Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - The second chapter quietly disappearing glass
The second chapter quietly disappearing glass
Harry Potter still lives here. He is sleeping at the moment, but it won't be long. He wakes up from his period, and the first sound when he comes here every day is her scream.
"Get up! Get up! Hurry! "
? Harry woke up with a start. His period is coming again.
"Get up!" She screamed. Harry heard her walking towards the kitchen, followed by the sound of frying pan on the stove. With his back to the door, he tried to recall the dream he had just had. This is a good dream. There is a flying motorcycle in my dream. He thought it was very interesting, as if he had had the same dream before.
Menstruation comes to you again.
"Are you up?" She asked.
"Soon." Harry said.
"Soon, then hurry up, I want you to look at bacon. Don't you dare fry it. I hope everything goes well on Dudley's birthday. "
Harry gave a grunt.
"What did you say?" Menstruation asked sharply again.
"Nothing, nothing." Dudley's birthday-how could he forget it? Harry got out of bed slowly and began to look for socks. He found a pair of socks under the bed, grabbed a spider from one of them and put it on. Harry has long been used to spiders, because the cupboard under the stairs is full of spiders, and he sleeps there.
He got dressed and went across the corridor to the kitchen. The dining table was almost full of Dudley's birthday presents. It seems that Dudley has received the new computer he wants, not to mention the second TV set and sports car. Why Dudley wants a racing car is a mystery to Harry, because Dudley is chubby and hates exercise-unless, of course, this exercise includes fists and feet. His favorite boxing lob is Harry, but he doesn't always catch him. Harry looks thin, but he is alert.
Perhaps it has something to do with Harry living in a dark cupboard for many years. He looks thinner than his peers. He looks thinner than his actual figure, because he can only wear Dudley's old clothes, and Dudley is three or four times taller than him. Harry has a thin face with prominent kneecaps, black hair and green eyes. He wears a pair of round glasses glued together with a lot of scotch tape because Dudley always hits him on the nose. What Harry likes most about his appearance is the light scar on his forehead like lightning. This scar has existed for as long as he can remember. He remembers that the first question he asked Penny about her period was how this scar came down.
"Your parents were killed in a car accident." She said, "No questions." Don't ask questions-that's the first rule in getting along with the Dursleys.
Harry was smoking when Uncle Vernon came to the kitchen.
"Comb your hair!" He growled, which was his way of greeting each other in the morning.
Almost once a week, Uncle Vernon looks at Harry from his newspaper and shouts to Harry that he should get a haircut. Harry cuts his hair more times than all the students in his class combined, but it doesn't work at all. His hair is still growing wildly.
While Harry was frying eggs, Dudley and his mother came to the kitchen. Dudley is more like Uncle Vernon: a big face with a pink silver basin, a short neck, watery blue eyes, and thick blond hair lying flat on his thick and fat head. Penny Menstruation often says Dudley looks like an angel-but Harry says he looks like a pig with a wig.
Harry put plates of fried eggs and bacon on the dining table, which was not easy because there was no room on the table. At this moment, Dudley is counting his gifts.
? His face sank. "Thirty-six," he said, looking up at his parents, "two fewer than last year." "Honey, you haven't counted the gifts from Aunt Maggie. Look, it's under the big bag your parents gave you. "
"Well, thirty-seven pieces, then." Dudley said, his face flushed. Harry could see that Dudley was going to be furious, so he wolfed down bacon before Dudley overturned the table.
Petunia obviously smelled the danger signal during her period and quickly said, "When we go shopping today, I'll buy you two more gifts. What's the matter, baby? How about buying two more gifts? " Dudley thought for a moment. This seems to be a difficult job. At last he said slowly, "Then I have thirty ... thirty ..." "Thirty-nine, dear." Penny's menstrual theory. "Oh," Dudley sat down heavily and grabbed the nearest gift bag. "all right." Uncle Vernon giggled. "This little deep card is calculating his income, just like his father. Good boy, Dudley! " He rubbed Dudley's hair.
