Who knows any ancient jokes?

Humor is the main expression of the art of people laughing. The essence of humor is funny, ridiculous and meaningful. Humor is the crystallization of human wisdom and an advanced emotional activity and aesthetic activity. Any plain and mediocre value orientation and stereotyped way of thinking have nothing to do with humor.

In real life, we can often see heated arguments between the two sides.

Intense, nervous and deadlocked, it is often because a humorous word or two from a third party can make both sides of the dispute speechless.

Give up your words.

Huan, turn hostilities into friendship. And in a lifeless monotonous occasion, I also talk about it because of someone's humor.

Laughter breaks the silence and enlivens people's tired and numb nerves, thus creating a lively and healthy atmosphere.

Interesting atmosphere. Therefore, in a sense, humor is a mediator to solve human contradictions and an active and rich human life.

Doping is an elegant mental activity and a beautiful way of behavior.

The 68 humorous stories selected here reflect the ancient society of China, especially the society since the Middle Ages.

Will live with the human world. These jokes are illusory, true, exposed, criticized, praised, satirized or ridiculed.

Teasing, or explaining, is varied and colorful, bringing people into an ancient and realistic fascinating world, thus gaining spirit.

And the greatest emotional satisfaction.

A meat thief went to Beijing to sell meat, stopped to urinate in front of a toilet on the side of the road and hung the meat outside. A second saw this and stole the meat.

Let's go Before he could go far, A had come out of the toilet, grabbed B and asked B if he had seen someone take his from the toilet.

Meat. B was afraid that A would see through, so he put the meat in his mouth early and said impatiently, "You are such an idiot! Hang the meat outside the door, how can you not hang it?

Lose? If I put meat in my mouth like I do, is there any reason to drop it? "

-Wei Han Dan Chun's Laughing Forest

Xu Zhicai, the king of Xiyang in the Northern Qi Dynasty, was eloquent, especially good at word games. When he is not the king, he tries to play with the king, a senior minister.

Play. Wang laughed at the name and said, "Your name is Zhicai. What's the point? In my opinion,

More like' lack of talent'. Hearing this, he immediately laughed at the surname: "This word' Wang',

On the left, add "ㄡㄡㄡㄡㄡㄡㄡㄡㄡㄡㄡㄡㄡㄡㄡㄡ𞭑𞭑".

Out of the horn, the tail becomes a' sheep'. "The king listened to, tongue-tied, embarrassed.

On another occasion, Xu Zhicai entertained guests, and Lu Yuanming was present. During the dinner, Liu Yuanming poked fun at Xu Zhicai's surname and said:

"The word' Xu' means not to enter the people (the word' Wei' adds' Yu' and' Jin')." Xu Zhicai immediately laughed at Yuan Ming's surname-

-The word "Lu" (traditional "Lu"): The word "Lu" means "An".

People become' Lu' (Lu) and horses become' donkeys' (donkeys). "Lu Yuanming flushed and speechless.

Yes, the full house was laughing their heads off.

-The old title "Qi Yan Lu" by Sui Houbai

Bird's nest and calf Hou Bai later became officials in the Tang Dynasty, and often went to solve riddles on the lanterns with others. Hou Baixian made three chapters for everyone: "Guess."

Things, first, must be visible in kind; Second, you can't make empty explanations to confuse everyone; Third, if the explanation is finished, but see.

If you don't get it, you should be punished. Then he came up with a riddle: "The back is as big as a house, and the belly is as big as a pillow (the crossbar behind the car).

The mouth is as big as a cup. Everyone guessed for a long time, but no one guessed right. They all said, "Where is the mouth as big as a cup with a back?"

Something as big as a house? There is no such thing. You must make a bet with all of us. "Hou Bai finished gambling with all, explain.

Said, "This is the nest of swallows." They burst out laughing.

On another occasion, Hou Bai attended a large banquet. During the dinner, everyone asked him to make a riddle for entertainment. Guess, neither.

It can be strange and hard to know, but it can't be abstract and unreal. Hou Bai replied, "There is something as big as a dog and looks like an ox. What is this? "

Everyone has been speculating, some say it's roe deer, others say it's deer, but they are all denied. Let Hou Bai tell the answer.

