A stand-up comedy script performed by a single person. . . . . It's urgent. . . Waiting online. . . Longer jokes are also good.

Let me introduce myself first. My last name is Chui, and my name is Chui skyshatter. Listen to how great my name is. How dare ordinary people call it that! . Sima Guang hit the post at the age of seven, and I can hit the post at the age of three; Cao Zhi writes a poem in seven steps, and I write a poem in five steps. When I was five years old, my parents took me to the opera, and the theater broke up the next day. At that time, experts gave me a comprehensive evaluation comment: unprecedented, no one came after. There is only one person at all times and in all countries.

Who knows, the good times will not last long. At the age of seven, I went back to my hometown in the countryside with my mother because of social movements.

When I got to my hometown, I sang whatever songs and plays I heard until I was a teenager. Everything comes to him who waits, I sang a unique singing method, which is better than any other singing method. It is really soft as cotton, strong as steel, dry as mud, soup is soup, smelly as mud, fragrant as mud, and pleasant to hear. No noun can be expressed by the word sea.

I can sing anytime, anywhere, sing a play or anything. Ask me to sing a song, that's good. Before I sing, let me explain. Blowing opera can be sung with the aria and lyrics of various operas. Now I am singing "Three Guns Outside the Door" by Ma Jinfeng, a teacher of Henan Opera. What is different from what Mr. Ma sang is blowing, but it's not that I'm out of tune. "Cut the door three times, like thunder ... did you hear that? The audience who listened well sat down, clapping if they want, and clapping if they don't want. I don't have to ask for applause like other actors. All the audience who listened to the bad blowpipe stood up and turned their backs for 30 minutes to show their disapproval. Thank you. None of them are facing backwards. They all agreed. They all think my oral sex is good.

Blowing cavity also has special function. What should I do once I have no money? I sang oral sex, and many people in the car gave me money and said, stop singing, I can't go home now.

There is a man who is ill and dying. He can't see clearly in the big hospital. He sang a song, got up, ate two bowls of rice and went to work.

A man has been dead for three days and is going to the crematorium. Tell me about singing and life.

It's so dry that it rains as soon as I sing. When the weather is waterlogged, I can sing sunny days. If I can't find someone, I can get married. Generally speaking, as long as I sing, nothing goes well and nothing is possible. Once, a huge comet was about to collide with Mars, and the relationship between our earth and Mars was as cold as lips and teeth. I had to save Mars at once. I jumped in front of the comet while singing and made a "stop" gesture. The comet stopped with a bang and made a gesture of "past" to Mars, which "stayed" in the past.

Shortly after I returned to China, my superiors informed me that I would go to the United Nations to receive the prize, because I had contributed to saving Mars. What did that guy say? Why don't you buy a ticket to the United Nations? You forget, I can play, no, no, blow the cavity. I went to the United Nations as soon as I screwed up. When I saw this scene, it was really spectacular. I have never seen it before. Really, as Song Dandan said, there is a sea of people, colorful flags, gongs, drums and firecrackers, not to mention the fun. Just like rice, millet, sorghum, sweet potato, potato, Chinese cabbage, pepper, pepper and fennel mixed together in porridge. When you drink, you can taste anything, but you can't taste anything. A word-by-word red slogan reads: Thank you for saving Mars. As soon as I arrived, these people shouted "Ah" around me. Three floors inside and three floors outside are airtight. Someone sent me flowers and I said OK. I was asked to sign, and I said OK. When everyone saw that I had arrived, they all shouted "welcome to skyshatter". At this time, twenty welcome guns rang. Someone led me into the conference room, which was full. Someone led me to the podium and said kindly, you are very capable, hardworking, hardworking, developing and successful. I said, "You must work hard." At this time, the East Team presented the Chinese national anthem and raised the national flag of China. I stand on the podium, excited and happy. Needless to say, let me make a short speech. I can't embarrass the people of China. I have to show off my nose among the people at the United Nations. What did the man say? Can I speak a foreign language? I'm in class now. A white-haired old man came to the podium with a gold cup in his hand and solemnly handed it to me. I am a teenager and can't speak any foreign languages. I have used all the foreign languages I learned at my age. Pucci meets Kakamala, no, no, no, no, no. (Strong wave) Starling, Missy Missy, died. (Strong wave) Finally, I was appointed as the planet traffic police. Since then, I have been busy between planets day after day to avoid collisions between planets.

