A collection of super funny text messages

1. Friends are the jungle of life, a resting station for the soul, a residence for collecting thoughts, and a bag for storing feelings. No matter how many winds and rains there are on the road of life, friends are like umbrellas, accompanying you all the way to a clear sky! May your sky be bluer and your life be the most beautiful!

2. There is nothing more painful than separation, but love becomes increasingly profound and clear in remote sensing and longing.

3. Hometown, how do tourists miss their hometown? Missing my hometown actually means missing my childhood friends, the old house, and the land. However, what Youzi misses most is his old parents.

4. Missing you is painful. In countless dark nights, I stretched out my long arms, trying to catch yesterday's dream, but my footsteps were getting further and further away. What I could catch back was already beyond recognition; what I couldn't catch back still made me miserable. It will become a pain for me, a shadow that will linger throughout my life. Although every miss is like rubbing salt on a knife's edge, it hurts again and again, but I still can't help but look back. I slept in pain and was reborn in pain.

5. A ray of setting sun spreads over the water, half river rustling and half river red. It's a pity that on the third night of September, the dew is like pearls and the moon is like a bow.

6. Loving you means missing you bitterly when I can’t see you; loving you means looking at you stupidly when I see you; loving you means loving the gentle look in your eyes and loving your mouth. smiling face.

7. In my once confused heart, it was you who led me out of loneliness.

8. This longing is so lingering, it hovers in front of my eyes, lingers in my ears, and settles in my heart.

9. How are you lately? I am afraid that you will hear my struggle and longing, no matter how I cover it up, I fall in love with you crazily, sleeping alone with a gentle heartbeat in the dark night. Missing you is my eternal language!

10. Mother, I often stare at the familiar old house, lying on the hot Tukang, looking for me among the yellowed paper on the roof.

11. My son later said, Mom, don’t you want me anymore? Why don't you come back? If you don't come back, I'll ask the police station to arrest you and put you in jail to prevent you from coming back.

12. I will remember those who inspired me in my heart, and I will cherish your warmth in the years I spent with you. I will always remember you. Maybe it’s my silence that makes us strangers, maybe it’s my departure that makes us strangers, maybe it’s my silence that makes us no longer in contact, maybe, those maybes, it’s just because of me, but I’m a stubborn child who likes to miss old times. . Your departure will only make me more silent, and it will only make me miss you more because it is good to have you. I wish you happiness! I don’t know if you will still remember me, maybe you have forgotten me a long time ago.

13. Walking in the falling white snow, I imagine that I can hug you tightly and drive away the ice. Are you also missing me and feeling a little heartache?

14. The ostrich stared at the giraffe for the first time. The giraffe ran away shyly, and the ostrich chased after it. Giraffe: Don't worry...it's the first time we meet.

Ostrich: I just wanted to ask...what brand of hair remover did you use?

15. How many times have I told you, be careful and don’t run around at night, but you just don’t listen. No, it came into my dream again last night, making me unable to sleep. I wish I could wake up...

16. After watching the news, my wife asked excitedly: If you were to fly into space on Shenzhou 5, what feeling would you most want to tell me? The husband grabbed his wife's hand and said: The earth is better and more attractive!

17. Delete yesterday's troubles; determine today's happiness; set tomorrow's happiness; store eternal love; cancel the hatred in the world; paste beautiful moods; copy intoxicating scenery; print your charming smile!

18. I don’t plan to give you too much, just 50 million: Be happy, be healthy, be safe, be content, and never forget me!

p>

19. Do you know? When I read the text message you sent me, I suddenly understood how much emotion you used on me! The memory is so unforgettable! You can't forget me! I finally decided: shut down the phone and I will piss you off!

20. The turtle and the snake went to the park. They only had one ticket. The turtle let the snake wrap around its neck. When entering the park, the eagle checking the tickets said: Stop. The turtle and the snake panicked, and the eagle said again: Look at you, you look like a turtle, and you're still wearing a tie!

21. Yesterday I saw on the Internet that your model of mobile phone radiates a lot of radiation, and I was shocked! Just when I was about to inform you, I saw that it didn't work for people with IQs below 20, so I felt relieved. Don't worry, keep using it!

