Collect jokes.

A beautiful girl keeps a parrot. One day, the girl was taking a bath in the bathroom. The parrot said, "Yes, yes."

The girl said angrily to the parrot, "If you bark again, you will be plucked."

The next day, a bald guest came home, and the parrot sneaked on the guest's shoulder and whispered, "You saw it, too."

have you finished? "

2.

A man bought a parrot and wanted to teach it to learn civilized language, so he would say "good morning" when he passed it every morning.

Said he was in a bad mood this morning and didn't say anything when he passed by. The bird stared at him coldly and said:

"Hey, what's wrong with you today?"

3.

Dali bought a parrot and couldn't wait to make the bird talk as soon as he entered the house.

"Yours, talk?" Da Li stretched out her neck to tease. The parrot didn't respond.

"Yours can talk, and it is rare." Da Li picked up a bug to seduce him. The parrot still doesn't respond.

"Yours, don't talk and go to hell!" Da Li threatened with a sullen face.

Suddenly, the parrot straightened its neck and shouted, "Down with Japanese imperialism!

4.

One night, Cindy came home from work and cooked dinner as usual. But she found water in the kitchen.

The drain pipe of the water tank seems to be blocked, so she called William, the water electrician, hoping that he could come and help repair it. William

He said that he would go to Cindy's house tomorrow afternoon. Because it was during Cindy's office hours,

So Cindy told him, "I'll put the key under the doormat and come in yourself." I have an Akita dog.

Dog, good, you don't have to worry. Besides, I have a parrot, who is a troublesome guy. When you came in,

Wait, whatever it tells you. Remember! Never talk to parrots. "William listened to although full of doubts, but

Let's just say.

The next afternoon, William arrived at Cindy's house on time, entered the door and began to repair the kitchen sink. This dog is very good,

I didn't yell at him. The parrot kept talking and shouting at him. At first, William remembered Cindy's instructions.

I didn't pay attention to it, but the parrot kept calling. After a while, William finally couldn't stand it. He looked at the parrot.

Shout: "Shut up! You big stupid bird! "

The parrot paused, and William thought his roar had some effect.

Then, I heard the parrot imitate Cindy's voice and say, "Dog! Go bite him! " Then I heard a noise in the kitchen.

Screams. (

5.

Little x went to the bird market again. Found a parrot with a price tag of 3 yuan money.

So he asked the seller: Why is your parrot so cheap?

Vendor: My parrot is stupid! Shit, I've been teaching for a long time. Up to now, I can only say one thing-"Who is it?"

? "

Xiao X thought it was cheap anyway, so he bought it.

When he got home at night, he thought, "I don't believe in teaching, and I don't believe in teaching!" " So little x taught it to say something else all night.

But in the morning, the parrot still just said, "Who is it?" So little X got angry, locked the door and went to work.

After a while, a plumber (Z for short) came.

Little Z, "Knock, knock ..." (knocking at the door)

Parrot: Who is it?

Little z: plumber.

Parrot: Who is it?

Little z: plumber.

Parrot: Who is it?

Little z: plumber.

In the evening, little X came back. I saw a man lying on the ground in front of my house, foaming at the mouth.

Little x: yo ~! Who is this?

I hear the parrot in the room: plumber.

6.

Xiao X especially likes parrots. One day he went to the bird walking market and found a parrot with a price of 30,000 yuan.

Curious, he asked the buyer: Why is your parrot so expensive?

Buyer: My parrot is very clever! I'll say anything.

Little X bought it as soon as he heard that he was so clever.

He was very happy when he came home at night. Just play with this parrot.

X: I can walk.

Parrot: I can walk.

X: I can run.

Parrot: I can run.

X: I can fly.

Parrot: You are bragging!

7.

When the big fool entered a country, he took a parrot.

The customs officer stopped him and said, "Sir! You have to pay taxes on this parrot. "

"How much should I pay?"

"Live 50 yuan, and the specimen is only 15 yuan!"

At this moment, I heard the parrot croak, "What a fool! Don't be stingy! "

I was born in a very poor family. I remember when I was a child, my father was bored and counted money all day, and so was my mother, who swept money all day.