Then the phone rang and Penny went to pick it up during her period. Harry and Uncle Vernon watched Dudley unpack, including a racing car, a video camera, a remote-controlled plane, sixteen newly released computer game CDs and a video recorder. He was tearing off the wrapping paper of a gold watch when Penny Menstruation came back from the phone and looked angry and worried.
"Bad news, Vernon," she said. "Mrs. Figg broke her leg and couldn't come to pick him up." She nodded at Harry.
Dudley was tongue-tied, but Harry's heart was pounding with joy. Every year on Dudley's birthday, his parents always take him and another friend out for a day, go to an amusement park, eat hamburgers or watch movies. Leave Harry to Mrs. Figg, a crazy old woman who lives two blocks from here. Harry hates where Mrs. Figg lives. The room smells of cabbage. Mrs. Figg also insisted that he look at the photos of several cats she had in the past.
"What now?" Penny looked at Harry angrily during her period, as if Harry had planned all this. Harry knew that he should feel sorry for Mrs. Figg's broken leg, but when he thought that it would be a whole year before he could see Kick, Cher, Mr. Paw and Mao Mao again (all cat names), he felt sad again.
"Let's call Maggie." Uncle Vernon suggested.
"Don't be silly, Vernon, she hates this child."
The Dursleys often talk about Harry face to face, as if Harry wasn't there at all, and even think that he is an annoying thing that can't understand them, such as a slug.
"What's her name again, your friend yvonne, one by one?"
"I went to Maiorca Island for my holiday." She snapped.
(1) Mallorca Island in the western Mediterranean belongs to Spain.
"You can leave me at home." Harry chimed in hopefully. So he can watch the TV program he wants to watch, for a change, and maybe try to play a Dudley computer. (Penny's period looks like she just swallowed a lemon.
"So we can come back and see the whole house destroyed?" She roared.
"I won't blow up the house." Harry said. But they wouldn't listen.
"I think we can take him to the zoo," penny said slowly, "and then leave him in the car."
"That's a new car. We can't leave him alone. " Dudley burst into tears.
In fact, he did not really cry. He hasn't really cried for years. He knew that as long as he cried and cried, his mother would give him anything he wanted.
"My darling, don't cry, mom won't let him disturb your good day!" She cried and hugged him with open arms.
"I don't want him to go!" Dudley sobbed and pretended to cry, while shouting intermittently. "He always breaks everything!" He hid in his mother's arms and grinned maliciously at Harry.
Just then, the doorbell rang-"Oh, my God, they are coming!" " Penny said in a panic during menstruation. After a while, Dudley's best friend Pierre Potts came in with his mother. Pierre is thin and has a face like a mouse. People like him, when Dudley hits people, always put the hand of the person being beaten behind his back and hold it firmly. Dudley immediately stopped pretending to cry.
Harry couldn't believe how lucky he was. Half an hour later, he, Pierre and Dudley sat in the back seat of the Dersley private car and drove to the zoo for the first time in their lives. His menstrual uncle couldn't think of any other way to place him, but before leaving, Uncle Vernon called Harry aside.
"I'm warning you," he said, putting his big red face near Harry. "I'm warning you now, son, as long as you do something stupid-do anything-then you stay in your cupboard until Christmas." "I won't do anything," said Harry. "Really." But Uncle Vernon didn't believe him. No one ever believed what he said. The problem is that strange things often happen to Harry. Even if you tell the Dursleys that those things have nothing to do with Harry, it's still a waste of breath.
Every time Harry comes back from cutting his hair, it's as if he had never cut his hair at all. Once Penny couldn't help her menstruation, so she took out a pair of scissors from the kitchen and almost cut off his hair, leaving only a lock of hair in front to "cover up his terrible scar". This made Dudley laugh his head off, but Harry couldn't sleep all night. Thinking about it, he doesn't know how to go to school tomorrow. His classmates used to laugh at his loose clothes and glasses stuck with tape. But when he got up the next morning, he found that his hair had returned to the appearance of Penny before menstruation. Although he tried his best to defend himself, he couldn't figure out why his hair grew so fast, but he was locked in the cupboard for a week because of it.