Now I tell you a good news. In order to promote oral sex and make oral sex successful for others, I have held training courses in major cities. What did the man say: I am busy at work and have no time. It doesn't matter. You go to work every Monday to Friday, rest on Saturday and Sunday, and start classes in eight weeks, nine weeks and ten weeks. These three days are new birthdays. I start classes on my new birthday. You work in the first four quarters of each year, and the fifth quarter is the freshman season. Classes are held every day this season. There is no new birthday, season, time, haha, don't forget that I can play, these new things will come out as soon as I play.

The semester is one year, and the tuition fee is 25 thousand. After a year, I can reach my level. For the convenience of everyone, I set up a registration point at the door, and the registration fee is 250. What? If it's not good, then it's 260, and you can learn to play the flute well. For good luck, you will lose some money. It doesn't matter if I post something cheap. It is now or never, and the number of people is limited. If you go late, there will be no quota. Let's go

Hello, children's stand-up crosstalk teachers and students. My name is * *. Today I'm going to tell you a stand-up comedy. Crosstalk is a language art, speaking, learning, teasing and singing. Say, I'm good at it. Let's start with a idioms solitaire who is "single-minded, high-spirited, hard-working, argumentative, in a wasteland, in hot water, in full swing, making progress every day, underground, everlasting, penetrating, enduring and enjoyable". Another cheerful song, "Doing morning exercises after dusk, seeing rats scratching cats, dogs eating grass and horses growing horns, scared to run benches all over the street, eating milk and drinking bread, carrying cars and carrying schoolbags, you say this is upside down." Not enough, let's talk about a new joke called "Open a few words", which means reciting the new words I have learned together and starting to "Open a number13579,24680, clap your hands. First, the cat looked for a white rabbit. The two brothers splashed trees, bowed their heads and bent down, ate grass to gain weight, pointed out the direction for the future, explored the wilderness by hoofing, and practiced breaststroke with legless tadpoles. Hard work after school, conscientious and caring service, all walks of life are in contact. Don't be discouraged when dealing with problems. Lazy and suspicious, accumulate regrets. Wave to greet Jinxiu Wanxian, Huang Can corn piles gold, the autumn harvest rice sickle flashes, the owner waves feathers, the chapter is wrapped in ink paintings, and the juice is full, so you can swim in the sea and enjoy the ocean. " In the above performances, teasing and learning are interspersed. Next, it's time to sing. Let me start with a popular song, Dao Lang's The First Snow in 2002, which came later than before. Bus No.2 parked on the eighth floor took away the last falling yellow leaves. The first snow in 2002 came later than before. You are like a flying butterfly, swaying in the snow season. You are like a flying butterfly, swaying in the snow season. "Let's listen to the theme song of a well-known children's song" Nezha "."Tell a story about a family. The couple gave birth to a strange doll ... ask him what his name is, Nezha, Nezha and Nezha Jr. ". If you want to ask my name, * *, * *, * *, my performance is over, I wish you a happy new year, thank you!