22. Piggy established a club and said: Members should call me Piggy by nickname! Puppy: call me puppy! Kitten: call me kitten and cat! The chicken pretends to be so with a red face. Calmly said: It's really boring. I took one step beforehand

23. When 6 met 9, he said: Just take two steps. Why do you practice handstands? When 0 met 8, he said: Just be fat if you are fat. What kind of belt are you wearing? 7 met 2 and said: Okay, don’t kneel down. I won’t marry you even if I kneel down again!

24. Mud is a nest with a short mouth! Mud is the fragrance of the nest! Nest looked at Mud lovingly! Wo wants to say to Ni, Wo is short of Ni! (Please read aloud)

25. While waiting for the bus, there was a girl who kept staring at me and smiling, thinking she was handsome and stalwart. After walking around for a few times, MM's smile became more and more charming... Finally, the aunt said: Young man, please stop stepping on the shit, okay?

26. Don’t tell anyone that I’m in contact with you, otherwise you and I will be in danger. Do you have a spare room for me to hide in for two days? I will bring three tons of gold, nine nuclear bombs, and eighteen Beauty, five thousand soldiers, I am bin Laden, and I am still alive.

27. 9 saw 6 and said: Why are you doing handstands when you have nothing to do? 0 saw 8 and said: If you are fat, just be fat. Why should you wear a belt? 7 saw 2 and said: Don’t think that I will marry you just because you kneel down. 2 saw 5 and said, "Hey, I haven't seen you for a few days. I have breast augmentation."

28. "This kid looks exactly like me!" The eldest brother proudly said to his friend. "Don't be sad," my friend comforted, "It doesn't matter if the child is ugly, as long as he is healthy and lively."

29. The couple was having a lively fight, and the police came to stop them after receiving a complaint. An angry woman opened the door, and the police asked: Who is the head of the household? Woman: I’ll tell you later, I’m deciding this with my husband!

30. The teacher asked the students: How to explain that "sharing pain with others will reduce the pain by half"? Xiao Lun replied: If my father beats me, I will beat my brother right away!

31. A father took his three-year-old son to a violin concert. Halfway through the concert, the son suddenly asked his father: When will dad be able to saw off that big wooden box?

32. The nature class teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death? No one answered...Teacher: Doesn’t anyone know? At this time, someone at the back of the classroom said: That's because the mind is naturally cool...

33. A peasant woman was counting tall buildings, and a liar came over: How many floors were you counting? The fine is 5 yuan per floor. Peasant Woman: Fifteenth floor. After paying the money, the onlookers said: It's a stupid risk.

Peasant Woman: He is stupid. In fact, I counted eighteen floors!

34. You sneaked into my room! You sneak into my bed and play hide-and-seek with me. I lose sleep because of you! Crazy for you, I have to hide and seek with you, I know you love me, want to kiss me, want to hug me, and want to bite me: Huh, damn mosquito!

35. Eight kinds of ignorance: you don’t drink when the leader toasts, ***************, you ride in the car when the leader walks, you are wordy when the leader speaks, you talk nonsense about the leader’s private matters, When the leader takes a shower, you take off your clothes first, when the leader picks up the dishes, you turn the table, and when the leader listens to the cards, you draw them yourself.

36. After receiving the newly printed business card, a professional consultant called the manufacturer to protest: My business card was printed as "Professional Customer Service", but one mouth was missing! A few days later I received a new business card with the words "Professional door care" printed on it.

37. The inventor boasted to his friends: I invented a robot that is exactly like a human! A friend asked: Does it never go wrong? Inventor: No. But when it makes a mistake, it puts the blame on other robots!

38. I have always wanted to say to you, thank you for appearing in my life. I rely on you in this life. For you, I can go through fire and water, take desperate risks...money!

39. Spiders compete in building webs. The foreign spider weaves a wide web and is proud of it: broadband! The Chinese spider flew up and down to weave a delicate ornament, smiling: The world is unique, the Chinese knot!

40. Dear God, please bless those friends who don’t call me, don’t send me text messages, don’t miss me, and don’t care whether I’m happy or healthy. I hope their cell phones fall off. Go to the toilet! Amen~

41. You eat very fat, pretend to be pretty, have a fat head and big ears, strong limbs, carry a pen, don’t know how to do accounts, buy a computer, don’t know how to surf the Internet, sleep at night, A sure thing.