Hou Bai laughed and said, "This is a calf."

-The old title "Qi Yan Lu" by Sui Houbai

In the early years of Tianbao, Emperor Xuanzong of the Tang Dynasty, he asked Zhang Zhi for fame. The famous secretary He wrote to the imperial court and asked to retire to Wuzhong. Xuanzong

Li Longji respects him very much and treats everything differently.

When He Zhangzhi left, he said goodbye to Tang Xuanzong, and his eyes were full of tears. Tang Xuanzong asked him what other requirements he had. Zhang Zhi said:

"I know Zhang has a son, whose name hasn't been named yet. If your majesty gives you a name, it will be a great honor for the old minister to return home in clothes. " Xuanzong said, "Faith is the Tao.

Core, first, faith. Qing's son should be called Fu. "Know chapter thank humbly.

It took me a long time to realize. I thought to myself, "The emperor is so happy with me. I'm from Wu, and the word' fu' is

Add the word "Zi" under the word "claw". He named my son Fu, didn't he call my son's paw? "

-Kao Sung-yi "Living in Groups"

I don't know what poetry is. Ai Zi likes to write poems. One day, Ai Zi swam between Qi and Wei and stayed in a hotel. In the evening, he heard something in the next room.

People say, "A song." After a while, he said, "One more song." Ai Zi was baffled and sleepy all night.

Lying until dawn, * * * heard the man in the next room say about six or seven times, that is, six or seven songs. Ai Zi thought that the person in the next room must be a poem.

People are immersed in poetry under the quiet mountain, feel respect in their hearts and like that person's quick thinking, so they decide to get to know this person.

Early in the morning, Ai Zi got dressed and got up, adjusted her crown belt and stood at the door to meet her. After a while, a vendor came out of the next room.

Here comes a man who looks like a man, thin and sick. Ai Zi was disappointed, thinking: With this respect, you look like a poet.

Perhaps, people can't judge people by their appearances, and they can't guess blindly. He went up to him and asked, "I heard that Mr. Wang has many poems." Can you ask the students to teach me? "

Take a look. "The man said," I am a businessman, and I never know what poetry is. Has refused to come up with poetry.

Let's go Ai Zi stubbornly said, "I heard you say' a song' in the house last night, and then said' a song'. Isn't it? "

Isn't it a poem? "

Hearing this, the man couldn't help laughing: "You misunderstood. I had an upset stomach last night. Every time I have diarrhea, I can't find my hand at night.

Paper, so I wiped it with my hand. Diarrhea lasted all night, and my hands were dyed almost six or seven times. When I say "hands", I don't mean poetry.

First. "Ziyi listened, ashamed.

-The old topic on Ai Zi's essays.

Word game Su Dongpo heard that Wang's Zi Shuo had just been finished, so he went to the government to congratulate him and joked, "The famous book says.

Bamboo' whip' horse' is' Benedict'. But I still have a question: "I whip the dog with bamboo and don't know what to laugh at."

what's up Gong Jing just laughed and asked, "Is there any evidence that the word' pigeon' was changed together with' bird' and' nine'?"

Dongpo immediately replied: "The Book of Songs says:' The corpse dove is in mulberry, and her son is seven', plus their parents, it happens to be.

Nine. "

Hearing Wang's words, he nodded happily. It was a long time before I realized that Su Dongpo had played a big joke with him again.

-Song, Su Shi, Ming and Wang Shizhen's second "Tune and Tease"

Three-point poem, seven-point reading Qin once told such a story:

Poet Guo once passed by Hangzhou and gave Su Dongpo a book of poems written by him for appreciation. Dongpo before reading poetry, he since

I began to recite it vividly, and I read it until my feelings flooded and I heard about it. After singing the poem, I asked Dongpo's opinion: "Zheng Xiang!"

