I am a senior two boy. Ban Hua called other boys' names with surnames, but she called my name without my surnames. I jokingly asked her why she called them so affectionately.

If you want to jump off a building,

If you want to turn into meat sauce, please go to the tenth floor.

If you want to hurry, please go to the ninth floor.

If you want to catch your breath, please go to the eighth floor.

If you want to struggle, please go to the seventh floor.

If you have any last words, please go to the sixth floor.

If you just want to be disabled, please go to the fifth floor.

If you only want to be hospitalized, please go to the fourth floor.

If you just want to scare people, please go to the third floor.

If you are just interested, please go to the second floor.

If you want to be called crazy, please go to the first floor.

Those who are good at jumping please go to the basement! ~~~~

& lt This stone looks familiar >

A, B and C went shopping and found the slogan of a new store: "The latest technology-accurate computer IQ test". After watching it, they were attracted together. When I walked into the store, I found a big chair connected to a helmet, and there was a wire behind the helmet connected to the computer.

A first sat in a chair and put on his helmet. The computer reacted for a while and typed a line. "Your IQ is very high: points" A is very happy after reading it.

B sat in the chair again, and the computer rang for a while and typed a line: "Your IQ is medium: 75 points." B was unconvinced after reading it.

It's C's turn. C is nervous. His face turned blue when he sat in the chair, and his computer kept buzzing. Finally, he typed a line: "Don't make fun of stones." C collapsed in the chair for a while.

Both B and C are not satisfied, and they are determined to compare the level after practice.

Five months later, the three men came to the shop again. A still got a high score, and B also got a high score. It's C's turn to sit in the chair trembling. The computer rang for several hours and finally typed the following sentence: "This stone looks familiar."

Funny (): Dave: Don't take that strange dog out. Wife: I think it's cute. Dave: Do you think it will make you look more beautiful? Wife: If I really think so, I'll take you out.

Funny (): A certain department selected the class flower, and Cai Ping, a dinosaur, expressed his political views: If I am elected as the class flower, you can tell your husband ten years later that I was more beautiful than the class flower in the department in college, and you deserve to marry me.

Funny (): A patient screams: I am the dean, and you all have to listen to me! The attending doctor asked him: Who said that? He replied: God said. Then a patient suddenly jumped out and said, I didn't say that!

Funny (): A young man accompanied his girlfriend with a diamond ring, pointing to a diamond ring and asking its price. The waiter said: 10,000 yuan, and the young man blew a whistle in shock. Asked the price of another diamond ring, the waiter whispered to him: three whistles.

Funny (): A man called his girlfriend and was answered by his mother. He asked angrily, what's your last name? M: My surname is Wei. Opposite party: Wei what? The boy stammered, I don't know why, my father's surname is Wei …

Funny (): A gang of gangsters hijacked a plane full of politicians and parliamentarians, then demanded a huge ransom and threatened to release one every hour if we didn't promise!

Funny (): The missile base is specially open to people's representatives. The officer pointed to the cutting-edge equipment and proudly said, if you don't understand anything, you can ask questions. I heard a woman ask: What wax did you use to make the floor so bright?

Funny (): A football player found her breast augmentation while having sex with her new girlfriend. Girlfriend Dia said angrily: I know you usually like to fake balls before you go to Dragon!

Funny (): The tiger and the fox go into the restaurant together, and the fox: a bowl of beef noodles. The waiter turns to the tiger: What about you? The fox interjected, don't say hello to him. If he is hungry, how dare I go with him!

Funny (): A tiger was bitten by a snake and chased to the snake hole. The tiger waited for a long time and an earthworm came out. The tiger held it down and asked angrily, where's your father?

Funny (): A romantic couple is walking, and the woman points to the fiery red cloud on the horizon and says, dear, what a beautiful night! The man stared at the colorful sky for a long time before jumping out: What's the matter? Isn't it a color screen?

Funny (): Men have more leg hair. A man didn't get along with him very well, and deliberately teased him, so he was given a box of depilatory cream on March 8 Women's Day, which read: It's very hot in summer, so don't wear woolen pants in the future!

Funny (): A gentleman suddenly met a cannibal, and in his panic he found that the patriarch had studied English in Cambridge. He was overjoyed: you have been influenced by civilized society for so many years. Patriarch: Yes, now we eat people and start using knives and forks.

Funny (): The two brothers have never seen cashmere sweaters, so they went to the sheepfold and stole two. Brother: Oh, I can't find it! Brother: You are so stupid! It's on the sheep. I have pressed the button, but I just can't get it off.

Funny (): The French asked about travel: How long does it take to fly to London? The clerk wanted to check the flight schedule and said, (just a moment, please) sir, just a moment! "Thank you very much!" The Frenchman hung up the phone with satisfaction.

Funny (): Lao Zhang went to the city for a holiday and came to a high-end hotel. The waiter took him to a hotel. Lao Zhang said angrily, let me live in such a small room! ! Attendant: Don't be angry, sir! This is the elevator.

Funny (): The plane was late and the passengers waited at the airport for 24 hours. When passing the security check, a passenger loudly said, What's the need to find weapons on us? If anyone sees it, they will shoot!

Funny (): "Hey, your wife is here!" The prison guard shouted at the prisoner. "Which one?" Asked the prisoner. "What, which one! ? How many do you have? " Cried the prison guard. "I went to prison for bigamy."

Funny (): In a bar, a lawyer was drinking, and a friend came up to him and asked him: What's so sad? The lawyer lamented: although the ownership of my wife belongs to me, the right to use it is often in the hands of others.

