1. If one day we are not together, we should be together.

12, people never know when they inadvertently said goodbye to you and then really never saw it again.

13, constantly missed, easily disappointed, unconsciously unfamiliar.

14. Good love makes you see the world through a man, while bad love makes you abandon the world for one person.

15, people can't take money to the grave, but money can take people in.

16, loneliness means that someone talks and no one listens; You have nothing to say when someone is listening.

17, a man's words are like an old lady's teeth, how much is true.

18, the past has only one meaning, that is, I don't want to go back to the past.

19, what is survival? Living is living by hook or by crook.

20. Don't play hard now, I'll play with you later.

2 1, the real drift and drift is that you have no place to go back.

Our biggest rival in love is not a third party, but a rival in love.

23. Smiling at you is purely polite.

24. Life is a lotus with a thousand petals. Since I refuse to bloom, I also refuse to wither.

25. If the heart has no place to live, it will wander around.

26. A man's lies can lie to a woman for one night, and a woman's lies can lie to a man for a lifetime.

27. Men are decent in front of you and pervert behind your back. Be realistic ...

28. Love only comes when you are sad, and only when you are lonely.

29, persistent, and finally messy.

30. Find a reason to deny sadness, and a smile will shine everywhere.

3 1, so lonely, self-aware.

32, a person's night, a person's life, a person is desecrating loneliness, and a person is sad alone. I am the only one in my world, the protagonist is me, and the supporting role is still there.

33. Silence is an excuse for fear, and smirking is a reason for injustice.

34. A quiet smile with endless sadness.

35. Happiness is synonymous with sadness.

36. The world is too realistic.

37, it can only be said that it is still too early, and the emotions are beyond recognition.

38. A short period of happiness is enough.

39. Silence is better than talking too much. If I think too much, I will be sad.

40. After injury, can happiness be far behind?

4 1, I like getting something for nothing, and getting something for nothing doesn't like me.

42. Who knows how far happiness is?

43. Once you said, "Only in our love fairy tales." Later, I found that not every fairy tale has a happy ending.

A joke that makes you laugh.

A collection of jokes that make you laugh.

1. The father saw his son in front of the cinema and said angrily, "You don't know anything about learning. You only watch movies. Nine times out of ten, I see you here! " The son said, "I am less than you once!" " "

2. "I have observed her in the park for a long time. She sat there quietly drinking beer, her eyes were red, as if she had something on her mind. In an instant, all kinds of questions about this mysterious beauty flashed in my mind. Seeing her drinking the third can of beer on the bench, she looked around, and there were still many chats waiting for the opportunity. She couldn't hesitate any longer. I got up the courage to go forward first and asked her with concern, "Girl, do you still want this jar?" "

In order to attract business, a gas station put up a signboard: anyone who buys gasoline can get a local map for free.

One day, a foreigner drove his car into a gas station. He added 5 yuan of gasoline and asked for a free map.

The waiter said, "What do you need a map for? With the little gasoline you bought, I just need to point out where you are going. " As soon as an alcoholic got home and lay down, he was beaten by a woman and said that he was absent-minded.

The drunkard said, "I'm not drunk. Why did you hit me? "

The woman beat and scolded: "Are you still drunk? Even the room is wrong! "

The drunkard squinted at the woman and said, "Sorry, it's not my wife ..."

As soon as he finished speaking, he was severely hit on the head: "Bullshit, I'm your wife, and I went to visit my neighbor's house!" " "

4. A tax official wandered around the slaughterhouse and wanted to buy a pig's head. The person in charge quickly said, "Pig's head is cheap. You can cut more at the back of the pig's neck if you like. " "Then you can cut it by sticking your tail," said the tax official.

I once went out to play and stayed at a distant relative's house for two days. There is a custom that children's urine is the cleanest, so they use boys' urine to cook eggs, saying it is healthy. I dare not eat, but people are very enthusiastic and keep urging me to eat. I have no choice but to say: I don't like eggs. My relatives are cuter. Hey, have some soup.

6. The tortoise and the rabbit ran three times. The rabbit tripped three times and broke its foot. Finally, the tortoise won. Afterwards, the rabbit said to the tortoise, today is really unlucky. I tripped over something three times. The tortoise said to himself, today is also very unlucky. I got kicked while climbing ... I got kicked three fucking times!