How are these poems graded? "

Dongpo said without thinking, "Ten points." Guo exultation, and asked why there can be very. Dongpo replied with a smile:

"You just recite poetry, seven points from reading, three points from poetry. Isn't it ten o'clock? "

-Song, Su Shi, Ming and Wang Shizhen's second "Tune and Tease"

When Su Dongpo was demoted to Huangzhou by the imperial court, he supervised the business tax work in Huangzhou. A scholar wrote a letter to Dongpo,

Ask for a tax cut for his family. The letter said:

"I don't have any goods on board, so I can't pay taxes. Whatever you say, I beg you to let me go to Jingnan.

Take back your dead father's coffin. "

The officials laughed their heads off when they saw it.

-Song, Su Shi, Ming and Wang Shizhen's second "Tune and Tease"

Well, Su Dongpo is generous and straightforward, and he can't let things go in his heart. He once said, "If there are flies in food, you will want to vomit."

Let's go "Every time Uncle Chao went to see Dongpo, Dongpo said such things.

Once, Dongpo said to Uncle Mei, "I was selected by Zhaoling in Xianke. At that time, Wen Kuijun often became bosom friends with Yan.

The emperor summoned his ministers to make the right decision in the temporary hall. Every time I talk about current events, I am recognized by the emperor. Soon, I repeatedly put forward a chapter discussion.

Things, although the words are very straightforward, but the emperor never complains. If I don't give advice to the court, who can give it to the point?

What about suggestions? What I'm worried about now is that the court will kill me. "Uncle smell, silent speechless.

Dongpo sighed and said, "If the imperial court really wants to kill me, what is the pity in my life?" . There is only one thing.

It's better for you after killing me. "

The two of them went on laughing.

-Song, Su Shi, Ming and Wang Shizhen's second "Tune and Tease"

Shi (Shi Yannian), a poet, a bachelor of tile, is addicted to alcohol and has the genius of Li Chenxian (Taibai). Man Qing's behavior is dissolute, and he is good at talking about harmony.

Humorous words.

On one occasion, Shi rode a horse to visit Baoning Temple. The groom lost control for a while, and the horse jumped off and accidentally fell to the ground. accompanying

The staff quickly picked him up and put him in the saddle. When pedestrians saw this, they all gathered to watch, thinking that he would be furious and put this

The man who led the horse scolded for a while. And behold, stone slowly raised his whip, half-jokingly said to herdsman:

"Fortunately, I am a bachelor of stone. If I were a bachelor of tile, wouldn't I have been smashed long ago? "

-Song Xing lay "Zhang Zhanglu"

Huang Tingjian, a book about changing sheep, jokingly said to Su Shi: "The word of Wang Xizhi, a great calligrapher in the Eastern Jin Dynasty, was dubbed the word" changing goose "by the world; Han Zong now.

Confucianism is insatiable. Every time you get a word, go to Lin Yao, the handsome temple, and ask for ten catties of meat. In this way, you can be called

Our calligraphy has become a scroll. "

One day, Su Shi was busy writing in imperial academy. Han Zongru sent a letter to get Su Shi to reply.

I traded his words for meat. Everyone was standing under the door, and the governor was in a hurry. Su Shi smiled and said to him, "Go back and tell your boss,

Cut off his meat today. "

-Song Xing lay "Zhang Zhanglu"

Wang, an old woman who painted the faces of Jin people, promised to be self-disciplined. Every guest in the family must be served with tea. At that time, people jokingly called it "there is a flood today."

Su Dongpo visited a family in his early years. The host was hospitable and suggested drinking tea again and again. Dongpo was embarrassed and smiled at his master.

Said: "The so-called old woman draws a face." The host doesn't understand this meaning-put (tea), put (tea).

-Song Xing lay "Zhang Zhanglu"

When Pu Chuan was appointed as the prefect of Hangzhou, one day, an alchemist came to offer condolences. The alchemist is about ninety years old, but he has a face.

But fresh as a baby. Pu Zheng Chuan entertained him happily, and they had a very speculative talk. Zheng Chuan asked him to extend his life.

Surgery. The alchemist replied, "My immortality is extremely simple. Basically, there is nothing to be afraid of, only one thing must be tied. "

Remember, sexual desire must be forbidden. "

After hearing this, Zheng Chuan bowed his head for a long time and sighed, "If so, what's the use of living for more than a thousand years?"

