I am looking for the funniest jokes, suitable for girls~~~~

1. On the first day of school, I beat my deskmate. The teacher asked me to call my parents. I said: It's okay, I can defeat him by myself!

2. Man: Marry me! Woman: Do you think we will be happy when we get married? `Male: Of course. Woman: How do you know? Man: You are such a man, even if love fails, friendship can last forever.

3. The doctor asked the patient how he broke the bone. The patient said, "I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes by holding on to the telephone pole." Someone was passing by and thought I had been electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two sticks!

4. A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over and asked: What happened? Drunk Man: I don’t know. I just arrived.

V. A: Old classmate, long time no see. What is your current annual salary? B: 3 million. A: How about two or three hundred thousand a month? B: Yes, this is the basic salary. A: Not bad, what do you do? B: Dreaming.

6. I met my dad buying lottery tickets on the road, so I asked him: "Dad, what are you going to do with your money if you win the big prize?" As a result, my dad looked at me and said, "Why do you care so much? What's the matter with you?"

7. "Our manager said: you have to be shameless when selling insurance." "That's why you went into the women's restroom to sell insurance!" the policeman asked.

8. One day, the phone rang at home. I didn’t answer it at the door of my parents’ room, but my parents never answered, so I had to put on my clothes and get up to answer the phone. I only heard my dad on the phone. The head said: Send me the TV remote control...

9. Teacher: Xiao Ming, please make a copy of "If every drop of water can represent a blessing, then I will give you an ocean" practise! Xiao Ming: If every flower represents a blessing, then I will give you a wreath! Instantly the whole class was shocked!!! Teacher: Go, go, go now!!

10. Today, a certain bastard asked a girl out and confessed like this: "Girl, I see that you have beautiful features and a strong and upright attitude. Can you be buried in my family's ancestral grave in a hundred years?" , to protect the tomb and ward off evil spirits? "I guess this idiot may never find a girlfriend in this life.

11. Male: Cute girl, why did you reject me back then? Woman: Because every time I see you, my heart beats faster and my face turns red. I thought I would get sick and die if I was with you.

12. I have a classmate who is like this, and he feels a little obsessed. The school had to do morning exercises in the morning, and he felt that teachers had to get up early to do exercises, otherwise it would be unfair. So I went directly to the principal to negotiate. The principal was stunned for a moment and said: "Where did you come from?" My classmate said lovingly:

13. Xiao Li in the office said to Xiao Zhang: "I will tell you a good news and a bad news. Listen first. Which one?" Xiao Zhang: "Bad news." Xiao Li: "The good news I want to tell you is false." 14. Son: Dad, tell me a story. Dad: OK. Well. Once upon a time, there was a frog. Son: No, I want to listen to historical stories. Dad: Good. In the Song Dynasty, there was a frog.

15. The squad leader asked: Who is in our platoon? The biggest official? The recruit answered: He is the platoon leader. The squad leader asked again: Who is under the teacher? The recruit answered: It is the horse that the division commander rides.

16. A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. I have diarrhea when I eat, cucumbers and watermelons. How can I get back to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl: "Why does the plane fly so high without hitting the stars?" The little girl replied: "I know, because the stars will twinkle." Ah!"

Eighteen. Friends went hiking together. At the top of the mountain, a girl shouted in front of the beautiful mountains and rivers

Nineteen. The bee chased the butterfly, but the butterfly married snails. Bee was puzzled: How is he better than me? Butterfly replied: He has his own house after all, it's not like you living in a dormitory.

Twenty. My wife bought a dog. If she had nothing to do, she would hold the RMB and let the dog sniff it. I felt very strange, so I asked: Wife, what are you doing, asking your dog to pick up money for you on the road? My wife smiled mysteriously: "You will know later!" Within a few days, my private money disappeared. I didn't talk about it anymore. If I talk about it too much, I will shed tears...

Twenty-one, the teacher is in class , suddenly talked about girls' self-cultivation, Xiao Ming raised his hand and said: "Teacher, I know: take three thousand selfies, just take one." Teacher: Get out