Funny (): Anonymous is driving a roadster, but the speed is only 25km/h, and suddenly a traffic policeman jumps out and stops her car. The young lady was startled: Did I break the rules? Traffic Police: With all due respect, please drive faster!

Funny (): Merchants sell houses with "free furniture". Someone bought a new suit and went to get the furniture. The manufacturer said, "Where's your furniture? We will send it to you. "

Funny (): Tom, who is about to retire, is recording music. Instructor: It's rare to keep good habits after leaving the army! Tom: From now on, I will get up at 6 o'clock every day, but I just don't get up to see who cares about me!

Funny (): The headmaster recognized one of his former students: Are you John? "Yes, headmaster." "You see, I never forget the students' names. What are you doing now? " "Teaching under you"

Funny (): The family went to the theatre with the tickets upstairs, but the son kept looking down on the railing. Father said to mother: Don't let him fall down. The ticket downstairs is first class. If he falls down, it will be troublesome to make up the ticket.

Funny (): Sick child: Mom, why does the aunt who gave medicine wear a mask? Mom: The medicine I gave you is delicious. The dean is worried that they will steal it. Sick child: So, wearing masks for those uncles with knives is because they are afraid of eating dinner?

Funny (): Patient: Can I recover from my illness? Yes, records show that nine times out of ten, you are my tenth patient, and the first nine are all dead. Statistics can't go wrong.

Funny (): The captain went to the barracks where materials were in short supply to inspect the situation. He found a cigarette butt near the oil depot and said discontentedly, Whose is it? The corporal looked around and said happily, no one. Please suck it quickly!

Funny (): Zaizai was repaired by his father. He went to his mother to complain: "Mom, what would you do if someone hit your son?" Mom: "I want to avenge his son!" " "Aberdeen:" ... "

Funny (): Xiaoren said to Xiaoyang: I found ten dollars in the alley. Xiao Yang: It must be the one I dropped yesterday. Xiao Ren: But I found two fives! Xiao Yang: I must have broken it when I fell.

Funny (): A tortoise fell to the ground and kicked around. Sparrow asked: Did you dance Korean street dance? The tortoise replied: No, I'm practicing carp fighting.

Funny (): Mike: Sorry, teacher, I'm late. I dreamed of a football match. Teacher: Then why did it make you late? Mike: Because the two teams were tied, they played overtime.

Funny (): President of a small country: The enemy has invaded. How many soldiers are we going to fight? Minister of Defence: 40,000. President: Can the Air Force support it? The minister made a phone call and replied: not today, the pilot is sick!

Funny (): The letter A meets the letter B on the road, and the letter B says to the letter A, "Why sharpen your head and arch it?" Letter A scolded: "How are you?" The chest is quite big, and at first glance it is a mistress! "

Funny (): The donkey disdains the cheetah who won the sprint championship: Let's race in the city if we can. Cheetah: So you can run fast? Donkey: Of course, don't forget, I will scream like an ambulance.

Funny (): The history teacher asked: The Statue of Liberty in America holds two things in her hand, a torch held high and a book on her chest. Who knows what their moral is? A student stood up and said, study hard even if there is a power failure!

Funny (): The son takes his girlfriend home: Mom, she is a good girl, who can wash clothes, cook, cook and do housework. Mother: Well, I agree to hire her and let her come every Tuesday and Thursday.

Funny (): Secretary: Are you busy during my vacation? Colleague: Nothing. Everyone shared your work. I read the newspaper, Xiao Zhang chatted, and Xiao Liu flirted with the boss.

Funny (): Father: "Did the letter I asked you to bring this morning enter the report box?" Son: "Report? Oh, yes, you forgot to write your name, or I added it! "

Funny (): At a small meeting, one person: There is a war. We should send them a tank. Second person: We should send them two tanks. Third person: Why not give them all three cars?

Funny (): A group of people went camping at the seaside. A person has been eating fried soybeans on the road. Everyone was afraid that his fart would "kill him all his life" and advised him not to eat any more. He said: you go camping later and I'll fry fish in the sea!

Funny (): In the station restaurant, I said angrily, "Waiter, I have chewed this fried steak for 10 minutes!" ""Don't worry! Sir, your train is three hours late! "

Funny (): Jack politely asked the lady sitting next to him in the carriage, "Does my smoking bother you?" "No, you just feel at home." Jack sighed: "Alas! Still can't smoke. "

Funny (): It took a lot of effort to put the suitcase on the plane. The stewardess asked curiously, Do you always carry such heavy luggage? : no! Next time it's my turn to hide from the box, Blair has gone to get the ticket!

Funny (): Patient: Are you sure I have pneumonia? Sometimes, while treating pneumonia, patients will die of other diseases. Smile: When I was treating pneumonia, the patient died of pneumonia.

Funny (): The plaid pajamas with numbers in the shop are very strange. The salesman explained: If a flea bites you at night, you can say to your lover, "Levin, please scratch in the box 17."

Funny (): Morrison bought a new pair of shoes. A week later, the wife asked, "Why did you return those shoes?" "You can wear it tomorrow," said the shop assistant. "These shoes will pinch a little in the first week."

Funny (): Two bears go to the field to steal ripe corn. After a fierce rest, they suddenly saw the farmers smiling at them. A bear said insightful: boss, are we learning from Lei Feng?

Funny (): Sister Dianxia went to jewelry, chose it, put it on her hand and said, My luminous ring! Attendant: It's not a ring, but it glows. Sister Dianxia: What's that? Attendant: luminous bracelet

Funny (): White Tang Priest failed, and seducing Wukong failed. Then he provoked Bajie, and Bajie was not tempted. Bai sighed: the trend changes so fast, and now skinny beauty is out of fashion. ...