A thousand good jokes

1. The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the poop of the gibbon. The gibbon gently and carefully cleaned it and they fell in love. People ask how they got together? The chimpanzee said with emotion: Ape dung! It’s all ape dung! 2. I said: "You are a pig." You said: "I am a pig!" From now on, I will call you a pig. Finally one day, you couldn't help shouting at me in front of everyone: "I'm not a pig!" 3. When you wake up tomorrow, there will be a mosquito lying on your pillow, and a suicide note next to you, which reads: I struggle Even after one night, I couldn't pierce your face. Your shame is so thick that I can't even live in this world! Lord, forgive him! I committed suicide. 4. One day, a mother and son had lunch together. The son asked the mother fly: Why do we eat poop every day? The mother fly said angrily: Don’t say such disgusting words while eating, eat it while it’s hot!! 5. A college student was attacked by an enemy. After catching him, the enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Where are you from?" If you don’t tell me, I’ll electrocute you! A college student replied to his enemy and was electrocuted to death. He said: I am from TV University! 6. Two dumplings got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was shocked and asked where the bride was. Meatballzi said shyly: "I hate it. You won't recognize me when I take off my clothes!" 7. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: I don’t step on a mouse for a whole day and make my feet itch; C: I don’t feel safe on the streets only a few times a day; D: It’s getting late, go back Go home and hug the cat. 8. One night, a naked man hailed a taxi. The female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a fucking naked man! The female driver was also furious: Let me see where you got the money from! 9. Do you have a TV over there? Now hurry up and watch CCTV. Zhao Benshan was killed in the bombing. The police blocked the Northeast. 19 people died, 11 people were missing, and 1 person was deceived! 10. A drunk man accidentally Falling from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, a policeman came over: What happened? Drunk man: I don’t know, I just arrived. 11. A shy boy finally got up the courage to ask his beloved girl: Do you like it? What kind of boy? The girl said: I am in love with you. When the boy asked again, it was still the same, so he had to say sadly: Can't the head be flatter? 12. Wolf pups are vegetarian from birth. Wolf parents and wolf mothers racked their brains to train their wolf cubs to hunt. Finally, the Sirius parents were delighted to see their son chasing the rabbit. The wolf cub grabbed the rabbit and said fiercely: Boy! Hand over the carrot! 13. In front of the ramen shop counter, a beautiful girl is waiting in line. When she arrived, the ramen chef asked: Do you want thick or thin? The girl replied: I will eat whatever you pull. 14. A man and a woman were having an affair. The husband suddenly came home. The man jumped out of the window and ran away without putting on his clothes. He walked on the street and watched onlookers. The man pretended to be nonchalant and looked at the sky: ah, this is the earth. Passersby said: Cao, pretending to be an alien. 15. The white rabbit chased the gray wolf and ran away. The wolf chased after him angrily. The rabbit wiped his body with dirt and pretended to be the gray rabbit. He wore glasses and read the newspaper. The wolf asked: Can you see a white rabbit? Rabbit: Is it the white rabbit that rapes the wolf? Wolf Shame: I, KAO, got the news so soon? 16. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, chief! Chief: Comrades are all tanned! Soldier: The leader is even darker! The commander patted a soldier on the chest and said: How well these muscles have been trained! Soldier: Report to the leader, I am a female soldier. 17. I saw a penny on the side of the road. I was about to bend down to pick it up. It turned out to be phlegm. Holy shit, who spits out such round penny? ??