My family lives in the deep mountains, and it is very troublesome to go out to buy things every time. It takes five hours to drive a treasure and four hours to drive a Mercedes.

Although there is a helicopter at home, it is difficult to find a parking space there. Because my home is in the deep mountains, it is very cold every winter.

Dad said it was troublesome to go shopping, so there was no heater and quilt in winter ... I had to burn money with my parents every day to keep warm.

You can only sleep with money when you sleep (I think the pound is warmer). Once I peed my pants before I ran out because the room was too big.

So my father put a sheep motorcycle in my room, so that I could rush out of the flat room of 1000, and cross the 5-kilometer corridor in ten minutes.

When I arrived at the toilet in Bapingping, I now feel that my father is really a kind person! Another time, there was a thief at home.

Because he blew up the safe with explosives, the gold coins in it kept flowing out, and the thief was crushed to death.

It is very painful to crush people with gold coins, unlike the one who was suffocated by banknotes before.

Now everyone should understand my family's poverty! Hey ~ ~ ~

One seventh:

There is still a big difference between a doctor and a robber:

Robbers usually only commit crimes at night, but doctors rob money all day;

Robbers come and go in the storm, doctors are warm in winter and cool in summer, and the environment is elegant;

You give money to robbers to live, and you give money to doctors to live;

Robbers can only take away all your wealth, but doctors can take away your life savings;

Robbers will only force you to pay, but doctors can force you to borrow;

When you meet a robber, you can destroy money and eliminate disasters, and when you meet a doctor, you will lose everything.

Robbers are scared and cautious when committing crimes, and doctors are confident and unscrupulous when robbing money;

Robbers are also afraid that you are outnumbered, and doctors and even police will take care of you;

Being robbed by robbers can call the police, and being robbed by doctors can only be resigned;

Robbers dressed themselves as demons when committing crimes, and doctors disguised themselves as angels when robbing money;

The robber robbed you of all your money, he ran away, the doctor robbed you of all your money and you left;

Robbers who robbed more money were shot at a huge amount, and doctors who robbed more money were praised for their outstanding contributions;

You killed a robber in self-defense, and you killed a doctor in a crime.

Doctors may not be robbed by robbers all their lives, but robbers must be robbed by doctors all their lives;

Doctors must be robbers in their last life, and robbers must want to be doctors in their next life.

Joke: A man follows two nuns.

There are two nuns, one is called a math nun and the other is called a logic nun. It's dark now, but they are still a long way from the monastery.

Math: Have you noticed that there is a man who has been following us for 38 minutes and 30 seconds? I wonder what he wants to do.

Logic: That makes sense. He wants to invade us.

Math: Oh, my God! At this rate, he will catch up with us in fifteen minutes. What should we do?

Logic: Of course, the only reasonable way is to walk faster.

Math: It seems useless!

Logic: of course it's useless. That man walks faster and faster reasonably.

Math: So what should we do? At this rate, he will catch up with us in a minute.

Logic: The only reasonable way is for us to split up and go that way, and I'll go this way. He can't catch both.

Men continue to follow Luo Ji elder sister.

The math nun arrived at the monastery safely, but she was worried that something would happen to Sister Logic, and then she saw Sister Logic enter the door.

Math: Sister Logic, you are back at last! Thank god! Tell me what happened.

Logic: The only reasonable thing happened. The man couldn't follow them both at the same time, so he followed me.

Math: Yes, yes, but what happened later?

Logic: The only reasonable thing happened. I ran like hell, and he chased like hell.

Math: Then what?

Logic: The only reasonable thing happened. He caught me.

Math: Oh, my God! then what

Logic: I did the only reasonable thing, pulling up my skirt.

Math: Oh, my God, Sister Logic! What about that guy?

Logic: He did the only reasonable thing. He took off his trousers.

Math: Oh, my God! What happened afterwards?

Logic: Is it unreasonable? A math nun, a nun who pulls up her skirt, must run much faster than a man who pulls down his pants! ! !

I'm very upset that I haven't heard from you for a long time. I thought of death, and I cut my pulse with potato chips; Hit you on the head with tofu;

Jump over buildings with parachutes; Noodles. Everyone can die. You can invite me to dinner and support me to death.