42. Singles’ Day is here. Birds are in love, ants are living together, flies are pregnant, mosquitoes have miscarriages, butterflies are divorced, caterpillars have remarried, and frogs have given birth. What are you waiting for?

43. One time I took a bus and there were quite a lot of people on the bus. Suddenly, a sudden brake. I saw a man leaning forward and bumping into a rather fashionable woman. The man apologized quickly. The woman turned around and said fiercely to the man: "Look at your virtue." Just when everyone in the car thought that a war was about to break out. The man spoke: "Miss, this is not virtue, it is inertia."

44. Yesterday, a friend called me and asked if the mayor of Wuhan was named Jiang Daqiao. I said no. He said that when I was crossing the river in Wuhan by train, I saw a billboard that said: Wuhan Yangtze River Bridge welcomes you!

45. Your lover should be gentle as water and sweet as honey; your opponent should be as gentle as water and as sweet as honey. Choose someone who is smart, capable, and strong; choose a colleague who is hardworking and has no temper; choose a friend who is pig-headed, dog-brained, and runny-nosed. Stop looking and wipe your nose quickly.

46. After the English test, the English teacher said to the class representative: Let the students without PASS stay. As a result, the class representative wrote on the blackboard: After school, those who are not afraid of death stay.

47. Husband: Honey, I’m fired. Just because of a trivial matter, so unfair! Wife: Why? Husband: I forgot to close the tiger cage after get off work last night. But they didn’t even think about who would dare to steal the tiger!

48. On the first day of the obstetrician’s practice, his wife asked him: “How was today?” The doctor said: “It’s not too bad. Although the mother and the baby were not saved, the baby’s father was finally saved. ”

49. The defendant promised his defense lawyer: “If you have the ability to allow me to serve only half a year in prison, you will receive an additional $1,000 in remuneration.” As a result, he finally got his wish. , the lawyer said while collecting the money: "This is really a tricky job. Originally, the judges wanted to acquit."

50. A lady went to take snapshots. After taking the photo, I went to pick up the automatically developed photo. After reading it, I exclaimed: Why do I look like a monkey in the photo! A woman from behind said coldly: That's mine, yours will have to wait for five minutes.

51. Wife: Hey, dear, today is Sunday, you wash the sheets.

Husband: Why are you so anxious? You can just cover it up the other way around. Wife: Oh, you are too lazy. I did it once yesterday.

52. God, it’s too blue! The sea is too salty! Life is so difficult! Work is so boring! I am destined to be with you! Miss you, sleepless! It’s too far to see you! Alas, what can I do? I miss you so much that I can’t eat with my chopsticks or swallow my bowl!

53. Human life is limited, but sending text messages for you is unlimited. I want to devote my limited life to the unlimited cause of text message harassment. For the lovely 015 yuan a day, please accept my sincere harassment!

54. Zhu Bajie burst into tears. Wukong asked what was going on. Bajie: I fell in love with a girl a few days ago, but today I saw her at the meat table in the vegetable market.

55. Silkworms in April: debut at 0 years old, basic orientation at 30 years old, return home at 60 years old, play mahjong at 70 years old, bask in the sun at 80 years old, lie on the bed at 90 years old, and hang on the wall at 100 years old.

56. I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t beat Yao Ming when I play basketball. I can’t keep up with Lenin when thinking about problems. My heart stops even when I’m fine. I can’t do it without contacting you.

57. I trained Bin Laden, I trained Bush, I played Spider-Man, and I welded the aircraft carrier! I'm not a great person, I'm just a teacher who reads text messages.

58. When a monkey eats, he should stuff it into his *** before eating! Because he ate a large peach last year and had to work hard to pull out the peach, so now he measures everything he eats.

59. Wife: You used to give me roses a lot, why don’t you give me any now? Husband: Have you ever seen a fisherman feed it bait after catching it?

60. Living is so tiring, I have to use my legs to walk, I have to grin when I want to smile, I have to drink water when I'm thirsty, I have to bribe to get rich, I have to grow a year older during the New Year, and I have to use text messages to flatter you when I miss you.

61. Wife: Am I pretty? The husband blurted out: very beautiful. Ten minutes later, my wife asked: Are you afraid of hurting me when you say I'm beautiful? My husband smiled and shook his head: No, I am afraid that you will hurt me.