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East Gate Guanyin, Beihai Tower, Guishan Hutong, Wanshou Palace, Beidaguan, Hebei Street, Dahongqiao, Xiyuzhuangzi, Gu Ting, Nancang, Beicang, Pukou, Hangou, Taohuakou, Yangcun, Caicun, Hexi Affairs, Anping, Wharf, Zhangjiawan, Tongxian, Baliqiao and Qihua in Beijing. New Zhuangzi, Xuanhua, Shalingzi, Ningyuan, Zhangjiakou, Chaigou, Xiwan, Tianzhen, Yanggao County, Julebao, Zhoushizhuang, Datong, Gushan, Fengzhen, Jining, Pingdiquan, Sanchakou, Shibatai, Zhuozishan, Sandaoying, its camp, Taobuqi, Hohhot, Sarazzi and Xibaotou. Nyalam, Tashi, Lunbu, Doraben, Tian Quan, Qaidam, Qi Mu, Shaer to Lhasa, Mozhugongka, Larry, Chaiduomu, Batang, Litang, Yalong River and Dadu River cross Luding Bridge, Chengdu, Jianyang, Ziyang, Rongchang, Yongchuan, Chongqing, Guiyang, Zunyi, Guizhou and Yunnan. Hubei Shashi, Hanyang, Hankou, Wushengguan, xiaogan, Xinyang, Zhumadian, Yancheng, Xuchang, Zhengzhou, Kaifeng, Luoyang, Sanmenxia, Shaanxi Lingbao, Tongguan, Huayin, Xi 'an, Xianyang and Yuexian to Yan 'an. Crossing the Yellow River from Longmen, Yuci County of Shanxi Province, Taiyuan City, Shouyang, Pingdingfu, Yangquan, Jingxing, Shijiazhuang of Hebei Province, Xinle, Wang Du, Baoding City, SHEN WOO, Rao, An, Hejian, Cangzhou, Nanpi, Dongguang, Dezhou, Pingyuan, Yucheng, Jinan City of Shandong Province, Dangjiazhuang and Zhang Xia. From Guanbai, Xiaoxihe, Shimenshan, Zhangbaling, Danzi Street, Citi Camp and Pukou, it passes through Gyeonggi, Jiangnan. Longtan, Xia Shu, Zhenjiang, Kunshan, Lujiabin, Wuxi and Suzhou to Shanghai. Take Zhejiang Songjiang, Jiaxing, Shaoxing, Hangzhou and Jinhua to Jiangxi and Yongfeng Ruijin to Fujian. Take Qingzhou, Liancheng, Sanyuan Nanping, Fuzhou, Quanzhou, Jinmen, Xiamen, Guangdong Benshankou, Guangzhou Leizhou, Hainan Island, Kowloon, Hong Kong to Hanoi, Laos, Bangkok, Thailand, Yangon, Myanmar, Bangladesh, India, Calgoda, Mumbai, New Delhi, Pakistan and Afghanistan. Iran, Iraq. Syria, Lebanon, Turkey, Ankara, across the Black Sea, to the Soviet Union, Ukraine, Stalingrad, Leningrad, Moscow, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, the Baltic Sea to Finland. Stockholm, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Berlin, Poland, Warsaw, Czechoslovakia and Budapest, Hungary. Romania, Bulgaria, Sofia, Greece, Albania, Yugoslavia, Italy, Switzerland, Switzerland, France, Paris, Marseille, Mediterranean, Gibraltar, Portugal, Spain, Madrid, across the English Channel to London. England, Scotland, Ireland and Iceland crossed the Atlantic to America. Go to Quebec, Newfoundland, Boston, new york, Washington, Chicago, San Francisco, Mexico, Central America, Guatemala, Nicaragua, Ecuador, Colombia, Bolivia, Victoria, Guyana, Brazil, Peru, Uruguay, Argentina, Buenos Aires, Chile, Santiago and Magellan. Melbourne, Australia, spans Oceania, Tunisia, Morocco and Algeria. Libya, Egypt, Sudan, Ethiopia, Mozambique, Madagascar, to Nanyang Islands, Sumatra, La Zhaowa, Sirian, Malaysia, Philippines, Manila, Luzon to Kyushu, Japan, Shimonoseki, Nagasaki, Hiroshima, Osaka, Tokyo, Nagoya, Thousand Islands in Beihai, Sakhalin Island, kamchatka peninsula, and the Sea of Japan to North Korea. Busan, Daegu, Seoul, Pyongyang, Zhou Xinyi. Cross the Yalu River, return to Dandong, take Tonghua Meihekou, Changchun City, Yanji, Shuanghe Town, Ning 'an, Mudanjiang, Linkou, Jiamusi, Mulan Baye, Harbin, Qiqihar in Inner Mongolia, Baktu, Hailar, Manzhouli, Hulunbeier, Alishan, Ulanhot, Kaiyuan Tieling, Shishan, Xinchengzi, Wenguantun and Shenyang. Take Qinhuangdao, Beidaihe, Changli County, Luanzhou, Guye and Kaiping to Tangshan. Lutai, Hangu, Tanggu, Xinhe Fifty Neighborhood, Dongxinzhuang, Junliangcheng, Xinhe, Zhang Gui Zhuang, Zhuangzi, Second Cultural Palace, Qianzhuang, Oyatani, Trolley Factory Dawangzhuang. After jiefang bridge, binjiang road, Heping Road and Heather, I arrived at the Great Wall Theatre.