When people reach middle age, they have no love or sex, and they only have grievances for the rest of their lives. Why?

01

I can’t help but think of a saying, the worst thing in this world is never a person dying alone, but dying with the person who makes you lonely. Do you believe it? Loneliness that goes deep into one's bones can really destroy a person easily. Inner loneliness has never been related to how many people are around you.

At first, in order to resist the loneliness in our hearts, we chose marriage, but in the end we discovered that even if there is an extra companion around, we can still clearly feel the inexplicable desolation. For such a marriage, we are used to calling it an unhappy marriage.

Most people understand an unhappy marriage as domestic violence and infidelity. Don’t you know that real misfortune is much more painful than this? That is the real despair. For example, there is no love and no sex.

A real couple will always be each other’s little sun, shining on each other’s inner world. Nowadays, few people will seriously reflect on their marriage. When they were young, they struggled with each other, falling in love and killing each other, but they have never thought about how to deal with it in later life when your only relationship disappears.

Let me give you a simple example. When the couple was young, they each had free will to hurt each other in the marriage. Later, the relationship disappeared, but because of various scruples, they couldn't leave each other, so they both had a make-or-break attitude and managed to maintain the surviving marriage. It was not until later in life that I realized that everything was not as simple as I thought.

I finally realized that a loveless marriage in old age is a desolation that I cannot bear.

If you wait until this time to regret or make amends, it may be too late. It is said that young couples come to keep company in old age. Once a couple loses the love between husband and wife, it means losing companionship in old age. The final result is endless desolation and loneliness, looking forward to the end of life.

People may not realize this serious problem until they are 50 years old.

02

Tell me about a scene I once witnessed with my own eyes! Just two or three months ago, a relative at home was hospitalized and I went to visit him. The relative's bed next door is a 77-year-old man. His condition may be serious and he can no longer take care of himself while lying on the hospital bed. My wife is the only one who takes care of the old man.

After a while, the old man let out a heart-piercing scream, the kind that kept shouting "Uh-huh, uh-huh, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!"

I was so frightened that I wanted to call a doctor for help, but the old lady stopped me and told me with a kind face: "It's okay, maybe I touched his wound. After a while That'll be fine."

I stopped, but the matter didn't end here. The old man kept screaming in pain. The next scene overturned my understanding. Originally, in my mind, such an elderly couple should be very loving.

However, seeing the old man screaming in pain, the old woman didn’t show any distress on her face. She just slapped her mouth on the old man’s mouth and yelled: “Can you calm down?” "It's so noisy." I suddenly remembered the kindness of the old lady when she talked to me before, and I couldn't believe that she still had such a side.

Later, I heard gossip from relatives. Of course, these were all learned from the old lady’s mouth.

It turns out that the relationship between the old man and the old woman was not good when they were young. I heard that the old man had a very bad temper and often beat the old woman. Anyway, she was often hurt. But because of various scruples, there was no divorce. It is understandable that perhaps people of that era did not have the word divorce in their minds.

Finally, the old man broke the old woman’s heart. She looked at him as if he were a stranger, even stranger than a stranger.

And the old lady has been complaining: "If I didn't see you as pitiful, do you think I would be willing to take care of you?"

03

Aunt Lan is 50 this year Years old, her current marital status is that there is no love and no sex.

Once when I was chatting with Aunt Lan, she said very sadly: "Actually, I have already predicted that my old age will be very miserable! But I can't help it. At this age, what can I do?"

When she was young, Aunt Lan never realized this problem and always took it one day at a time. But after she turned 50, she began to panic. Maybe at a certain age, she really Then you know destiny. Isn’t there a saying that goes like this: Standing tall at thirty, no longer confused at forty, and knowing destiny at fifty.

I don’t know when exactly it started, but Aunt Lan often thought about a question. Her current marriage was so miserable. In her later years, wouldn’t she have to live in loneliness?

Every time I want to be here, I feel very regretful. I haven’t felt it yet. I am already 50 years old. Is this how my life has ended? When I think about the future, I feel even more aggrieved. I feel that my life in this world has been wasted. In the end, I have wronged myself all my life.

It’s not that Aunt Lan has never thought about changing her current marital status, but once some things are finalized, it’s really difficult to change. From the beginning to the end, her husband's heart was not focused on her. Even if she wanted to improve, her husband would not give her a chance. Aunt Lan spent her whole life in his indifference and ruthlessness.

The current living situation of two people is that they can sleep on the same bed every day, but their hearts are not on the same channel. There is no care, no love, no understanding, and no sex.

Just like what Aunt Lan said, when a person reaches 50 years old, he will have no love and no sex, and will only have grievances for the rest of his life.

04

Is it scary to be alone? It's not scary, the loneliness of two people together is really scary. That feeling makes you panic and scare you, like a ruthless knife, always making you terrified and unable to control yourself.

Nowadays, many young couples are not aware of this problem at all. They always have an indifferent attitude. In marriage, they fall in love with each other and do whatever they want. In the end, they will be like Aunt Lan said. , there will be only grievances for the rest of my life. To be wronged is to feel wronged to oneself, to be wronged is to feel sorry for oneself, and to be wronged is to accept it with no help.

Have you ever seen an empty nester? How do you feel? In the near future, we will all grow old. Don’t you want to be gentle with your lover? The happiest thing in the world is to enjoy your old age in warmth. Compared with superior quality of life, this is the real happiness.

There are many couples who are always so young and energetic, but don’t know how to give in to each other and how to manage. We all don’t know how to love, but we know how to hurt.

Life is about constantly paying for yesterday, and you will get what you sow. You envy those couples in their old age who respect each other like guests, but you don't know how much effort and patience they have put in for this day. It is the fruit of happiness that they have loved for a lifetime, and it is also the result of their being accommodating for a lifetime.

Being young does not mean that you are not afraid of everything, but that you can take advantage of your youth to manage your own marriage tree bit by bit and irrigate it with your heart.

In marriage, some things cannot be made up for, and what we have to do is to hurt less, love more, blame less, and accommodate more.

In marriage, sex and love always complement each other!