Sichuan dialect is a super funny joke

A man from other provinces walked into a restaurant in Sichuan and ordered a fish-flavored eggplant, so the following passage happened.

"Boss, boss! ! "

"What's the matter?"

"Why didn't you catch any fish from this fish-flavored eggplant?"

"Fish-flavored eggplant has no fish!"

"Why is it called fish-flavored eggplant without fish?"

"God, you are an ancestor ... according to your baby, you want a" tiger skin green pepper ".Do I have to get you a tiger skin? ; Order an "old woman cake" and I'll give it to your wife? ; You order a "couple's lung slice", do I have to kill two people for you ! "

[yi tooth] joke 1

Sparrows and crows form a dragon gate array together.

The sparrow said, what kind of bird are you?

The crow said: I am your phoenix!

Sparrow said: How can there be a phoenix as black as your turtle son?

The crow said: You know a shovel, and I am the phoenix sulfur that burns the boiler.

[Yi Tooth] Joke 2

A teacher assigned a task to her students, making sentences with "pleading" and "demanding".

After the exercise book was handed in, one of them answered all his life: Yesterday my mother stewed a pot of pig's trotters. When it was not ripe, my father ate a piece and said, "Please don't move." Mom said, "I ask you to chew!" " "

[Yi Tooth] Joke 3

The plane shook violently.

Stewardess: "Ladies and gentlemen, there is always something wrong with the plane, and both engines are broken." We may be late. " . "

Passenger: "When I drove your mother, it was a wave. If all four engines are old, aren't we going to spend the night in the sky? "

[Yi Tooth] Joke 4

Before the opening of the Olympic Games, two Sichuanese traveled to Beijing and looked at the map in the car.

A: "We will kill Tiananmen first, and then Zhongnanhai ..."

B: "If we want to, we will kill all the way along the route you said! ……"

Before I finished speaking, I was immediately reported by people in the same car. After getting off the bus, he was handed over to the public security organ, explaining the situation and being released after n hours.

Party A and Party B came to Tiananmen Square again, watching people coming and going, speechless. ......

A couldn't help it: "Are you too talkative?"

B: "If you don't even open your mouth (gun), how dare I?" . As soon as the voice fell, it was handed over to the public security organs.

A week later, they walked out of the gate of the detention center. You look at me, I look at you.

A said, "Leha, don't worry, all the bags are empty. Where can we get some bullets? " ......

The armed police at the door immediately rushed up and knocked them to the ground. ……

The central government issued an urgent notice: Sichuanese are not allowed to participate in the Olympic Games, which is terrible! This is another story.

[Yi Tooth] Joke 5

CCTV reporter asked Chengdu bus fire survivors: Is there a hammer on the bus?

Survivor: There is a hammer!

Reporter: Do you have a hammer? Why didn't you break the window?

Survivor: Mod! A hammer! A hammer!

Reporter: What? There are two hammers!

Survivor: Oh, there's a shovel!

Reporter: Shovel? That can also be used to smash windows!

Survivor: smash a hammer window!

Reporter: It's breaking a window, not a hammer. ...

Survivor: Oh, I'll tell you a hammer!

Reporter: I said the window!

Survivor: Hammer!

Reporter: What's in that car?

Survivor: There is a wool!

Reporter: Oh, no wonder it burns so fast!

Summary: Be sure to bring a hammer when you go out. If you don't have a hammer, you should get close to it. If you have a hammer, you should hold it tightly. Where there is a hammer, there is a hammer.

[yi tooth] joke 6

There are two Hong Kong people coming to check in at the front desk, which may not have been booked in advance.

I heard the receptionist ask him with Trump: "Excuse me, are you Xuan (Sichuan dialect, which just means temporary)?"

Hong Kong people obviously don't understand the meaning of "from the Xuan", and their expressions are at a loss.

So the waiter repeated with emphasis: "I mean, are you there?" .

Hong Kong people still hesitated, thought hard for a while, and finally said, "I … I didn't come by plane!" " "

The waiter quickly covered his mouth and rushed into the toilet, laughing and vomiting …

Cantonese and Sichuan dialect (smile))

A Cantonese man went to a fruit stall in Chongqing to buy apples.

Cantonese: How much is your ass (apple)?

Female vendors in Chongqing: hooligans

Cantonese: sixty cents is sixty cents. I want your ass (apple)

Chongqing people called the police, and Guangdong people were inexplicably taken to the police station.

Policeman: Where are you from?

Cantonese: Lixian people (Japanese ancestors)

Policeman: I asked where are you from?

Cantonese: Lixian people (your ancestors)! ! !

The police are very angry.

Policeman: I asked where are you from?

Cantonese people are also on fire

Cantonese: Lixian people (your ancestors)! ! ! ! !

Cantonese people were beaten.

Policeman: Tell me honestly, where are you from?

The Cantonese replied sadly: I am still from Lixian (your ancestor)! ! !

Helpless, the police dropped a piece of paper to let Cantonese people reflect and write down what happened.

Cantonese wrote: I went to buy apples and asked him how much it was. He said sixty cents a catty, and then I was inexplicably taken to the police station.

The police uncle asked me where I was from, and I said I was from Calendar County, and then I was beaten. All of the above are true! Ho ho. ..........................

Hehe, turn around when you laugh ~

Bring excitement to more friends.

Funny phone recording:

Woman: "Hello, I'm from the National Bureau of Earthquake Disaster Statistics. How many people were killed or injured in your family? "

The man replied, "I am the only one in my family."

Female: "1 1 person?"

The man said, "Not 1 1 person, but a person."

Female: "2 1? How did it become 2 1 person again? "

The man sat patiently and said, "You heard wrong, but you are alone."

Female: "7 1 person? How can there be so many? "

The man finally broke out and shouted, "Just one person!"

Female: "9 1? Oh my god ... "

The man suddenly fell down. ...

The man finally stopped swearing and shouted: "

250, is a person. "

Female: "25 1 person?

Story 2:

Sparrows and crows form a dragon gate array together.

The sparrow said, what kind of bird are you?

The crow said: I am your phoenix!

Sparrow: How can a phoenix be as black as your turtle son?

Crow: You know shovels. I'm a Phoenix sulfur-burning boiler.

Story 3:

One day, when we were discussing how tall Yao Ming was, the Sichuan PLMM next to me, who usually likes to wrangle, wrangled again.

"What is Yao Minggao? There is a man in our hometown who is much taller than him. "

"who?" We asked in unison.

"Leshan Giant Buddha", she said proudly.

Everyone fainted, and two glasses fell off. ...

A GG is not convinced: "Isn't it more than 70 meters ..."

But it was interrupted by this Sichuan MM: "Is it only more than 70 meters?"

Another man said confidently, "It's 7 1 meter."

So, you people don't even know some basic common sense. "The MM plausibly said," the somebody else sitting in 765438+0 meters, how do you stand up? "

Everyone fell to the ground. ...

"You let him stand up!" This GG is still unconvinced

"Well, people have been sitting on the river for more than 1000 years, and they have been arthritis for a long time. Please sit down if you can.

Try it in a few years! "All people completely speechless. ...