Another time, Penny's period forced Harry to wear an old pullover (this sweater is ugly, brown with orange fur balls). The more she puts it on Harry's head, the smaller the sweater shrinks. In the end, it can only be worn by a pocket puppet, which is certainly not suitable for Harry. Penny's menstruation was definitely shrunk when she was washing, so she didn't punish Harry, which made him greatly relieved.
On another occasion, Harry was found on the roof of the school kitchen, which caused him a lot of trouble. Dudley and his gang ran after Harry as usual. As a result, Harry sat on the kitchen chimney, which frightened him as much as others. The Dursleys received a letter from the headmistress, who was very angry and told them that Harry had climbed to the top of the school. But he just jumped around behind the big trash can outside the kitchen (when he yelled at his uncle in the locked cupboard). Harry guessed that the wind blew him halfway.
Nothing will go wrong today. He thinks it is worthwhile to spend a day somewhere with Dudley or Pierre as long as he doesn't stay in school, his cupboard, Mrs. Figg's living room full of cabbage.
While driving, Uncle Vernon complained to Penny about her period. He always likes to complain. The people he met at work, Harry, meetings, Harry, banks and Harry are just a few topics he likes to complain about. What he complained about this morning was motorcycles.
"Crazy, screaming all the way, these little bastards." When a motorcycle overtook, he said.
"I dreamed of a motorcycle," said Harry, suddenly remembering his dream. "It can fly."
Uncle Vernon almost hit the car in front. He turned from his seat, and his face was like a big beet head with a big beard. He shouted at Harry, "Motorcycles can't fly!"
Dudley and Pierre giggled.
"I know motorcycles can't fly," said Harry. "This is just a dream."
He thought it would be nice if he didn't say anything. What annoys the Dursleys more than asking questions is that he always says something unconventional, whether in dreams or cartoons-they think he may always have dangerous ideas.
It was a sunny weekend, and the zoo was crowded with family tourists. At the entrance, the Dursleys bought a large chocolate ice cream for Dudley and Pierre. Before they could take Harry away, a smiling lady in the ice cream truck was already asking Harry what he wanted to eat, so they had to buy Harry a cheap lemon popsicle. Actually, the popsicle is not bad, Harry thought. He licked the popsicle and watched a gorilla scratch his head. This gorilla looks like Dudley, except that its hair is not golden.
Translation: (transferred from the network. I haven't seen Harry Potter before
This is Harry's happiest morning in a long time. He carefully kept a short distance from the Dursleys in case Dudley and Pierre got tired of watching animals at lunch and turned to play their specialty-chasing him. They had lunch in the zoo restaurant. Dudley felt that a colorful sundae was not big enough for him, so he lost his temper again. Uncle Vernon quickly ordered him a big one and let Harry eat the original one.
? Harry thought about it afterwards. He felt that he should know that good things don't last long.
? After lunch, they came to the reptile house. The museum is cold and dark, with bright glass windows on all four walls. Through the glass, I saw lizards and snakes of all colors crawling around on wooden blocks or stones. Dudley and Pierre want to see poisonous cobras and aggressive pythons. Dudley soon found the largest python in the museum. It can wrap itself around Uncle Vernon's car twice, and then squeeze it into a pile of scrap metal. But it doesn't seem to have this idea at this time. It is sleeping soundly.
Dudley put his nose on the glass and stared at the shiny brown python. "Let it move." Dudley cried and begged his father. Uncle Vernon knocked on the glass, but the python didn't move. "Knock again." Dudley ordered. Uncle Vernon rapped on the glass with his knuckles, but the python continued to nap. "It's really annoying." Dudley complained and shuffled away.
Harry walked to the front of the big cabinet where the python stayed and looked at the python carefully. Harry wouldn't be surprised if it was unhappy and finally died here. Because it has no companions, only some stupid guys knock on the glass all day trying to wake it up. This is worse than using the cupboard as a bedroom. Although only Penny visits him every day and knocks on the door to get up, at least he can walk around the whole house.