7. A man's weakness is that he dares to promise anything at the banquet;

A woman's weakness is that she can imagine everything in love.

8. The first person who used qq to be invisible in the world was Jing Nv in the Western Zhou Dynasty, as evidenced by the poem Jing Nv: Jing Nv, I was in the corner. Deliberately hiding for me to find, scratching my head. A very demure mm asked me to meet on qq, but as soon as I got online, she became invisible and made me scratch my head.

9. The priest said to the farmer who bought his horse and carriage, "This horse can only understand the language of the church. "If you say," Thank God, it will run away "; It won't stop until you say "Praise God".

Farmers are skeptical about this. He tried to shout, "Thank God", only to see the horse galloping at once, faster and faster; When one ran to the edge of the cliff, the frightened farmer remembered the password to stop it and said, "Praise God"; Sure enough, the horse stopped, and the farmers who survived the accident breathed a sigh of relief: "Thank God ..." "

10, three people tied the chain in front of the ATM and tied the bumper of the trailer at one end, trying to tear off the shell of the ATM. As a result, it was not the shell of the ATM that was torn off, but the bumper of the trailer. They fled the scene in a hurry, but the ATM was still tied with chains, and the bumper was still tied with chains, and the license plate of the car was still hung on the bumper.

1 1. The young lady caught a habitual thief and left all the policemen at a loss. The policeman asked her, "Where did you get such great courage?" The wife said, "I thought it was my husband who came back so late."

12, General Muhammad is very concerned about the lives of soldiers. One day, he ran to the kitchen and wanted to taste the food the soldiers ate themselves.

He approached the soup pot and said, "Give me a spoonful."

A sergeant said cautiously, "But, General ..."

"Shut up, he interrupted the sergeant, grabbed the spoon and drank several spoons in a row. Finally, he cried, "What kind of soup is this? Just a pot of water. Everyone stood there, at a loss

Finally, the sergeant mumbled, "Yes, general, this is a pot of water."

13. Go fishing with friends. A man catches a kettle, then an umbrella, then a leather shoe. He said to the other trembling, "Let's go. It seems that someone lives here.

14. In the vegetable market, people gathered around several cars and complained about picking green onions, saying that the green onions were too short and the leaves were too long. Vegetable farmers said humorously that everything goes with fate, and now it is popular to keep hair! ?

15, the unit wants to allocate rooms, and the wife urges Xiao Wang to invite the director to dinner to contact feelings. Not to mention the scene, his wife nudged him, and the director likes to write in his spare time. At the dinner table, Xiao Wang said, "The director is a literary lover. I have read many of your masterpieces. The director is modest and complacent. After watching the play, Xiao Wang continued to play while the iron was hot. He looked at the dark and fat director and blurted out, "It's really a glittering gold mine.

16, go to dinner with friends. Two people ate 300 yuan. This meal is terrible. I'm not full. I'm very upset. I scolded my friend: fuck, 300 feed the dog. The friend nodded and said, "Yes, yes". Neither of them reacted and went home happily. . . . .

17, beggar: "to tell you, I have 100 many ways to make money."

Entrepreneur: "Then why do you ... beg?"

Beggar: "This is also one of the methods inside."

18, "My girlfriend told me: If I bury you underground, I will reap a lot in autumn;

I replied, "In fact, you don't have to go to so much trouble to bury us in the quilt. You will gain a lot in autumn."

19. A buddy bought a new pair of trousers and went camping with a group of friends one day, but the trouser legs were too long and uncomfortable to wear. Before going to bed at night, he said to himself, "If only his trouser legs were short 10 cm." Say that finish, then casually put pants outside the tent. His words were heard by three girls who liked him. The next day, he got up and found that his pants were 30 centimeters short.

20. When my son didn't go to college, he found an old classmate who was the chairman of a state-owned enterprise.

The chairman is very frank: let him be the deputy general manager with a monthly salary of 50 thousand, and just hold a regular meeting every day

Me: Just give me a general location.

Chairman: Assistant to the General Manager with a monthly salary of 20,000 yuan. Just pour tea for the general manager.