62. The wife prepared dinner and said to her husband, "Honey, you can choose the dishes tonight." "What are the dishes?" "Asparagus." "What are the choices?" "To eat or not to eat."

63. You can reflect people's shortcomings better than the mirror, you are more knowledgeable and talented than Zhuangzi, and you are more knowledgeable than Sun Tzu, so people affectionately call you the grandson of Jingzhuang.

64. If your phone balance is insufficient, please follow the prompts to recharge: burn a hundred yuan note to ashes, open the back cover of the phone, pour the ashes in, and cover it again. Thank you for your cooperation

65. The female mouse suspected that the male mouse was having an affair, so she followed him one day. The male mouse got into the grass, and a hedgehog came out. The female mouse stepped forward and grabbed it: She said she was not having an affair, who could she seduce with so much mousse?

66. The new three obediences and four virtues: Follow your wife when she goes out, obey your wife’s orders, blindly follow your wife when she is wrong; wait for your wife to put on makeup, remember your wife’s birthday, be willing to spend money when your wife spends money, and endure when your wife is spanking you. have to.

67. When someone went to the laboratory department, the nurse pointed to a sign in front and said: Non-undergraduate personnel are not allowed to enter. The visitor was furious and cursed: I'll just do a urine test, and I still want a fucking bachelor's degree.

68. There are two kinds of pigs in the world: one is to reply to text messages from me! One is not to reply to yourself...Haha...I think what you do is to torture you to death...^^

69. Wind and rain send spring back , Feixue didn’t see it. During the holidays again, the text messages started to get louder. Don’t bother reposting, my original blessing is wonderful. When there are too many text messages, don’t delete mine!

70. The missing person’s revelation: His body is in tatters, his eyes are dull, he has not eaten three meals and his limbs are weak, his tone is mute and he has no master, his seven orifices are bleeding and he gossips a lot, and he is very much like you after a narrow escape from death.

71. My father asked me what I want to pursue in life? I answered money and beauty, and my father slapped me in the face fiercely; I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively

72. I said: You are a pig. You said: It’s weird that I’m a pig.

From now on, I will always call you "weird pig:", and finally one day you couldn't bear it anymore and shouted to me loudly: "I'm not a weird pig!"

73. Do you know that the most painful thing on this day at work is throwing your hair away? The most painful thing is that the work is not finished after work. The most painful thing is that there is no work after work, but I have to work after work.

74. I have always wanted to ask you. But I didn’t dare to say a word. Especially in the quiet and lonely night, my thoughts kept me awake, so I had to send you a text message to ask... Are you still wetting the bed?

75. Times have changed! You can also use your hooves to read text messages! Hey, pig head, don’t look at it, it’s you! Pig head, why are you still reading it? You are really a pig head, hey...

76. You Do you know how I met you? I remember when I was in kindergarten, the teacher said: The penalty for wetting the bed is 3 yuan; the penalty for wetting the bed twice is 5 yuan; the penalty for wetting the bed three times is 7 yuan. You suddenly stood up and said: Teacher, how much is the monthly fee?

77. Give you a holiday and make you happy, give you some sunshine and make you bright, give you some greetings and make you feel warm, and give you a top hat to make you happy?

78. Love is always there, can you contact me? It’s love all over China, only ten text messages.

79. No sound, no eyesight, no food, no limbs. Weak, with abnormal facial features, no recognition of relatives, no understanding of the seven orifices, majestic from all sides, unable to sit still, very useless

80. I would like to be a winged bird in the sky, the air pollution is too bad; if I do the branching on the ground, I will not be able to destroy the forest and cut down the trees. Reliable; if the people of the world want to be happy, environmental protection must come first!

81. A man’s love is his duty, and a woman’s love is his talent.

82. I was very happy when I first met you, but I didn’t expect you to be so carefree, so cruel to leave after cheating, so infatuated by you, so worried when I can’t see you, and so sad that I can’t keep you.

83. I am crazy for you, crazy for you, and my heart is broken for you. Crazy for you, crazy for you, the sea of ??suffering is boundless.