The python suddenly opened its shiny little eyes and slowly raised its head until it was as high as Harry's eyes. It blinked. Harry was frightened. He immediately glanced around to see if anyone was paying attention to them.
Nobody noticed. He looked back at the python and winked at it. The python jerked its head to Uncle Vernon and Dudley, and then looked up at the ceiling. His eyes clearly said to Harry, "I always meet people like them." "I know." Harry whispered through the glass, although he was not sure whether the python could hear him. "That must have annoyed you." The python nodded vigorously. "Where are you from, if nothing else?" Harry asked.
The python flicked its tail and made a small sign on the glass window. Harry looked at it carefully.
Python,
Brazil.
"Is there anything delicious?"
The python flicked its tail again and slapped the sign hard. Harry read on: This is a breeding sample of this zoo.
"Oh, I see. So you've never been to Brazil? "
When the python was shaking his head to answer, there was a deafening cry behind Harry, and both Harry and the python were startled. "Dudley! Mr. Dursley! Look at this snake! You will never believe what it is doing! "
Dudley waddled towards them.
"get out of the way." He said it was a punch to Harry's chest. Harry was so surprised that he fell heavily on the concrete floor. What happened later, because it came so suddenly that no one could tell what was going on. I saw Pierre and Dudley hold the glass at once, and then they were frightened and shouted and jumped back.
Harry sat up and gasped; The glass in front of the python cabinet is missing. The python quickly stretched out its open body and slid to the floor-the whole reptile house screamed and ran to the exit.
When the python slipped past Harry, Harry clearly heard a hissing voice saying softly, "Brazil, I'm coming ... thank you, I'm leaving."
The keeper of the reptile house was deeply shocked.
"But this glass," he kept saying, "where is this glass?"
The director of the zoo repeatedly apologized and personally gave Penny a cup of strong tea with sugar. Pierre and Dudley just talk nonsense and ramble. In fact, as far as Harry can see, he did nothing but play with them and pat their heels when the python slid past them. But when they were sitting in Uncle Vernon's car, Dudley told how his leg was almost bitten by a python.
Pierre swore that the python wanted to tie him to death. And, worst of all, when Dampierre calmed down, he suddenly said, "Harry is still talking to it, isn't he, Harry?"
Uncle Vernon waited until Pierre left their house safely before settling accounts with Harry. He was so angry that he could hardly speak. He said helplessly, "Go to the storage room-stay-don't eat." He collapsed in an armchair, and Penny Menstruation came and brought him a large glass of brandy.
Harry lay in the dark storage room for a long time, hoping to get a watch. He doesn't know what time it is, and he's not sure whether the Dursleys are asleep. When they are asleep, he can venture into the kitchen to find something to eat.
When he was a baby, his parents died in a car accident. He remembered that after that, he lived in Uncle Vernon's house for nearly ten years, which was a miserable life for ten years. He doesn't remember being in the car when his parents died. Sometimes lying in the storage room for a long time trying to remember, there will be a wonderful illusion; A dazzling flash of green light made his forehead hurt. He guessed that it was a car accident, but he didn't know where the green light came from. He has no memory of his parents. Uncle Menstruation never mentioned them, and of course he was not allowed to ask. There are no photos of them at home. ...
When Harry was a child, he often dreamed that a relative suddenly came to pick him up, but his dream never came true. The Dursleys are his only relatives. But sometimes he feels (or hopes) that strangers in the street seem to know him. And they are all strange strangers. Once, he went shopping with Penny Menstruation and Dudley, and a little man in a purple hat bowed to him. Penny Menstruation angrily asked Harry if he knew the man, and then she kicked him and Dudley out of the store without buying anything. On another bus, a Bohemian old woman dressed in green smiled and waved to him. Another time, a bald man in a purple robe ran up to shake hands with him in the street and left without saying a word. The most incredible thing is that when Harry wanted to look at them more carefully, they disappeared without a trace.
Harry doesn't have any friends at school. As we all know, Dudley and his friends hate Harry Potter, a strange man in baggy old clothes and a pair of broken glasses. Nobody wants to go against Dudley and his gang.
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