Where is the funny version of Jing Ke's Qin Opera script?

In 230 BC, the Qin Dynasty occupied the land of Yongzhou, and the monarch and his subjects grasped it tightly to get a glimpse of Zhoushi, which swept the world and covered the whole world.

The meaning of the four seas, swallowing the heart of the eight wastes. Prince Dan of Yan was worried about this and couldn't sleep well.

Prince Taizi Dan appeared, sighing as he walked, followed by counselor A San. "Taizi Dan paced in the court and sang to the sky.

Recently, it's more annoying, more annoying, more annoying, and I always feel that life is getting harder every day. Hey, the boy who won the state of Qin,

Because many of my brothers, I don't care about me. These days, I have been bullying and devouring many of my territories. If this continues,

How am I supposed to get along in this business? Samuel "

"I'm here," Sam said quickly. "What can I do for you?"

Prince Taizi Dan said, "I wonder if Ai Qing has any clever plans?"

A San (thoughtfully): "Well, yes, your highness, I have a plan to solve your concerns."

"Oh, come on."

"The so-called' non-toxic' is not a husband. We can send a professional killer to win Zheng, and Qin will be in chaos, and the prince can attack Qin.

Jewelry, beauty ... "(Both drool)

"Wonderful, this plan is wonderful, but I don't know who can undertake this great task?"

"By the way, I heard that Ximen Chuixue, the best swordsman in the world, is visiting our country recently. Your highness can ask him for help, which will be a great event. "

"Then find it for me."

"gee."

Two duels

(The two men stand with their swords on their backs, dead leaves flying all over the sky, and heaven and earth are cold. The theme song of Fengyun sounded.

Gundam, narrator, white as snow, Ximen Chuixue, ranked first in the world, fighting capacity100000, favorite color: black.

Color, favorite snack: Uno yogurt.

Ximen Chuixue turned his head to the audience and said indifferently: Yogurt, I only love Uno.

Black as paint, Jing Ke, no ranking, ominous fighting power, Virgo, favorite female star: Zhao Wei the Swallow. )

At noon, in the hot sun, Jing Ke stood on the sword and suddenly stopped a few steps and asked, "Are you Ximen Chuixue?"

"Not bad."

Jing Ke rushed over again, then stopped and asked, "Are you really the legendary Ximen Chuixue?"

"Cut the crap, this is a real skill."

Jing Ke rushed a few feet in front of Ximen Chuixue, suddenly braked and asked, "Are you really the best player in the world-Ximen Chuixue?"

"I say you this person zha this geisha, is the big boss the yes? Do it quickly! "

There was no one around, Jing Ke suddenly fell to his knees, hugged Ximen Chuixue's leg and said, "Please forgive me, hero.

Admiration is like a surging river. Another example is the out-of-control Yellow River flood. I have an 80-year-old mother,

When the children are waiting to be fed, please show mercy and let the brothers go. "

"Bah, I told you Jing Ke was a hero, but I didn't expect to be a villain. How can I spare your life! "

Ximen Chuixue was about to stab him with a sword when he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his abdomen. "What's wrong with that KFC just now?"

Busy tugging at Jing Ke, he asked, "Tell me, where is the nearest' land of grain reincarnation'?"

"The grain turns around?"

"It's WC."

“W-C-？”

"Pit, I have to curse."

"To the left."

"Are you sure?"

"Left, left, left."

"Save your life first, and then settle accounts when you come back." Say and Ximen Chuixue ran away.

Jing Ke long one breath, very not easy to stand up, suddenly heard someone coming in the distance, hurriedly put the sword in the sheath.

Ah San hurried to see someone standing proudly, thinking it must be Ximen Chuixue. He hurried forward and asked, "You must be the one."

Ximen Chuixue? "(Tianjin dialect)

"Ximen Chuixue? Well, if you had come a few steps earlier, you might have seen him for the last time. Now, hey,

Hey "

Ah San gasped, "You beat Ximen Chuixue? He is really a master. " Go back to Taizi Dan.

Before,

He said, "Prince, Ximen Chuixue didn't find it, but he found a man who defeated Ximen Chuixue.

"Oh, show me quickly."

"yes."

Prince Taizi Dan spared Jing Ke and watched it again and again. Ah San quickly introduced: "This is my Prince Yan."

Jing Ke, on the other hand, assumed a pretense of being pretentious.

"May I ask the name of that strong man?" Prince Dan asked please.