84. A saint is a person who has level but no temper. , If you have a temper, you are a wise person; if you have no skills, you are a mediocre person; if you have no skills, you are a bad person

85. Tips for finding a job: Age is a treasure; diploma is indispensable; relationships are the most important. ; Ability as a reference.

86. Four flowers in the hospital: waiting in line for registration, dizziness; doctor's diagnosis, the goddess is scattered; medicine charges are smoke and mirrors; long-term treatment, medicine is wasted.

87. Time is like flying knives, and the knives are merciless. The most important thing is to revolutionize the body. Don't stay up all night online.

88. To take good care of your body, go to bed before two o'clock. /p>

89. It’s not about getting high scores, it’s about passing the test; it’s about learning well, it’s about being able to copy. This is a classroom, so I can just meditate. If I can’t improve my studies, I listen to them in music class. When I’m thirsty, I have Sprite, and I’m sleepy. Go to the disco.

90. If you don’t see him for one day, you will become more depressed. If you don’t see him for three days, you will jump off the building.

91. I met you by chance, noticed you twice when we met, dated you three or four times, missed you all over the place, 90% I should like you, I am absolutely sure that I love you.

92. He is obsessed with money, has three meals at public expense, cheats everywhere, has all five evils, disowns his relatives, deceives his superiors and hides from his subordinates, has many tricks up his sleeve, occupies important positions, and is completely corrupt.

93. Ten million is a hero, one million is okay, one hundred thousand is average, and ten thousand is a fool.

94. Chatting online is fascinating. I dream about how beautiful you are. I can’t sleep in the middle of the night, so I get up and send a text message.

95. I am tired from walking on the road of love, and I am tired from walking in the river of love. Even if you don’t care about me, I will have no regrets in falling in love with you in my life.

96. How do you express love? The cup is full of wine. I took one mouthful after another, and I wouldn’t let go until I was drunk!

97. Before marriage, I hope that what you have is mine, and what is mine is yours. After marriage, I am sure that what is yours is mine, and what is mine is yours. After divorce, you are still yours and I am still mine. .

98. Searching for you from the southeast to the northwest, following you from front to back, from left to right, falling in love with you in spring, summer, autumn and winter, holding you tightly through wind, rain, thunder and lightning.

99. The crescent moon hangs in the dark night sky, and the white hands hold flowers. The acquaintance between you and me is a myth. Since we all care about each other, why not let’s get married!

100. You are happy and worry-free. I am worried and sad for you. I have also been sad and obsessed with you. I dare not change my heart. Don’t be too suspicious. I took a lot of trouble to write it. I am most afraid that you are unintentional.

101. I am not afraid of the sky or the earth, but I am afraid that the teacher will come to my house. Sit on my bed, drink my tea, and my mother will beat the teacher as soon as he leaves.

102. Man: Miss, I think your eyes look like the moon. Woman: Really! Thank you for the compliment! Where do they look like? Male: One eye resembles the fifteenth grade, and the other eye resembles the first grade of junior high school.

103. How to treat a man correctly: help him spend money when he has money; avoid him when he has no money; follow him when he is prosperous; abandon him when he is frustrated; attack him when he is lonely; leave him when he is desperate; Help him when he commits suicide; torture him when he gets old!

104. I fell in love with you at first sight, and I will never have second thoughts. I am willing to take care of you for three lives. I dreamed of you four times last night. You are so charming that I am completely helpless. My heart was pounding 7 times and 8 times, and I couldn't calm down. I said 10 words: I sent the wrong message!

105. You, my dear, stole my love and my heart. I decided to take you to court. What crime should I sentence you to? The judge went through all the criminal records and cases, and finally the jury unanimously agreed: I sentence you to me for life.

106. Wine is like food, the more you drink, the younger you become; wine is like Yangtze River water, the more you drink, the more beautiful you become; wine is like dichlorvos, if you don’t get drunk, and I won’t get drunk, who will come to such a wide road? sleep.

107. Hilarious car rear window slogans: "You are the master, you can surpass me", "Female driver's first time = devil", one small side posted "noodle within the noodle", one big aunt posted "Just think of me as a red light"

108. If you are upset, I am blue; if your heart is bitter, I am sweet; if your heart is sad, I am happy; if you are heartbroken, I am happy. spring.