Me: Let's start with an ordinary salesman.

Chairman: Our salesman must have at least a master's degree, and the salary is very low, and sometimes he still owes wages!

2 1, dad drank too much and fell asleep when he got home. After sleeping for a while, I suddenly sat up and said, "Shuishui's son poured a bowl of water for his father, and his father took it and drank it. Then he grabbed a few handfuls on the wall and fell asleep again." After a while, my father got up again and called for water. My son poured another bowl of water. After drinking, my father grabbed a handful on the wall. The son wondered why his father did this, so he poured a bowl of water and drank it off like his father. Unexpectedly, he also grabbed the wall and cursed: "Shit, it's so hot!" "

22. Some fish were kept in the building, and the guards found a special phenomenon:

Before going to work, the French will sit by the fish pond and enjoy the atmosphere.

On the other hand, Americans don't stop and walk directly.

The Japanese will carefully observe and find that the fish-raising equipment and fish are Japanese, and then they will leave happily.

China people will look around first and then ask the doorman, "Is this fish delicious?" The leaders visited Miluo, Hunan Province, and the local tourism bureau was responsible for the reception. Walking down a mountain, the tour guide said to the tour leader, "There is a scenic spot ahead." The tour leader asked, "What scenic spot?" The tour guide said, "It's a spring called Quyuan Spring", and the tour leader asked, "What spring?" The tour guide repeated: "Quyuan Spring." The leader scoffed, "I can pinyin"! "

23. A man saw a note on the ground that said, "Dig 5 meters underground and you will find the treasure." "So he dug a pit 5 meters deep. As a result, he found another note, which said, "Dig down 10 meters and you will find the treasure." So he dug 10 meter again. Finally, he found another note that said, "I'm just joking with you." Now try to climb up. " "

24. In the evening, Lao Li invited some of our old friends to dinner. When the wine is hot, everyone is talking about the ridiculously high house prices. Chatting and chatting, I talked about the cemetery unconsciously. Lao Li said: "Now the price of the cemetery is rising year by year, and the price per unit area of a good cemetery is much higher than the house price. I can't afford to die. I have chosen a cemetery a while ago, and I heard that the price is still rising. " Lao Wang said enviously, "after hearing what you said, I also want to buy a cemetery." Lao Li, please help me find it and tell me if it is suitable. " Lao Li said enthusiastically, "Just wait for the good news. If there is a suitable place, I will tell you first. " However, if you need it urgently, please use mine first. "Lao Wang. . .

25. A, B and C see a psychologist.

A: "I want to jump off a building.

B: "I want to lie on the runway."

"C:" I want to get married.

After hearing this, the psychologist said to C, "You are the most suicidal of the three people."

26. There were few visitors at a solo exhibition held by a painter. Then a little old man in his fifties came to the painter. Old man: Do you sell this painting? Painter: Of course. How many copies do you want? Old man: All of them. Tie them up quickly. The painter was very surprised and asked, What do you do? Old man: A waste collector.

27. The little match girl lit the last match. The fire gradually flashed, and a pattern loomed on the wall: tear it down!

28. A photographer friend often tells me that agile observation and capture are the most important things in this industry.

I was taking a nap at noon that day. He came to my bed softly and poked around, jerked off the quilt, raised the camera and shouted, "Please don't invite me to dinner? No, I can press the shutter! !

29. A customer went to the barber shop for a haircut.

Customer: "How much is a haircut?"

Barber: "10 yuan"

Customer: "It's so expensive! You see, I am a bald person. "

The barber looked at it and said, "Three dollars for a barber and seven dollars for a haircut." .

30. The reaction of people at home and abroad when they see glowing photos of human bodies.

Foreigner: It's amazing. I didn't expect our bodies to be so wonderful under the action of light, and even wrinkles seemed so attractive.

Domestic: Ask for a set of drawings.

3 1, my buddy met a foreigner who sold handicrafts on a street stall. The buddy chose one and asked how much it was. The foreigner stretched out his thumb and forefinger. The elder brothers shook their heads and held out five fingers. The foreigner didn't argue any more, so he simply packed the handmade goods for his buddies. After the buddy left, the foreigner sincerely praised him: "China people are really rich and so generous in shopping: I asked him for 20 yuan, but he gave me 50 yuan."