And then what? "

-Fan Song Zheng Min's "Dunzhai Wandering"

Avoid saying the word "fall". Liu Mian, a scholar in the Tang Dynasty, was the most taboo by nature. When I took the imperial examination in my early years, did I pay attention when I talked to him?

And those who say the word "fall" are angry and angry, and their words are not inferior. If a servant makes a mistake of "falling down", he will be hit with a stick. because

So when servants talk to him, they often refer to "happiness" as "well-being".

On this day, he suddenly heard that the list was posted and quickly sent a servant to see it. Soon, the servant ran back,

Liu Mian hurried forward and asked, "Is my name on the list?" The servant sighed and replied, "The scholar has recovered."

-Fan Song Zheng Min's "Dunzhai Wandering"

Xu's wife, Liu, is a chaste woman who always prides herself on her decency and chastity. On one occasion, Xu left for more than a year, while Liu was at home.

Stay alone in the boudoir.

One day, Xu suddenly came home from work and said to his wife, "I have been away from home for more than a year, and you are there."

Living alone at home is boring. Don't you often walk around with your neighbors and relatives? "

Liu told him, "I have lost my mind and soul since Mr. Lang went out. I just don't go out with the door closed every day. "

Go home. "

Hearing this, Xu Fangyi repeatedly sighed. Asked his wife how to have fun, Liu replied, "Where is fun?"

Fun? It's just that I often write small poems to express my feelings. "

Fang Yi was very happy when he heard this, so he asked his wife to take this poem with him. I don't know, but I was shocked when I saw it-the first song opened.

The title of the poem is "Chatting with neighboring monks on a moonlit night".

-Fan Song Zheng Min's "Dunzhai Wandering"

Huijin Sun Zhang Huijin has a grandson in his teens. He is lazy and stubborn and doesn't like reading. Ai Zi hates him and often uses it.

He was beaten with a wooden pole, but he never changed. Ai Zi's son has only one child, and he is often worried that the child can't help but kill him with a stick.

Therefore, whenever the father hits the child with a stick, he implores with tears in his eyes. Ai Zi became more and more angry when she saw her son's misery.

When you are angry, teach him: "Why don't I discipline the children for you?" As he spoke, he played harder and his son was helpless.

What?

One winter morning, it snowed heavily, and my grandson was playing with snowballs in the yard. Ai Zi appeared and took off her grandson's clothes.

Clothes, ordered him to kneel in the snow, he was shivering with cold, really poor. My son dared not plead again, so he took it off.

Clothes kneeling beside his son. When Ai Zi saw this, he was shocked and asked, "Your son is at fault and deserves this punishment; What crime did you commit? Kneel down with him.

Together? "The son cried," If you freeze my son, I will freeze your son. "Ziyi could not help but smile and forgive.

They killed their father and son.

-Ming Luzhuo's "Sad Son Hou Yu"

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Respondents: 1 Zhisan 9- Jianghu hero level 911-2410:16.

Please look up "Laughter in the Forest" on the Internet.

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Respondents: wangjian 799 14- novice level 211-2410: 26.

Looking for Taiping guangji on the internet.

Respondent: Taixi Jushi-Xiucai Grade II11-2412: 29.

Superficially clever

Qi Jinggong said to Yan Zi, "There is a bronzed current in the East China Sea. In this red water, there is a flowering jujube tree.

No result. What's the reason? "

Yan Zi replied, "Once upon a time, Duke Miao of Qin traveled around the world in a dragon boat and wrapped steamed dates in yellow cloth. Dragon Boat Tour to the East China Sea, Qin.

Miao Gong abandoned yellow cloth to wrap dates, which made the yellow cloth red, so the seawater was bronze. Because the dates have been steamed, they are planted.

After that, it only blooms without fruit. "

Gong Jing said discontentedly, "I pretended to ask, why did you make this up for me?"

Yan Zi said: "I heard that people who pretend to ask questions can also give false answers."

This laughed.

Qi Jinggong visited Niu Shan, boarded the capital of Beiqi, and suddenly said:

"How can life be like rushing water, leaving this beautiful mountain and river and heading for death!"