Jing Ke said nothing, took out a roll of things from the bosom and showed it in the wind. Prince Dan and three princes are busy to watch and read aloud a way

Pan An is facing the wind in Yushu, and Haitang is crushed by pear trees! Little bully: Jing Ke is also. "

"I've heard a lot." Two people in unison.

"Good chat, good chat."

"It's not just a hero, can you do Yan a little favor?"

"No problem, what?"

"Help me win the government."

Jing Ke laughed for a long time, then suddenly stopped and said, "I have something to go first." Then he turned to go.

Sam hurried forward to hold it and said, "It's fine." He winked at Taizi Dan.

Prince Taizi Dan took a card from his pocket and handed it to Jing Ke. A San explained: "This is one of the long-term meal coupons of Shanghai Bell.

Zhang, I hope you can accept it. "

Jing Ke reached for it. On second thought, he put his hand on his chest again, showing disdain.

Seeing that the plan failed, Taizi Dan shook his head and sighed: "It seems that I have to use my killer, ladies and gentlemen.

This is Miss Ross. "He pointed his hand to one side. (Zhao Wei's "There is a Girl" music started)

I saw a stunning woman Tingting coming (disguised as a man), half covered with a pink scarf, coming towards Jing Ke, facing him.

Throw a charming look and leave slowly. Jing Ke three soul seven' o immediately to tick away half, eyes.

Look straight at that woman. Ah San made an ok gesture to Taizi Dan.

Prince Dan got the message and asked, "Are you satisfied, Great Xia?"

Jing Ke turned a deaf ear.

Prince Dan asked again. Jing Ke just came to his senses and said seriously, "Well, everyone is responsible for the rise and fall of the country, and so am I."

Is it a greedy person? I'll help you. But that girl just now. . . . . ? "

"Don't worry, Hero, I will take care of everything."

Jing Ke nodded with satisfaction and snapped his fingers loudly and said, "Go."

Prince Taizi Dan asked, "Where to?"

"Tianzhu."

Yi San shui bie

After n months of devil training, Jing Ke embarked on the road of stabbing Qin, so in Yishui, Taizi Dan and Jing Ke held hands and looked at each other in tears.

Eyes. ("Kiss goodbye" ring)

Jing Ke clenched his fist and said, "Prince, Jing Ke is leaving here."

Prince Dan said sadly, "jing elder brother, I'll give you another ride."

"Well, you go and I'll stay."

Prince Taizi Dan hurriedly waved his hand and said, "Then send it over."

He called Ah San back and took two things to Jing Ke and said, "This is the head of Fan Yuqi, a general of Qin State, and a map of Yan State. Take it.

In order to win the trust of the king of Qin and wait for the opportunity. . . . . "Kill people alone.

Jing Ke said impatiently, "Hmm." Turned to say goodbye to Rose: "Lady."

Rose snuggled up and sang, "Xianggong, listen to me, remember my feelings, remember my love, and remember that I will always be by your side."

Wait, although a hundred flowers are already blooming, you don't want to pick wild flowers on the roadside. You don't want to pick them. Xianggong, when will you come back?

Huh? "

Jing Ke thoughtfully and sang slowly: "You asked me when I would go back to my hometown, and I asked myself softly, not at this time, not at this time.

What time? I think it is about winter. "

Rose was sad, turned to wipe her tears and said to herself, "I want to come back, hum, but I just bought you 100 thousand kuai."

Insurance, if you come back, you will let me drink northwest wind. "Back to pain, took out a handkerchief to wipe on the face.

Put a few handfuls on the table to squeeze out a lot of water.

The two were reluctant to part and gradually separated. (The background music is "when")

Four-thorn Qin

In the palace of Qin, the two ministers hurried to the palace and sighed as they ran: "It seems that this month's attendance award is gone.

It is gone again. "

Just arrived at the palace gate, he was suddenly stopped by the guard and shouted, "Stop, where is your badge?"

They quickly searched around and found it, which was a sigh of relief.

When they arrived at the hall, they were disheveled and embarrassed.

But after waiting for a long time, I still haven't seen the king of Qin.

Minister Jia said, "Why hasn't your Majesty come out yet?"

Minister B said, "I must have gone to the bar again yesterday. This happens all the time. By the way, Zhao Wei was at our palace gate this afternoon.

Do you know books are sold by mouth? "

Minister B was surprised and said, "Oh, really? Then I am looking forward to getting off work early and queuing up. "

Minister A proudly said, "Hey, hey, I have asked the servants to line up."

At this time, the courtiers announced: "Your Majesty is here."