32. One day, the prison staff registered a crime and asked a middle-aged prisoner in his forties, "Excuse me, what is the reason for your imprisonment?" The prisoner sighed and replied, "Young and inexperienced." The staff asked inexplicably, "Are you over 40 years old this year?" The prisoner replied, "I don't mean me, I mean my defense lawyer."

33. Village officials are rats. On his birthday, his subordinates chipped in and gave him a gold mouse to please him. The village official accepted it happily and said, "Do you know my wife's birthday in a few days? She is a cow! " "

34. Recently, the 3d version of Smurfs was released, and many people pursued their childhood memories! The reporter interviewed an uncle: "Do you think the new Smurfs look good?" Big brother: "Not bad?" Reporter: "What do you think of this compared with the old edition?" Buddy: "Cough! To tell you the truth, my family used to be poor. The TV station used a black-and-white TV when it was broadcast. I can't tell they are blue at all.

35. One day, the leader visited the prison, and the prisoners collectively presented the chorus "We are the successors of socialism". The leaders are in distress situation. Out of courtesy, the leaders clapped their hands and encouraged them to have another drink. So the prisoners sang a song "Guests from afar please stay" with deep affection.

36. On the bus that day, suddenly a young woman said, "Look at you, you stepped on my foot and didn't even fart." A man said calmly and slowly, "I'm sorry for stepping on your foot." If I fart to you again, am I still human? " Suddenly, a burst of laughter broke out in the carriage.

37, primary school biology class:

Teacher: "Our pollution control is natural".

Classmate: "Why do you say that?" .

Teacher: "The garbage is blown by the wind and the sewage is evaporated."

There are many people on the bus during the evening rush hour. Bald and domineering department office door up. Someone shouted: "Bao caught the driver's head and didn't look back:" Didn't anyone catch it? "So I continued to drive. At the next stop, the driver opened the door and said, "Take out your bag." Ignored, the driver was furious: "didn't you say it was a double package?" "Who the hell is playing me?" Someone replied weakly, "The bag came up when the person who turned over the bag didn't come up."

39. One day when I went to the park and wanted to play on the swing in front, I went over to discuss with the children who were playing: Are you alone, son? The child looked at me and nodded, so I smiled and said to him, then let me play, or I will kill you.

40. Just now, a man was riding a bike. There is a drainage ditch about one meter by the roadside. He is talking on the phone while riding a bike. When our car passed by, he turned and went into the ditch. He's good at this. He jumped out of the car and jumped straight into the ditch. . . .

Comprehend life 1 1 sentence

1. Don't be poor, and don't be naive enough not to be hit. Maturity is only good at hiding, and vicissitudes are just without tears and injuries.

2. I am becoming more and more willful because I love it too much. More and more silence is because the injury is too painful. More and more polite because of disappointment.

People are often the most vulnerable when they are idle, and the most sober and strong when they are struggling in the abyss.

4. Speak less when you are angry, and the words you say will be gone; Don't do things when your heart is not smooth, you will fail.

There is no such thing as "impossible" in this world. When you lose all your dependence, you will naturally know everything.

6. Time will leave you the best people in the end. After all, love is a gust of wind, but love is a long stream of water.

7. As long as your mind is not chaotic, it is difficult for the outside world to change anything about you. Don't envy others, don't lose yourself.

8. A person's maturity is not reflected in how many achievements he has made, but in the face of people and things he hates, he doesn't cater to them, he doesn't resist them, and he just smiles indifferently. When the heart can accommodate a lot of things that you don't like, this is called aura.

9. No one cares how you cry in the middle of the night, and no one cares how you toss and turn for several autumn days. Outsiders only look at the results and support the process themselves. When you understand this truth, you won't be melodramatic in front of people, and you won't talk about it everywhere for relief. "When you know a lot of true and false, there is not so much bitterness. You are getting more and more silent, and you don't want to talk about it.

10. No man can play around and win the appreciation of women. Moreover, no woman can be lazy and get the respect of men. So, bury your head in it, don't waste time on explanation, there will be no growth without grievances. What a realistic passage. Give yourself, work hard to be powerless, and work hard to touch yourself!