Hearing this, Aiken and Liang Qiu also began to cry. Yan zi is laughing. Qi Jinggong asked him angrily why he was laughing.

Yan Zi replied: "If you let Xian Jun stay in Qi for a long time, then Tai Gong and Huan Gong will be justified for a long time."

Country; If the brave monarch is allowed to occupy Qi for a long time, then Zhuang Gong and Gong Ling will enjoy Qi for a long time! that

Yao, how can you get the position of monarch and stand in the world? And it's not up to you to cry just because of this.

Benevolence and morality. I saw a heartless monarch and two flattering ministers, which is why I laughed in private.

Ah! "

Yan Zi counts crimes.

Qi Jinggong likes catching birds for fun, so he sent Zhu Zou to manage birds, but Zhu Zou accidentally let the birds fly away. Gong Jing was furious.

Fire, ordered to kill him. Yan Zi said, "Zhu Zou has three charges, so let me reprimand him. Then kill him and let him die.

White. "

Qi Jinggong said happily, "Good." So I called candle Zou in.

Solemnly said, "candle Zou! Do you know the crime? You take care of the bird for the king and let it escape. This is the first sin.

Shape; Letting the king kill for birds is the second sin; The news of this incident makes people think that China values birds over people.

People, discredit our king's reputation, this is the third charge. Damn you! "

Say that finish, immediately request Qi Huangong ordered beheading.

But Gong Jing said, "Don't kill him. I took your advice."

- .

There was a man named Huazi in Liyang of Song Dynasty. He was forgetful in middle age. His family asked a historian for divination, but the historian didn't do it for him. towards

Witches pray, but give no hope; See a doctor for treatment, but the doctor won't give treatment.

A Confucian scholar in Lu said: "This disease can be cured not by divination, but by prayer and medicine.

I tried to change his mind, maybe I can recover. "So, let Hanako sleep in the open air, and the patient will ask for clothes; let

Hanako is hungry and the patient wants to eat; Let Hanako live in a dark room, and the patient will ask for sunshine. Confucian scholars are happy to spend money.

His son said, "Your father's illness can be cured. But my prescription is confidential and I can't tell anyone. Please leave me alone.

The patient stayed for seven days. "The son agreed. As a result, Hanako's forgetfulness for many years was cured at once.

However, when Hanako became a wise man, he flew into a rage and said, "I used to be forgetful and didn't know what happened in the world."

To be or not to be. Now I suddenly think of the past, decades of survival, gains and losses, joys and sorrows, good and bad, which has disturbed me, okay?

Be agitated. I am worried about the future survival, gains and losses, sadness and joy, good or bad, disturbing my mind, that precious forgetfulness disease, even if only

Transient amnesia, can you get it again? "

Children's debate day

Confucius traveled to the East and saw two children arguing. Confucius asked them why they were fighting.

A child said, "I think the sun is close to people when it first comes out, and far away from people at noon."

The second child said, "I think the sun is far away from people when it comes out, and noon is near."

A child said, "The sun just came out as big as a parasol on a carriage and as small as a plate at noon. This does not mean that:

Because it is near, it is big, and because it is far, it is small? "

The second child said, "when the sun just came out, people felt cold, and at noon, people felt very hot." Isn't it far and cold, near?

Do you feel hot? "

Confucius was too stunned to answer. The two children smiled and said, "Who said you were a learned man? ! "

See only gold

There was a man in Qi who dreamed of getting gold day and night. One morning, he dressed up and went straight to the gold shop.

When I saw the gold in Huang Chengcheng, I reached for it and left.

The officers arrested him and asked, "There are many people present. Why do you openly rob others of their gold? "

The man replied, "when I took it, I only saw gold, but no one."

Author: Ling Lingba, King of Life County, 2006-5-28 17:57 reply to this speech.

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2 Humorous stories of ancient people ...

Yang bu hits the dog

Yang Bu went out in a white jacket. It was raining, so he took off his coat and went home dressed only in black. His dog thinks it's strange.

People are barking. Yang Bu hit the dog when he got angry. Brother Yang Zhu came out, grabbed his brother and said, "Stop fighting, stop fighting, what are you doing?"