109. Let me teach you how to identify the direction: When you are in Pan Meichen, face the dawn, Chen Xiaodong is in front, Chen Guanxi is behind, Sun Nan is on the right, and if you don’t know the left, please ask the young and beautiful girl!

110. You are my sun, but it’s a pity that it rains; you are the moon in my dream, but it’s a pity that it is covered by clouds; you are the most beautiful flower in my heart, but it’s a pity that it has bloomed; you are the Chang’e from the sky who comes to earth, It's a pity that I hit the ground face first...

111. I wrote your name in the sky and was taken away by the clouds. I wrote your name all over the mountain and was carried away by the wind. I wrote your name all over the street, kao, and I was taken away by the police.

112. My love is empty and my feelings are empty, and I am wandering in the street; my life is empty and my money is empty, and I am single and working hard; my career is empty and my career is empty, and I am going crazy just thinking about it; my mobile phone is empty and I have no money to charge it, and life is not easy under pressure. ; In short, all four are empty.

113. When the emperor saw his concubine looking sad, he urgently summoned the imperial doctor. The medical prescription was: eight strong men. A few days later, the emperor came out of the palace for a tour. He was overjoyed to see his concubine's face glowing. Suddenly he saw eight thin men standing in front of the palace. Han, who are you shocked? The imperial doctor replied: medicine dregs!

114. Do you still remember the military training under the tree that year? The coach said to the students: "The first row counts!" You looked at the coach in surprise, and the coach said loudly: "Count!" So, you turned around reluctantly and hugged the tree!

115. Gold necklaces, buy three! Inlaid with jade and agate. Gold ring? Buy ten! All my fingers and my heart love "beauty". Gold earrings? Not too much! Seven to eight pairs are easy to say. It is said that the younger sister is so fond of "gold" that she will never get married in this generation.

116. Lao Wang watched a TV commercial to buy a bicycle. I discovered that all the bikes in the store had no headlights. When asked, "Don't the cars in the advertisement have headlights?" the salesperson said, "There is a beautiful girl on the car in the advertisement."

117. The street was bustling with people, and suddenly a BP machine rang. Everyone stopped and shouted. Not myself. When I was wondering, I saw an old woman picking up paper, lifting up her tattered cotton-padded jacket, revealing a man's face, and clearly writing: There is paper in the park, come quickly.

118. A: I decided to have a vasectomy. B: Does your spouse agree? A: My wife doesn’t have any objections. Yesterday I asked the children for their opinions, and they finally agreed 10 to 3!

119. A college student from an agricultural college saw an old farmer transplanting fruit trees and said: Your method is unscientific. I think it would be pretty good if it could produce 10 apples. Old farmer: Of course it’s good, this is a pear tree!

120. My younger brother has three testicles. I wanted to ask my brother if this was a disease, so I hinted to my brother and said: "Brother, when we get back there are 5 testicles." The elder brother said: "Ah. , you only have one?”

121. John: I want to ask you something, can you keep it a secret for me? David: Of course. John: I'm a little short of money. Can you lend me some money? David: Don’t worry, I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear you!

122. At the buffet, A said to B, "You have gone to get ice cream for the fourth time, aren't you embarrassed?" B said, "Why are you embarrassed? I tell them every time, I am "I got it for you"

123. The words "Open defecation is prohibited here, violators will be fined" written on the wall can be banned again and again. After it was replaced with "It is strictly forbidden to defecate here, violators will have their tools confiscated", no one violated it anymore.

124. A: "What happened? Someone wrote to me saying that if he bothers his wife again, he will kill me." B: "Then you have to avoid her." A: "You said it easily, that letter Without a signature, how do I know who to avoid?"

125. When classmates gathered for a dinner, the plate of chicken that had just been served was immediately snatched away, leaving only the chicken heads and chicken breasts. A classmate suddenly He wondered, "Guess what happened to this chicken now?" After no one answered, he announced the answer: "I lost my virginity."

126. Lao Wang angrily cursed, "Fuck, all the politicians are following this." "Like a beggar" the man next to him shouted "Why are you insulting me" Lao Wang "You are a politician" "No, I am a beggar" the man said angrily

127. Two cows were talking. A: Do you think the mad cow disease in the UK will be transmitted to us? B: What are you afraid of? How can we be infected because we are kangaroos? A: Holy shit! Already crazy!

Organized by: zhl201612