Whose joke is the funniest? You need more high marks and rewards.

A gentleman in Beijing came home from work with his pet turtle and was caught in a traffic jam on the Second Ring Road. I can't walk a few steps after watching the car for a long time. The tortoise couldn't stand his temper and climbed home alone. I don't know how long it took, but the master suddenly heard a knock at the door outside the car. I saw the tortoise sweating profusely and angrily said, "You forgot to give me the door key ..."

Three years after graduating from college, several students chatted in the class group, talking about technology, java, xml and so on. Another classmate opened a factory at home and became a manager early, which was very distressing. After a long time, he added: Our company is looking for a driver because of business expansion. Requirements: 4 years java development experience! Suddenly, the group was quiet. ...

Wife: "How does the fish-flavored shredded pork taste?" Husband: "Just so-so." Wife: "What about burning eggplant?" Husband: "Not bad." Wife: "What about Mapo tofu?" Husband: "Just make do." Wife: "Can a good word kill you?" Husband: "The rice is so hard!"

One night, my daughter said to her mother, "mom, dad hasn't come back yet." Is he having an affair outside? " Mother said, "silly child, don't think the worst of everything!" " Maybe there was an accident. " ……

Two cows are eating grass together. The green cow asked the black cow, "Hello! What's the smell of your grass? " The black cow said, "Strawberry flavor!" The green cow leaned down and took a bite, and shouted angrily, "You lied to me!" " The black cow gave him a contemptuous look and replied, "Idiot, I said grass is tasteless."

A man was about to jump off a building when his wife, who had just returned, shouted, "Honey, take it easy, we still have a long way to go!" " "After hearing this, the man jumped down without hesitation. The negotiator standing by said, "Madam, you really shouldn't threaten him like this ..."

The coup of hiding private money: I chatted with a group of stock friends one day and somehow talked about private money. When everyone was feeling that they would be discovered by each other anyway, an uncle silently said: I am in the bank. They asked, "Where is the passbook or card?"

Uncle's simple and honest smile: burn it, and then take your ID card to fill it out when necessary. ...

The leader of the Iranian delegation asked a sports reporter of a weekly newspaper in Shanghai: "Guangzhou is called the' Five Yangcheng'. Which sheep is it? " The reporter calmly replied: "Pleasant Goat, Beautiful Goat, Lazy Goat, Boiling Goat, Slow Goat." He said in English that the translations of happysheep, lazysheep and slowsheep were meticulous and the leaders believed them.

One year, the Clintons went to a gas station. The coolie at the gas station was Hillary's first love. Clinton boasted to his wife: If you don't marry me, your husband may still be a gas station worker. Hillary replied that if I marry him, he might become president. Where will you get a connecting flight?

Han Han: The situation in China is that many parents don't allow students to fall in love. Even in college, many parents are against falling in love. But as soon as they graduate from college, all parents hope to have a person who is excellent in all aspects and preferably has a house to fall in love with and get married with their children. That's a good idea.

Xiaoming was not good at math and was transferred to a missionary school by his parents. Six months later, I got straight A's in math. Mother asked, "Is the nun teaching well? Is it a good textbook? Is it a prayer? " "Neither," Xiao Ming said. "On the first day of school, I saw a man nailed to the plus sign, and I knew ... they were serious."

Ten famous bachelors: 1, Plato 2, Leonardo da Vinci 3, and Elizabeth I died a virgin. Newton has almost no record of approaching women. Voltaire lived with a married man for 20 years. 6. Beethoven's love life is terrible. 7. Jane Austen has never been married because of her lovelorn life. 8. Nobel failed to compete with a mathematician.

If you offend your boss, all you lose is a job; If you offend a customer, all you lose is an order; If you offend your wife, you may lose a home. Yes, there is only one person in the world who can offend you: you give her a dirty look, you complain to her, you contradict her loudly, and even break a bowl in front of her, she won't hate you. The reason is simple, because she is your mother. ...

You can get11300,000 results by typing "story" in Google, but only 44,900,000 results by typing "ending". Obviously, not every story has an ending.