What are the positive humor jokes?

0 1 1, the husband happily said to his wife: You have devoted yourself to your family for so many years, and I will give you a promotion next week! ? Wife:? What promotion? I will marry a little wife and make you a big wife. ?

I asked a big boss yesterday. Business is sluggish now, and everyone is under great pressure. How did you sleep? ? He replied: Sleep like a baby. I said: I am a master. You can still sleep like this! He was silent for a while and said, well, I often wake up in the middle of the night and cry for a while before going to bed. Sleep for a while and then cry.

That man is chatting up beautiful women in the bar. The man asked: I wonder what kind of man a beautiful woman is interested in? The beauty was silent for a while and whispered: big money, coarse equipment.

When the old lady got on the bus, a kind young man gave her his seat. Soon, the young man's phone rang. After answering the phone, I heard him say: Wife, I am on the train now and decided to go on a business trip temporarily. You don't believe me, I'm really on the train. At this moment, I saw the old lady cleared her throat and shouted: Beer, drinks, mineral water, chicken feet, instant noodles, ham sausage? Come on, young man, get your feet off me! ?

Someone told me: The cold water that others poured on you should be boiled and poured back. ? But I prefer to be a person like Lyme. The more someone throws cold water on me, the more my life boils! Suddenly I felt cold all over. Nima, in the middle of the night, someone poured foot washing water downstairs! ?

6. I have diarrhea as soon as I eat noodles, but I am fine after eating other staple foods, so I went to the hospital for examination. After the doctor asked about the symptoms, he said, it's not a big problem. It is easy to cure. Don't be afraid. ? I quickly asked how to cure it. The doctor looked at me and said, you just don't eat noodles. ?

7. The teacher asked: A man wanted to boil a pot of boiling water, but in the middle of it, he found that there was not enough wood. what should he do ？ ? Some students said to look for it quickly, while others said to borrow and buy it. The teacher said, why not pour some water from the pot? ? The students suddenly realized.

8. I made a mistake when I was a child and was beaten by my mother. I didn't shed a tear! After the fight, my mother stroked my head: silly child! Why don't you run! Does it hurt? I cried when I heard this sentence! You chased me for two blocks. Tell me where else I can run!

9. A man rode a motorcycle home, afraid of the strong wind, and deliberately put on his jacket backwards and buttoned it from the back. He accidentally fell while turning and died after being rescued. The reporter interviewed a passing uncle, and he lamented: Too bad, his head was thrown upside down, and he was still angry when he came over. I tried my best to help him turn his head, so I was out of breath?

10, a beautiful female classmate chased me to my house and cried. What should I do if you leave? My mother was anxious and asked me: What's your relationship? I was puzzled and said, it doesn't matter. ! The girl cried and said, Aunt, don't get me wrong. He's gone, and I'll be the last one!

1 1. The son told his father who was the director. I like the daughter of the deputy director across the hall very much! ? The director secretly said to him, that's your half-sister. You can only be friends. ? The son said again:? I also like the girl from the section chief's house next door! ? The secretary also said: That's your other half sister. Don't tell your mother. ? The son told his mother these experiences in tears. The mother comforted her son: You can find whoever you like. Don't be afraid, you are the mayor's son!

12, the foreman said discontentedly to the new worker: You are slow in doing things, walking and thinking. I really don't understand. What are you fasting for? The new worker answered quickly: I'm tired soon. ?

13, an old man tripped over a pile of cow dung when he went out in winter. He thought there was someone behind him, afraid of being seen and losing face, and quickly said, I can't catch up with my youth. Then I got up immediately, looked back, and there was no one, and then I said that this was the smell when I was young.

14, chatting while eating in the canteen, suddenly found himself dropping a grain of rice outside, secretly regretting the waste of food, and picked it up and ate it. But then I found out that these rice didn't seem to be mine.

15, my husband came back from a business trip, and my wife: You look pale and carsick? Husband: My seat is facing away from the front of the car. I'm not used to it. Wife: Why don't you change the seat opposite? Husband: The seat opposite is empty, so I can't change it.

16, do you know why the sea is blue? Answer: Because there are fish, why are there fish that are blue? Because fish can spit bubbles! Why is the fish spitting bubbles blue? Because fish make noise when they spit bubbles? Light light light blue ...? .

17. Someone always urinates outside the urinal in a certain unit, and the cleaning aunt is very upset. The director of the office posted one? A small step forward, a big step for civilization? Slogan notice, still no change; A few days later, a new female leader came to the unit. After investigation, she changed her slogan:? Peeing outside the pool means you are short, and dripping on the ground means you are soft. The effect is really wonderful. No one pees outside the pool anymore.