Can you blame the dog? If you let the dog's white hair go out and the black hair come back, I'm afraid you won't recognize it at once. "

Guang Ri Wang Xian

There was a farmer in Song State. He had little knowledge and lived in rags all his life. One spring, he went to work alone in the East Village.

I feel warm in the sun. After returning home, he said to his wife, "The sun is so warm on his back, and so are others."

I don't know yet. If you give it to the monarch, you will definitely get a generous reward. "

The spell doesn't work.

A man said that he had mastered the magic of immortality. The prince heard the news and sent messengers to learn from him. I haven't learned yet.

Well, that man will die. The prince was very angry with the messenger and planned to kill him. One of my minions advised me, "Everyone is afraid of dying for love.

Healthy. The man who claimed to master the immortal spell died first. How can he guarantee that your king will not die? "Yan did not.

Kill the messenger sent to learn magic.

Learn to steal and rob.

A poor man in Song asked a rich man in Qi how to get rich. The rich man said, "I was poor before. now

Life is rich, because I try to steal it every day. Life can be maintained in the first year, and food and clothing are not enough in the second year.

Sorrow, in the third year, my family was full of millet and Man Cang. "

Hearing this, the poor people went back to their hometown to work without asking how they stole it. Every night, he climbs over the wall and digs a hole.

After wanton theft, the family actually became rich. Unexpectedly, the government caught the stolen goods and convicted him, even the original shabby things at home were gone.

Take it. After the thief got out of prison, he went to Qi State and really blamed the rich man.

The rich man smiled and said, "Alas! You misunderstood my meaning. I am in the season of grabbing the sky and land resources. Grow crops and build houses.

The house, catching wild animals and shrimps, I stole and robbed from nature, aboveboard! Those private wealth

Things are obtained by people's labor, and only belong to themselves. Of course you are guilty of theft and robbery. Who do you blame? "

- .

Confucius was trapped between Chen and Cai, and had no food for 10 days. Sometimes he can't even eat wild vegetable soup. He is really hungry.

That's great.

Student Luz stole a cooked pig, and Confucius picked it up and ate it, without asking where the meat came from. Lutz robbed someone else's again

Clothes for wine, Confucius didn't ask where the wine came from, but he drank it as soon as he came up. However, when Lu Aigong greeted him, Confucius showed

Be a gentleman, don't sit on the mat and don't eat uncut meat.

He asked, "What is the difference between the present king and Chen and Cai when they were trapped?"

Confucius replied: "I used to do this to drag out an ignoble existence, but today I do it for charity!" " "

- .

The enemy and I confronted each other, and as soon as the drums rang, they began to fight. Soon, one side abandoned its helmet and armor and turned around and fled. Some soldiers

Escaped 100 step stop, some escaped 50 steps stop. The soldier who escaped 50 steps laughed loudly at the soldier who escaped 100 step:

"Hey, you are afraid of death and run faster than a rabbit!"

Steal a chicken on the moon.

A man steals a chicken from his neighbor every day. Others advised: "This is not what a gentleman should do."

He said, "Let me steal less first, then steal one every month, and I won't steal next year."

Qi people boast

There was a man from the State of Qi who always came back with wine and meat when he went out. His first and second wives asked strangely, "Who are you having dinner with?"

Dinner? "What he said is rich and powerful dignitaries. The first and second wives are very suspicious.

Early the next morning, the first wife secretly followed her husband to observe. I saw him go to the cemetery outside the east gate to beg from mourners.

Eat and drink after the sacrifice. If you are not full, go outside and ask for it. I see!

When she got home, she told her little wife angrily. Two men were cursing their husbands in the yard. The husband waddled home,

And brag to them.

Trade sheep for cattle.

Liang Huiwang was sitting in the hall when someone was passing by with a cow. King Hui asked, "Where are you taking the cow?"

Petunia replied, "Kill it and draw a clock with its blood."

Hui Wangdao: "Let it go! I can't bear to see it scared and shivering, so it was beaten to death without sin.

Poor thing! "

Penny asked, "So there is no need to paint the clock?"

King Hui quickly said, "How can you not draw a clock? Kill another sheep! "