How to talk to children about sex (an 11-year-old who is ignorant of emotions and psychology)

In a blink of an eye, my daughter is already in fifth grade. Although this girl is simple-minded and optimistic, she has also begun to develop some ignorant feelings for the opposite sex. If she is not guided at this time, I am afraid it will affect her. to her growth.

Every time we are alone with our daughter, we will have various private conversations, such as chatting about girls’ whispers, or which girl likes which boy, which boy’s little feelings, etc. I remember one day, when she and I were walking to eat beef offal, I asked her if she had a boy she liked. She thought carefully for a long time and answered me: "No, but I know which girl in our class likes which boy, and boys like girls..." I was happy with her honesty to me.

? During breakfast today, my daughter suddenly tugged on my sleeve and said shyly: "Mommy, I have a boy I like." When I heard this, I was still stunned. Then he replied calmly: "Oh? What kind of boy can catch the eye of my princess?"

The daughter thought for a while: "He is quite naughty."

Me: "Then he is handsome, is he tall?"

Female: "Very tall, tall and handsome."

Me: "Does he have good grades?"< /p>

?Female: "It's pretty good, but some subjects are not so good." "...Okay, stop talking about me."

?I read it Looking at her, I still felt a little shy, so I said, "Okay, let's not talk about you, but talk about me, okay?"

When my daughter heard that I wanted to take the initiative to tell my love story, His eyes lit up, and he looked like he was all ears.

Me: "Actually, when I was in fifth grade, I also liked a boy, but it was different from the boy you liked. The boy I liked was not handsome, and he was also very short, but His academic performance was very good, and he ranked first in the grade in every exam. When I sat behind him and saw his back every day, I secretly vowed to get into the middle school that he could get into. This idea supported me in studying hard, so of course my grades were quite good."

My daughter asked me curiously how things turned out with him.

I chuckled: "It's okay. After we were both admitted to the best junior high school in town with excellent results, but we were not in the same class, his feeling in my heart quickly faded away. , I transferred to another school in the second grade of junior high school and completely forgot about him.”

My daughter was surprised by this change of ending. She probably couldn’t understand the reason for a while, but I soon let her know that this was normal. However, I said: "Yes, it's normal. You like a boy now, just like you like those stuffed animals on your bed. Maybe you like Barbie yesterday, Teddy today, and Mickey tomorrow. It’s that kind of emotion, there’s nothing strange or mysterious about it, as long as you face its existence calmly, there’s no need to be afraid or deliberately avoid it.”

Her daughter suddenly realized that this was the case, she said. Clear and clear.

?I continued: "Actually, as long as you know what you want clearly, you just need to work hard in the direction you set, and everything will go as it comes. And now I hope you will study hard. The purpose is very simple, not to simply compare grades, but to enrich yourself and make yourself stronger, just so that when you grow up, you will be able to choose the life you want to live, instead of letting life choose you. ”

I don’t know if you have ever had this experience: when you were in elementary school or junior high school, your teacher accidentally discovered that a classmate in the class was having an affair or having a puppy love. Meeting the parents again. In contrast, people now have more access to information and society is much more open. However, many parents still have psychological barriers to providing sex education to their children. They always feel embarrassed to talk to their children, and some are more worried. .

Especially children who have entered adolescence are worried about whether this knowledge will become bad after they are mastered. In fact, there is absolutely no need to worry like this. It is not because sex knowledge education makes children bad, but because the lack of positive sex knowledge education makes children more likely to have problems.

?The education of sexual knowledge is extensive: including sexual physiology, sexual psychology, sexual theory, sexual morality, sexual society, sexual medicine, sexual culture and other education. In a broad sense, it includes education on family, marriage, love, disease, etc., not just on sexual physiology. Today I am talking about children’s emotional issues.

? However, whether to educate first or educate second is also a question. Many parents wait until their children have problems before providing sex education. In this way, they lose the initiative, and it is more difficult to solve problems when they arise. Sex education should be carried out first according to the characteristics of different ages and take the initiative.

Therefore, as early as when my daughter was ten years old, I began to vaguely convey some gender education to her, combined with some relevant extracurricular books, so that she could understand sexual physiology from a positive and scientific perspective. and sexual psychology.

For example, one time, a female classmate in her class suddenly got her period. The little girl suddenly fell into deep panic. When her daughter saw it, she went over and patted her on the back and told her that her mother said This is a physiological manifestation of a girl, which means you are starting to grow up... She can calmly give her classmates a good comfort in the face of danger, which is attributed to her understanding of sexual physiology earlier.

? Of course, it should be noted that sex education should be prevented from being excessive. Although sex is beautiful, it should retain a certain sense of mystery and only teach the appropriate issues at the appropriate time.

Finally, I would like to recommend a very practical book to everyone - "Children's Questions and Answers 8 Puberty and Sexuality". I bought a complete set of 32 volumes. Not only my daughter likes to read it , even my son who has just turned 4 years old reads a few pages every day. Of course, he reads other knowledge topics.