The king of Qin came out with a yawn and said to himself, "It's not easy to go to nightclubs these days. Drinking some wine scared me to death. "

Disease; If you are not careful, you will be exposed to reporters. Let's say yesterday, three reporters chased me by car, but nothing happened to Diane and me.

Tina went. "

The king of Qin sat in the dragon chair and looked down. He saw two ministers whispering in the air and coughing twice, reminding him that "ladies and gentlemen love you."

For a long time, neither minister responded. The king of Qin said unhappily, "Ladies and gentlemen, don't make such a noise in court."

Minister A and Minister B suddenly realized that they kowtowed and said in unison, "It's not our fault, Lao-Da-"

The king of Qin waved his hand and said, "Come on, come on, what are you doing today? Please report something quickly. If it's okay, I'm going back to bed. "

Minister A stepped forward and said, "Your Majesty, I have something to report."

Qin Wang: "What a trouble! Say it quickly. "

"I have been running all day. Look at my skin. Thick and dark. But your skin is delicate and famous all over the country.

I wonder if I can tell you a secret? "

The king of Qin was quite loyal and said, "Your Majesty, I used a Dabao Gamba. Dabao suits me very well. "

Minister A echoed: "Hey, it's really worthy of your face!"

Qin Wang: "Well, do you have anything else?"

Minister Yi Nangen followed closely and caught up with the former: "Your Majesty, I also have something to report."

"Oh?"

"Your majesty, there is a loud noise about the millennium bug outside now. What should we do? "

"Idiot, how do you usually mix with me? Aren't you just a bug? Won't you buy some chicken? "

"Your Majesty, that's the millennium bug."

"It's really silly to say that you are stupid. Won't you buy a thousand chickens? "

"Your Majesty is wise."

At this time, the courtiers announced: "Jing Ke, the envoy of the State of Yan, Fan, the rebel general, and the map of the State of Yan asked to see the king."

Hearing this, the king of Qin said happily, "Fan Yuqi, your boy is making great achievements today. Last time I played red alert, I was scared out of my wits. I was injured.

I can't look up in front of all my wives. Hey hey. Tell me. "

Jing Ke met the king of Qin, presented his head and map, and suddenly there was a "drip" from his waist. The ministers hurriedly escorted the king of Qin, thinking that.

Jing Ke would do something to hurt the king of Qin. I saw Jing Ke unhurriedly pulled out something from his waist and put it to his mouth and said, "Hey, Gu.

Has the market gone up again? "

"Jing Ke, what is this?" The king of Qin asked.

Jing Ke bowed down and replied, "Your Majesty, this is the latest third-generation mobile communication product produced by China: Super CDMA, Shanghai.

Bell paid tribute to this work. If the king likes it, please accept it. "He said and handed it over.

The king of Qin took it and played with it repeatedly. He couldn't put it down.

Jing Ke said: "Yan's terrain is complex, so I'll let Xiao Min explain it in detail."

The king of Qin allowed it. Jing Ke stepped forward and unfolded the map. The map is getting longer and longer. The king of Qin said impatiently, "I said, Jing Ke, what's wrong with this map?"

It is too long. "

"Back to your Majesty, this map was drawn at the ratio of 1: 1. "The king of Qin leaned back in shock.

Jing Ke shouted, "Go to hell, tyrant." He stabbed the king of Qin.

The king of Qin ran away in a hurry. They are both too tired to catch up with each other. (The background music is a fragment of Beijing Opera)

At this time, the priest handed it to Gatorade. The king of Qin took it and said, "How to gain an advantage in the fierce competition?

Gatorade, I can! "Say, drink off. Suddenly refreshed, Jing Ke was kicked down.

When the minister stopped Jing Ke, the king of Qin proudly said, "Fight with me and see how I deal with you." With a grimace of a grin, he poked it open with his sword.

Jing Ke stretched out his hand and shouted, "Wait, I have something to say."

They stopped to see what to say.

Jing Ke said slowly, "I once had a sincere feeling in front of me, but I didn't cherish it. If I got it, I lost it.

I regretted it when I left. There is no greater pain in the world than this. If God can give me a second chance,

I will say three words to him:' I love you'. If I have to add a deadline to this love, I want to say.

It's' ten thousand years'. Oh, Ross, I love you! "…… ..

Jing Ke died a hero.

Jing Ke failed to stab Qin, and the State of Yan perished. In 22 1 year BC, the king of Qin unified the world, and was called "Qin Shihuang" in history.

It is the overall situation of "the Yangtze River is rolling eastward and the waves are scouring the heroes". Many things are laughed at in ancient and modern times. ”。